Waiting
by butterflie
Summary: The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to US. Very OOC.
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: Digimon is Toei's. Any original characters are mine.

Author's Notes: Originally, this fic was uploaded on ffnet on November 11, 2001. It was removed a few years later for a few slightly smutty paragraphs in chapter 6:1. So, I decided not to bother uploading it again until the fic was finished. That didn't come until November 22, 2005. And because the first several chapters are not very good, I'd decided it wasn't worth it to upload. But then I changed my mind again, and decided what the hell, I promised people I would, and so I will, despite the utter embarrassment this fic is. However, song excerpts and the smutty paragraph have been removed for ffnet. If you want to see them, you'll have to read the original over at my fic livejournal or my website (check profile for link).

But if you decide to read this fic, be aware that uh... it's really _not_ my best work (very blatantly out of character, for one thing), and it goes through a lot of writing style changes, since it was written over the course of four years, from the time I was fourteen until I was nineteen. And that it's the sequel to an equally bad fic of mine titled Untold Secrets, also (reuploaded) on ffnet. There also used to be a lot of fangirl Japanese and in-fic a/n, which I have since attempted to remove, but it's possible I missed some, and so apologies for that.

Lastly, this fic is Taito/Yamachi. And is rated R for mentions of sexual abuse and sex and violence. Whee. God, I don't think I can stress how awful this fic starts out. I can't even bring myself to read it anymore.

Waiting  
Book 1  
Chapter 1-Confessions  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"...The once child prodigy at age eleven, fifteen year old Ichijouji Ken was arrested today, found guilty of physically and sexually abusing seventeen year old Ishida Yamato. A number of charges have been brought against him, including an intent to murder. The police are..."

"Tai! Tai!" There was a mixture of shock and revulsion in my sister's voice, quite akin to the horror and disgust I was currently experiencing.

"I hear it Kari, I hear it!" I yelled back to her, still staring intently at the television, not quite believing what I was hearing. I was loathe to take my eyes off the glowing screen, and remained hunched over, watching in repelling awe. Yamato... This was just.. incredible. To imagine what Matt must have undoubtedly gone through--No. I can't even begin to imagine it.

A few minutes later the report was over, and Kari wandered into my room, eyes wide.

"Did you see it Tai? Did you see the news about Matt?" There was no mistaking the sympathetic tone to her voice and the animosity in her eyes.

"I saw it Kari," I told her quietly. "I almost wish I hadn't. I mean, to think... Ken! I guess he couldn't have left his Kaiser ways behind."

"There was more to this than just his old Kaiser ways, Tai," she told me sternly. "When he was the Kaiser he never did something like that."

"I know, but still... poor Yamato. How could that bastard have done that to him? How could he have hurt him like that? I could kill him," I said, clenching my fists tightly in a sudden burst of irrational anger. Although given my deep feelings for him, it was understandable. To a degree, at any rate.

My little sister said nothing of my illogical outburst, just watched me, completely unperturbed. She had long since known of my feelings for Matt. And to hear Ken had abused him... It just made me feel so sick inside.

Trying to control my rising urge to hurt somebody, I reached over and picked up the phone, dialing Matt's number, inspired by some unknown notion. I had serious doubts he'd talk to me. After all, I hadn't seen him in over six months, and every attempt to contact him had been spurned. To think of what he'd been going through while I'd been living my life, totally oblivious, barely even concerned about where the hell my best friend and long time crush had disappeared to all this time.

"Hello?" a gruff voice answered.

"Um...Mr. Ishida? Is Matt there? This is Tai."

"Oh hey Tai. He's here, just a minute." What was this? I was actually getting to talk to Matt?

A few seconds later Matt was on.

"Hello?" came the emotionally drained voice.

It hurt me to hear Matt sounding so tired and weak, but I wasn't about to let him know it.

"Hey Matt, it's Tai. I saw the news," I blurted out. Oops. I hadn't planned on telling him that just yet.

"Oh," he said quietly.

That was it. Just that one word. 'Oh.' It scared me some. This Matt was much changed from the Matt I had last joked and laughed with. I feared the Matt I had said 'See you Monday' to all those months ago was gone forever. Damn Ken. I hated the former Kaiser with a passion.

"Um, well... I just wanted to say ... uh, I'm sorry about what happened and if you, um, if you need uh- need a friend, well.. I'm- I'm here for you," I stammered, suddenly nervous, unsure of what to say. How do you say I'm sorry to someone who's just survived hell?

"Thanks," he replied in that same quiet voice.

It scared me even more. He sounded so far away, so distant.

It was quiet for the next few moments, neither of us knowing what to say. The hum of the phone line could be heard quite clearly. "Look, I gotta go," Matt finally said after a long minute. "I should be back in school next week, I'll see you then."

"Yeah, ok, sure," I said softly. "See you then."

I hung up feeling depressed and slightly hurt. Matt was suffering, and he didn't even want to turn to me. I mean, I know he most likely doesn't lean the same way as me, at least he's never indicated as much, but we are best friends. He can always count on me to be there for him.

I went to bed that night with a heavy heart.

-x-

A long week later found me in homeroom anxiously waiting for Matt to show up.

However, when the bell rang to go to second form, and he still hadn't showed, I found it rather hard to swallow the lump of disappointment lodged bitterly in my throat. As I walked to my class, I kept searching the halls for a glimpse of the golden blond hair and slender form I wished desperately to see.

In third form, he still wasn't there. However, two of his band members were also in this class, and before class began they approached me.

"Yo Tai!" Nyusumi called. He was the keyboardist for their group, I knew.

I turned. He and Kenji were standing there, looking at me.

"Yo yourself, Nyusumi," I responded. "Yo, Kenji. What's up?"

"Have you seen Matt yet?" Kenji asked me anxiously. "He told us he would be at school today, but he wasn't in second form, and I know you had homeroom with him. Was he there then?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Didn't show. Maybe he chickened out?" I suggested.

"Matt?" Nyusumi asked in disbelief. "Doubt it."

"Well then where is he?" I retorted, temper starting to get the best of me.

The purple haired boy raised his hands in self defense. "Woah, calm down Tai. I don't know why he didn't show. It's just I don't think he chickened out."

I sighed. "Sorry. I'm just disappointed. I really wanted to see him, make sure he was okay."

"Yeah, well we did too, but we're not snapping at you because of it."

"I said I was sorry!" Rude inconsiderate- I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Getting angry wouldn't make Matt appear.

Nyusumi looked like he was about to snap something back at me, but just then the bell rang.

"Allright students, please take your seats," Sensei called, walking into the room.

I went and sat, disappointment washing over me in great black waves.

I had really counted on him being here today. I wanted to see him, make sure he was allright, tell him how sorry I was Ken had hurt him... I just wanted to love him and make all his pain and suffering go away. But now I couldn't even do that.

I'd love to tear Ken apart right now.

-x-

Matt didn't show until lunch. I was sitting at my usual table with Sora, Koushiro, Mimi (she moved back here to Odaiba a year ago), and the guys from Matt's band. Nyusumi, Kenji, and Ratsuii. I was talking to Ratsuii about their next gig, when suddenly Nyusumi cried, "Matt!"

I go chalk white for some reason unknown to me, and turn around to see a very changed Matt standing behind me. Not that the change was completely visible. There was just something in his posture, and the way his eyes seemed to be staring at unseen horrors, that suggested he wasn't the same Ishida Yamato of six months ago.

"Hey Ny," Matt replied.

"Why weren't you here this morning, Matt?" Mimi asked him. "We'd gotten word you were coming back to school today, and I waited all second form, but you never showed up."

"Sorry. I was too tired to come to school earlier. Anyways, sorry to cop out on everyone, but I want to talk to Tai alone right now, if you don't mind. See you lot later. Tai?"

I nodded, and got up at once, tossing the rest of my lunch to Nyusumi with the knowledge he would finish every last bite, then followed Matt outside to a shady spot under one of the trees.

Matt motioned for me to sit down beside him, and I did. We sat in silence for awhile before anyone bothered to speak.

"It started about six months ago," Matt began suddenly, surprising me. However, I had the sense to stay silent and just listen to his story. "I came across Ken in the park one day, crying. I sat down beside him and asked him what was wrong. He just looked at me, his face all splotchy from crying, and asked me what I would do if I realized I was suddenly felt more than friendship for one of my friends. I replied by saying I'd tell her how I feel, and if she didn't feel the same way, hope she'd at least understand. He just kinda nodded, and not knowing what to say, I left. Three days later he came to my apartment, told me he loved me, then raped me after I turned him down." Matt paused, perhaps recalling the events of that day. I wisely didn't say anything, despite the strong urge I had to comfort him, rid him of his pain.

"Things went all downhill from there." Just then the bell for next class rang, but Yamato and I both ignored it. "I was so jumpy all the time," he continued. "Ken constantly threatened me, and I was always afraid someone would find out and Ken would come after me. He always seemed to know what I was doing. I couldn't stand any of it, yet I was too terrified to speak out against him. So I remained silent, and a while passed before I tried to do anything to stop the sexual abuse."

Matt stopped for a moment and rolled back his sleeves, holding out his wrists. At first I didn't get it, then I saw the scars and suddenly understood. My eyes widened, aghast at the ragged scars slashed across his wrist, standing out starkly in contrast to his pale, delicate skin.

"One day after some particularly harsh abuse from Ken, I just couldn't take it anymore. After Ken had left, I dressed, then went into the kitchen, pulling a knife out of the drawer. For a long time I couldn't bring myself to do it, just stood there staring at the knife, getting more and more angry with myself for being such a coward. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer, and in one quick movement slashed my left wrist, then switched and did the right one, which isn't as good since I'm right handed. As soon as I did it, I felt a great sense of relief, joyed to see the red blood gushing out of my wrists. After awhile, I lost so much blood that I passed out and would have died, except for the fact that when I woke up, I was in a hospital, not hell, and that dad had come home and found me."

By now silent tears were beginning to roll down Matt's cheeks, and I reached over and grasped his hand in some small obscure form of comfort, still silent as he went on with his story.

"I was in the hospital for a few days, and in that duration Dr. Kaos discovered I had been raped, and he told Dad. When I got out, Dad tried to stay home with me, but he eventually had to go back to work and soon I was left alone again. "Ken came quite soon, and when he arrived, I could tell that he knew. I don't know how Tai, but he knew I had tried to kill myself. I paid dearly for that, and I never tried to kill myself again, as much as I wanted to. And so it continued interminably, it seemed. I went back to the hospital several times since. The two main reasons were because Ken broke my wrist, which you can't tell because I'm not wearing my cast at the moment. They cut it off the other day because my wrist was swelling too much, and they gave me a temporary one for a few days. Anyways, the second reason I went back was because Ken stabbed me in the back."

I gasped at those words Matt uttered, hardly believing them.

He nodded sadly. "It's true. I don't know why, but for some reason I decided to be stupid and defy him that day. He stabbed me, and I was in the hospital for a long time because of it. It wasn't long after I got released that I finally told my dad who was hurting me, and then they arrested Ken just last week."

I didn't speak when he finished his story, just sat looking at him sadly. Words alone would do nothing to ease his pain at the moment, I knew. I'm not as stupid as people indicate.

"Hey, the teacher's looking for you," a voice above our heads spoke. "Wants to know why you're skipping class."

I looked up, as did Matt, and I also let go of Matt's hand.

Kenji was standing over us. Matt's tear streaked face and my own solemn face didn't escape Kenji's attention, and looked back and forth between us, concerned.

"Hey, are you two all right? What's going on?"

"We're fine," Matt told him sullenly.

"Liar," Kenji said without preamble. Then without giving Matt a chance to defend himself, he went on, "Are you two coming to class or not? You're already in serious trouble with the teacher."

"Yeah, we're coming. Give us a few minutes," I told him.

"Allright, but hurry up. See ya in a few."

-x-

"I'm home," I dutifully announced later that afternoon as I walked into the apartment.

Kari walked out of the kitchen where'd she'd been studying. For some reason, she always preferred the kitchen to our bedroom. I did too, but only because it put me closer to the fridge. Matt used to joke about it... not that he ever would again, damn Ken, I thought with bitterness.

"Hey Tai, did Matt show up today?"

"Yeah, he showed up at lunchtime," I replied shortly, before going into my bedroom and shutting the door. I was in no mood to give Hikari a run down on the horrible day I'd just had.

I tossed my books on the desk Kari and I shared, then went over and lay back on my bed, deep in thought.

Matt had said Ken claimed he loved Matt, but then he raped him. If Ken had truly been in love with Matt, wouldn't he have accepted how Matt felt, no matter what? Or was Ken more wacked in the head than any of us Chosen had ever thought? Even when he was the Kaiser under the influence of Oikawa's Darkness, he hadn't done such crazy things.

Also, what had taken Matt so long to speak out against Ken? He was older than Ken, and he had to have known the police would be able to get to Ken before Ken could get to him.

Which brought out another issue. Matt was clearly older than Ken. How did the younger boy contrive to have the advantage over Yama? Especially since he had the same effeminate frame to him.

Just then a knock sounded at the door, interrupting my musings. I cursed. "Tai?" It was Kari.

Without waiting for a reply, she opened the door and walked in, shutting and locking the door back behind her.

"Yo Kari, what's up?" I asked her, trying to pretend like there was nothing wrong me.

"Tai, what's wrong?"

I sighed, any pretense of happiness gone. "I guess I'm just upset about Matt," I said truthfully. "He told me a little bit about what he went through these past months."

"Really? What did he say?" she asked, considerable amount of interest in her voice. At least there was sympathy there, as well. I bet there are so many girls out there interested in hearing Matt's story so they could swoon all over him and feed him with their false sympathies. Not to name anyone cough Jun cough.

"Not much," I said in way of reply to my sister, unwilling to expose Matt's personal hell to anyone. "Ken drove him to the point where he slit his wrists. Fortunately, his dad found him and got him to a hospital in time. Also, Ken broke his left wrist and stabbed him in the back. And that's pretty much all I heard about what happened to him, because Kenji came up and told us the teacher was mad at us for cutting class. I wish he hadn't though. I never really got a chance to say anything to Matt.

"But it just makes me so mad, thinking about what Ken did to him," I continued, frowning. "Why would he have done it, Kari? Matt said Ken told him he loved him, but that then he raped him. I don't get it. Where is the sense in that?"

"There isn't," Kari said quietly. "And indirectly it wasn't completely Ken's fault."

I looked up at her with considerable surprise, mouth slightly agape. "What do you mean, it wasn't his fault? Of course it was. He abused Matt!" I was hurt she could think to side with Ken, however slight it may have been.

"I'm aware of that Tai," she said irritably. "But I am also aware of the fact that he was having trouble keeping the Darkness from controlling him. "I was talking to Daisuke a few days ago, and he was telling me about a conversation that took place between him and Ken a few weeks before Ken must raped Matt.

"Apparently Ken had been having strange dreams lately, dreams where he was the Kaiser in the Digital World again. He told Daisuke he constantly had the sensation of being surrounded, although by what he didn't know, but whatever it was, it seemed to be figuratively choking him. Several times he found himself falling into a pitch black hole.

"Daisuke understood upon hearing this that Ken was fighting a losing battle against the Darkness, and asked him if anything upsetting had happened to him lately."

"Had anything?" I asked immediately, impatient to know.

She nodded. "Yeah. Ken's mother had become pregnant a while back, and gave birth to a baby boy. Ken was excited at being a big brother, but then the baby died. One night while the Ichijoujis were out at a restaurant, they left the baby at home with a babysitter. When they got back they found the babysitter had been raped and shot twice. The baby had been stabbed and had ultimately bled to death."

I stared in nothing short of speechless shock.

Kari gave me a grave look. "You understand, of course, Matt or anyone else is not to hear this. Daisuke swore me to secrecy when he told me."

"I understand," I said solemnly.

We sat in disquiet for a few moments before Kari spoke again.

"Tai, does Matt know how you feel?"

I gave her a wild, panicked look. "WHAT? Why would he know that? I haven't told him!"

"Why not?"

"Because," I said incredulously. "I can't just tell him, especially not now. He'd probably hate me forever."

"He would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Let's not argue over this," I told her wearily.

"Fine," she replied curtly. "But I think you should tell him." Then she was gone.

I simply stared after her as she left.

She didn't understand. I couldn't tell Matt. Not after what Ken did to him. Besides, Matt probably doesn't even like me that way.

And if I told him, he'd probably get the idea I was trying to take advantage of him. He'd wonder whether my feelings were sincere, or if I was just like Ken.

I shuddered at that thought. No way I was like Ken.

Which means that maybe Matt would understand after all.

Hell, I'm confusing myself.

-x-

"Hey Mr. Ishida. Has Matt left for school yet?" I asked the next morning. I'd decided to walk to school with Matt this morning, try to reclaim habits of the old days.

Mr. Ishida shook his head. "No, he's still here. He's gonna be a few more minutes. You're welcome to come in and wait for him, if you like."

"Sure," I said, walking in as he stepped aside to let me by.

I found Matt in his room, sitting on his bed in boxers, staring moodily at a pair of black jeans and a tight black shirt that I wouldn't mind owning myself, if not for the fact that Matt looked incredibly hot in them.

"Yo Matt," I call out to him.

He looks up briefly, then goes back to glaring at his clothes.

I come over and sit beside him on the bed. "Hey, what's wrong, Yamato?" I ask softly, worried.

He tenses slightly. "Don't call me that," he informed me through clenched teeth.

I look at him in surprise. "Sure, sorry. But what's wrong? Why aren't you getting dressed for school?"

He shrugs. "I don't want to go," he admitted.

"Why not?" I ask.

To my shock, when I look at him, I see he is beginning to cry.

"Matt, don't cry," I say, feeling helpless, confused as to what's upsetting him.

"People at school are saying I made the sexual abuse thing up!" he wailed. "Ken's friends are spreading a whole bunch of rumors about how I was the one that forced Ken to start a relationship, and that Ken was only doing what I asked! All day yesterday people kept muttering names at me in the hallways, and a few people even came up to me and asked how I could have the nerve to blame Ken for all this."

Then he collapsed into helpless tears all over again, falling into my arms. I hold him awkwardly, feeling slightly uncomfortable given my feelings for him. "Shh, don't cry Matt," I soothed him. "Don't cry. Those people at school aren't important. Who cares what they think? You know the truth, I know the truth, our real friends know the truth, and that's all that matters. Don't let them get to you. That's just what Ken wants. Shh, Matt, it's okay, don't cry..."

After awhile he lifted his head and looked at me. "I'm sorry Tai."

I give him a confused look. "Sorry for what?"

He shrugged helplessly, since all either of us seemed to be today was helpless. "For crying all over you. I'm being such baby. That's all I've ever been."

Angered at hearing the way he was being hard on himself, I grabbed his chin and tilted it until our eyes locked.

"Matt, listen to me. You have been through a lot of physical and mental trauma these last few months. A lot of people don't experience enough trauma like stuff in a lifetime to amount to what you experienced. If there is one thing you aren't, it's a baby. You have a lot of things going for you. You're strong. You're a very talented musician. You're good looking. You are an extremely wonderful person that I'm proud to have as a friend. After what you went through, you have every right to cry. Don't let me hear you being down on yourself again, ok?"

He nodded, managing a shaky smile if only for my sake.

I gave him a wide smile in return. "Good. Now get dressed and let's go to school. We share most of the same classes, so if I hear anyone bothering you, I'll punch their lights out, k?"

Matt looked back at me. "Alright."

-x-

As we were walking to school about ten minutes later, Matt turned towards me and asked how come I was being so nice to him.

"What do you mean, how come I'm being so nice?" I asked him, frowning. "You're my best friend." And so much more, I wanted to add, although I didn't. I'm not sure how Matt how would react to that little piece of information. For now it's best to let him think I'm doing this simply because I'm his friend, not because I'm in love with him.

"So what if I'm your best friend? That doesn't explain the way you've been acting."

I was about to reply when suddenly I heard Matt scream in pain beside me. Frightened, I turned just in time to see three guys jump Matt and drag him to the ground, beating him and calling him all kinds of names like 'fag' and 'homosexual' and 'whore'.

I didn't have much time to react, however, as I found myself being held down by another guy.

He starts kicking me, and near me I can hear Matt screaming in pain and terror. Angrily, I lash out, swinging my fists wildly in an attempt to hit our attackers. I'm unsure of what's going on. Everything is happening to fast, and I've never been jumped before.

I let out a scream as the guy on top of me hits me hard in the face. A trickle of blood runs out of my nose. I can feel it. Another extremely hard blow to the head causes more blood to flow. I continue to lash out, hoping to hit him and free myself so I can go rescue Matt.

Finally one punch lands home, and the guy on me curses before he releases me and staggers back, cradling his nose. Blood is slowly dripping out between his fingers, and his nose doesn't look so good. I must have broken it.

Now that I am free, I get to my feet and go over to where the other guys are surrounding Matt. He's huddled in a small ball, hands protectively covering his head. The guys are taking advantage of his cowardice, using every opportunity to kick him, hit him.

Something bright glints in the sunlight. It's a knife. Hot anger courses through my veins, and I start to experience a rage not unlike the one felt when I heard Ken had abused Matt. Not wasting any time, I leap on one's back and began to pound him, intent on rescuing Yamato.

Seeing me beat the shit out of their leader, the other guys forget about Matt and jump me. However, in my current rage, and with my temper, they are no match for me. After giving them black eyes, bloody noses, and split lips, they decided they have had enough, and make a run for it. It's not long before the leader flees as well.

Now that the danger is over, I can focus my attention on Matt.

I turn to him, terrified when I see he is still huddled in a little ball, shaking and crying like there's no tomorrow.

Crouching, I pull him close to me in a tight hug, gently stroking his hair. He doesn't seem to be aware of me at all, so I don't say anything, just let him cry while I sit there and seethe.

Those bastards! The nerve of them! How could anyone accuse Matt of wanting Ken to fuck him and hurt him? I could kill them for the way they hurt my Yama. How dare they do that to him? He didn't deserve it.

Clenching my fists, I tried to ignore my rage, hoping it would go away. But I wanted to murder those boys for causing my beautiful, sweet, kind Yama so much more pain.

Suddenly Matt lets out a little cry and then goes limp against my arms. Scared, I look down at him.

"Matt?" I ask timidly. "Matt, are you okay?"

Of course he doesn't answer.

As the terror within me begins to spread throughout my body, quickly replacing my feelings of anger, I slowly ease Yamato out of my grasp. He immediately goes slack on the ground, and I leap up, grabbing the cell phone from my backpack. I always keep it in there in case of emergencies, and boy, was I ever glad I had it now!

Taking it out, I dialed for an ambulance. After briefly explaining the situation and my location, which is only an area about eight minutes from Matt's house, they agree to send an ambulance to come get Matt.

I thank them, then hang up, waiting impatiently.

While I'm waiting, I stare down at Yama's peaceful, tear-streaked face.

Now that he's asleep, or unconscious or whatever, he doesn't look nearly so pained. His face doesn't reflect that 'the whole world is out to get me and I hate it all but don't give a damn anymore' look. I can't see his eyes, as they are closed, but if they were open, I'm sure they wouldn't seem quite so haunted. I sighed. At seventeen, Matt's already endured more than what most people go through in a lifetime. Somehow it just doesn't seem right.

-x-

"...Tai?"

I snapped up with a start, grimacing at the sudden pain that causes in my neck. Damn impossible hospital chairs. "Matt?" I asked. "Was that you?"

I get up on awkward legs and approach the hospital bed, looking down at Matt. He's awake and stares at me, tears filling his eyes.

"Tai..? What happened? Where am I?" he asked me, staring up at me sadly, fear showing in his blue eyes.

"You're in the hospital. The doctors say you passed out from fear and exhaustion, as well as too much stress." So he's forgotten. It was to be expected. Or maybe he's just purposely avoiding thinking about it.

"A... hospital? Why? I hate hospitals!" he cried, panicked.

I give him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry Matt. You won't be in here long. Dr. Kaos just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I purposely avoided telling him why he was here. He didn't need to be reminded about what happened earlier, not now.

"Dr. Kaos is here?"

I nod. "Yeah. He was the doctor on call when you came in the hospital through the ER."

"The ER? What was I doing coming in the emergency room?"

I shrug. "Convenience." I then pause for a moment, debating. I know he hates hearing this question all the time, but I want to know, and I don't much care if he gets mad. Finally I decide to ask. "Matt, how are you feeling?"

For once he doesn't get irritated. "Not so good," he admits. "I'm tired and sore all over and I just want to go home. Plus my back hurts."

"Your back?" I question. "Here, let me take a look."

Helping him sit up, I gently ease the shirt off his back and turn him sideways some.

Immediately I see the problem. The wounds that were undoubtedly from where Ken had stabbed him had opened up again, the stitches gone all awry, and it was starting to bleed a little. Carefully I reached out a finger and touched a particularly nasty cut that looked like it was developing an infection on top of everything else.

Matt winced. "Ow," he said. "Tai, what's wrong?"

"Your stitches have come apart," I informed him. "I'm going to get Dr. Kaos. He needs to know about this right away."

Matt looked up at me with a pleading look. "Do you have to? Why don't you just leave it? I'll be fine, really!"

I stared incredulously, shaking my head in disbelief. Here he was, his back falling apart, and he was claiming he was perfectly allright. Never knew his aversion to hospitals was that bad. "Matt, I can't do that!" I exclaimed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Look, lemme just go find Dr. Kaos, okay? I won't be gone long."

Luckily I didn't have to go far. No sooner than I stepped out of the room than I spotted Dr. Kaos down the hall. Calling out to him, I walked towards him some. When he reached me, I quickly explained what was going on with Matt. He came in with me at once and examined Matt's back, tsking softly to himself, muttering every once in awhile. I was starting to get worried, to say the least.

When he was done, he looked at the both of us with a concerned look.

"Well?" I asked.

"He needs to go into surgery. The stitches obviously weren't holding very well, so we'll have to replace them. And on top of that, the wound that is infected needs immediate attention. It's a very serious infection. I say we should be ready by this afternoon."

"The sooner the better," I said lightly, trying not to let my worry show. I didn't want to upset Yama.

Matt stayed silent, a sullen look on his face.

I felt bad for him. I knew he hated hospitals, and I'm sure with as much time he spent in them over the past six months, he definitely didn't want to be in here now. But it couldn't be helped.

-x-

A few hours before Matt was scheduled for surgery to renew the wounds, and to remove some of the infected skin, his dad walked into the room, a strained look on his face.

I was curled up on that difficult hospital chair, half asleep, and Matt was all the way there.

However, when Mr. Ishida walked in the room, I became completely awake.

I bolted upright. "Mr. Ishida!" I hadn't even thought to call him! He's probably worried out of his mind right now. I just hope he's not mad at me or anything. Idiot! I can be so stupid sometimes!

"Hey Tai," he said grimly. "Dr. Kaos called me, told me what's going on. How's Matt?"

"Depressed," I admit, albeit somewhat reluctantly. "He really doesn't want to be here right now."

"Tai, what happened this morning?" he asked me in a low voice. "Why is he here in the first place? Dr. Kaos didn't have time to explain it to me."

I sighed.

"Well, we were walking to school," I began.

"Yes?" "And we were talking, and then these guys jumped us and started beating us up..."

"Beating you up? Why?"

I let out another sigh. "You didn't hear this, but a lot of people at our school are spreading rumors that Matt wasn't really being sexually abused by Ken, that he was in full agreement, that he wanted it, and in fact Matt forced Ken to do all those things to him, and that he got scared and cried rape."

I clenched my fists at that. Bastards... No way Yamato would have ever let anybody do that to him. Hell, he hardly ever lets people get close to him, emotionally and physically both.

Mr. Ishida nodded for me to go on, face pale. "Well those guys that jumped us were calling Matt things like 'fag' and 'whore' and a bunch of other stuff. Anyways, Matt had three people on top of him, and he was freaking out, just letting himself get hit. I only had one person holding me down, so I easily took care of him and went to rescue Matt. After the guys had left, Matt passed out. Dr. Kaos said it was from a combination of fear, exhaustion, and major stress."

"I see," Mr. Ishida said, nodding his head. "Thank you Tai."

I nodded back as Dr. Kaos walked into the room.

"Is Matt awake?" he asked us.

"No," I said. "He hasn't been since you checked up on him this morning."

"Okay," he replied. Then he went over to Matt's bed and woke him up.

"Matt, wake up. It's time."

Matt groaned and rolled over. "...away..." he mumbled.

Dr. Kaos sighed, then tried again.

"Matt, you have to wake up. It's only for a few minutes. We need you awake for the anesthesia. Now please Matt," he pleaded.

Matt groaned again, then cracked open his eyes halfway. "Alright," he said agreeably.

Dr. Kaos looked relieved it hadn't been any harder. He looked skyward, saying "thank you." Then he looked back down at us. "A nurse will be here in a few minutes to take you to the operating room. So be ready."

Matt nodded but didn't speak.

Sensing his fear, I reached down and grasped his hand without a word.

He smiled at me, and I felt my heart leap several feet into the air. Oh if only he would return my feelings! But I mustn't get my hopes up too high, otherwise they're liable to come crashing right back down on me.

And I don't think I can handle that.

-x-

"Are you sure gonna be okay Matt?" I asked. It was two days later, and Matt had been released from the hospital. I wanted to stay home from school today and baby him, but he insisted I go.

"I'll be fine Tai," he reassured me. "Look, I'll even be back at school tomorrow. Just go okay? I don't want you missing soccer practice on my account."

I sighed. He had a point. I always hated missing soccer. But this was Yama we were talking about here. He's a lot more important than some dumb practice. However, he's insisting, so...

I sighed. "Allright. I'll go. But I'm coming over here as soon as I get out of soccer, okay?"

"Definitely," he agreed. "I'd be mad if you didn't."

I smiled slightly. "Well, I'll see you then. Take it easy while I'm gone."

"Okay."

After another cheerful smile, and a wave, I was off. Walking the familiar route to Odaiba High, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with a backward sense of deja vu. This was all so weird. I was doing this exact same thing three days ago, except this time without Matt beside me.

On the way, I thought a little bit about what Kari had told me several days ago and what she reiterated last night after I had seen Matt home from the hospital. I know she thinks that if I tell Matt how I feel, he won't get mad and he won't hate me, but how I can I be sure? I mean, she's probably right about him not hating me, I don't think he would either, but what's to say he won't get mad or scared off or something?

After all, look at what happened to him when Ken claimed he loved him. How's he to know I wouldn't do the same to him?

Not that I would, of course. I'd never do anything that would hurt my Yamto. It's just he doesn't know that, and I'm afraid I might frighten him away from me, cause him to estrange himself to me.

And I really don't want that.

As I approached the school, some boy ran up to me.

"Hey," he said. "Is it true that you beat up Kento and his gang?"

I recoiled. "Yeah, I guess..." I said after a moment.

"Wow! Cool!"

I stared after him as he ran off, trying to make sense of it. That had been Kento?

Kento had always been well known around our school. Besides the fact that he despised gays, he was always the toughest guy around school, into all kinds of drugs and sex. It was known around school that he had lost his virginity at age seven, and that was no rumor. It was very much true. Three other guys, Tetsuya, his twin brother Sento, and Ayashi always hung around with him. They had the reputation for being unbeatable. At least, they had.

Several more people came up to me and asked questions while I wormed my way through the crowd that was slowly growing around me. A few people even wanted my autograph.

I just walked along in a daze, brushing aside all questions directed at me.

"Tai!" a familiar voice called.

I whirled around, looking for its owner.

"Tai!" it persisted.

Pushing through a few more people, I spotted a shock of spiked purple hair.

"Nyusumi!" I called back, trying to get around everybody. "Ny!"

Finally I caught up to him. "Ny, what's up? What's going on?" I asked him.

He ignored my question, and instead, grabbed my hand, pulling me along towards the gym, away from all the people.

Soon the noises of the crowd were starting to fade away, and at last we were alone.

Nyusumi sat down under the bleachers, and I followed.

"Ny, what's going on?" I asked again once we were settled.

He gave me a grave look. "What do you think? Kento and his guys are extremely pissed about how you bested them a few days ago."

"But I didn't even know it was them!" I protested. "It happened too fast! I didn't even know it was them I beat up!"

"Nevertheless, you beat them up. And now he's intent on making you pay."

I moaned. "Damn..." I'd seen Kento in action before when he was getting revenge. It wasn't the slightest bit pretty, and I was always thankful it was never targeted at me. Or it hadn't been me.

Then I thought of something. "What about Matt?" I asked.

Nyusumi just gave me a confused look. "What about him?"

"He was there too," I explained. "That's why Kento jumped us in the first. That was the reason I got so pissed and beat Kento."

Nyusumi just let out a strangled noise and when I looked over there, he was pale, violet eyes wide.

"Ny?" I asked, concerned. "What's the matter?"

"I didn't know Matt was there.." he croaked out. "Oh God... Matt .. Matt's probably in for it now... "

I felt myself visibly go white. Trying to push back the terror building up inside me, I said, "Matt will be fine. If he just stays at home, he'll be okay." The words were hollow. We both knew that if Kento had targeted Matt, he wouldn't give up until Matt had paid.

But Ny spoke the truth. "No he won't," he said dully. "Kento's done targeted you and Matt. He won't give up until he's gotten his revenge. I know you'll be able to take care of yourself, especially with me and Kenji and Ratsuii to back you up, but Matt... he can't. He's still getting over what Ken did him. He won't be able to defend himself. What if Kento kills him, Tai? Hearing what Ken did to him was bad enough. I don't think I could handle it if Matt died."

"I didn't know you cared about him so much Ny," I remarked.

To my surprise, he blushed at that comment.

Then a sudden realization dawned on me. I think a light bulb even lit up over my head.

"Ooh..." I exhaled. "You like him, don't you Nyusumi?"

His blush merely darkened.

"Aww, that's so cute!" I teased him, paying no heed to the small pang of jealously I felt.

He frowned and gave me a shove. "Shut up Yagami," he warned.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Besides, it doesn't matter anyways," he spoke up, surprising me.

"Why not?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Because I happen to know that he likes someone else, not to mention you have a crush on him as well."

It was my turn to blush. "I do not!" I denied. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Is that why you're turning red then?" he asked matter of factly. "Because you don't like Matt?"

"But I don't!" I protested.

"It's okay Tai," he reassured me. "I don't mind that you like him. I already knew a long time ago he was in love with someone else anyway."

That was interesting. I had never known Matt to even like somebody before, much less be in love with somebody.

"Really?" I ask. "How do you know?"

"By the way he's always studying them and the way he acts around them. Besides, he told me once." Ny added.

"Is it a guy or a girl?"

I asked him that even though I already sensed the answer.

"It's a guy," came the smooth reply.

Oh God, there goes my hope, soaring once again.

I suppose I had always suspected in the back of my mind, but to have Nyusumi so openly confirm my suspicions, well, it made me look at things in a whole new aspect.

Just then the bell rang for first form to begin.

"Oops. We missed homeroom," Ny said.

"So observant of you," I said dryly.

-x-

"TAI!" came the exuberant reply when I walked into Yamato's room that afternoon. I have no doubts that if he was able to, Matt would have glomped me right then.

"Yo Matt, what's up? How you feeling?"

"I'm fine Tai," he said, slightly irritated.

"I was just asking," I said with equal irritation.

Then I smiled. "I'm glad to see you," I said quietly.

He gave me a strange look, but chose not to say anything about my comment. "Nyusumi stopped by earlier to see me," he told me. "I think he cut class." I shook my head. That didn't surprise me in the least, especially given Nyusumi's feelings for Matt.

"So what'd you talk about?"

"He told me about Kento wanting revenge on you and me. I want you to be careful Tai."

"Me? What about you?" I asked, incredulous. "You're the one that needs to be careful."

He shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah right, Matt. You know of Kento's reputation. I seriously doubt you'll be okay, not as long as Kento and his gang are out to get you."

"They're out to get you too!" he retorted.

"Yeah, well, I'm more physically fit to handle them than you are," I pointed out, fixing my chocolate brown eyes on him.

He just hmphed, crossing his arms and turning away from me. He was just being his stubborn self as usual.

Minutes later, the silence was beginning to unnerve me. In an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, I called out, "So did you have fun lying in bed all day long, trying to get along without me and not slip into the realm of boredom?"

"Oh yeah," he replied sarcastically. "Lots of fun. I just love watching stupid talk shows while my brain slowly rots away. Not to mention the stale food I ate. And I really got a kick out of scraping the mold off of the piles of dishes in the sink."

"I'm sure you did," I teased. "I bet it was totally awesome. Too bad I couldn't be here to experience it for myself."

"Yeah, it was," Matt agreed, in the spirit of things. "When Nyusumi came by earlier, even he said he wished he could stay with me."

"I'm sure he did."

"Well, actually, he really did want to stay, but not to help me destroy brain cells or waste away. I don't know why he wanted to stay."

"I do," I muttered glumly.

"What?" Matt turned towards me. "Did you say something Tai?"

"Uh, no, nothing! Nothing at all!" I said panicked.

Except that I know why Ny wanted to stay with you. Because he likes you the same way I do.

Matt raised his eyebrows skeptically at me, then went on to say, "Anyways, Ny told me our homework for third form, but the only other class I share with him is sixth form, and he hadn't been, so do you think you could tell me the homework for all our classes?"

"Sure," I said, relieved to have the subject changed.

I put my finger to my lip and twisted it halfway, thinking. I'm sure Kari would say I have that cute, scrunched up look on my face like she always does every time I think about something.

"Lessee... second form: we don't share that... Third form Algebra II, you know about that from Ny, fourth form: Japanese... we had that test today on the old Kanji, and then he gave us a review worksheet on that complicated Kanji we started learning Monday when you were there. Fifth form was Literature...umm... I slept through most of that," I admitted sheepishly. "I think we read some foreign story. It was like in English...uh... By the Waters of Babylon! That's it! Real weird story, by the way. Then sixth form -hey, now that I think about it, Ny wasn't there in sixth- anyways, history was boring. We had a pop quiz on something, I don't remember what, I failed it. And then seventh form I cut class because I wasn't in the mood to suffer through biology."

Especially not since we're talking about the male and female sexes and the reproductive system and all that stuff. I know most of the guys in my class get turned on by talking about sex, but it doesn't do anything for me. Besides, most of them are still fourteen and fifteen. Matt and I happen to be taking this class because we, along with Nyusumi, failed it a few years ago.

"You weren't in the mood to suffer through biology? But Tai, from what I remember Monday, Tadaji Sensei said we were going to spend all week talking about sex." He grinned at me, not noticing my involuntary wince.

"You sound like the immature freshmen in our class," I grumbled.

-x-

"Where the hell is the damn phone?" I muttered some several nights later. I had finally decided to take Kari's advice and tell Matt how I felt. Not to mention that conversation with Nyusumi.

"But I won't be able to tell him if I can't find the damn phone!" I shouted. "Kari! Where is the damn phone!"

Kari wandered into the room, the damn phone glued to her ear.

"He'll get better. You just have to give it time. ... No, not yet. I told him he really should though. He says he afraid of being rejected. ..Well I know that, but Tai doesn't. And it's not my place to tell him either."

"Kari! Get off the damn phone!" I snapped. "I need it!"

She glared at me momentarily before continuing.

Actually, I wasn't all that mad. I was rather intrigued, since she was talking about me.

"Well look, Tai's demanding the phone. I think he wants it so he can tell you know who about you know what. So, I'll call you later, k? Bye!"

She hung up, then tossed the damn phone to me. "Here, Mr. Bigshot Soccer Player. Call Matt, I mean, your friend."

I gave her a look, then started to dial Matt's number.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked as I waited for someone to pick up.

"Takeru."

I started to reply, but just then Matt answered the phone.

"Hello?"

I motioned for Kari to leave, and she did, grinning.

"Hey Matt," I said once she was gone.

"Oh hey Tai."

"Look, I wondered if I could talk to you? Would it be allright if I came over tonight?"

"Sure! Dad's out, so you can stay the night if you want."

"Ok," I said, relieved. I was also glad to hear him sounded so happy. He hadn't sounded like that in months. "I'll be there in about ten minutes."

"Allright. I'll be waiting for you. Oh and hey, bring your Trigun tapes."

"Sure thing. See ya in a few." I told him right before hanging up.

Tossing the damn phone on my bed, I threw a few things in an overnight bag, remembering the Trigun tapes just in time.

After saying a quick goodbye to Kari, I was gone.

Upon reaching Matt's, I knocked loudly on his door.

He opened it a few minutes later, receiving me with a wide grin. "Hey," he said. "Come on in."

I stepped in his apartment, bag slung over my shoulder. I headed down the hall to his room to toss the bag on his bed while he went to the kitchen.

"Hey Tai, do you want anything to drink?" he called out to me.

"Yeah! What'd ya got?" I responded.

"Dr. Pepper, water, blah usual boring stuff, margarita mix, daiquiris-the bottled kind-, fuzzy navels, etc..." came the prompt reply.

"I'll have a Fuzzy Navel," I told him, walking back into the kitchen. I was tempted to go up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, but I restrained myself.

Matt grabbed two Fuzzy Navels out of the fridge and tossed one to me before heading into the living room. I followed suit.

Sitting down on the couch, he picked up an N64 controller and gave me an apologetic look. "I was in the middle of a race when you arrived," he explained. I nodded and sat down next to him to watch him kick the other car's ass. The game he was playing was a familiar one, we used play it a lot when I came over. Rush 2049 used to be our favorite game some odd years back. We always obsessed over it. Neither of us had played in awhile though, so I must admit I was surprised when I saw Matt playing it.

Soon he won his race, a far too easy task for him. Snatching up another controller, I reset the game and for awhile we played at racing each other, although we were really goofing off more than anything, chasing each other, crashing into each other, crashing into walls, making over-dramatic efforts to get all the coins in the game and failing miserably, seeing who could remember the most shortcuts, things like that. For a short while I was reminded of old times, and I could forgot all that had happened to Matt, and I could pretend I didn't have a specific mission to accomplish while I was here, I could just be myself and enjoy it.

But my happiness was not to last.

After a lull in the game when both of us had crashed into each other in a shortcut, Matt shut off the game and faced me, serious.

I protested, but he cut me short with a wave of his hand. "You said you had something to talk about with me?"

"Um," I swallowed visibly, "Yeah. I do. You see, the thing -the thing is... okay, this is the thing. It's a very important thing. A Big Thing. I should tell you the thing, you know?"

Matt gave me a quizzical look, and I couldn't blame him. I was suddenly acting extremely nervous and strange.

In a futile attempt to calm myself, I reached over and took a long swig of my Fuzzy Navel.

"Well?" Matt asked. "Stop stalling and get on with it, Tai."

I let out a noisy sigh. "Allright. Here goes... Um...I'm, uh, I'm-"my voice dropped "-gay."

Matt gaped at me.

"As my friend, I thought you should know. It's only fair."

"G-gay?" Matt stuttered.

I nodded. "And there's more," I added.

"More?" he asked me cautiously.

"Yeah," I whispered. "You see... I'm in love with you."

End Part 1.


	2. Part 2

Waiting  
Chapter 2-Shooting Stars  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Yeah. You see... I'm in love with you."

I stared at the brunette next to me in complete and utter shock, my mind having not completely processed that statement yet.

"You're... You're in love with me?" my shocked voice croaked out.

He nodded, his eyes beginning to fill with sad tears.

"Yeah. Oh Matt, I'm so sorry, I really am, I'm so stupid... I shouldn't have ever fallen in love with you, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry... please don't hate me...I can understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again, but please don't hate me Matt..."

"Tai," I said fondly. "Thank you."

He stopped his incessant babbling at once. "What?"

"Thank you," I repeated softly.

"F-For what?"

I smiled. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you had the courage, and you have no idea how glad it makes me to hear that."

"So... You don't hate me?" he ventured cautiously.

"No idiot, of course I don't hate you."

He let out a sigh of relief.

"But," I went on, "I- ... I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship just yet. I ... I do like you too, but..." I shrugged helplessly, not quite sure how to word what I was feeling.

"I'll wait," Tai said. "For however it long it takes, I'll wait. It doesn't matter to me, just as long as I can be with you. Just knowing how you feel about me is enough to make me happy. That, and maybe some icecream," he added, eyes twinkling merrily.

I laughed and jumped up, heading into the kitchen. "Come on you," I commanded. "Let's go feed that stomach of yours."

As Tai stood and eagerly began to follow me, I smiled to myself, thinking. Tai loves me, and he's willing to wait for me. I never thought that would happen in a million years. I was always so sure Tai was heterosexual. But to find out he's quite the opposite, and that I am the person of his desires... well, let's just say it's more than I ever could have hoped for. It seems like my life has suddenly taken a flying leap into the clouds. Or even the stars.

Now, if only this problem with Kento and his gang would take care of itself.

-x-

"Matt!" Ratsuii yelled happily when I walked into band room 3.

It was two days later. And it also happened to be the first time I had shown up for band practice in almost seven months. Needless to say, the band was quite glad to see me.

"Yo Ratsuii, what's up?" I greeted him.

"Not much," he automatically replied. "You?"

"Lots," I said truthfully.

"Oh really?" Kenji asked, raising an eyebrow. "And what all falls under this 'lots'?"

I blushed and sat down near Kenji's drums.

Nyusumi noticed this and shouted out, "Oh, someone's got himself a new girlfriend!"

I snorted, knowing very well that Nyusumi knew it wasn't true. He just wanted to tease me.

"Hardly the truth," I said.

"Oh? So what is it then?" Nyusumi persisted. "If it's not a girlfriend, then it's got to be a boyfriend." He grinned.

My blush deepened, even though that wasn't exactly true. Close enough, however.

"Woah," Kenji commented, raising his hands as if to say 'stop'. "A boyfriend? That's a pretty harsh comment, Ny."

"Why?" Ratsuii asked.

"Well, isn't it implying that Matt is gay? You don't even know that."

"Hey, stop talking about me as if I'm not here!" I exclaimed crossly. I suddenly didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Sorry Matt," Kenji said.

"Anyways, Kenji, for your information both Nyusumi and Ratsuii know whether I am or not, and I'll have you know that I most certainly am gay," I informed him.

"Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "If I wasn't I certainly wouldn't say it, now would I?"

"So do you have a boyfriend?" Nyusumi cut in anxiously.

"Sorta..." I said sheepishly.

"What do you mean sorta?"

"Well, the other night..." I began, then went on to explain what happened between Tai and me.

"You turned him down?" Ny asked in disbelief when I had finished. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I didn't exactly turn him down," I said defensively. "I just said I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. He's willing to wait for me."

"That may be true, but just how long is he willing to wait? I really don't think he'll wait forever."

"Neither do I," I retorted.

"Well, you like him don't you?"

I nodded.

"Then what the hell are you waiting for?"

"I'm just afraid... I don't want to get hurt... I just want to wait and make sure this is really what I want, that I'm really ready to make a commitment to somebody."

Nyusumi softened considerably. "I can understand your point Matt. I just don't want you to wait too long and find Tai no longer wants you. I don't want to see you get hurt Matt."

"Ooh, sounds like Asashi's got a crush on Ishida!" Kenji yelled.

I was about ready to laugh at the absurdity of Ny liking me, when I saw the way Ny reacted to Kenji's comment. His face had turned completely red, and he was staring down at the ground in embarrassment.

My mouth reacted before my mind did.

"_What_! Oh my God, you like me Nyusumi? I can't believe that! Why didn't you tell me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, as he stood and bolted from the room.

Kenji stared after him in shock, obviously surprised his teasing comment had turned out to be real, and Ratsuii shot daggers at me, his normally bright green eyes growing dark with anger.

"Matt!" he shouted. "What the hell is wrong with you? Look what you just did! Not only did you ruin band practice, but you totally hurt Ny's feelings in a bad way! Couldn't you have been more sensitive about it?"

"Oops?" I suggested meekly.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Matt! Be serious! You should go find him and talk to him."

"Allright, allright, geez," I grumbled, surrendering.

I got up and went to the door. "I'll be back in a little while, hopefully with Nyusumi."

Kenji and Ratsuii nodded, and I set off in search of the purple haired mental case.

I found Nyusumi sobbing at his favorite spot behind the bleachers in the abandoned gym, the one we used before the new one was built.

He had his knees drawn up against his chest, and his head was buried in them. He didn't acknowledge my footsteps.

"Ny?" I asked, standing over him.

He didn't look up, just continued his sob fest.

I sighed inwardly and sat down beside him.

"Ny?" I asked again, a hint of pleading in my voice.

"What?" came the muffled reply.

At least he answered me.

I sighed again, out loud this time.

"Ny, I don't know what to say," I told him truthfully. "Except that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. I was just surprised, and my mouth reacted before the rest of me did. I'm sorry," I begged him.

He nodded, then propped his arms on his knees and put his head on top of his arms, staring off into the distance, not looking at me. He was still crying, but it was considerably less noisy.

"So how long have you liked me?" I asked in an attempt to get him to talk.

He just shrugged.

I tried again. "Are you mad because of what I said back in the band room?"

He shook his head.

"Ny, please talk to me," I begged. "Why won't you talk to me? I really am sorry."

He shrugged again, silent tears continuously rolling down his cheeks.

"I've always liked you," he said at last. "Ever since I've known you."

"How come you never said anything to me?" I asked, relieved he was finally speaking to me.

"Because of Tai. I always suspected you liked him, and when you told me several months ago, you just confirmed what I already guessed. And I had long since seen that he liked you. Everything he said or did reflected it. I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't want to have to suffer through the pain of rejection. As long as I kept my feelings to myself, I could pretend about your feelings for Tai otherwise. But I knew the second I told you, I wouldn't be able to do it anymore. Because they would be out in the open. I'd have to face them, and that was something I didn't want. I couldn't do that. Because admitting my feelings for you meant admitting you didn't feel the same way, and I couldn't deal with that.

"When I first began to like you, I denied it, chalked it up to hormonal infatuation. But the years passed, and I found myself growing more and more attracted to you. When we started the second year as a band, I knew I couldn't deny my feelings anymore. I'd had them since we were twelve. So I knew that, at fifteen, I had fallen hopelessly in love with you."

"Love?" I asked him, my voice thick with emotion.

He nodded, fighting fresh tears.

I stayed silent, not sure what to say. I didn't want to hurt him, but he was right. I would reject him. Hell, I already had whenever I first told him about Tai. I just hadn't know it.

"Ny-" I began, but was cut off when he burst into wild, heart shattering sobs. "Please don't say it!" he wailed. "I already know you only feel friendship for me, but please don't actually say it! It only makes it worse!"

"Allright," I agreed. "I won't say it."

Then I scooted closer to him and pulled him close to me in a tight hug.

It felt kind of strange to be hugging him. After all, it's not normal for two seventeen year old boys to hold each other, with one crying his heart out. But then again, neither Ny or I had ever been normal.

-x-

"Where the hell were you two? You've been gone for almost an hour!" Kenji demanded when Ny and I walked into Band room 3.

Ny just shrugged and wiped away a few stray tears before giving the band his traditional Nyusumi grin.

I didn't say anything.

"Well, you two cool with each other now?" Ratsuii asked tentatively.

"Yeah, we're cool," I told him. Cool as we can be after having Ny cry in my chest for an hour. I bet you anything he is going to be SO embarrassed later.

Suddenly a pounding sounded on the locked door. Ratsuii crossed over to it and yanked it open. "What?" he asked, slightly irritated.

A young boy was standing there, looking excited. "Is Ishida Yamato in here?" he asked.

I tensed at hearing my full name. I didn't allow anyone to use it anymore, because it reminded me of the way Ken always called me Yamato.

"I'm here," I said, stepping forward.

The boy looked over at me. "Well, I'm here to tell you that apparently your brother has locked himself in one of the classrooms on the second floor."

"Why?" I asked confused.

He shrugged. "Don't know, but he's been in there for the past hour or so, crying. None of the other students or teachers can get in."

Reaching past Ratsuii, I thrust out a hand and grabbed his collar and yanked him in the room, then threw him against the wall. "What room is he in?" I barked.

His blue eyes widened, and he stared at me, frightened. "Room 223," he stuttered.

"Thanks," I muttered, releasing him. Then I was gone, running out the room and upstairs to where Takeru was.

I wouldn't have even needed the room number to find Takeru. The second I came up the stairs, I could see a crowd gathered at the other end of the hall. They were all gathered around room 223.

Speeding up, I ran over to where they were, yelling for Takeru.

Tai and Mimi were the first to spot me. Almost simultaneously, they yelled, "Matt!'" Upon hearing me, a bunch of other people turned.

I went over to the door and started pounding on it. "Takeru," I called. "Takeru, are you in there? Let me in!"

"Matt?" came the shaky reply. Then I practically fell over as the door opened. Takeru was standing there crying, tears streaming down his face. He looked awful. His face was all red and puffy, and his hair was all mussed up.

Going over to him, I put an arm around his shoulder and let him out of the room and down the stairs to the exact spot in the old gym I had just been in comforting Ny.

When I was sure nobody had followed us, I sat Takeru down and pulled him on to my lap.

"Calm down and tell me what's wrong," I instructed.

"Oh Matt," he sobbed. "It was so awful."

I pulled him closer to me, holding him tight and stroking his hair. "Shh, it's okay Takeru. Just tell me what happened."

"Daisuke," he began, but didn't get any farther as he collapsed into tears all over again.

"What about Daisuke?" I asked him.

But it was no use. I wasn't getting anything out of him for the time being.

"Matt?" a voice asked.

I looked up to see Nyusumi standing over me, a concerned look on his face.

"What's wrong with Takeru?" he said.

I raised my left shoulder a little then lowered it in a half hearted shrug. "I don't know, he won't tell me. All he said is Daisuke."

Ny squatted down beside me and put a hand on Takeru's shoulder.

"Takeru," he said softly, "what happened between you and Daisuke? Did you tell him about it?"

"Yes," was Takeru's heartbroken sob.

"Tell him about what?" I asked confused. But I was ignored.

"I told him!" Takeru wailed into my chest, though he was still talking to Ny. "And he ... he-" once again, he didn't get any farther.

Instead he just let me hold him and sobbed until he eventually fell asleep in my arms.

Once I was sure he was sleeping soundly, I looked over at the purple haired boy beside me. "Ny, what's wrong with Takeru? What happened between him and Daisuke that I don't know about?"

"Takeru likes Daisuke," Ny told me simply, and suddenly everything clicked into place.

"Ohhhh," I said slowly. "So Takeru must have told Daisuke today, and Daisuke rejected him?"

"Apparently so."

"How come I never knew about Takeru's feelings but you did?"

"Takeru was afraid to mention it to you because he was afraid that if you didn't like gays, then you would disown him as a brother. But me and the rest of the band know."

"_What_! But why would Takeru think I'd be against gay people?"

"Well, you know, because of..." Nyusumi trailed off, hesitant.

I swallowed hard. "Because of... because of... Ken?"

He nodded.

I sighed and looked down at the sleeping blond in my arms. "Oh Takeru," I said softly.

"Matt? We thought you guys would be here," Tai's voice said.

I looked up and saw him and Mimi standing over me.

"So what's wrong with Takeru?" Mimi asked.

I hesitated, not sure how Takeru would feel about me telling everybody.

Tai noticed my uncertainty and told me it was okay. "You don't have to tell us if you don't think Takeru would want us to know. We just wanted to make sure he's okay."

"I think he'll be fine," I assured them. "Don't worry about him."

Tai came over to me and caressed my cheek, making me blush slightly. "But will you be? You scared a lot of people back there, barreling through there yelling for Takeru, eyes all wild and murderous."

"I'll be fine," I said. "You know me, overprotective Matt, always watching out for his little brother. I guess it's just leftover days from the Digital World."

"Don't I ever," Tai snorted.

"What's the Digital World?" Nyusumi asked.

I paused. "Uh... remind me to tell you and the band sometime," I finally said. "It's a long story."

"What should we do with Takeru?" Mimi asked, interrupting us. "We can't just leave him here."

I looked at Takeru, who was still sleeping, although not very well. His face kept shifting, and he was muttering inaudibly.

"I guess I'll take him home," I told her. I glanced over at Tai. "If any of our teachers ask where I am, tell them I got sick and went home. That is, if they haven't heard about Takeru."

"Right. Will do," he said, saluting and giving me a goofy grin.

I nodded back at him, then carefully stood, holding Takeru close to my chest. It was kinda awkward, since he was so tall. He was almost as tall as me. He had grown a lot these past few years.

"Matt?" Ny asked hesitantly, and I turned halfway.

"Yes?"

"Can I... can I call you later?"

I smiled softly. "Sure."

-x-

It took me forever to carry Takeru back to the apartment. Not only had he gotten taller, but he was a lot heavier. Then again, I hadn't carried him anywhere since the Digital World, so I would hope he had gained weight in that time!

He started to wake as I lay him down on my bed.

"...Mmm... Matt?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Thanks?" I ask in confusion. "For what?"

He shrugged, his eyes open and staring now. "For taking care of me."

"Oh... Well, you're welcome."

I guess, anyways, since I really didn't do anything.

"So what happened back at school?" I ventured.

Takeru bowed his head, intently studying his hands.

"I told Daisuke I loved him. And he told me he had never seen me in that way," he said softly, then begin to cry.

I could only watch him helplessly.

"I hate him so much!" Takeru said with sudden venom. "I hate him for doing this to me! And yet, I love him too. I want to hold him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him and all I want from him is for him to love me back but he won't and I hate him!"

Was this how Ken felt, then, when I rejected him that very first time, before he raped me?

If so, I can understand what led him to do what he did that day. It wasn't justifiable, but understandable, and I think if it had been left at that, I could have forgiven him, continued to cultivate his friendship. But for him to carry it on...

Takeru's wail of despair cut into my thoughts, reminded me where I was at the moment.

"I want Daisuke!" he sobbed. "It hurts so much! I just want it to go away. Make it go away Matt. Please.."

I went and sat next to him.

"I can't do that, Takeru," I told him quietly. "Because the pain won't go away, not as long as Daisuke doesn't feel the same way. The best you can hope for is for the pain to slowly go away and fade with time, until it's nothing but a distant memory you've shoved into a corner of your brain to be forgotten as best as possible."

He buried his face into my shirt. "But what if I don't want it to be that way?"

"Don't want what? For Daisuke to not love you, or for the pain to go away?"

"For me to have to make the pain go away," he clarified, explaining everything to my shirt, as if it was trying to understand him, and not me. "I know you keep all your feelings bottled up-" I didn't know shirts had feelings "-but that's not just the way I do things Matt." Wow, my shirt and I shared the same name. "I can't just tell the hurt to go into time out in some corner of my brain so I can try to forget its existence."

"Why not?" I questioned, my face slightly confused. "It works for me." And my shirt apparently. "All that pain Ken caused me, I pretty much forget all about it."

"Liar," he said simply.

So now he's accusing me shirt of being a liar?

"Huh?"

"You're lying. What Ken did still very much affects you. That's why you have those nightmares at night, why you cry when you think Dad isn't watching or listening, and it's why you aren't going out with Tai, despite the fact that you like him."

I gaped at my little brother. "How do you know all that, aniki?"

He peered up into my face. "I'm not stupid, oniichan. And neither is Dad. He knows you're still not over what Ken did. He's worried about you. He had to vent on someone."

"So he chose you."

"Right."

"But then what about Tai? How do you know about that?"

He blushed. "Kari told me. She said you told Tai that you'd rather wait."

"I'm gonna kill Tai," I threatened under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

-x-

The stars are so pretty at night. I never actually noticed this before. I was always too wrapped in my own life to pain any attention to the stars.

But now, ever since Ken, I often climb to the roof of our apartment building and watch the stars.

I usually come out here to think and reflect. On what Ken did to me, how I feel about Tai, about life... It's usually a muddle of jumbled up thoughts, whatever floats through my brain while I sit out here.

A lot of stars are out tonight. They're just sitting up there in the vast darkness, twinkling and lighting the world with their shine. Usually they're not so easy to see because of all the pollution Odaiba is developing, but for some reason I can see them clearly tonight. I don't know why.

Anyways, right now I'm thinking about Nyusumi. About what he said to me today. This is the first chance I've had to reflect on his words all day, since I had to deal with Takeru earlier, who is actually asleep in my room at the moment.

Nyusumi. I had no idea how he felt about me. That all this time I had told him my feelings for Tai, he was harboring his own feelings. For moi. (That's about the only French I know, by the way. Tai and I decided to take a French class one year, but failed and just stuck to English instead.) And to think... he had loved for me for a long, long time... And never once was I aware of it, never once had I sensed something different about him. I mean, I had known that Ny was no more straight than I was, but this I had never suspected!

Hell, I wouldn't have suspected it from any of the band, for that matter. Besides, Kenji and Ratsuii are straight. Sure, they been with their fair share of guys, but they've said on several occasions before: "We don't actually like guys that way, and never will we love a guy. We're simply being open to new things, and experimenting while we're young."

Which was understandable. I had myself had dated girls before, although I had never slept with any of them. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Besides, I wanted to remain pure, save my virginity for Tai. Except that Ken had stolen it.

See what I mean? My thoughts drift. I can't stay on one topic. They're all mixed up. I start off by thinking about Ny, and end up on Ken stealing my virginity.

Just then I spot a shooting star.

It reminds me of a time in the Digital World.

Tai and I had gotten separated from the others, and we were lost in the woods by ourselves. Finally we decided to just wait until the next morning before searching for the others, since we had already been looking for hours.

Well, I had been tired, and so I lay on my back in a grassy clearing, Tai lay down next to me. There had been a bunch of stars in the sky, much like tonight. Tai and I had been talking about our dreams, what we wanted to do with our life. Then he asked me to tell one thing I had always wished for ever since I was little.

I can remember my reply as clearly as if I had said it yesterday.

"Well, ever since my parents split up, I haven't been the same. I withdrew from everything, lost all my friends. "So then everytime I used to see a shooting star, I always wished that one day I'd have friends again, and that they'd be real friends, people I could count on to trust and always be able to tell my secrets to and be able to say what I was feeling without feeling stupid. But now I no longer wish that."

"Why?" Tai had asked me.

"Because it already came true."

Overhead, a shooting star had gone by.

Looking back on that night, I always thought it rather ironic.

I still do.

But now, I don't wish on shooting stars anymore. I have nothing to wish for.

I have friends now, friends that care about me.

I'm content with my life, despite what I went through with Ken.

And I hope to never feel differently.

Above me, a second shooting star goes by.

-x-

"Matt!"

I snapped my head up, taking a welcome break from my homework. "Yeah, Dad?" I called out.

He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "That was your mother on the phone. She said Takeru never came home from school."

The words were out before I could stop them. "Oh fuck! Takeru!" I yelled.

Dad glared at me. "Please do not use that kind of language in my house, Yamato."

I tensed up. "Don't call me that!" I shouted.

"Yamato, don't shout at me."

"I said, don't call me that," I repeated. But my voice was trembling, as was the rest of my body.

Luckily Takeru appeared in the doorway behind dad, clothes wrinkled, hair mussed up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Stop shouting," he murmured. "I'm trying to sleep."

Dad whirled around. "Takeru, what are you doing here?"

"Matt brought me this afternoon," he said, in a voice still fogged with exhaustion.

"Whatever for?"

"Because."

Dad raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask. Instead, he said, "Your mother's worried. You should have called her. As it is, it's late and I'm sure your mother would greatly appreciate it if you went home about now."

"Aw Dad, can't I stay here the night? Please? I'll call Mom."

"Well..." Dad hesitated, looking to me.

I shrugged. "I don't care."

Dad sighed. "Allright. But call Natsuko right away."

Takeru grinned. "Thanks Dad! Matt, where's your phone? It's not on the cradle."

I scrunched my face up, thinking. "I believe it's in Dad's room."

"Allright, thanks!" he raced off.

"What's your phone doing in my room? You know I don't like it when you go in there, Yamato."

"Don't call me that dammit!" I screamed. Then calmly I said, "I had the phone in there that day I was hiding from Ken, and I haven't taken it out since."

I don't think Dad was listening, he was still startled from my yell.

"Now listen up Yamato, I told you earlier-"

"Don't call me that don't call me that don't call me that!" I chanted, putting my hands over my ears. "Don't call me that don't call me that.."

I didn't realize I was rocking back and forth until Dad's hands were laid upon my shoulder and I was forced to stop.

"Yamato-" he began, but my shriek drowned out any farther words he might have said.

"NO! Don't call me that!" I screamed.

Oh God I can't breathe can't breathe, what's wrong with me why can't I breathe? My heart is pounding, I can feel it beating against my insides, trying in vain to escape. But God I can't breathe why can't I breathe I'm so scared.

_Yamato...I love you._

_Ken... I'm sorry, but I don't... I don't feel that way for you._

_Yamato, where have you been? I was extremely lonely all this time._

_Oh yes, Yamato, again. And you know what? You're gonna fuck me until you please me again, because there's nothing better than total satisfaction in knowing you've had great sex._

No... please don't, Ken... please stop... please stop...

"please stop... please stop..."

"Matt? Matt? Matt!"

"Tai..." I gasped. "I need..."

oh God, can't breathe... yamete kudasai...Ken..don't call me that...Yamato... fuck me again... can't breathe why can't I breathe..so afraid...

-x-

"...Matt?"

That's Tai's voice.

He sounds worried. I wonder why.

"Matt, are you awake?"

I groan.

"Matt!"

"...Tai..."

"Matt, you're awake! Are you okay?"

"...Ken..."

Can't breathe... I'm afraid... Ken... _Yamato... I love you..._

End Part 2.


	3. Part 3:1

Author's Notes: The part where Taichi is talking about the conversation he overheard between Dr. Kaos and Mr. Ishida was originally a script format, which is no longer allowed on ffnet. So I've turned it into strict dialogue. Sorry if it's a bit hard to follow who's speaking.

Waiting  
Chapter 3:Part 1-Neverending Nightmare  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"...Lessee...

"6x5x+4(2x-3)-2...

"So that would be 6x5x+6x+1-2... no, that's not right. 6x9x(-x)-2.. that's not right either... dammit I hate this!" I growled in frustration, scowling down at my Algebra II homework. Oh, how I hated it...

"Tai?" Mom's voice interrupted my evil thoughts about killing my homework, and I looked up.

I started to reply, but then I noticed how strained mom's face was, how pale she looked.

"'kaasan, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked, a trace of panic sneaking into my normally calm voice.

"Mr. Ishida called," she told me, and when she spoke her voice sounded drained, as if her life was beginning to fade away. "Matt had some kind of problem. He's unconscious, but he said he wanted you before he passed out."

"Matt!" I cried, jumping out of my desk chair. "What's wrong with Matt? What problem did he have?"

"Mr. Ishida's not sure."

"Oh God Yamachan!" I said, racing out of the room. "I'll be back whenever!" I yelled over my shoulder to 'kaasan.

She didn't reply, and as I glanced back I saw she was staring at me, a slightly pondering look on her face.

-x-

"Is Matt okay?" I demanded when Mr. Ishida answered the door.

"I don't know Tai," he told me, and he looked old and weary. "He hasn't waken up yet."

I came in and sat down on the couch when Mr. Ishida offered me to.

"What happened?" I asked him in a low voice. It wasn't like I was worried Matt could hear me or anything. It's just that I was suddenly close to tears for some inexplicable reason, and I was afraid if I spoke normally I'd start to cry.

"I honestly don't know. I was talking to him about Takeru staying here the night, and all of a sudden he started freaking out, saying don't call me that, don't call me that, and then he kneeling on the floor, holding his chest, saying he couldn't breathe, and.." he trailed off with a shrug of his shoulders. "I really don't know."

"Don't call me that?" I repeated. "What did he..." Then it dawned on me.

_Hey, what's wrong, Yamato?  
Don't call me that._

"Mr. Ishida," I said slowly. "Did you by any chance use Matt's first name, call him Yamato?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"I think I'm beginning to get it. He must have been having a panic attack. He doesn't like to be called Yamato anymore. I'm not sure why, but I think it must have something to do with Ken."

"Well no won-" he started, but was cut off by a blood curling scream from Matt. Terrified, the both of us jumped up and ran to Matt's room. Takeru was there too, standing in the doorway, staring wide eyed at his oniisan.

Rudely, I shoved him out of the way and went over to Matt, who was moaning and thrashing around on the bed.

I grabbed a hold of his wrist as it passed by me, and attempted to keep him from moving around, while trying desperately to wake him.

"Matt, Matt, wake up, it's okay, you're safe, Matt wake up wake up wake UP!" It was no good. Matt was too far gone.

"Call his doctor!" I yelled to Mr. Ishida, who was standing in the doorway next to his other son, dumbfounded.

He nodded and told Takeru to do it, then came over and helped me try to calm Matt. Even with the both of us, Matt still struggled wildly, and I got a few punches in the face. I'm pretty sure Matt gave his dad a few black eyes too, because I heard him yell, "chikuso!" and "son of a bitch!" a few times.

I don't know how long we stayed there, holding Matt-or trying to anyway-but it felt like forever before Dr. Kaos was gently commanding us to move aside. I did so carefully, a lot of my body had gone numb and I felt like I was sleeping on a bed of nails.

Dr. Kaos gave Matt a sedative to calm him, and soon Matt was sleeping peacefully again.

I stayed by his side, watching him sleep, not daring to leave him, while Dr. Kaos went to Mr. Ishida's room to talk to him.

I could hear the whole conversation, and what I heard was slightly strange. It troubled me some.

Basically it was like this:

_"What happened to him?"_

_"Tai says he must have had a panic attack. All I know is he freaked out and couldn't breath."_

_"Why'd he panic, do you know?"_

"I was calling him Yamato."

"I see. That makes sense."

"You knew about that?"

"Yeah. He told me once, after the Ichijouji boy was caught."

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, well... Anyways, what the hell was wrong with him just now?"

"The nightmares...they've come back... it's really hard on the both of us. He wakes up nights, screaming as if the world was ending. He always pretends it doesn't affect him that much... but I know it does. And then, just recently... there's been something different about him. I don't know what, I can't quite pin it down yet. Especially today. He's been acting strange all day. It worries me."

"Oh? Strange? How so?"

Which was as much as I heard, because then the phone rang.

"I'll answer it!" I heard Takeru call, and then "Hello?"

A few minutes later he appeared. "Tai, it's Ny. He wants to talk to Matt. What should I say?"

"Here," I said, holding out my hand. "I'll talk to him."

Takeru handed the phone to him, and I answered.

"Yo, Nyusumi. What's up?"

"Tai?" he asked. "What are you doing at Matt's house?"

"Long story," I replied with a sigh.

"I've got time."

"Well..." And then it all came out of me in a rush of words, not just what happened to Matt tonight, but everything. My worries, the strange conversation I just overheard, everything that had been building up inside me, I poured my heart out to Nyusumi.

He listened quietly, and without comment until I finished.

"The nightmares are coming back?" was the first thing out of his mouth. "What nightmares?"

I shrugged, though he couldn't see me. "I'm not sure, but I would assume he must have nightmares after or even during what happened between him and Ken. I mean, it's just a guess, but it's what smart people would think."

"Hey, I'm smart!" Ny exclaimed resentfully.

"Sure you are," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I am!"

"Right. Anyways... I don't know if Matt will be at school tomorrow, and if he's not, I won't be. But I have him call you when he's up to. See ya Ny."

"If he's not there tomorrow, you're not? Aww, that's sweet. Faithful Tai staying by his lover's side..."

"I'm not his lover!" I protested, feeling my face growing red. _But I sure as hell wouldn't mind.._

"Whatever. See ya around Tai. Is it allright if I stop by tomorrow?"

"No, go ahead. We'll be looking for you."

"Alright, thanks. Later."

"Bye, Ny." I hung up.

Then I went and searched out Takeru. I was reluctant to leave Matt's side, but if he happened to wake, which was unlikely, I didn't want him to hear what we were talking about.

I found him sitting in the livingroom, staring blankly off into space, not even seeming to notice the channel the TV was tuned to had gone off air.

I walked over to the TV and switched it off, then sat down near Takeru.

"Takeru," I said gently.

"Yeah?" he asked, not even looking round.

"Has Matt been having nightmares lately?"

"Yes," he told me blandly, still not glancing at me.

I sighed softly. Oh Matt... "Have they been real bad?"

He shrugged.

I sighed again, realizing I wasn't going to get anything of out him and returned to Matt's side.

I can't believe he had been having nightmares about Ken. Why hadn't he told me, and just how bad had they been?

Just then Matt stirred.

"...Matt?" I said timidly.

Nothing.

"Matt, are you awake?"

He groans.

"Matt!" I exclaim.

"...Tai..." he murmurs.

"Matt, you're awake! Are you okay?"

"..Ken.."

I frown. Ken?

"No Matt. It's me, Tai."

"...Tai?"

"Yeah, Tai."

He blinked his eyes open and sat up slowly, brushing blond strands out of his face.

I smile at him, greatly relieved. He just returns my smile with a blank stare. "What happened to me?" he asked.

"You had a panic attack and passed out. Then Dr. Kaos had to give you a small tranq because you seemed to be having a really bad nightmare," I told him quietly.

"A panic attack?"

"Yeah. Your dad was calling you by your given name." I was careful not to say Yamato. I didn't want to set him off again. Just mentioning it was risky enough.

"Oh," Matt replied softly. Then, "Is Dad worried?"

"He was, but once he knows your awake, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"That's good," he said shortly.

I frowned. Something was wrong; Matt was acting strangely.

What could be bothering him?

-x-

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm staying here the night. No, probably not. It all depends on if Matt goes. What? No! Shutup! That's not the reason at all! I just want to make sure he's okay! Geez, you sound like Ny," I grumbled to my little sister. "Anyways, be sure to tell 'kaasan I won't be coming home tonight. Right. Thanks, Kar." I told her, then replaced the receiver slowly.

Ever since Matt had woken up an hour ago, he had been acting differently. I was kinda afraid to stay over here the night. Matt's behavior scares me. Both Mr. Ishida and Dr. Kaos say it's because of the nightmare he had earlier. They don't seem so affected by it, which makes me wonder if this sort of thing has happened often before.

Trying to shake it off, I went looking for Mr. Ishida. I found him sitting in his room, talking to Dr. Kaos quietly, who apparently looked as if he was staying the night too. I mean, it was already midnight.

"Um? Mr. Ishida?" I spoke up hesitantly.

He looked up at me.

"Is it allright if I stay here the night, with Matt?"

"It's fine."

"Thank you."

I bowed slightly, then retreated and headed to Matt's room. Takeru was already there, having an intense conversation with Matt who for once seemed to be himself.

They looked up when I came in, Takeru breaking off in the middle of a sentence. "Ano, sumimasen... Demo, Matt... do you mind if I stay here the night or would you rather I go home?"

"No! Don't go home! Please don't go. Stay here. I don't want to be alone tonight," he begged.

I noticed Takeru looked slightly offended at that, but he did his best to pretend he didn't care once he saw I saw. I smiled at him, and he returned it.

"Please stay Tai..."

"Allright, Allright, I'll stay. Calm down Matt," I soothed. God, he was acting weird again. What was up?

-x-

About an hour later, Takeru had long since fallen asleep on Matt's floor, Dr. Kaos on the couch in the living room, Mr. Ishida in his own bed, and I was laying next to a wide awake Matt in his bed.

We lay in silence for at least an hour before Matt started to talk.

"Tai?" Matt whisphered.

I jerked my head up; I had just about been asleep.

"Y-Yeah, Matt?"

"I... I have a confession to make."

I furrowed my brow.

"A confession?"

What kind of a confession? What is it he kept secret? What is it he didn't trust me enough to tell me earlier?

"Uh-huh. You see... I've..I've been having these nightmares lately."

So this was what it was about then.

"They're about Ken, about the stuff he did to me. One occurs more often than any other, and it's slightly different."

"Different? Different how? What are they about?"

"Well... it starts out... in the apartment... I'm hiding under my dad's bed. Ken is trying to get in, but he can't cos I've bolted the doors and shoved chairs under the knobs. And there's nothing unusual about that part. That... that really happened. The day that I told my Dad finally, that's that day I hid from Ken. But ... then the dream changes. Instead of Ken giving up and going away, .. he gets in. He breaks the door down. ... He comes into Dad's room and-and drags me out from under the bed. Then he... then he rapes me. Over and over again, never stopping. That's actually happened, in a sense, at a different time. But .. then you show up. You.. you try to -to save me and- and- and then..." he stops, and I can sense he's crying. Silently I reach my hand under the blanket and grasp his tightly, offering comfort.

He looks over at me in the semi-darkness, the moonlight making strange shadows splay across his face.

We lay comfortably in the dark for a few seconds, not saying anything, just staring at each other.

He continues. "When you're unable to save me, he.. he tears your clothes off and rapes you once, ... then he kills you, and makes me watch. I start to scream and scream... then I'm awake and I'm still screaming and dad's trying to restrain me and it all seems so real.. it scares me, scares me real bad.

"I feel like it's trying to tell me something Tai, only I don't know what. I've tried to analyze it. The part about me hiding under the bed.. that could mean I'm hiding from my emotions, not facing up to what Ken did to me, not trying to get over it. Ken breaking in... maybe it means Ken's escaped from jail or something and he's after me. I don't know. As for you trying to save me... and what Ken does to you... I don't even want to begin to try and interpret that. It just scares me too much..

"But I do know one thing, Tai."

"What's that?" I ask him, feeling the goosebumps all over my arms and legs. His dream scared me. I really hope it was just a senseless nightmare, and not some kind of vision or something.

"It's something I've been really stupid over, something I didn't want to face, something I was afraid of..." he trails off, and then he's on top of me, his lips pressed urgently into mine interlocked in a deep passionate kiss.

At first I don't respond, I'm too shocked, but after I few moments I warm up to it and kiss him back, pressing my tongue against his lips, seeking entrance. He grants it.

We finally break off a good several minutes later, and he rolls back over to his side of the bed.

I lay there in surprise, my face flushed, heart pounding heavily in my chest, little tremors of excitement and happiness running a marathon up and down my spine.

"I realized it was stupid to make you wait," came the husky whispher, "when I already knew I loved you and that Ken couldn't change that, no matter what."

I felt tears spring to my eyes, for some reason or another, I was deeply touched.

"Oh God Matt, you don't know how happy this makes me," I sniffed.

"I've a fairly good idea, considering I know how happy I feel right now."

I smile, and pull him close to me in a tight hug.

He purrs faintly, and curves his body into mine.

Kissing the top of his head, I murmur, "Night, Matt."

Then together we sleep.

End Part 3:1.


	4. Part 3:2

Waiting  
Chapter 3:Part 2-These Tainted Wings  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

When I woke the next morning, Matt was still curled up next to me. I smiled, thinking of his kiss last night. Matt... so vulnerable... he'd been through so much, and after all that, he still wanted to be with me.

Just then a knock sounded on the door. "Matt? Tai? Are you two awake yet?"

Quickly I shied away from Matt, just as Mr. Ishida opened the door. Well, I didn't want him to know about Matt and me!

He poked his head in, looked around, and saw me blinking sleepily at him.

"Mornin Mr. Ishida," I said in a voice that was only half present. The other half was still sleeping.

"Morning, Tai. Matt awake yet?"  
I shook my head. "I don't think so. I just woke up a literal minute ago, myself."

He nodded. "He'll probably sleep a few more hours, after what he went through last night."

"Yeah," I said noncommittally. I didn't want to think about Matt's obvious problems. "What time is it?"

"About one o' clock."

"What!" I yelped. "One o' clock! I never sleep that late, not even on weekends! And today is a school day! Oh crap, school! Ny's supposed to be coming over later! No, in an hour! And I just woke, and Matt's still asleep, and.."

Mr. Ishida didn't say anything during my babbling, just stood in the doorway silently.

However, I shut up quickly enough when I heard Matt whimper in his sleep.

Mr. Ishida heard, too, and we both looked over at him, concerned.

"No," he muttered. "Please don't... Ken..."

-x-

"I sometimes wish that I had never met Ken. Late at night, when I'm lying alone, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if Ken didn't exist."

"But Matt, that's horrible! Granted, what Ken did was a horrible thing, but you shouldn't wish he never existed!" I exclaimed.

"But at least then I wouldn't feel the constant need to escape!' he cried. "I often feel like I'm trapped, Tai, with no way out. And the worse part is I don't know what's holding me captive, and it won't let go. And I'm helpless to do anything about it, no matter how much I try. I feel like I did when I was being controlled by the Dark Masters, except I'm aware of what's happening to me this time. All my feelings are slowly being drained from the inside, and I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up and no longer be a person."

Overwhelmed, I clung tightly to Matt's hand, hardly believing what he was confessing to me.

"I'll just be a shell. A shell with no interior, devoid of all thoughts, emotions, energy, devoid of even a free will. People will be able to do with me what the please.

"I'm afraid, Tai. I don't want that to happen. Please don't let it happen," Matt pleaded, looking up at me with tears in his eyes.

I was shocked, but I managed to promise him I wouldn't let it happen. But I couldn't help the shock. I mean, after I had shaken Matt from his nightmare, he woke up crying. I asked him why, and that's what he said. Wouldn't you be surprised too?

"I promise I won't let it happen Matt," I said again. "But.." I hesitated, not wanting to say what I was thinking. I mean, it would sound kind of cruel to Matt. I guess Matt sensed what I was thinking anyway. "I've tried Tai. I've tried to forget about Ken and just move on. But as long as these damn nightmares are here to haunt me, it's impossible."

"Matt?"

It was Takeru's voice.

"Come in, Takeru!" Matt called.

Takeru opened the door to Matt's bedroom and stood there, looking at us.

"Yes?"

"Nyusumi's here," he informed us, then stepped aside to let Ny in.

"Hey Ny," I greeted as the purple haired boy walked in, shutting the door behind him as he did so.

"Hey Ny," Matt said.

"Yo, Matt, Tai," Ny returned, raising his hand. He pulled out Matt's desk chair and sat in it, looking at us.

The three of us sat in disquiet until Nyusumi finally spoke up. "So, Matt, um... what's up?"

I frowned. Nyusumi was acting rather strange. He wasn't his usually flippant self. Instead, he seemed rather quiet. Rather withdrawn, distracted.

"God Matt, I've been so scared!" he suddenly burst out. "Tai told me you'd had a panic attack when I called over here last night! I was so worried for you! I'm just so glad you're allright!"

Matt gave him a tired smile. "Sorry Nyusumi. I didn't mean to make you worry."

Nyusumi shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Just as long as you're okay now."

"I'm fine, Ny," he reassured the other boy.

We sat in quiet for another few moments until Matt spoke up again.

"Um, Ny?"

"Yeah?"

"I got something to tell you," he said, then glanced over at me briefly. Me having no idea what he was about to say, just nodded.

"Well... I'm going out with Tai now," he told Ny anxiously.

I winced, knowing how Ny felt about Matt but not knowing yet that Matt knew how Ny felt.

Ny gave us his trademark grin, and though I could clearly see the pain in his eyes, he was trying desperately not to show it. "That's great! It took you long enough, Ishida! For awhile I wondered if you were just going to keep Tai waiting forever!"

"Shutup Asashi," Matt replied good naturedly, relieved that Ny was at least pretending to take it well.

Ny just frowned.

"You guys missed a lot during third form," he said at last. "Kenji was absolutely wild! It was hilarious!"

"What happened?" I asked, finally speaking.

"Well, he was stoned high up on marijuana, so when he walked in third, he sat down at the teachers desk and started to call roll. Then the teacher walked in and when Kenji refused to move from the desk, Mitsuo Sensei picked up and literally threw him in the desk! Then, when Sensei called out Jin Kenji, Kenji replied, 'No Mitsuo-chan, I already told you I won't give you a blowjob for that price. Blowjobs are higher priced than a good ole ass-fucking.'"

"Oh my God, he actually said that to Sensei?" Matt yelped.

Ny nodded, grinning, then went on. "Yeah. Sensei got kinda red in the face, but by now he's learned to recognize Kenji when he's stoned, you know, so he just kinda ignored him and went on with the roll, not paying any attention to all the weird shit Kenji was shouting out. Then later on, Sensei was explaining a problem from the homework we had last night, and.." Ny paused for a minute, trying not to laugh.

"Come on, go on," I urged him. "Finish the story."

He nodded. "Right. Well anyways, he was explaining, and Kenji got up and stood by the window. Sensei ignored him, but then Kenji suddenly yelled 'two plus two equals a sucky orgy' then jumped out the window.."

Matt collapsed into fits of laughter, as did I. Ny was already laughing.

"Oh my God," I choked out. "Poor Kenji! Jumping out of a second floor classroom!"

"He broke his arm," Ny wheezed out.

"I wish I had been there!" Matt exclaimed. "Of all the wildest things Kenji does when he gets high, this has got to be THE wildest ever!"

-x-

About an hour later, after Ny had left and Takeru had gone back home, Matt and I were cuddled up together on his couch, making out. His dad had left too, around the same time Ny did, to go get some decent groceries for the house. My hands were currently lost somewhere in Matt's hair, and my tongue somewhere in his mouth.

Just as we broke off from a particularly long, passionate kiss, the phone rang. I groaned, as did Matt.

"Just let the machine pick it up," I whisphered, before leaning back over and capturing Matt's lips under mine.

After three rings, we heard the answer machine click, and Matt's voice began to speak.

"Hai, you've reached the Ishida residence. This is Ishida Yamato yelling to you from somewhere under a mountain of clothes and moldy dishes, currently unable to answer the phone. If you're looking for the elder Ishida of the house, he has moved into his office at work. If you're Ny or another band member, practice is officially canceled as of now. If this is Jun, go find some other soul to torment. Otherwise, leave me a message at the beep."

"A little long, ain't it?" I remarked as I came up for air.

"Shutup," Matt said, pulling me closer in another earth shaking kiss.

The answer machine beeped, then 'kaasan's voice came on the line. "You might want to shorten that message, Matt," she said dryly, before going on to say, "Tai? Are you still there?"

Sighing, I pulled away from Matt, leaning over and picking up the phone. "Hey okaasan," I said. "What's up?"

"Just wondering if you've permanently moved into Matt's apartment."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to stay so long, but I didn't wake until one, and then Ny came over, so.." I trailed off. "Sorry," I said again.

"Well, I'd appreciate it if you came home within the next fifteen minutes. Your father and I are going out for awhile, and Kari's a little scared to stay home by herself. Someone tried to break in last night, but your father scared him away."

I sighed inwardly. Kari was fourteen, she didn't need me looking after her. No, she's fifteen. She had her birthday a few weeks ago. "Allright, okaasan," I agreed reluctantly.

After we said our goodbyes, I hung up and turned to Matt.

"Sorry, love, duty calls. The parents are out, and the Kari is afraid to be left alone due to last night's intruder," I said in some strange weird English accent.

Matt frowned. "Tai, I haven't really been to those after school English courses in six months. I didn't understand half of that."

I sighed, then translated it for him.

He gave me a pitiful face. "Aw, do you have to leave now?" he whined.

I nodded. "Fraid so, love. But hey, I'll see you tomorrow, if you come to school!"

"I guess I'll have to now, won't I? If I want to see you."

-x-

"So what was wrong with Matt?" 'kaasan asked. I looked up from the leftovers I had heated up, mouth full of tofu. Quickly I chewed and swallowed, then said, "He had a panic attack and passed out, then had nightmares until Dr. Kaos came over and sedated him."

"Poor boy," she murmured, just as 'tousan walked in the room.

"Ready to go, hon?"

She nodded.

'tousan turned to me. "Now Taichi," he said sternly, "Your sister is here, so you can forget about the parties you were going to throw while we were gone, and don't even think about sleeping with those girls whose numbers you've hidden under your mattress."

Then he laughed, fully expecting me to laugh as he was just teasing me, but all I did was wince. If he knew...

I could see 'kaasan looking at me in that speculative, curious way again, and it unnerved me.

She's figured it out! my mind screamed at me. She knows you like Matt! Stupid Tai.. I scolded myself. I just had to call him Yamachan in front of 'kaasan.

"Well, bai okaasan. Bai otousan," I said, anxious to have them gone before mom could say anything about it.

"Bye Taichi," 'tousan said. He always called me by my full name for some reason.

"Bye Tai, dear," 'kaasan repeated, and I saw her give me another pondering glance as she followed 'tousan out of the apartment.

I groaned and went back to polishing off the leftover tofu.

A few minutes later Kari glided into the room.

"So, you gonna be screwing those girls?" she asked with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. That brat just has to hear everything.

"You know good and well I'm not screwing any girl. I'd prefer to keep myself pure, thank you," I told her haughtily.

"For Matt?" she grinned.

I blushed. "If you must know, yes, for Matt."

"Just how long are you gonna wait for him, Tai?"

It was my turn to grin now. "I'm not waiting for him," I informed her.

She looked puzzled.

My grin widened as I went on to explain what happened between me and Matt in his bed last night.

She smiled and clapped her hands together when I finished. "That's so great! I'm happy for you Tai! You two were destined to be together!"

I gave her a soft smile. "Thanks, Kar," I said quietly.

-x-

I suppose it was about ten o clock or so when I got the call.

Kari and I were sitting on the couch, watching Mononoke Hime--what, so I like anime, so what?--when the phone rang. Hissing at it, I paused the movie and answered the phone.

"What?" I snapped.

"Tai?" Mr. Ishida's voice.

Already my heart was leaping in my throat.

"What? What's wrong? Is Yamato okay?"

"He-he had a nightmare again. Then when he woke up, he must have thought I was Ken because.. because." Mr. Ishida tried to tell me the because, but his voice broke and he had to compose himself.

"He looked at me and told me he wouldn't let me hurt him anymore, then ran to the kitchen and slashed his wrists with a knife."

End Part 3:2.


	5. Part 3:3

Waiting  
Chapter 3:Part 3-A Bold Kiss  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"He looked at me and told me he wouldn't let me hurt him anymore, then ran to the kitchen and slashed his wrists with a knife."

"No," I whisphered in disbelief. "He wouldn't. He said he didn't want to die anymore.."

Kari looked up sharply at that, worry etched in the lines on her face.

"He's in the hospital now. I freaked out for quite a bit before I called Dr. Kaos, so he lost a fair amount of blood."

"What room is he in?"

"423. You'll need a visitor's pass to get in, so I'll meet you at the entrance to the hospital."

"Allright. I'm leaving now. And can I bring my sister?"

"Sure, but she probably won't be allowed in Matt's room. I don't even know if you can yet."

"It doesn't matter."

I hung up and turned to Kari, eyes filled with tears which I ashamedly wiped away.

"Matt's in the hospital," I told her, then couldn't get any farther. I hunched over and began to cry.

Why? Why had he done that? Were his nightmares so much in control of him that he didn't recognize past and present, didn't know what he was doing half the time?

How could his nightmares be that bad? He had seemed fine last night after we had fallen asleep, and he was fine this morning.

God I hate Ken for doing this to him.

Kari came over to me and put her arms around me, guiding me to the couch. "Tai? What's wrong? Why is Matt in the hospital?"

"He slashed his wrists again," I choked out. "He woke up and thought his father was Ken, so he said he wouldn't let him hurt him anymore, then went and slashed his wrists."

-x-

"I'm glad you came Tai," Mr. Ishida said as Kari and I walked over to him.

I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd start crying again. Actually, I was still crying a little but it was the silent kind.

Kari had done a little crying herself, but not a lot as she didn't love Matt the way I did, so she had composed herself rather quickly.

Quietly, Kari and I followed Mr. Ishida into the hospital and up to Matt's room. Dr. Kaos was there, seemingly waiting on us, and told us only one person at a time could see Matt right now. Mr. Ishida graciously allowed me to see him first, so I thanked him, then went in, shutting the door behind me.

Matt was sitting up when I walked in, and besides the bandages around his wrists, he looked totally fine. Slightly perky, even.

He grinned when I walked in, holding up his wrists and saying, "I guess my wrists have acquired a certain taste for the knife."

I frowned and glared at him. "I don't find that funny in the least, Ishida," I informed him in a cold tone, so he'd know how dead serious I was about this. "I was worried to death about you, afraid you'd die."

"I'm still here, aren't I?" he asked cheerfully, oblivious to the tone of my voice.

"That doesn't matter! What the hell were you thinking! I thought you said you didn't have reason to kill yourself!"

"I just wanted to stop the nightmares," Matt said quietly, no longer so giddy.

"So there are other ways, Matt! You didn't have to attempt suicide again! Besides, what about me? Would you have really left me just so you could stop the nightmares?

"And think about everybody else," I continued. "Think about Ny, who loves you just as much as I do" -I still didn't know that Matt already knew this, but I didn't care and it was only later that I thought I had accidentally let Ny's secret out- "and about Takeru, who would never forgive you if you killed yourself. And think about your father, and all the rest of your friends. What about all of them?"

Then in a movement that surprised even me, I was sitting on Matt's bed, hugging him tightly and crying harder than ever. "Please don't kill yourself, Matt," I sobbed. "I couldn't bear to lose you, couldn't stand living without you. Please don't kill yourself, no matter how bad it gets."

Matt didn't say anything, just held me awkwardly, as I'd flung myself at him in an awkward position.

In a bit someone knocked on the door and Dr. Kaos entered.

"It's time for you to leave Tai," he said.

I nodded, pulling away from Matt, then hesitating.

After an unsure decision, I leaned back over and kissed Matt full on the lips, then stood and left, glancing at Dr. Kaos as I did so.

He didn't seemed disturbed in the least.

Matt of course, looked rather surprised but pleased.

"How is he?" Kari asked in a low voice as I walked out.

Dimly my brain registered Mr. Ishida watching us, and probably listening, so I just lied and said he seemed fine for someone who just tried killing himself a second time.

"Is he awake yet?" Mr. Ishida asked me.

I nodded. "He was sitting up in bed when I went in."

Just then Dr. Kaos came out.

"Ishida, he wants to see you. Visiting hours are actually over, but I'll give you some time."

"Thanks, Akira." He went in.

I looked at Kari when he was gone.

"Well?" she asked.

"He was weird," was all I said.

She frowned. "Weird?"

"Yeah, weird. Like, all happy and perky like. Didn't seem to realize he'd tried killing himself. He joked around about it."

"You didn't blow up at him, did you?"

When I didn't answer, she gave me a Look. "Tell me you didn't."

"I did," I said meekly.

"Tai!"

"I didn't blow up at him exactly," I defended myself. "Just got kinda mad and yelled some."

"What did you yell?" came the wary question.

Quickly I described the conversation that had taken place between us, finishing up with the kiss I had given him before I left.

"At least he knows you still love him," she mused, "although I don't think kissing him in front of Dr. Kaos is such a hot idea."

"And why in hell not?" I asked indignantly. "Am I supposed to be ashamed of my sexual preferences or something?"

"No.."

"Then why not?"

"What if he mentions it to Mr. Ishida?"

I hadn't thought of that.

Damn.

What if he does?

But so what? Matt was planning on telling him later anyways.

"Who cares if he mentions it to Mr. Ishida," I said airily, waving my hand dramatically in the air for effect. "Besides, it's not like he really would anyways, so why worry?"

Kari just shook her head.

"Let's hope so Tai."

-x-

"Asashi?"

"Here."

"Aya?"

"Here."

I listened to Sensei, bored as he called the roll. All I wanted was to get back to the hospital and see Matt.

"Ichou?"

"Here."

"Ishida?"

Silence.

"Ishida?"

"Oh, um.. Matt's in the hospital, Sensei," I spoke up.

Sensei nodded and went on calling the roll while Ny and Kenji both gave me a questioning look.

I shook my head. "Tell you at lunch," I mouthed to them.

Just then Sensei finished calling the roll and turned to Kenji.

"Jin-san, you are sober today, are you not?"

"Yes, Sensei," Kenji replied sheepishly.

"And your arm is in much pain, is it not?"

"Yeees, Sensei..." he said warily.

I wonder what's in store for him.

"Good. Then stand and come to the front of the room."

Kenji did as he was told, wincing as he banged his arm on the desk.

When he reached the front, Mitsuo Sensei smiled at him. But it wasn't a nice smile.

"Drop down and do pushups until I say otherwise."

"Wha...!" Kenji cried. "I can't do that with my wrist broken!"

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you jumped out the window. Now do as I say."

In a mixture of awe and sympathy, the class watched silently as Kenji dropped to the floor and began to do pushups, his face scrunched up in agony.

I winced, watching him. I knew that must hurt him badly. Sometimes Sensei went a little too far in his punishments, especially when it concerned Kenji or Nyusumi. He used to with Matt, but I don't think he will after knowing what happened.

It's strange though. He knows I'm friends with the band, but even with all my own crazy shit I do, he hardly ever does anything to punish me.

-x-

"I can't believe what Mitsuo-Sensei made me do today," Kenji grumbled later on.

Me and him and Ny were at Ny's usual spot near the bleachers in the old gym. We had bunked off sixth form simply because none of us felt like going. Plus, I never had a chance to tell them about Matt at lunch, and they wanted to know.

I shrugged. "It could have been worse."

"I think he's just sore because I accidentally told the class about the blowjob stuff. Not that they realized what part of that was true..."

"WHAT!" I shouted.

Ny gaped at him. "Kenji, explain yourself!" he spluttered.

Kenji blushed.

"Well, I had this dare from this guy, Keiichi-you guys know him?"

We nodded, we knew him in passing.

"Well, he dared me to work as a male prostitute for one night. So I did, and Mitsuo-Sensei picked me up. He didn't realize it was me, because I looked different. I had cut my hair and dyed it blue- you remember that, right? Anyways, he wanted me to give him a 'good ole ass fucking' as he put it, 'cept I was charging outrageous prices -I mean I didn't wanna sleep with him!- so then he just asked for a blowjob, and I told him that was more expensive."

"But did you fuck him?"

"Eventually -he threatened to have the cops pick me up for prostitution if I didn't."

"So how did he find out it was you?" I breathed, shocked at what I was hearing.

"When I walked in third form the next day and he saw my hair!"

"God, Kenji. Not only are you straight, but you slept with a teacher! How could you have done that?"

"Right... can we change the channel? This is disgusting!" I said.

"Sure." Ny said agreeably. "Let's change the channel to Matt."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Ok, um..."

"Why's he in the hospital?" Kenji blurted.

I sighed. "Do you guys really wanna know?" I asked as a way to warn them.

They both nodded, faces drawn, realizing the seriousness of this.

Another sigh.

"Matt had a nightmare. He went kind of hysterical when he woke up, was slightly disoriented. He .. he cut his wrists."

They looked at me, eyes wide.

"He tried to kill himself?" Ny whisphered in a horrified voice. "But why? I never thought.."

Obviously none of them knew he had tried to kill himself before.

"It wasn't on purpose," I said hastily, "and he's okay. Like I said, he was disoriented, and he didn't really know what he was doing." Not completely, anyways.

"But he's okay, right?" Ny asked, a touch of near hysteria detectable in his voice. "He's not knocking on death's door begging to be let in, is he? He's perfectly fine."

This last sentence was more of a statement than a question, as if Ny was trying to reassure himself. Given his feelings for my boyfriend, I understood why.

"He's fine," I told Nyusumi, smiling at him. "I've seen him myself."

"Good," Ny breathed, and Kenji looked relieved as well. At least I didn't have to worry about Kenji having a crush on Matt. He was as straight as a board.

"Excuse me boys, just what do you think you're doing here?"

The three of us looked up to see Kouchou-Sensei standing over us. --- Kouchou-Sensei-principal. Usually used only in elementary and middle school.

His name was a joke, really. He insisted we call him that (we as in the school) but he was such a daft idiot that he didn't realize we used it mockingly.

"Ano.. Konnichiwa, Kouchou-Sensei," Kenji and I said nervously, not bothering to put the smirk behind his name.

Ny, however, gave the principal a huge Ny grin. "Yo, Kou-Sei, sup?" (Kou-Sei, obviously, is a shortening of his name. It be like if you had a friend named Kathy and you called her Kath or something. But did I really need to explain that?)

"It's such a nice place in this gym," Ny continued, unaware of the strange looks he was getting from the rest of us present in that room. "Me and Kenji and Taichi here were just discussing what we should do to support one of our friends. He's been through real hard times lately. Matt Ishida you know, the one on the news."

"I know who you're talking about," the principal told him, though he was clearly bewildered by Nyusumi's strange attitude.

Ny had been to see the principal lots of times. So many, in fact, that he had struck up a friendship with the secretaries there. He was constantly getting in trouble for the wild and reckless things he did, and usually when he was in the office he maintained this 'Who, me? What did I do? I'm innocent!' attitude, and avoided the principal as much as possible. He certainly didn't strike up friendly conversation with him, like he was now!

I decided it was the worry over Matt getting to him.

However, I soon found that what Ny was up to was quite different.

"Yeah, we've been worried about him," Ny went on. "So worried, in fact, that we decided to go visit him in the hospital right now!" Then he was up and gone in a flash, hightailing it out of there. Kenji caught on real quick, he was only a few seconds behind Ny.

Me, having nothing better to do, and not wanting to deal with Kouchou-Sensei, followed suit.

-x-

We ended up at Nyusumi's house.

I hadn't been there before, so I was surprised to see he lived in an actual house, not an apartment like so many people in Odaiba and Tokyo and Kyoto and other large cities.

What surprised me even more was the way Ny behaved at his house. Before he let us come in, he made us take off our shoes outside, not in the entrance to the house like most people. Then, since Kenji wasn't wearing socks, he had to put on an extra pair of Ny's slippers. It was strange, because the rest of us usually go around the apartments or houses in socks or barefeet, including Ny. But apparently at his house it was different. Almost as if he was a whole different person.

"So, would you guys like anything to eat? To drink?" he asked us once he finally let us in.

Kenji shook his head, but I didn't reply. I was too busy marveling at Ny's house.

God, he was rich!

His house was full of all kinds of expensive ceramics and antique looking things. In fact, it was done up in a very traditional fashion, with the screens as walls, like the houses they still have out in the country. Which are very expensive.

Nyusumi saw me looking and adopted an embarrassed look on his face.

"My mom's sister died," he said, as if this explained anything.

But when his back was turned, Kenji leaned over and whisphered that Ny's mother's sister died eleven years ago, and in fact the money came from the fact that Mr. Asashi owned Odaiba's hospital.

Wow. I wonder why Ny never mentioned this fact to us. I wonder if Matt even knows, and how Kenji found out about it.

Of course, it turns out that Kenji and Ny were actually cousins, Kenji being the son of Mrs. Asashi's other sister, one which was in fact still living. However, I didn't find that out until much later, long after Kenji's death. Anyways, to get back on course, we followed Nyusumi to his room, where we finished our conversation about Matt.

They wanted to go visit him in the hospital, but I didn't want them to because I didn't want them to see how flippant Matt was acting over this. Of course, I didn't tell them that, but I did say Mr. Ishida should be the one to spend all the visiting hours with Matt. We'd have plenty of time after he was released, I told them.

But Ny was adamant. He insisted Mr. Ishida wouldn't mind if he and Kenji went to see Matt for a few minutes.

"But it won't be a few minutes, Ny," I argued. "You and I both know it, and Kenji knows it too."

Ny glared at me suspiciously. "What are you hiding from us, Yagami? What's wrong with Matt that you don't want us to know about?"

"N-nothing!" I stammered, trying to convince him. "I just don't think its a good idea for so many people to visit him right now."

"Liar."

This came from Kenji.

I spun around to face him. "What?"

"You heard me. Liar."

"What makes you say that?"

"Why won't you let us see Matt? He's our friend as well as band member, and you saw him, and your sister saw him, and his father sees him every day of his life. What's wrong with us visiting him too? Nothing. So you're a liar. Something's wrong, or at least different, about Matt that you're trying to hide."

I gulped. "It's nothing, I swear. I'm not hiding anything."

"Then let us visit Matt."

After much cajoling on Ny's part, I finally crumbled. Well, halfway.

"Allright, allright!" I grumbled. "I'll take you to see Matt, Ny."

"Yes!" Ny cheered, as Kenji looked at me. "What about me?"

"No. I'll take Ny, he can stay for ten to fifteen minutes, come back and tell you how Matt is, and that's it. Otherwise I won't take him at all."

"That's not fair! Then how come you're taking Ny?"

Because he likes Matt.

"It's because I like Matt, right Tai?"

"Tai knows about that?"

"Duh stupid. I told him long before you made that stupid comment to the band that caused you and Ratsuii and Matt to find out."

"You mean Matt knows?" I asked with confusion.

Ny nodded. "Yeah. Genius over here had to make fun of my concern for Matt, saying I liked him."

Oh... I could easily see where that must have gone.

Someone knocked on the door to Ny's room then, startling us all.

"Ny?" It was a girl's voice.

Ny sighed. "What, Emiko?"

"Emiko's Ny's twin sister," Kenji whisphered to me.

I raised an eyebrow.

Ny had a twin sister?

The door opened to reveal a tall, thin girl of seventeen (well duh!) standing there. Like Ny, she had soft violet eyes. However, her hair was a light blue color instead of the purple color that Ny had dyed his. But other than that, she and Ny looked almost completely alike. I mean, both were tall and thin, with purple eyes and the same kind of nose, even.

"What do you want, Emiko?" Ny asked her again.

"The principal is really pissed at you. He was threatening to suspend you. He called me down to the office at the beginning of seventh to rant and rave for an hour. Just thought I'd warn you."

"Thanks, Emiko."

Emiko waved and started to leave.

"Oh, Emi?"

She turned.

"Is Mom home yet?"

"Nope."

"K. Thanks."

"Ny, did I ever mention how hott your sister is?" Kenji asked. "She's a total babe."

"You've only said that about a million times, Kenji," Ny said, rolling his eyes.

"Think she'd ever go out with me?"

"Not in a million years."

I laughed.

Somehow the thought of Kenji dating Emiko was just too funny. It'd be like he was dating Nyusumi.

-x-

"Yagami Taichi, get your ass in here right now!"

I jumped at kaasan's voice, then gulped and stood slowly. I had been dreading this moment. Fearfully, I glanced back at Kari, who gave me a reassuring smile. "She won't get that mad, Tai. It's not like it's the first time you've bunked off class."

"But it's the first time I ran from the principal," I groaned, then headed toward the kitchen.

'kaasan was there, standing with her hands on her hips, a scowl on her face. Behind her, tomatoes were half sliced on the cutting board.

"Hai, okaasan?"

"What in hell did you think you were doing, running from the principal like that?"

I shrugged. "Well, it was Nyusumi who started it."

She glared. "Just because Matt's band members ran off doesn't mean you have to, too."

"But they're not just 'Matt's band members'! They're my friends as well, and I couldn't chicken out on them!"

"Tai!" 'kaasan said with exasperation.

"What!" I replied with equal irritation.

She sighed in disbelief. "You're willing to get in trouble just so you can do what your friends do?"

"Yes."

"Whatever," she said, giving up on me.

I suppressed a laugh at the annoyed look on her face, then went to get my jacket from my room. I was supposed to be meeting Nyusumi in front of the hospital in thirty minutes.

"So is 'kaasan really angry with you?" Kari asked as I walked in the room and snagged my jacket off the back of the chair.

"Nope, just annoyed." I grinned.

She giggled. "Tai!"

"What!"

"You always end up annoying 'kaasan!"

"It's my mission in life. Anyways, gotta meet Ny now, promised to let him see Matt."

She gave me a Look. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No, but he insisted. But maybe Matt's not acting all unconcerned and giddy now."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

-x-

"Hey Tai, what's up?" Ny greeted me as I walked up the sidewalk.

"My mother's annoyed about me cutting class yesterday. You?" I asked.

"My mother doesn't care. She doesn't know I'm suspended yet, though."

"Neither does mine. She thinks I went to school. Apparently the principal decided not to tell her."

"Yeah. Well, come on. I got a date in a little bit."

I raised my eyes. "With who?"

"Tora. You know him?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Oh. Well you'd probably like him. Green eyes, red hair that he streaked with white. Claims he supports Japan with his hair."

"Oh, him. I've seen him around. He's pretty hott. But isn't he pretty popular with the girls?"

"Girls ain't much if they don't turn you on."

"True." I agreed. "Well, come on."

I began to lead the way into the hospital. I didn't have a visitor's pass of my own, but I had stopped by Matt's apartment and borrowed one from Mr. Ishida. Boarding the elevator, I pressed the button for the fourth floor. Beside me, Ny kept glancing around nervously. I've heard from the band that he doesn't really like hospitals. Ratsuii told me once, but I don't remember why. Something to do with a little boy.

The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Ny thankfully stepped out after me and followed me down the hall to room 423, Matt's room.

Knocking, I opened the door and went in, Ny close on my heels.

"Matt," I said softly, thinking how fragile and thin he looked from this angle. It was like he was made of glass or something. He could be broken so easily... He turned. "Tai..."

End Part 3:3.


	6. Part 4:1

Waiting  
Chapter 4:Part 1-And So It Begins  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

The ceiling has lots of cracks. They're boring to look at. I've looked at them for the past three days. Wednesday to Friday. And I still have two more days to suffer through. Saturday and Sunday. Dr. Kaos isn't releasing me until Monday. I wanted out sooner, but he says he wants to make sure I'm 'emotionally stable'. That's always his excuse.

Someone is knocking at the door.

Probably 'tousan.

The person walks in, and then Tai's voice says, "Matt."

I turn and sit up. "Tai.." I began, then notice Nyusumi behind him.

"Ny," I said, unable to hide my surprise. What was he doing here? I didn't want anyone to see me like this 'cept 'tousan and Tai sometimes.

"Hey," Ny said, grinning at me. "Tai was feeling particularly nice, so he offered to let me visit you."

I threw a questioning look at Tai, knowing that with Ny there was more to it than that.

My boyfriend shook his head. "He and Kenji were threatening me."

I just rolled my eyes, then asked Tai to come over.

He did so obediently, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him downward for a light kiss. "You're forgiven," I whisphered. He smiled at me.

I beckoned to Nyusumi. "Come here," I commanded.

He shook his head and glanced uncertainly at my bandaged wrists.

I sighed. I could understand Ny's hesitation. As crazy as the band and I got sometimes, we'd never go so far as to hurt ourselves. And for me to slash my wrists again was too much. Actually, he thinks this is the first time. And I'd rather keep it that way.

"Ny, come here," I begged, but he still shook his head.

"Tai," I sighed, "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but could you leave?" he nodded. "Sure thing luv."

When he was gone, I turned back to Nyusumi.

"There. He's gone. Now will you tell me why you won't come here?"

he took a step closer. Finally! Some progress!

"It scares me Matt," he admitted. "It's the first time I've known someone that wanted to die."

"Ny, I don't want to die any more than you do."

"But you cut your wrists," he pointed out, stepping closer towards me. "Nyusumi, I had been sleeping and having nightmares. When my dad woke me up, I wasn't aware of it. To me, I was still in that nightmare. I had no clue of what I was doing. I didn't cut my wrists on purpose. Okay?"

"Okay," he answered, taking two steps forward. Another three steps and he'd be next to my bed.

"Good," I said back, but suddenly my voice sounded faraway, muted. It was like Ny and I were the only things in the room-hell, the world-and nothing else mattered. Ny became a silent, graceful creature that moved with amazing speed and agility. The three steps he took to stand next to my bed became one.

I was beyond all ability to say another word, or to even move. The room began to spin dizzily, the colors whirling together in one ugly blend.

And then warm soft flesh was pressed upon warm soft flesh, and Ny was kissing me.

Without even realizing it, I surrendered willingly to the kiss, my mind not even registering just what in hell I was doing.

Then it hit me with sudden clarity.

Ny was kissing me! And I was kissing him back!

I jerked away from him with violent force, then stared at him, eyes full of shock. Hell, let's be honest. They were filled with remorse, guilt, and _longing_. Ny was a damned good kisser. Almost as good as Tai.

"Matt-I'm sorry," Ny said guiltily. "I-I shouldn't have done that."

I simply nodded, my brain still beyond the capacity to speak. "All's forgiven," I wanted to say, but my brain refused.

Just then Tai knocked on the door. "Matt? Nyusumi?"

"Come in," Ny replied when I stayed speechless."

The door opened and Tai stepped in. "Ny, isn't it about time for you to go?" he asked.

Ny glanced at his watch and promptly swore. "Shit, I'm gonna be late if I don't hurry, and then Tora's gonna be pissed. Tai, you didn't happen to drive up here did you?"

"Ano...sorry. I don't even own a car."

"Bother." Ny turned towards me. "Well, look, I gotta go Matt. I'll see you okay?"

I just raised a hand.

Ny waved, then hurried out of the room.

I sighed, the first real sound I actually made since Ny kissed me.

Tai looked at me. "What'd you tell him? He seemed in an awful hurry to get out of here, Tora aside."

I shook my head. "Nothing," I said. Well, tried to say. It came out as a whispher.

Tai shrugged. "Whatever. Listen, I hate to do this to ya, but I gotta run. 'Kaasan wanted me to pick some groceries up for her, and she's supposed to be home in a little while. Plus, she's pissed because I bunked off sixth and seventh form from school the other day. So I'll see you Sunday night, allright?"

"Okay," I said softly.

He gave me a grin "Luv ya" and left.

I was left alone with my thoughts.

Kami sama in heaven. Nyusumi kissed me, and I enjoyed it. Why? How could I enjoy it? That's betraying Tai. Tai, who I love with all my heart. Tai, who means the world to me. Tai, who's there for me like no one else ever can be. Tai, who is often the only bright spot in my day. Tai, who is my boyfriend.

Tai is my boyfriend and Ny and I kissed.

I know it's not even considered cheating on him, but still. It bothers me. Tai would be upset if he found out about that kiss. I know he tries not to show it, but he is a very possessive person. If he found Ny threatening to our relationship in any way...

I don't want to think about how far he might go to show Ny whose boyfriend I am. Just short of crippling or killing him, the possibilities are pretty damn endless.

-x-

It's so boring! I hate the hospital! There is absolutely NOTHING to do in here at all!

I swear I'm gonna go insane. At least the last few times I was in the hospital, I had my fear of Ken to keep me occupied. Now I have nothing to do 'cept worry about Ny's kiss, and I've promised myself not to think about that for awhile. God, nothing to do, nothing to do.

I miss Tai. I miss the other Chosen. Short of seeing them for a few moments at lunch that first day I went back to school, and seeing Mimi when Takeru was so upset over Daisuke, I haven't seen them in months. I miss Jyou's good-natured grumbling. I miss Kou's constant intellectual chatter. God, I even miss the younger Chosen.

I wish some of them had the decency to visit me here. I wonder why they haven't. Unless of course, Tai hasn't told them.

I don't think he has. He didn't seem to want Ny to visit me. Of course, I didn't either, but the Chosen are a different story. They're not in love with me.

I should have told Tai to command them to visit me.

A knock sounds at the door, and Dr. Kaos enters. Good.

He hasn't even reached my bed before I begin to pester him.

"When can I get out of here? I hate hospitals, they're so boring! And nobody except you, dad, and occasionally Tai come to visit me. There's nothing to do in here! I'm gonna go crazy! Please," I begged, "can't you release me?"

"I'd say you're emotionally stable," he told me with a grin, "if you can be as annoying as that. However, you're still not being released until Monday."

"Under whose orders?" I demanded. "Surely they can't be yours. You wouldn't be so cruel."

"No, they're my orders all right. I want you here until Monday."

"Nooo!" I moaned. "I'll die of boredom way before then!"

He came and sat on the edge of my bed. "Well then, what do you suggest we do to fight this boredom?"

I shrug. "Don' know, but I'd rather face the Dark Masters again than face this boredom!"

"The Dark Masters?"

"Err... never mind," I muttered. "How 'bout some music?"

"If you care for English music, I got plenty. Otherwise, the only language in our native tongue -well, your native tongue- would be traditional music."

Traditional? "I'll stick to the English," I told him.

He nodded, then got up and left the room, returning shortly with a stack of CDs and a boom box.

He handed the CDs to me while he plugged in the boom box.

I began to sift through the discs.

"Rod Stuart, Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, Beach Boys, The Beatles, Sweet, Harry Nilsson, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Prince, Queen, Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, Pink Floyd..." I read out loud in my painful sounding English.

Who the hell were all these people? And how old is this stuff?

"When was this music around?" I asked Dr. Kaos.

"Long before I moved to Japan, around the time when I was a teenager, some a little before, some was a little after. Anywhere from the 1970's to 1990's, I believe. Of course, anything from the 1980's onward was mailed out to me by my sister still in America. I moved here in 1978, when I turned eighteen."

"Why?"

"One reason was to go to college here. The other reason..." he trailed off, a strange look coming over his face. It was there only a second, and then it was gone. "Never mind. Found something you want to listen to yet?"

I shook my head. "Not yet." I continued to look at the CDs for a few more moments, finally setting on Sweet's 'Fox On The Run', whatever the hell that was.

I handed the CD to Dr. Kaos, who looked at it briefly and put it in the boom box. "Any particular song?"

"That 'Fox On The Run' I said, trying hard to get the English right. Although years later I realized I had said it as fax an their ruin.

He nodded. "It's a good song." He skipped the CD to track 7, and a few moments later music began playing.

'I/don't wanna know your name/cause you don't look the same/the way you did before/okay/you think you got a pretty face/but the rest of you is outta place/you looked allright before/fox on the run/you scream and everybody comes...'

Strange song. I can't even understand half of it. I'll have to get Dr. Kaos to translate it for me.

'you/you talk about just every man/But the names you drop are second hand/I've heard it all before/I don't wanna know your name...'

What the hell?

'The fox is on the run/you scream and everybody comes..'

A few seconds later the song ended.

Dr. Kaos paused the CD and looked at me. "Well? Keep this CD or do you want another one?"

"Another one, please!" I said. "But first, can you translate that for me?" he nodded agreeably, then did so as best as he could.

When he was done, I made a face. "That's a damned strange song," I remarked.

He shrugged. "I guess. No stranger than today's music. What CD do you want next?"

"Harry Nilsson, Coconut?"

He took it from me and put it in.

'Brother bought a coconut/he bought it for a dime/his sister had another one/she paid it for the dime/she put the lime in the coconut/she drank 'em both up/she put the lime in the coconut..'

While this song was playing, 'tousan came in. I was relieved, because it gave me an excuse to cut off this eerie music.

"Hey Otousan," I said.

He caught the relief in my voice. "Glad to see me?"

I nodded enthusiastically. Dr. Kaos laughed at that. "Music scare you Matt?"

"Very much so!"

'tousan raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, not gonna ask."

"That's probably wiser," I said.

Dad looked at me, then over at Dr. Kaos. "I need permission to take Matt out of the hospital for a few hours. Can you get it authorized for me?"

"Sure. How long will you be gone?"

"Few hours, maybe."

"Allright. You go ahead and take him. I'll sign the forms later."

"Thanks."

I looked at 'tousan. "We're going somewhere? Where? Why?"

"Because there's some things I need to talk about with you."

I frowned in confusion. "Talk about?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Now come and get dressed. I brought you some clothes."

He threw me a pair of black jeans and my favorite shirt-a short sleeved dark red shirt with a kick-ass picture of a dragon on the front and the kanji for dragon on the back.

I threw back the covers and changed quickly, eager to find out where we were going.

When I was dressed, dad led me out to the hospital parking lot, which surprised me. Usually the only time dad used the car was to go back and forth to work. Everywhere else, he walked.

I got in the passenger side, and he got in on the right side of the car. Personally, I wouldn't have minded driving myself, but I didn't know where we going, so I had to settle just for riding in the car.

After we were strapped in and dad had started the car, he turned towards me. "You want anything to eat?"

"Oh God yes!" I exclaimed. "I am so sick of hospital garbage!"

"Allright." He put the car in gear and drove out of the lot, to a little roadside restaurant he used to take me to when I was younger, right after he and mom split. The restaurant was called Clover, and it served THE best food Ever. I silently marveled at why I hadn't come here sooner.

'tousan and I ate in the car, not feeling up to sitting in the restaurant. Me especially, since I was sensitive about the bandages on my wrists. Anybody with brains could tell I had slit my wrists just by looking at the bandages.

We ate without saying much. 'tousan told me the band had been by to inquire about when I would be released, as we had a concert Tuesday night.

"We do?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah. Remember, it was the huge concert you had planned about eight months ago. The station is supposed to film it live."

"Oh yeah, that's right.." I said slowly. "Hell, with all this shit -excuse me, stuff- that's been going on these past months, I forgot all about it. If it wasn't so huge, I'd cancel. I haven't practiced in forever, and the band hasn't practiced together with me recently. Damn."

'tousan didn't respond, and we finished in silence.

Then, as I was taking a last sip of my Dr. Pepper, he turned towards me with a serious look on his face.

"Matt, Ken's escaped from the juvenile correctional facility."

End Part 4:1.


	7. Part 4:2

Waiting  
Chapter 4:Part 2-And So It Begins (all over again)  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"WHAT!" I splutter, the Dr. Pepper I had just sipped coming back out of my mouth and all over the dashboard.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, snatching a napkin and wiping it off. However, my hands were trembling so much that I was missing every spot of Dr. Pepper I tried to wipe down.

Taking pity on me, 'tousan leaned over and gently took the napkin from my hands, wiping the dashboard down himself. He didn't even comment on my use of the f-word, which he frowns upon. He doesn't mind me saying it so much, he just doesn't like me saying it around him.

"What do you mean, Ken's escaped?" I asked, my voice shaking. Hell, my whole body was shaking by now.

"He's escaped. I don't know the details, but it was on the news. One of the other guys reported it."

"No," I whisphered, not wanting to believe it. I had thought the nightmare was at last over, that I could put Ken behind me and get on with my life.

But now he's out and I'm gonna have to be on guard 24/7 again, living my life in continuous fear that he'll come after me again, abuse me, rape me.

God no, I don't think I can go through that again. The nightmares are enough without having them come true.

Come true.

Jesus.

That nightmare.

The one I told Tai about.

The one in which Ken kills Tai.

Suddenly the confines of the car seem to be even smaller. I feel trapped, I can't breathe. No matter how many deep breaths I take, air will not come. I can hear the fast pounding of my heart, can sense the panic swiftly rising within me.

Jesus. I still can't breathe.

"Take me back," I croaked. "Hospital. It's safe there."

'tousan looked at me, concern quite visible in his face. "Matt? What's wrong?"

Dammit! I need air!

"Take me back.."

'tousan obeyed, hightailing it out of there and heading as fast as he could towards the hospital. I think he could sense I was having another panic attack. Soon I was lying back in my hospital bed, air being forced into my lungs with an oxygen mask.

When I felt like I could breathe on my own again, they took the mask off.

Dr. Kaos shoed 'tousan out of there, then turned to me.

"What happened Matt?"

"Ken's out," I said, starting to tremble ever so slightly. Dr. Kaos saw the warning signs and backed off.

"Allright, allright, just don't think about it," he instructed. "Think about something else. Your band, your favorite song, your boyfriend. Whatever. Just don't think about the other thing."

I nodded, taking a shaky breath. "I'll try."

And that's what I did.

Closing my eyes, I attempted to clear my mind of everything. When it was void of thoughts at last, I went back in time to a faraway place, a memory I turned to when everything else failed me.

_"...Mommy! I hungwy!" little four year old Yamato whined, tugging on his mother's pants. _

_Mrs. Ishida smiled and looked down at her son. "You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?" _

_Yamato shrugged his small shoulders and grinned up at her. "Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?" _

_She pondered this for a moment, then went to her bedroom and got her purse. Yamato followed her, begging to go to 'Cwover'. _

_After counting how much money she had, she looked down at the blond toddler. "Allright, we can go. What do you say we make it just the two of us, and leave Takeru home with Daddy?" _

_"Yeah!" Yamato exclaimed, jumping up and down happily. "Jus' two of us!" She gave the boy another smile, then picked him up and carried him into his bedroom to get him cleaned and dressed. _

_She didn't really have enough money for this little trip to Clover, but why spoil her son's fun? _

Thinking back on that memory, I always wondered what it was that made Mom decide to take me to Clover. Ever since Takeru had been born, she hadn't seemed to focus her attention on me that much. She always fussed about with Takeru, when she wasn't arguing with dad, that is.

If I had asked her any other day to take me to Clover, she almost certainly would have told me to fix myself some food. Especially since she couldn't even really afford to take me (I only knew that because I heard her and 'tousan arguing later that night about it).

But nevertheless, she had taken me to Clover, and that day she had seemed like the mother she had been before Takeru. She had been her kind and caring self, and I had actually had fun. Two days later she and 'tousan split.

It's funny, really. Up until the last few years, I had always looked upon that memory with guilt and regret. I always felt that if I hadn't asked mom to take me to Clover, just the two of us, then maybe she dad wouldn't have argued about it, and maybe they'd still be together. Of course, when I got older, I realized the divorce was inevitable, but at the time I felt I was to blame.

Now I can look back on that memory as a happy, loving time. A memory to cherish. It always calms me when I think of it.

It is this memory I think of now, erasing all thoughts of Ken from my mind. And it is with this memory still fresh in my mind that I fall asleep.

-x-

"...Mommy! I hungwy!"

"You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?"

"Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?"

"Sure we can got to Cwover, Yamato. And after you fill your stomach of my cum, we can fuck like a couple of dumb bunnies. How does that sound?"

"Ken!"

"No, Tai. I'm Tai, Yamato."

"You're not! Tai wouldn't call me Yamato. Only you called me Yamato! No one else!"

"That's right, and no one else better call you Yamato."

"What do you want from me Ken? Why is it me you're doing this to?"

"I told you Yamato. I love you."

"No. If you loved me, you wouldn't rape me!"

"Rape? RAPE? You think I rape you? Yamato, I would hardly call it rape when you sit there and beg me to fuck you! You're a little slut, Yamato. My whore. Always were and always will be here. Now come here and let me fuck you hard, the way you like."

"No.. I won't.."

"Come here Yamato..."

"No..."

Ken advances toward me menacingly then, a huge knife in his hand. I turn to run, but everything slows. Ken's upon me now, tearing my clothes off, entering me, raping me over and over..

I moan.

"See, Yamato, you like that, don't you?" he whisphers. "Little slut."

I woke up screaming.

-x-

"Matt! Wake up! It's a dream, Matt! A dream!"

I come to my senses slowly, taking in the surroundings gradually. Eventually I come to realize I am in a hospital room, not 'tousan's bedroom.

I see 'tousan standing over me worriedly, faint relief peeping through when he realizes I am not being held in the grips of the nightmare anymore.

"Otousan," I said, then burst into frightened tears.

Otousan sits on the edge of my bed next to me and pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly the way he used to when I was little and had nightmares of monsters lurking in the closet or waiting for me under my bed.

I cry for quite awhile, all the fears and frustrations and undirected rage at what had been done to me being released with those little drops of water. Everything that I had kept locked up in that little box in the back of my brain finally found a way out, and now that it had, I seemed to be loath to put it back under lock and key again. It was out, and it was out to stay.

After awhile my tears are reduced to nothing mere sobs, and I lean away from dad, much calmer and less frightened.

"Are you okay now Matt?" Otousan asks me, and I nod.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay. You needed that."

"I guess," I said uncertainly. What I really needed was to have never met Ken Ichijouji.

"Maybe you should stay in the hospital a few more days," Otousan mused.

"No, I can't!" I said, black waves of despair washing over me. "I can't stay in this damn hospital any longer than Monday! I have that concert, remember?"

"Huh? Oh yes, that's right. All right. It was just a thought," Otousan reassured me.

"A bad one."

"Not so bad," he told me. "If you didn't have that concert, I'd insist. You don't need to have nightmares that wake you up screaming. Not when your seventeen. Four, maybe. Seventeen, no. If you're having nightmares at seventeen, there's something wrong."

"Of course there's something wrong!" I snarled viciously, suddenly angry. "I'm fucked up! That's what's wrong!"

Otousan winced but chose not to comment.

After a few minutes I apologized. "Sorry, that sounded harsher than I meant it to."

"It's allright."

"But it's not allright!" I wailed. "Nothing's ever allright anymore! It won't ever be allright again!"

I could slowly feel myself losing control, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I just didn't feel like myself anymore. What I told Otousan was true. I was fucked up.

"Matt, just calm down," Otousan instructed me. "Getting hysterical about all this won't help any."

Easy for him to say.

"I'm not getting hysterical! I'm.." I stopped, forgetting entirely what I was about to say. "I'm... I'm... tired.."' I murmur, overcome with the need to sleep.

Yawning, I glance at Otousan, barely getting 'yasumi' out before dropping into a fitful sleep.

-x-

"Yo Matt!"

I glance over from staring blankly at the ceiling, acknowledging Tai standing in my doorway, then go back to debating whether the cracks directly above my bed look more like a bouverain creme filled donut or a bunch of weasels.

I was opting for the weasels.

Tai comes over and sits down next to me, sensing my foul mood.

"Matt, what's wrong?" he asked me.

"There are too many weasels in that box," I said, just as 'tousan walks back in. He had stayed the whole night after my nightmare, and left only briefly to go down to the hospital cafeteria and eat.

"Weasels?" Tai asked me in confusion. "Oh hey Mr. Ishida," he added when he saw 'tousan.

"Weasels," I confirmed. "There are too many. Eight weasels are bad news. There should be only seven."

"Well then take one out of the box," Tai told me uneasily, unsure as to what in hell I was talking about.

I saw 'tousan giving me a strange look as well and decidedly shut up before he felt like it would be best to keep me in the hospital another day on the claim of temporary insanity or something like that.

"Never mind," I sighed. Now would be a good idea to change the subject.

"How come you're here so early Tai? I didn't expect you until late in the afternoon."

"Well... let's just say my mom didn't approve of my opinions on doing errands for her."

I rolled my eyes. If Dad wasn't in here, I'd ask him exactly what happened, but it was obvious he didn't want 'tousan to hear.

"Whatever," I told Tai, dismissing the subject, much to his relief.

We sat in silence before Tai began to tell me what happened at school Friday. It was actually kinda boring, because aside from when he and Ny&Kenji ran from the principal, nothing happened. Until he related to me a rather intriguing piece of information.

".. I did hear an interesting piece of news, though. You know Genjitsu, ne?" --- ne?right?

I shook my head.

"Oh come on Matt! Everybody knows Genjitsu! He's that really tall dude, got jet black hair that he keeps slicked back, dark brown eyes that look black, always dresses in those black, baggy clothes?"

I frowned. "He sounds familiar, but I can't place him."

After an uneasy glance at 'tousan, Tai said, "He's the only known gay in the school," with a slight emphasis on known.

"Genjitsu... Genjitsu.." I mused. "Hmm... Wait a minute, isn't he the guy that Kenji's friend Keiichi slept with?"

'tousan's face turned a slight purple color when I said that, but I was too interested in this little tidbit to care.

"More than just slept with. They've been going out for three years."

"Yeah.. yeah, that's right. I remember now. I think I even met Genjitsu once or twice."

"Yeah. Well anyways, apparently Keiichi's been cheating on Genjitsu with Sai-I know you know Sai-" here I nodded, everybody knew Sai, his reputation was as well known as Kento's, 'cept Sai's was for a slut and not a bully "and apparently Gen found out about it. Well, you know Gen gets a huge temper when he's pissed, so at lunch Friday, he got up on the stage in front of the cafeteria and told Keiichi off right then and there. Then later, he managed to sneak in the principal's room -I think it's cos he works in the office seventh- and he turned the intercom on and told the whole school Keiichi was a slut 'cept nobody should ever sleep with him because he was really horrible in bed, and then he started to describe just how bad Keiichi was, although the principal came in and dragged him off, which relieved the guys and disappointed the girls. It was rather funny."

"I bet," I said, wishing I had been there to witness this. "Who's Genjitsu going out with now?"

"Yeah, well, that's the strange thing. At first the rumor was he was going with Sai, but as that's who Keiichi was cheating with, that soon proved to be false. Anyways, it is now a known fact that Genjitsu is going with .. with Ratsuii. And they've already slept together." Tai added.

"WHAT!" I yelped. "But Ratsuii's no more gay than Kenji is! He told me himself he's straight! What in hell is he doing with Gen?"

"Apparently trying new things out, is what he told me."

"I thought he was done trying new things out," I remarked, frowning.

"Guess not."

"Hmm... Gen and Ratsuii.. a rather odd couple... this is gonna take some getting used to. I just hope we don't lose a major percentage of our female fans at the concert Tuesday, as they provide us the money that pays for keeping the band together."

"I don't think that will happen," Tai reassured me. "The majority of them already know that Kenji and Ratsuii are straight."

"Yeah, but I wonder how long-" I started to say, then stopped. I had been about to say 'I wonder how long it will take Jun to realize I'm gay, but realized my father was still wholly present and all ears to my conversation with my boyfriend.

"You wonder what?" he asked me.

"Nothing. Never mind." -x-

"Matt, I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite to eat. I'll be gone for a little while. Do you want anything?"

"No."

"Tai?"

"No thanks, Mr. Ishida."

'tousan nodded, then heading for the cafeteria.

The second he was gone, Tai made a beeline for me, kissing me passionately. I responded well, though not as eagerly as I might have before Ny had kissed me. After a few minutes, Tai drew back. "I've been wanting to do that for ages," he breathed.

I nodded. "Me too," but my voice lacked conviction.

Sensing it, Tai studied it. "Matt?"

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just... you didn't seem as thrilled about that kiss as I figured you would be."

Shit. The last thing I need is for Tai to find about Nyusumi.

"I was. I'm just tired is all."

"Allright," Tai replied, but he looked doubtful.

Shit. Please don't find out about Nyusumi.

-x-

Monday morning. I sigh, looking around our messy apartment. The sight of it depresses me. It would have been nice to come from the hospital to a clean house.

My room is no better. The second I walk in, I spot the junk lying all over the floor and scowl.

"What's wrong Matt?" Tai asks me when I frown. "I thought you would be happy to be home."

"I am. It's just... well, I thought in the hospital, that when I came home on Monday, I could kinda start over, with my life, so to speak. You know, sorta like a new beginning. Because I know I said I was fine, but the nightmares prove that false. ... I- I haven't really gotten over Ken. I'm still kinda depressed and- and-" I broke off, flushing. I wasn't used to speaking my true feelings so openly. "And seeing this apartment in the same state as always makes it hard to start over," I finished lamely.

I think Tai knew what I wanted to really say anyway. He walked over to me, pulling me close in a tight hug. "Oh Matt," he said. "We can always clean the apartment. That's not important. What's important is the fact that you're willing to start getting over Ken. And I want you to know that I'll always be there beside you. I told you I'd always wait for you, no matter what. That's still true. Nothing can change that. But know I'll be right beside you as well. We'll get over Ken, the both of us together."

I just kind of let out this contented sigh and rested my head comfortably against his shoulder, still letting him hold me.

Suddenly I no longer cared about Ken. I didn't what he had done to me. I didn't care that he was loose again. I just didn't care. All that matters is that I'm with Tai, I'll always be with Tai, he promised. And Tai is all I really need to make me happy.

"I love you, Yagami Taichi," I whispher, lifting my head to stare into his chocolate brown orbs.

He smiles, tilting my chin up and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. "I love you too Matt Ishida," he whisphers.

I hesitate, then whispher back, "Tai... you can.. you can..."

"What love?"

"You can.. use my.. my full name ..sometimes," I tell him, trying to push away all thoughts of Ken, all the bad memories associated with him.

Tai smiles brilliantly at me. "Oh Yama.." he says softly, tears filling in his eyes. "God but I'm proud of you. I love you so much."

It was me who kissed him this time, putting all my heart and soul into that kiss. Everything just felt so right, so good, with Tai. It was like we were destined together. Rather ironic. Me, who always said destiny was a bunch of bullshit, and now I'm saying destiny is the reason for me and Tai. Maybe it's not a load of crap after all.

-x-

I sigh, and flop down on my bed with an exaggerated groan. Tai flops down beside me. Both of us are exhausted, not to mention a little tense as well. We had finally finished cleaning my room, which had taken about four and a half hours. During the course of that time, we had argued thrice, made out about a million times, and had a serious conversation once.

The serious conversation had been rather awkward for me.

While Tai was helping me clean, he happened to find a few old joints I still had squirreled away in my room. I had flirted with the weed for a while when I had been depressed over Tai, knowing I had loved him but never thought I had a chance. That had been way before Ken, almost a year ago. I don't know why but I had become really depressed about everything during that time. Luckily I managed to get over it, but then it didn't matter because then Ken raped me. Anyways, Tai was rather upset at finding the weed. It's not like he had never touched the stuff, and he knew I've tried worse stuff, but this was some major grass here. I mean, I seriously had about three pounds worth of the shit hidden. Tai was just worried I was going to become a junkie. I guess he was afraid I was still taking the crap. Anyways, we talked, and I managed to convince him I hadn't touched the stuff in over nine months.

As of now the bag of weed was lying in the middle of my clean floor, very visible to 'tousan who had just walked in my room.

He started to say something, spotted the weed, and cut short his sentence, giving me a stern look. I didn't even know why, I didn't realize he spotted my old addiction.

Frowning, he motioned for me to follow him to the living room.

After telling Tai I'd be right back and not to go anywhere, I went with 'tousan. He sat me down on the couch and stood in front of me, looking very serious.

"Matt, what was that on your bedroom floor?"

"What do you mean?" I protested, still not realizing. "I cleaned my room! There isn't anything!"

"The bag," he said pointedly, giving me a Look.

"The bag?" this said with confusion, right before it slammed into me. "Oh," I said softly. That was all I said. I don't know why. It just was.

"Oh?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow.

I stayed silent. 'tousan sighed. "Matt.."

"Err... it's..it's nothing 'tousan. Really. Just some stuff I was taking." I cringed as I realized how bad my wording must have sounded to him.

"Just some stuff?"

"Err.."

"Matt, that's illegal marijuana you had on your floor!"

"I know. But I'm not taking it anymore. Tai just happened to find it when we cleaned my room. I swear, it's nothing now. I took it about a year ago, before Ken, when I was de-depressed. It never became an addiction, and I got over it and my low feelings. I promise that's all it was."

'tousan sighed again. "I certainly hope that's all it was. And that's all it ever better be," he threatened. "But in the meantime.."

"Yeah?"

"What in hell are we gonna do with all that junk?"

-x-

We ended up smoking it. Well, some of it. The rest was burned. But as to why we had a few joints.. I really couldn't tell you. Neither could Dad or Tai. We just did. What a great way to get a new start, huh?

Anyways, while I was still hopped on the marijuana, the band showed up my door.

"Yo Matt!" Kenji greeted. Ratsuii echoed his sentiments. Nyusumi remained silent, I guess embarrassed about what happened the last time we saw each other.

"Hello Kenji, Ratsuii," I greeted them. My voice was all calm and peaceful like.

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then simultaneously turned back to me. "Woah, what have you been smoking?" "And where did you get it? You sound completely stoned."

Just then 'tousan came into the room. "Oh, hello boys," he said, a little to calm. Usually his voice sounded stressed. His eyes also had this slightly glassy, far away look to them, as if he wasn't in the apartment but at some other place known only to him. Of course, now that I think about it, he probably was.

"You're stoned too?" Kenji asked in disbelief. "Damn Matt, how'd you manage that?"

"Where did you get it?" Ratsuii asked again. "And care to share a little?"

"All gone," Tai spoke up sadly, speaking from the chair in the corner where he'd been slumped over, unnoticed. "All gone.. we burned it. All gone. No more."

"Tai?" they whirled around.

"Now how are we supposed to practice, with everyone stoned?" Ny grumbled, speaking up for the first time since he set foot in the door.

"Practice for what?" I asked in that same, eerie voice.

"You know.. for tomorrow's concert.." Nyusumi told me, looking at me uneasily. "You did remember, didn't you?"

"Remember?"

"Oh God!" Kenji exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Let's go! We can come back later, when they're not all stoned."

The others agreed, and the three of them started heading back out of the apartment.

"It all burned," Tai said sadly after them as they left. "All gone."

-x-

"God, I feel like shit," I groaned, lifting my head from where I was tangled on top of Tai.

Underneath me, he muttered and shifted in his sleep.

With bleary eyes, I looked around. Apparently 'tousan had suddenly just dropped dead away on the floor, because he was lying right in front of the tv.

Luckily he managed not to break anything, and the rest of the room was still in the same disastrous state it was before we all smoked that shit.

I shivered a little as I felt a breeze float in from the window that was open in the kitchen. It was so cold in here! Why?

I felt Tai shift under me again, and he would have fallen off the couch if I hadn't been on top of him still.

Then it hit me.

Tai and I were wearing nothing but boxers. Oh God, what had we done?

My mind racing, I tried to call up anything I had done while stoned. Nothing came to mind.

Over on the floor, 'tousan stirred, then sat up, putting a hand to his forehead. "Jesus," he muttered.

I cringed, hoping he wouldn't notice my state of undress. No such luck.

"Matt?"

"Yeah...?"

"Remind me to never let you get stoned again."

"Um.. why?"

"Because I'd prefer to not see you making out with your best friend," he said calmly.

"WHAT!" I yelped. "I made out with Tai?"

Oh shit! Please let him think it was because I stoned! Please! Kami-sama!

He nodded. "Yes. It was really strange. If you hadn't been stoned, I would have wondered what the hell you were doing."

If I hadn't been stoned. Thank God! I let out a sigh relief.

Beneath me, Tai shifted for a third time, coming to a state of waking.

"I feel like shit," he commented. Then he let out a yell so loud I bet even the people way over in South America heard him. "WHY IN HELL I AM I PRACTICALLY NUDE!"

-x-

Two weeks have gone by since I made out with Tai while stoned. Luckily 'tousan never once questioned me about it. I needn't tell you I'm most relieved.

My new beginning, however, has gone done the drain. I try so hard to start over, but how can I when all everybody talks about is Ken?

On the news: "Ichijouji Ken, the former child prodigy, found guilty of the sexual abuse delivered to Ishida Yamato, is still at large. Efforts are being made..."

In the newspaper headlines: 'Former child genius still missing'

At school: "Hey, you heard? They say Ken still hasn't been found. I wonder where he is?"

"Yah, and how do you think he managed to escape?"

"Well, it was only a juvenile detention center."

From Tai, even: "Hey, Ken hasn't dared showed his face around here, has he?"

God, I am so fucking sick of it! What is so important about that bastard that everybody feels a need to talk about him 24/7! He's not that big a deal. Yeah, he abused me physically and sexually. Yeah, he escaped from prison. Yeah, he's crazy. SO WHAT? Why does that mean you have to talk about him every second of your existence? FORGET HIM! LET ME SUFFER IN PEACE!

Oh, by the by, that concert? It was a total breeze. I didn't even need the practice. The second I picked up my guitar, all the music came flowing back into my mind.

However, there were more people there than ever before. Mostly girls. I bet they all heard about what happened to me and came to see me. Plus that little thing about Ratsuii and Genjitsu now being an item.

Jun and her little groupies were there too. And after the concert, she actually had the nerve to push her way backstage and ask me out for a date! That's the second time in her life she's asked me out.

I told her no, of course. Although, I didn't tell her I was taken already. I didn't want to suffer her wrath.

A knock at the door cut into my thoughts. Sighing, I stood and went to answer it.

When I pulled open the door, I took one look at the visitor and slammed the door back shut and locked it, then leaned against it, breathing heavily, trying not to let the fear take over.

Oh shit! What was he doing here? Why did he come back? He couldn't possibly want...

"Matt?"

Wait, he's calling me Matt? But.. why? He always called me Yamato before.

"Matt? Please let me in..."

I opened my mouth to tell him to go away, but what came out was this strange cry, a cry of fear.

Already I could feel the tears trailing out of my eyes and falling down across my cheeks. "Oh please.." I sobbed through the closed door. "Please go away.."

"Matt, please just me let me in. I don't want to hurt you."

"You lie..."

God, I need Tai. I feel like I'm about to have another panic attack.

"Matt please!" he begged.

"Go away Ken..."

End Part 4:2.


	8. part 4:3

Author's Notes: Way back when Untold Secrets was on ffnet for the first time, a reviewer pointed out to me that Ken would only be fourteen and if I added two years to his age, it would have made him sixteen. Well, when I wrote Untold Secrets, I thought 02 were four years younger so the 02 01 characters (did you follow that) would have been fifteen and 02 would be eleven, so with Matt seventeen, I thought Ken would be thirteen, which is why I added two years making him fifteen, not realizing he would be sixteen. So I'm just keeping with fifteen, not sixteen. So yeah, ages are slightly skewed in this. It comes up later, which is why I'm mentioning it.

Waiting  
Chapter 4:Part 3-Apologies and Discoveries  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Matt, please let me in! If you don't I swear I will break this door down! I don't want to, but you have to let me in! I swear I won't hurt you!"

How could he be saying all that? Did he really think I was that stupid? However, I did believe he would break the door down, and since I couldn't explain that one to 'tousan, I unlocked the door against my better judgment.

It took my forever to undo the lock, my hands were shaking so. It took every ounce of my willpower to stay and not run away from that door, screaming and crying out my fear. When I finally got the door unlocked, I retreated to the couch and sank down into it, clutching tightly to one of the pillows, calling out in a shaky voice that Ken could enter if he so desired.

He did so cautiously, opening the door and shutting it behind him slowly. I noticed he didn't lock it, which I took to be a good sign.

However, I was frightened beyond all depths of normalcy, my body was shaking so badly that my to my eyes, the whole room looked trembly. Tears were rolling out of my cheeks, me helpless to stop them. I didn't want to cry in front of Ken, I was afraid it would piss him off and cause him to hurt me, but there was nothing I could do to keep from crying.

Ken approached me, taking care to make sure I realized he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't, I was too terrified. He finally stopped a few feet in front of me, and I just shrunk back further into the couch.

"Please don't hurt me," I whisphered.

Ken just shook his head, and it was then I noticed the tears leaking out of his own eyes.

My eyes widened; Ken was crying? What in hell?

"If you're not hear to hurt me, then what do you want?" I asked him, trying to calm myself, so as not to hyperventilate or anything.

"I..." he tried.

We then lapsed into silence for awhile, until the jangling of the phone startled me. I jumped about five miles high, I swear, then carefully leaned over to pick up the receiver, mindful of Ken standing there.

"Hello, Ishida residence," I answered.

"Matt?"

It was 'tousan.

I let out a silent sigh of relief. "Hey Otousan," I said.

"Hey listen, I just called to tell you that someone spotted Ken in our neighborhood. He hasn't shown up, has he?"

"No, Otousan," I said quietly. "Ken's not here."

He's standing right in front of me.

Ken flinched when I said he wasn't here, but he wisely didn't say anything.

"Allright, well be mindful of him, hear?"

"Allright."

I already was.

"Well, I'll be a little later than usual, be extremely careful. Bai, Matt."

"Bye Otousan." I hung up, then looked at Ken.

"Allright, I just lied about your presence, hurry up and tell me why you're here so you can leave and I continue living in my hell," I said with much more bravery and force than I felt.

"Can.. can I sit down next to you?" it was a barely a whispher, but I heard the request nonetheless, freezing up completely. To have Ken close to me again, sitting next to me... I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet.

"No... I can't..."

He nodded, understanding why I guess. "Allright."

"Well?"

"Um... I .. I just c-came to say..." he took a deep shuddering breath "I.. I'm sorry."

My eyes grew large and round. Suddenly I wasn't so frightened anymore. Just shocked and confused. Very, very confused.

"S-sorry?" I croaked out.

He nodded. "Yeah, sorry. F-For what I did to you. It was wrong, horribly wrong, and-and I don't know what possessed me to hurt you so much, especially since I really love you, I really do, I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry Matt, so sorry, I should have n-never... I'm so stupid!" he wailed, crying in earnest. The words were tumbling out of him in a rush, as if he'd never have enough time to say them all. "I know you can never forgive me for hurting you so deeply, and I'm not asking you to, but I swear I am so sorry, words alone can never repay the anguish I must have caused you, I'm just an insensitive bastard God Jesus Matt I am so sorry.."

By now he was unable to continue, he was crying too hard. I was crying as well, shocked by the sincerity in his words. He was right, I could never forgive, but in that moment, some of my hatred for him died.

Finally Ken calmed down enough to choke out something else.

"The darkness..."

I frowned. "What about it?"

"It.. it was so hard to control those days.. I was constantly sinking into a black hole, and trying so desperately to fight it.. When you rejected me.. I finally fell... I totally lost control.. I'm so sorry!"

The darkness... "Why? Why were you.. losing to the darkness? What happened?" Ken stayed silent for a long time, not speaking. He was still crying, but not so much as he had been before.

At last he spoke up. "Well.. for a-a long time.. I was having these dreams..." he said, then swayed dizzily for a moment. He must have been tired of standing. "About what?" I asked quietly as I silently motioned for him to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. I was still afraid of him, but not so much as before. "I... I was the Kaiser again. In the Digital World. I felt like I was always surrounded by something that continuously choked me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why? What was causing these dreams?"

" Um... a- a while before... my.. my mom had... she had a .. well, I got a baby b-b-brother..." once again he was becoming hard to understand, whatever happened had been emotionally upsetting for him. "Well.. one night.. we.. we hired a babysitter for Su...su.. Sub-ba.. Subaru... because we were-were going out t-to eat and.. when we came back...babysitter..r-r-r-raped...dead...shot t-twice... Subaru..stabbed..dead..."

and it was here he stopped and flung himself at me, sobbing wildly. At first I completely froze, ally my the emotions and memories flaring up into turmoil within me, having Ken actually touching me again was strange and scary, to say the least. But after a few minutes I relaxed just enough to let him lean comfortably into my chest, so I didn't feel stiff as a board to him. However, no way in hell could I bring myself to put my arms around him or hold him anyway. That was just too much for me.

-x-

"I guess I don't have to tell you that you'll never see me again?" Ken asked, looking at me.

I shook my head. "No. I understand. It's better this way for the both of us." He nodded. "Yeah. I guess so." He seemed sad though. I guess I can understand why. "Well, I guess I should get going. You know, return to the juvenile detention center." he gave a little snort at that.

"Allright," I said quietly. Even though I knew he wasn't so much a monster he seemed to be, I still hated him and still couldn't forgive him for what he did to me, so knowing he would be locked back up made me feel much more secure.

Ken turned to leave, and when he was halfway down the hallway he turned back to me. "Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I still love you!" he shouted.

I waved to let him know I heard as I rolled my eyes. That made three people that loved me. Ken, Nyusumi, and of course my Taichi.

Then Ken got on the elevator, and though I then thought it was the last time I ever saw him, it wasn't.

-x-

A small contented sigh escaped my mouth as Taichi's lips brushed against my own in a gentle kiss. I know he expected me to press and make it real, so to speak, but I just wasn't in the mood.

Finally Tai moved back from me. "Matt, what's the matter with you? You haven't been yourself all day."

I tried to protest that I was fine and just tired, but Tai wasn't buying it. "No Matt," he said sternly, "Something's wrong and I won't leave you alone until you tell me what the hell it is that's bothering you."

I leaned back against the headboard of my bed, sighing. I didn't speak, and Tai just waited patiently, for once in his life.

Finally I began. "Ken came to visit me today."

Tai's fists clenched at that, and he immediately demanded, "He didn't hurt you did he?"

I shook my head quickly, cutting off anything else he might have been about to say. "No, he left me alone. He actually came to apologize about what he did. He told me something rather disturbing. He had a little baby brother, Subaru, and..."

"I know," Tai said, guiltily, it seemed. "Kari told me. She heard from Daisuke."

"You knew? And you didn't tell me?" I asked accusingly.

"I didn't want to upset you," he explained. "Every time someone mentioned Ken's name, you'd get so torn up inside. I was afraid of scaring you worse."

"Oh."

We grew silent at that, not speaking.

Then I leaned over and returned the butterfly kiss Tai had given me. He smiled, and then kissed me back with surprising force. I parted my lips ever so slightly, granting entrance, and his tongue slid inside my mouth, dancing with my own tongue.

As we continued to make out, Tai's hands slid down and up under my shirt, grasping a nipple. I let out a little gasp as he gave it a little pinch, and moved to get revenge, but suddenly Tai pulled back from me completely, letting out a sneeze and just totally ruining the moment.

"Gomen," he apologized sheepishly.

I just laughed.

However, his sneeze turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as just then my dad came home.

He appeared in my doorway shortly after I heard the front door slam.

"Um, Matt?"

"Yeah dad?" I asked.

"I have some bad news."

-x-

"WHAT! You're going to South Africa? But why?" I wailed.

"I already told you, Matt," 'tousan said, slightly exasperated. "There's a story there that I have to cover. If I could, I would have told the station to send someone else. But as it is, I haven't taken a vacation in seventeen years, since the day you were born, and the other guys think I need a break. So they're sending me to South Africa."

"But what about me? You're just gonna leave me alone?"

"Trust me, I don't want to, especially not with Ken on the loose. But there's absolutely nothing I can do. The station's already threatened to fire me if I don't go. Besides," 'tousan told me with forced patience. "You're seventeen, eighteen in a few weeks. You're fully capable of staying by yourself for a few days. You'll be okay."

Well, I knew that. Even more so then he did, because unlike him, I knew Ken was no longer a threat. But for some reason, I just didn't want him to leave. I guess I was just afraid of being left alone.

"Oh come on Matt," Tai spoke up beside me. "You're dad's right. You're perfectly safe. And if you like, I can stay with you for a few nights."

I didn't miss the implications in that suggestion. Discreetly, I gave Tai a Look, then looked back at 'tousan.

"How long will you be gone again?" I sighed, not wanting to give in but knowing I had to.

"Just a week Matt," he said. "No more than that, I promise."

I let out another defeated sigh. "Allright. But only if you stay with me the whole time Tai."

"Promise," Tai said seriously.

I gave a small smile.

"Better keep that promise."

-x-

"Are you okay?" Tai whisphered to me.

"I'm scared Tai," I confessed. "I don't know why. I mean, even though you're here with me, I still feel afraid. Afraid of being left alone. I-I guess it's because all those times Dad would leave for work, I'd be alone, and then Ken would come..."

"But Ken's already made it clear he's not gonna hurt you again," Tai pointed out.

"I know, but what's to say he's not lying? I.. Tai, how can I ever trust Ken again after what he did to me? That's asking the impossible!"

"Shh Yama.. I know," Tai soothed me. "Just don't think about Ken anymore. He's out of your life, put him out of your mind."

"I can't put him out of my mind! God Tai, you can't just ask me that so simply! That's like forgetting a whole chunk of my life. You don't realize, do you?"

"Don't realize what?"

"How much this affected me," I said softly. "I mean... Listen. The very first time Ken.. the first time he hurt me... I cried nonstop for days on end. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't go to school. I didn't even get up from my bed. When Dad asked me what was wrong, I told him to fuck off and go to hell. And before I even had time to really think about what Ken did to me, he showed up and hurt me again.

"Tai, he broke me. He broke my trust, my belief. He betrayed my friendship, stole my innocence, hurt me worse beyond anything I could ever imagine. He put my through my own personal hell, drove me to near suicide, made me despise my very existence. Every night I would cry myself to what passed for sleep, only to wake screaming with nightmares. And he had me locked up in a fear so great I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone with the information that he was hurting me. No matter how much my dad or my doctor begged, I maintained silence. "Everything he did to me is etched on my memory. I can't very well take a chisel to it and scrape it away. Things just don't work that way, no matter how much we wish them to."

"God Yama," Tai said, eyes wide. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"What was the point?" I asked him bitterly. "You just would have thought I was weird and told me to get over it anyways. I mean, people get raped all the time. Why would I be any different?"

"MATT!"

"WHAT!"

"You can't be so hard on yourself! Yeah, you're right. People do get raped all the time. But not the way you did. They didn't get raped over and over by someone they knew. They didn't try to kill themselves. They didn't get stabbed in the back, both literally and figuratively.

"And I never would have told you to get over it. I'm not now. I'm merely suggesting you try putting him out of your mind until some of the emotional scars have healed enough for you to be able to think of him again without quite so much pain."

"I doubt that will ever happen," I stated quietly.

"Yes it will," Tai said firmly. "It just takes time."

"I hope so," I sighed, leaning my head against his chest.

He put an arm around me, drawing me closer to him.

I sighed again, feeling quite content. As I rested there, the emotional strain that had been put on me slowly began to catch up with me, and my eyes slowly started closing. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I felt Tai's warm lips press softly against the top of my head.

"I love you so much Matt, you know that?" he whisphered.

I nodded faintly, then sank into a dark warmth.

-x-

"MATT!"

Quickly latching onto Tai, I tried to steady myself as my younger brother flung himself exuberantly at me. I hadn't seen him since the night I had the panic attack, so I could understand his joy, especially since he knew I had tried to hurt myself.

"Hey Takeru," I said, ruffling his hair a little, now having regained my balance.

He squirmed under my touch. "Hey! You'll mess up my hair!"

I laughed. He sounded a lot like me. Hell, he looked a lot like me. At fourteen, he was the spitting image of me when I was his age.

"What's up kid?" I asked him.

He frowned. "I'm not a kid anymore."

I shrugged my shoulders. "You are to me."

He shrugged too, then went on to say, "Guess what? Dai and I are friends again!" I smiled. "That's great!"

"Yeah, he came over the other day. He apologized for running out on me, and that he was sorry he didn't like me in that way, but he was still willing to be friends with me! So now we're friends!"

"Well, I'm glad for you, Takeru."

Just then we heard the bell in the distance.

"Come on Matt, we're gonna be late," Tai urged. He started dragging me down the sidewalk.

"Hey!" I protested, laughing. "Bai, Takeru! See you later!"

He waved. "Allright! See you!" He turned and begin to head toward the portables where his homeroom was held.

As for me, I got dragged all the way to homeroom by Tai. He didn't let go of me until he had forced me into my seat. Of course, we got quite a few stares (more so because of what certain people thought of me), but we didn't care. For once we were in too good of spirits.

Yamada Sensei raised his eyes.

"Yagami-san, please sit down."

"H-hai!" Tai said, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "Sorry!"

The class tittered. Well, most of them did. A few threw disgusted glances my way. I ignored them, though inside they still stung.

Tai headed to his seat, and Yamada Sensei called the roll. Then we listened to the announcements. It was all boring. After forever, the bell rang. I jumped up and made a beeline for the door. Tai seemed startled at my hasty approach, but he didn't know that I was trying to avoid running into Nyusumi, who had second form in this classroom. I tried to avoid Ny as much as possible, as I was still embarrassed about that kiss. The only times I had seen him were when he showed up while I was stoned! and at the concert, both of which I said very little.

"Matt, slow down!" Tai called.

I ignored him and continued on to my locker. When I reached it, I quickly put in the combination. In my haste, I went past the second number and had to start all over. "Shimatta," I muttered. God I hate this locker. I always get stuck with the worst ones!

Tai finally caught up to me. "Matt, what's wrong? Why'd you leave so fast?"

"I didn't wanna see Ny," I mumbled, intent on cursing my locker until it gave way.

It wasn't until my locker sprung open and Tai asked me why I would avoid Ny that I realized what I said.

"Didn't wanna see Ny? Why not? Why would you wanna avoid him?"

"Crap!" I exclaimed as I stumbled backwards, startled after my locker suddenly swung open. "Avoid Ny? Uh... Did I say that? Well, that wasn't what I meant at all! No! I meant... um..."

I stuttered pointlessly, trying to come up with an excuse while getting my books for my next class.

Just as I shut my locker, the bell rang, giving me an excuse to leave Tai behind.

But he wouldn't let me. Anticipating what I was about to do, he latched onto my arm and held me, not letting me go anywhere. Once again he started dragging me, this time to our usual spot in the old gym.

"Ah! Tai, let me go!" I cried, struggling in vain.

"No," he said.

Still holding me, he pulled open the doors with one hand and dragged me all the way behind the bleachers and forced me sit, where he still held on to me.

"Now," he said once we were settled. "Ever since Nyusumi visited you in the hospital, something seems to be on your mind Matt. I've noticed it but I didn't say anything, not wanting you to get annoyed the way you do when people are always asking you if you're fine. However, you've been avoiding Nyusumi as much as possible. You didn't even stay to hang around with the band after the concert was over. So will you please tell me what the hell is going on between you two?"

"Uh..." I said nervously.

"Matt?"

I sighed. I really didn't want to tell him, but as it was, I didn't have an excuse and I really didn't want to lie to my boyfriend anyway.

"Well... you know Ny likes me, right?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. Well... when he came to visit me in the hospital... he... he kissed me." I said, watching Tai's face closely, afraid of what his reaction would be.

His face remained blank, and he didn't speak.

"Tai?"

"He.. he kissed you?"

"Yeah.." I said uncertainly.

"And now you're embarrassed to be around him, is that it?"

"Yeah..." What the hell was wrong with him? Why wasn't he freaking out?

Then to my surprise, Tai started laughing.

I mock glared at him. "What's so damned funny?"

"Sorry," Tai said between fits of laughter. "It's just... I never thought... Nyusumi would have the guts.. to.. kiss you! And now here you are... totally embarrassed by it!"

"Of course I am! And I was scared too," I added. "Scared of how you would react if you found out."

"How did you think I would react?"

"Well, I certainly didn't figure you'd laugh! I kinda figured you'd be pissed."

"No... I can understand why Ny would have done something like that. Just as long as you don't kiss him! And if you're cheating on me with him.."

"I'm not! I'm not!" I yelped.

Tai laughed.

"Come on, let's go to class."

-x-

"Ah, Ishida-san. It's about time you showed up. We're only a year late, are we?" I tried to suppress a sigh as the teacher continued to relentlessly pester me. Since I left school because Ken abused me, this was the first time I had showed up. Even that one day I had showed up at school about a month ago, I didn't show up in this class.

"What took you so long to feel like you were ready to learn again? I'd say you missed this class, except you never paid attention so that can't be right."

"You must have seen the news," I mumbled.

"Ah yes, the news. I guess you were too busy with your relationship with Ichijouji to bother with school then, is that it?"

"No," I muttered. What was this guy's problem? Obviously he was one of the people that thought I gave myself to Ken then lied about it out of shame and guilt.

"No? Then what was it?"

I blushed. "Nothing, Kawada Sensei."

"Nothing? Something must have taken place between you and Ken. If you two weren't screwing each other, then what was it?"

I clenched my fists, trying to repress the urge to beat the shit out of this guy right then and there. I didn't understand why he hated me so much. I mean, what did I ever do to him? He has absolutely no reason whatsoever to pick on me like this.

"We weren't screwing each other," I said tightly. "He was raping me."

Kawada Sensei raised his eyebrows.

"Raping you? At age fifteen?"

"Yes." I told him, glaring.

"So let me get this straight. He was fifteen, you are seventeen, almost eighteen I presume, and yet he raped you and you couldn't fight back?"

"He was stronger than me!"

"He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! Class," he turned towards them, "how many of you know fifteen years olds stronger than you?"

The class, who had remained completely silent during my exchange with Sensei, did not respond.

"See what I mean?" Sensei asked, facing me again. "Now take your seat Ishida, and I better see you here everyday until school lets out in a few months."

"Hai, Sensei," I said calmly, though inside I was seething, not to mention completely mortified. God he was a bastard! What in hell was his problem? I didn't deserve that kind of shit. And even if he didn't believe Ken abused me, that didn't give him the right to sit there and hassle me about it! Bastard bastard bastard! I hate him!

I felt something wet drop onto my hand, and with some shock I realized I was crying. Silently, so no one else noticed, but I was crying nonetheless.

Then Sensei turned my way, and for a minute I thought he saw my tears, but when he didn't say anything I just assumed he hadn't saw me.

At least I had something to be thankful for in this hellish life.

-x-

"Do those worksheets I gave you at the beginning of class for tonight's homework!" Tadaji Sensei shouted as the final bell rung and the students began racing out of class.

I remained seated until the room was empty except for me, Tai, and Tadaji Sensei.

Tai came over to me. "Yama, aren't you going home?"

I shook my head. "Please don't call me that right now," I requested. "And no, I'm not going home."

"Why not?"

Because I'm too emotionally drained to get up right now. And my pride's been hurt.

All day long, Kawada Sensei had been making excuses to wander the halls between classes, and everytime he'd see me he'd make some remark about mine and Ken's relationship. At lunch, he called me to his classroom on the pretense of giving me makeup homework while he really just continued to ask me shit about Ken and me. By now, my nerves were shot and I was too exhausted to get up, much less leave the classroom and chance seeing Kawada Sensei in the halls.

"Matt?"

"Please go home Tai," I said. "I don't feel like leaving right now, and I need to get a list of back assignments anyway. I'll call you later, okay?"

"I'm staying at your house while your dad's in South America, remember?"

Oh yeah. Damn. Now I have no place to cry.

"That's right. Well then I'll see you in a little bit. But just go now please. I'll make it up to you later."

Tai grinned. "You better. Don't disappoint me, Matt."

Then he was gone and out the classroom.

I turned to Tadaji Sensei. "Sensei, do you have a list of any back assignments I missed these past months?"

Sensei looked up from his desk where he had been grading papers. "Back assignments? Well, I kept up with the first few months, but after about three months I assumed you were gone for good and quit."

He picked up a piece of paper and came over to my desk. "Here's the list I have so far." He went back to his desk and pulled out a notebook, and after going through it, pulled a bunch of various pages out, then came back over to me. "Here are the worksheets and tests we did. I'll let you just do these as take home tests, since there's only a few months left of school. You wouldn't have time to make them all up. And since you're a senior, it'd make it easier for you to graduate."

I nodded as he spoke. "Thank you," I said when he finished. "Do you mind if I stay in here and work for awhile? I really don't want to go home right now, like I told Tai earlier."

He smiled at me; at least one teacher was on my side. "No, I don't mind. And Tai-?"

"Yeah?"

"Isn't he a senior too?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Me, him, and Nyusumi-who's in your fourth- all failed biology a few years ago. We had a different teacher though."

"I see," he said. "Allright, well I'll try to get some more back assignments together while you work on those there."

"'k."

The room grew silent, save for the occasional flipping of pages and a few pencil scratching noises coming from me.

But after awhile, Kawada Sensei popped his head in the door. At first I thought he had stalked me here, but then it was obvious he didn't know I was here.

"Akemi, have you seen Toshio?" he asked. "I've been looking for him all afternoon, but I haven't found him."

"Toshio? No, I know he showed up for his homeroom, but I haven't seen him since then."

"Allright."

Kawada Sensei was about to leave, and I silently thanked the gods he hadn't seen me when my luck ran out.

His eyes swept around the room, landing upon me sitting in my desk, staring hatefully at him.

Our eyes locked, and he smirked.

"Well, Ishida. What a surprise to see you here. Didn't feel like running home to your precious Ken for a quick screw? How shocking."

I glared at him, but he just smirked again and left.

"Bastard," I said after he had gone, but my voice had gone all shaky, and once again I noticed I was crying and trembling with hurt and rage.

Tadaji Sensei glanced at me, and though he didn't say anything, I could see the pity in his eyes.

Hurting something awful inside, I just put my head down on my desk and cried, not caring what Tadaji Sensei thought of me.

-x-

"Matt? Matt, it's five o clock."

I raised my head, still crying. My face was a mess, but I didn't care.

"Do I have to leave?" I asked, wiping my eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. It's five o clock, I'm leaving, and since I'm the last teacher, the school has to be shut down for the night."

I sighed and nodded, then leaned over and began gathering up my stuff reluctantly.

"See you tomorrow," I said, waving to Tadaji Sensei as I left.

"Bye!" he called after me.

I walked home slowly, not really wanting to go home and have Tai see me crying. I was still upset over Kawada Sensei. Not to mention a lot of the students in my second form teased me about it as well. One guy actually had the nerve to ask if I'd sleep with him, but before I could even say anything, he pretended to change his mind, saying he forgot I'd claim rape and get him thrown in jail. For some reason, that hurt worse than anything.

Just as I reached my apartment, I spotted Tai coming out of it. Deciding I couldn't handle any of this right now, I turned and fled.

-x-

"Matt?"

I didn't respond, just continued staring out at the dark waters below.

"Matt, you're not thinking of jumping off that, are you?" Tai asked me, his voice small and scared.

Once again, I didn't say anything, although a sob tore its way out of my throat. "Matt, please come down," Tai pleaded. "You're scaring me. And everyone else here too."

For a long while I remained silent, but at last I told Tai, "No, I won't jump. I just... need to be left alone to think."

"Yeah right. Matt, please come down."

"No," I said stubbornly.

"Matt!"

I tensed at that voice.

"Ta-Takeru?" I asked, turning around carefully.

My 'toutou was standing there, tears streaking his face, looking in that moment a lot like me.

"Matt, please come down," he begged. "It doesn't matter whether you want to jump or not. You could still fall. Please just get off."

"Yes Matt, come down!" Mimi's shrill voice added.

"I..." I stuttered. "I don't want to..."

"Matt, come down!" hundreds of voices suddenly chorused. They were the voices of all the people standing there with Tai and Takeru and Mimi and who knows how many other Chosen. They didn't even know me, and yet they were right there with my friends, asking me to come down.

Sighing, reluctant to leave, I held myself steady and begin to lower myself down, until I was able to clamber off the bridge.

When I reached the bottom, Tai was right there waiting for me. He pulled me into a tight hug and a passionate kiss as everyone around me cheered.

"Don't you ever do that again, Yama!" he admonished. "You really scared me. I was afraid I was gonna lose you."

"I told you I wouldn't jump, Tai. I wasn't lying."

-x-

A few minutes later, Tai had brought me to a quiet spot in the park, set back in a little cluster of trees away from everybody else. There, he calmed me down and soothed me until, for the first time that morning in second form, I stopped crying completely.

"Matt babe, what's the matter?" he finally asked after my tears had lessened. I rested my head against his chest, completely exhausted. "Nothing. I'm just tired," I tried to lie.

He didn't even give me a mock glare. I guess I had scared him worse than I would have thought. "Matt, you've been crying all day and you just stood on the railing of a bridge, staring contemplatively at the churning ocean below. Don't tell me nothing's the matter."

I stayed quiet, and Tai just waited patiently, knowing I would speak when I felt ready.

At last I did, and the story poured out of me in one fast rush, my words running together and becoming incomprehensible as I started to cry again, getting all angry and hurt at the way Kawada Sensei had treated me all the day, and the way some of the kids teased me about it as well.

Tai didn't say a word all through my story, and when I shutup at last, he just held me tightly, whisphering soothing nothings and apologizing, making the occasional threat or two when his anger broke through that false calm.

I soon grew weary, and gradually the flow of tears lessened, until it just stopped altogether. I was almost completely asleep by now, and wouldn't have minded in the least if I stayed right where I was, but Tai had other ideas.

Poking me in the ribs, he helped me to my feet and then supported me the whole way back to my apartment, where I promptly collapsed on the floor the moment Tai had shut the door.

Tai didn't even have time to protest or force me to crawl off to my room, because I was asleep before I even hit the floor.

-x-

"C'mon Matt, wakey wakey!"

"..go away..."

"Aw Matty-boy! Don't do this to me! We're gonna be late for school!"

"Don't wanna go," I mumble.

"But you gotta. You promised your dad, and you promised me."

"He ain't here. He won't know."

"He will if I tell him. Now come on babe, get up."

I sigh and let out a groan to make sure Tai knew I wasn't happy about this. Sitting up, I realize I am on the couch and wonder when I got there. "Uh.. Tai?"

"Yeah?"

"Wasn't I on the floor?"

"I moved you to the couch after I accidentally kicked you."

"TAI!"

"What?" he asked defensively. "You were in the way!"

I glare at him, muttering death threats, then start to throw back the thin blanket covering me, but suddenly freeze. "Tai?" I asked, my voice filled with fear.

"What?"

"Where... where did you find this blanket?"

"I got it from the little closet off from the bathroom. Why?"

"Put... put it back. I don't want to see it anymore."

"Okay..." Tai says, curiously taking the blanket from me.

He doesn't ask, though, and I don't tell him that its the blanket that I often used while Ken was abusing me, the one I used when I slept on the couch all the time instead of my bed. I don't understand my irrational fear of the blanket, but I guess anything dealing with Ken is enough to make me afraid, no matter how trivial it may be.

Tai returns shortly, sans blanket.

"If you don't hurry up, we will seriously be late."

I stand, grumbling good naturedly. "I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying," I say.

"Well hurry faster! Go take a shower! Then come and eat!"

I obey, taking a ten minute shower. When I get out, I pull on a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved black turtleneck. Even though its nearing summer, I prefer long sleeve so people won't see the bandages on my wrists from where I tried killing myself a while ago. After eating and brushing my teeth, I go back in the bathroom and spend another ten minutes on hair, making sure its just right.

This causes Tai to get impatient, and he bangs on the locked door, shouting at me to hurry up.

At last I am ready, and we head towards school, running the last few feet when the bell rings in the distance.

I get through homeroom okay, but then when the bell rings for second form, I tense, not wanting to go, afraid of the teasing I'll get.

Tai senses what I'm feeling and gives me a quick, subtle kiss at my locker before cutting out to his next class.

However, when I walk into second form, I don't see Kawada Sensei. Instead there is another teacher there, a substitute.

She's a young woman, about twenty five or so, and when I walk in the room, she smiles at me. I can tell she knows who I am, her eyes are filled with compassion for me, but for once, unlike so many other people, there is no pity, and definitely no hate or disgust.

"Hello," she greets.

"'Hi," I return. "Um.. where's Kawada Sensei?"

"He's on temporary leave for the rest of this year. From now on, I'll be your teacher."

"Temporary leave?" I ask, as relief floods through me.

She nods, and I break into a huge grin. "Oh thank God," I exclaim before I can stop myself.

She just smiles again, like she understands while I'm so happy. Of course, thinking about it, she probably does. Especially if she knows who I am.

I just stand there for a few minutes, letting the relief wash over me, overjoyed I wouldn't have to deal with Kawada Sensei anymore.

At last she says, "Ano... excuse me. But could yu sit down, please?."

I blush slightly. "Sorry."

The bell rings and the teacher stands, rapping a ruler on the desk to get everyone's attention. "Alright everyone. Let's sit down!"

The class quiets down gradually and pretty soon everyone has their eyes riveted on the new teacher.

"Allright, listen up. My name is Kurata Sensei. I'm your new teacher."

-x-

"You got a new teacher? That's great!" Tai exclaims, smiling at me.

"I know," I say, smiling back. "But I can't figure out who told the school board about the way Kawada Sensei was treating me. Unless..." I trailed off, realizing.

"Unless what?"

"Unless Tadaji Sensei told. He saw the way I was being treated, remember?" "Oh yeah." Tai frowned, thinking. "It's possible, I guess. But it's equally possible-"

He was cut off as Ishikawa Sensei came in the room. "Allright class, settle down. We have a test today on the kanji we learned last week. Then when that's done, we will practice some more on our calligraphy, since everyone's work looked like it was done by a bunch of elementary school students. Ishida, you're exempt from this test. You can take it in a few days, after you've had a chance to study the material I gave you yesterday."

"Allright. Arigatou, Sensei."

"Hey that's not fair!" one student called out.

"What's not fair?" Ishikawa Sensei asked, turning towards the student. She was a girl of about sixteen, very pretty, but very slutlike. She was wearing a miniskirt that barely came down over her hips! and a halter top that was cut very low, showing off a lot of her cleavage.

"That Ishida doesn't have to take this test. I mean, my boyfriend and I cut school one day last week to have sex, and I'm still taking the test. Ishida skipped school for months to have sex with his boyfriend and yet he's exempt!"

"Satori-san," Sensei said with much forced patience, his voice dangerously low. "Ishida-kun did not skip school to get it on with his boyfriend. Ishida-kun was being abused. There's a difference. When your boyfriend starts forcing you to do things you don't want to, and when he starts beating you up and stabbing you, come tell me and I'll let you be exempt from tests. In the meantime, shut your fucking trap and take the damn test."

Satori grew silent, and the class broke out in excited whisphers, surprised at the way Ishikawa Sensei was defending me. I mean, he wasn't a bad guy or anything, but usually he would have said something like "Ishida isn't taking this test because he was sick, you weren't so you're taking this test and I don't want to hear anymore." And no matter what he said, he wouldn't have cursed like that.

Sensei looked around the room, silencing the whisphers. "Anyone else care to make a comment, give me a reason why you shouldn't take this test?"

No answer.

"Good." Sensei started passing out the test papers, and I pulled out my notebook and tried to concentrate on some of the kanji we had learned this year. Not the kanji the class was being tested on, I didn't want them trying to cheat by looking at my notebook.

"Hmmm... Satori's name is in here? It means enlightenment?" I muttered under my breath. "How unfitting for her."

-x-

"Mm.." I moaned as Tai began to kiss me. "I'm so glad today is Friday."

"Why's that?" Tai whisphered, nuzzling my ear.

"Because we'll have all weekend to make out before 'tousan comes back on Sunday."

Tai laughed gently, then returned to kissing me.

I kissed him back eagerly, taking the invitation offered up to me when he part his lips ever so slightly.

As our lips continued their eternal dance, Tai's hands begin to roam lower down my body, up and under my shirt. I don't even think he was aware of doing, but nonetheless, I stiffened just the littlest bit, but luckily Tai was too caught up in the moment to even be aware of it.

I forced my body to relax, and continued to kiss him with fierce abandon.

Tai suddenly squeezed one of my hardened nipples gently, and I whimpered. "Tai..."

"What in HELL?"

Oh shit!

Tai's hands were instantly gone from under my shirt, and I sat up slowly, slightly disoriented after such a heavy makeout session.

My father was standing in the doorway, mouth hanging down to his feet practically, staring wide eyed at me and Tai.

Oh God, what was he doing here he wasn't supposed to be back until Sunday its only Friday what the hell?

"Err.." Tai tried, drawing away from me.

"Otousan, what are you doing here?" I blurted out.

He didn't reply at first, just moved his eyes from me to Tai and back to me again. His skin had gone completely white from the shock, and I'm sure he's gonna have a few gray hairs over this.

"The trip was cut short," he said finally, his voice sounding strangled. "Bad weather. I got home a few minutes ago and called out to you, but you didn't answer. Then I heard... strange noises..."

"Mr. Ishida, we--" Tai started, then stopped. There wasn't anything to say.

Otousan looked over at my boyfriend, as if seeing him for the first time. He frowned, then glared and started screaming, "You! Get out! Now! Get out, you filth! I won't let you corrupt my son anymore! You've done enough already! Get out!"

I stared in shock, but Tai turned a weird purple color. "Corrupt your son!" he said incredulously, inches away from rage. "I haven't corrupted-"

Wildly I shook my head no. "Don't Tai," I begged. "Just leave it and go home. I'll call you later, okay?"

"But Matt!" Tai protested. "He's..."

"No," I begged, latching onto Tai's hand. "Don't. Please leave it alone, okay?"

He stared intensely at me for a long time (or so it felt), deep in thought. "Allright," he said at last. "Call me later." Then he got up and left.

I watched after him until he was out of sight, then turned towards Otousan.

To my surprise, he was trembling ever so slightly.

"Otousan?" I asked meekly. "'tousan?"

He fixed his gaze upon me. "Why, Matt?" he asked sadly. "You promised. You promised you wouldn't let anyone hurt you anymore. You promised..."

"Hurt--?" I gaped at him. "Otousan, he wasn't hurting-"

"he was all over you, Ya-Matt! I'm just thankful I got in here in time to stop it. I can't believe all this time he pretended to be your friend, he just wanted to get you in bed. He's exactly like Ken Ichijouji!"

I admit it, I was pissed. And stunned. How could otousan say all those things about Taichi when he didn't even know what the situation was? How could he think Tai was hurting me?

"Get me in bed? Otousan, he loves me!"

"Ken Ichijouji loved you."

Well, that was true. But still... this was different. I knew Tai loved me. And I loved him. Which made all the difference.

"I know," I said. "But this is different. Tai really does love me."

"And that's what Ken said, and he almost killed you. I'm sorry Yamato, but I can't let you see Tai again."

"Don't call me that!" I shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that! Stupid! I hate you, I hate you, I really do!" I was crying now in a sudden mix of rage and fear, backing away from him, hardly believing he wasn't going to allow me to see Tai anymore.

"I hate you, you bastard! Fuck you!"

Then I ran, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision.

I don't know why my feet took me there, but suddenly I found myself in an alleyway, surrounded by Kento and Sento and their gang.

They circled around me slowly, and I saw the sharp gleam of newly sharpened blades.

"Well, well, lookit here. It's the little blonde whore. Tell me Ishida. Who do you get it from now that you no longer have Ichijouji to force into your games?"

I swallowed a lump of fear that seemed to be caught in my throat. I didn't answer. I knew they would kill me anyways.

"Well?" Kento hissed. "Answer me Ishida or I'll slit your fuckin' throat. And this time Yagami's not here to defend your pansy ass."

"I-I don't get it from a-anyone," I whisphered, my voice barely registering an audible tone.

"Oh, I'm sure you must be screwing somebody. Come on, who is it? Whose name do you scream when you cum? Yagami? That fag brother of yours? Or maybe your dad?"

I tensed, but remained silent.

Sento moved closer to me, his knife held at a safe distance from my balls.

"You better answer my brother or I'll take away the one scrap of manhood you have left," he growled. "And then he'll have the pleasure of cutting your throat."

"I told you, I don't screw anyone," I whisphered, my voice slightly louder. I was terrified beyond all belief now. I just knew Kento would kill me.

"I bet it's Yagami," Kento taunted, oblivious to my feeble protests.

"No," I said weakly.

Sento glared down at me. "Don't lie to my brother," he warned.

"But I'm not."

"I told you not to lie, DAMMIT!"

In a flash something cold and sharp was being slid inside me, right above my ribcage. I gasped as I felt the knife tear right through my shirt to my skin, cried out as warm red blood gushed out over my stomach and poured down the front of my body, continuing to trickle onto the ground long after the cruel laughter had since disappeared and the blackness had overcome me.

End Part 4:3.


	9. Part 5:1

Waiting  
Chapter 5:Part 1-More Confessions  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

-x-

"Oh my God! Hoshiki, come here!"

"What is it Yashiko?"

"There's a boy here!"

"A boy?"

"Yeah! He's all bloody! And he's not moving!"

"He's not... dead, is he?"

"I don't ... think so. Just... just use your cell phone! Call an ambulance!"

-x-

I ran, my lungs feeling as if they were about to burst, but yet I didn't care. I needed this, needed any sort of distraction from the pain and dread I was feeling now.

Stupid Mr. Ishida. How could he be so cruel? How could he think I was corrupting my Yama? It was so unfair! What if he doesn't allow Matt to see me anymore? I don't think I could bear that. I need Matt too much. And he needs me too. Especially with all this shit going on in his life right now.

And just seeing him in school is not gonna be enough. School is too public. The only way I'd ever get to bring out my true feelings around him would be if we cut class to go to the old gym. And Matt couldn't afford to do that if he wanted to graduate.

This is not fair! Stupid Mr. Ishida! Why did he have to get back early anyway?

Suddenly I collided head on with someone, and sent the both of us sprawling to the ground. I managed to knock my head pretty good on the concrete too. It's a wonder I didn't give myself a concussion.

"Ow, shit!" I muttered, rubbing my sore skull as I sat up painfully.

The other person groaned too, but seemed to be okay. As they stood I could see it was my little sister.

"Hikari?" I asked.

"Geez, Tai," she grumbled. "What's wrong with you? That really hurt and..." she trailed off as she caught sight of my tearstreaked face and disheveled look. "Taichi?" she asked, concerned now. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "Not now. Not here. Let's go home first."

"Allright," she nodded, sensing whatever I had to say would be about Matt. She held out her hand, offering it to me. "'kaasan and 'tousan are out right now, so we can talk without worrying about them overhearing."

I took her hand and stood. "That's good."

Then we slowly headed home.

When we got there, the first thing she did was make me take a shower and change into fresh clothes. I protested, to no avail. "It'll make you feel better," she insisted, pushing me in the direction of the bathroom.

Sighing, I did as ordered. When I came out fifteen minutes later, feeling much better, I found she had ordered us a pizza, which had just arrived apparently.

After we were both settled on the couch, slice of pizza in hand and drinks nearby, she asked me what had happened and why I came back from Matt's early.

"You two didn't get in a fight did you? Because that really wouldn't be good for Matt right now."

"No, we didn't fight," I said.

"Then what happened?"

I took a deep breath.

"Well, Matt and I were lying on his bed, talking, and then I kissed him, and he kissed me back. We started making out, and I slid my hands under his shirt..."

"Tell me you didn't do what I think you did!"

"No, we didn't have sex if that's what you're thinking," I told her. "It was worse. Much, much worse."

"Matt freaked out?"

I shook my head. "His dad came home early and found us."

"Oh Tai," Kari said softly as I started to cry.

"He freaked out, got really mad at me, accused me of corrupting Matt and called me filth and I heard him tell Matt as I was leaving that all I wanted was to get Matt in bed.." here my voice broke, and I stopped talking.

Instead I just let Kari hold me as I cried.

After awhile I calmed down enough to say, "What if Mr. Ishida calls and tells mom and dad?"

"Would that really be so bad?" Kari asks. "Once you explain Mr. Ishida's misunderstanding, I don't think it would be such a big idea. I mean, you planned on telling them about you and Matt sometime anyways, right?"

"Well, yeah... but I mean, 'kaasan already suspects anyway, so I know she wouldn't have a problem. It's 'tousan I'm worried about. I don't have any clue how he'd react to the fact that I'm gay and in love with my best guy friend. Not to mention I'd rather the both of them hear it from me than from an overwrought, pissed off Mr. Ishida who didn't even understand the situation."

Kari stared off into space, deep in thought. "Maybe you should consider telling 'kaasan and 'tousan before Mr. Ishida does."

"Then how I am going to explain why I can't currently see Matt?"

"I don't know. Do you have to tell them about Matt right now?"

"Kari, if I'm gonna tell them I'm gay, I have to tell them about Matt at the same time."

"Yeah... I guess."

We sat in defeated silence for a few moments, shoulders all slumped over in despair.

"Kari what am I gonna do?" I wailed at last. "This isn't fair! Why did his dad do that? He'd been so nice, even said I was good for Matt! I was actually convinced when Matt told him, he'd support us! And now this!"

Kari shrugged, clearly at a loss for what to say.

The phone rang.

I jumped, then cursed at it.

"Shutup! Whoever you are, go away!" Damn phone.

"Tai, yelling at a telephone is not going to help anything," Kari told me quietly.

"So?" I scowled at her.

She sighed, bringing her hands to her face and shaking her head.

The damn phone was still ringing.

"Oh, quit your hellish noise," I muttered, leaning over and answering it.

"Hello!" I snapped harshly into the receiver.

Kari winced.

"Yes, so nice to talk to you too," 'kaasan's voice said dryly.

"What is it, 'kaasan?" I asked, irritated.

"Listen-"

"That's what I'm doing!"

"Taichi, stop it," Mom commanded. "Now listen to me. Your father and I are going to be home in a little bit. What I wanted to know was if you two had ate, or if you wanted us to bring you something home."

"We ordered pizza," I told her shortly.

"Allright. Well then we'll be home within ten minutes."

"Fine. Bye."

"Bye."

As I hung up, I caught her sigh. Oops. Oh well.

"'kaasan said she an' 'tousan should be home within ten minutes." I told Kari. "I don't want to face them, so I'm going to bed."

"Ok. Well, good night."

I picked up my Fuzzy Navel and finished the rest in one swig, then disappeared to the room Kari and I shared. I had long since wanted my own room, but there wasn't enough room in the apartment, and sharing with my imoutochan wasn't all that bad, just a little annoying sometimes.

Alone in my room, left with nothing but my thoughts, I began the slow descent into hopeless despair.

How could Mr. Ishida have done that to us? I needed Matt! And what's worse, he needed me! Desperately! I know Matt tried to pretend otherwise, but sometimes I sensed I was the only thing that kept him from slipping into darkness. Didn't Mr. Ishida ever sense how much his son was suffering? I mean, he's there enough to see the way Matt is, isn't he? And wouldn't those nightmares and suicide attempts at least have give him a clue?

God, this is not fair.

I want to be with Matt so bad.

-x-

"Taichi? Taichi, where are you?"

I sighed as I heard Dad calling to me. I didn't feel like talking to him. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Taichi?"

Reluctantly I call out to him. "In here, otousan."

I hear his footsteps enter the room, and near the bed.

"Taichi? What are you doing on the top bunk? I thought Hikari slept there?"

I continued to stare at the wall as I spoke. "She does. I'm just up here for now."

"Oh. Why well don't you come down? It makes it easier for me to talk to you."

"No, I don't want to."

"Allright."

There was a creak of springs, and I knew 'tousan had sat on the bottom bunk.

"Well?"

He sighed. "Taichi, your mother told me you were rather snappish on the phone when you talked to her. She said you sounded greatly upset, and she's worried about you. Is there something bothering you that you'd like to talk about?"

Great. Thanks to my mother's big mouth, my parents are going to be pestering me until I crack. They've done it before. Of course, that was way back when, and the issue wasn't nearly as major as this.

"It's nothing! Why?"

"I seriously doubt it's nothing, Taichi. However, I know I won't get anything out of you tonight. Goodnight."

"Night," I reply quietly as 'tousan leaves.

Just then the phone rings.

Crap! What if it's Mr. Ishida!

Quickly, before 'kaasan or 'tousan or even Hikari can pick it up, I leap off the bed (twisting my ankle in the process dammit!) and snatch up the receiver. I press the talk button.

"Hello?" I ask breathlessly, and I realize that my heart is pounding and my palms are all sweaty. Great, I'm nervous. That's just wonderful.

I can hear the person on the other line swallow, then Mr. Ishida's incredibly nervous sounding voice says, "T-tai.. is Matt there?"

"No," I say flatly. Then I hang up, not wanting to talk to that bastard.

He calls right back.

Yanking the phone up again, I snarl, "What?"

"If he shows up... have him call me."

"Fuck you, you bastard. Why should I do any favor for you? I don't blame Matt for running off on you!" then I slam the phone back down, rage boiling up within me. It scares me a little. I don't know where it all came from.

The phone bounces back off the cradle, and I angrily pick it up and slam it back down again, only to have it bounce off once more. After several more tries, I give up and let it remain off the hook.

I'm not even worried about Matt now. Hell, he probably went to Takeru's or Ny's or Kenji's or Ratsuii's. Besides, I'm too busy stewing over Mr. Ishida to give Matt much thought.

A timid knock sounds at the door.

"What in hell do you want?" I growl, glaring at the closed door.

Cautiously, the door opens and 'kaasan peeks her head in. "Tai.. daijoubu ka?" she gives me a concerned look, and all the anger melts out of me.

I sink to my knees on the floor. "No," I mutter defeatedly. "I'm not."

She comes over to me and sits down next to me.

"What's the matter?"

I don't answer, just stay silent for awhile, thinking things over. She waits patiently, not pressuring me in the least little bit.

Should I go ahead and tell her or shouldn't I? I don't exactly have Matt's approval, but still...

And she does already suspect something at least, although I'm not sure how much. Besides, I have nothing to lose.

Well. Not exactly true.

I could lose her support of me.

But still.

Dammit I don't know whether I should or not!

It's not that I really think she'd mind or anything... it's just that.. oh, I don't know!

Oh hell, screw it. I have nothing to lose. Just tell her and get it over with. "Okaasan..." I said ponderingly.

"Hai?"

"You remember that night you and otousan went out and dad told me not to screw those girls? And he expected me to laugh 'cept only I didn't cos I wasn't in the mood?"

"Yes..."

"Why were you looking at me funny? Do you like... think.. something about me.. or something?" I finished up, having trouble wording it just right.

To my surprise, 'kaasan flushed. "It wasn't important," she mumbled.

"No, I wanna know. Please. I won't get mad," I promised.

She sighed. "Well, it's just... I noticed the way you never have any girlfriends or talk to any girls other than Sora and Mimi... and well..."

"You think I'm gay," I finished for her.

"Yes," she said simply.

"So are you?" she asked, looking back up at me.

I didn't respond, just stared at her, adopting a blank look on my face.

It was so simple. All I had to do was say one word. Yes... and yet, now that she's offered up an opportunity, I can't. I just can't do it. I don't know why.

God, I'm such a coward! It's no big deal! Lots of people are gay. I mean, look at the Chosen group for example. Out of everyone, Takeru, Yamato, Ken, myself, and Jyou are definitely gay. That's five people, and add Nyusumi making six. I also suspect Kari might be gay, or at least bisexual. Let's just say her interest in Miyako seems to be a little more than friends sometimes. Not to mention Mimi and Sora seem to have this thing for each other sometimes too. And then there's those other guys. Genjitsu, Keiichi, Sai, and a few others at school that I know of. So it's no big deal.

"Tai?"

"Huh?" I come out of my trance like state with a start, wondering how like I'd been silent.

"I asked if you were gay?"

I shook my head, not prepared to tell her the truth yet. "No, no I'm not. I just wondered if that's what you suspected of me, that's all. Well, I'm tired, I'd like to get some sleep now. 'yasumi, okaasan."

She hesitated, then nodded. "Allright. Oyasumi, Tai."

-x-

"mmm... _Kari_?"

"Ow! Shit!" my sister muttered. I heard another thud, which had been what woke me in the first place.

"Kari? What are you doing?"

"Well, I was trying to find my way to the bed without having to turn on the light so I wouldn't wake you, but apparently that didn't work so well."

"Oh. Well, you can turn on the light. I don't mind."

"Ok."

I heard her moving around some more, then squinted my eyes some as a dim light filled the room. She had turned on the small lamp that was positioned on a small shelf on the wall at the end of the bunk bed. The lamp could be turned on/off my a switch on the wall near our regular light switch, or it could be turned on/off manually, meaning when she got up there she could still turn the light off and not have to ask me to do it.

Easily finding her way to the top bunk with the light now, Kari scrambled up there quickly, then switched off the light before laying down.

"Oyasumi," she whisphered, and I responded in same.

However, I couldn't get back to sleep, and I knew she wasn't asleep either because she wasn't breathing in that funny way she does when she is asleep. Thirty minutes had passed before I finally got the courage to speak up.

"Kari?" I asked into the darkness.

"Yeah?" she murmured drowsily.

"Um... do you like Miyako?"

"Yeah, of course, she's like, one of my best friends."

"No, I mean like do you like her, like the way I like Matt."

She was silent, and I was afraid I had either greatly offended her or she had finally drifted off, but just then she spoke.

"Yes," she said simply.

I nodded, though I knew very well she couldn't see me.

"Are you gay?"

"No."

Another simple, direct answer.

"Bisexual?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Then, "How come you never told me? You can't say you were afraid of how I'd react, knowing how I felt about Matt."

"No," she agreed. "It wasn't that. It was just... I was in denial, I guess. I knew it wasn't wrong, but I still didn't wanna be like that, someone who liked the same gender. And I knew you were afraid Matt would never like you back, and I feel the same way about Miyako, and then you had so many problems of your own, what with Matt and all, and I just.. I kept it secret. No one knew. Well, no one except Tailmon," she said, amending her statement, "and Tailmon was in the Digital World and I knew she would never tell anyone anyways and it was just easier to keep quiet, to pretend I liked guys in general and Takeru in specific although he and I both know we'll never be more than friends and so that's what I did. I maintained silence. I planned on telling you someday, after you came out to 'kaasan and 'tousan, you know, and after things with Matt settled down. It was just that I didn't feel ready yet."

"I see." And I did. I could understand some of her feelings completely, because it was the same stuff I used to feel.

"How did you figure it out?" she asked.

"I've always kind of suspected. Seeing the way you acted around Miyako sometimes.. and the way you were always spending a lot of time with her, well.. I just kinda guessed. And I got to thinking about it again today."

"Really?" she asked with interest.

"Yeah. I was thinking how much of a coward I am for not telling 'kaasan I'm gay, like I was afraid she would think it was wrong, and I guess I just got to thinking of all the gay people that I knew.. me, Matt, Ken, Takeru, Jyou, Nyusumi. And Sora and Mimi act like they like each other sometimes."

"Takeru's gay? And Jyou and Nyusumi?"

Oops.

"Y-You didn't know about Takeru and Jyou?" I asked her weakly.

"No."

"Well... don't tell I told. And don't tell you know about Nyusumi."

"Nyusumi... that guy in Matt's band, with the purple hair, right?"

"Right." I confirmed.

"I won't tell."

"Thanks."

Unseen, I smiled.

"Goodnight Kari."

"Night, Tai."

-x-

"Taichi!"

Blinking rapidly, I try to adjust my eyes to the light as 'tousan storms in my room and yanks the covers off me.

I let out a girlish shriek and quickly try to cover myself back up. Even though Kari and I shared a room and it wasn't the wisest thing to do, I usually slept devoid of clothes.

Dad blushes a little and tosses me my boxers, and I scramble up and yank them on quickly.

The sudden motion of standing makes me feel rather dizzy, and I sway a little. Before I can fall over, I sit back down on the bed.

"What is it, otousan?" I ask, trying to think of what I could have done wrong. The only thing that comes to mind...

Matt.

"It's already twelve! Are you going to sleep all day?"

I let out a silent sigh of relief.

"No, no, of course not. Sorry."

He waves off my apology. "Mimi's here to see you."

"Mimi?"

"Yes, she's waiting in the living room. Should I tell her to come back here or will you go to her?"

"I-I'll go. Just tell her I'll be a few minutes."

"Allright." He left.

Mimi was here? Why? As far as I know, we hadn't made any plans. Actually, Matt and I were supposed to be doing something today, although I don't think we will be anymore.

Quickly I pulled on a pair of khaki's that I hoped were relatively clean. Then I went over to my dresser and searched for a clean shirt. The only one I could find was my shirt Matt affectionately calls my 'triangle shirt', due to the yellow triangle on it. I had first found this shirt around the time the new Chosen showed up a few years ago, and when I outgrew the original, I bought this one.

Every time I wore this shirt Matt would always tease me about it.

"What, you need a shirt to help you keep your shapes straight?" he'd ask.

I would just laugh and tell him "of course."

God, Matt... I want to see him. I already miss him so much... stupid Mr. Ishida.

After running a brush through my poofy hair (another term of Matt's), I opened the door and headed to the living room. Mimi was fidgeting on our couch, and when I walked in, she looked up.

"Tai!" she exclaimed cheerfully, a big smile spreading across her face.

I grinned at her. "Yo Mimi! What are you doing here? Didn't you hear about the sale down at the mall? All clothes are 50 off."

"Really!" she cried.

I rolled my eyes. "I was kidding, Mimi."

"Oh." She blushed. "Eh... Um... wanna go get some ice cream?" she blurted out. "I have to talk to you, and it would be easier if I wasn't around your family."

I shrugged. "Sure. There's a really good ice cream stand in the park. They sell the best icecream I've ever had."

"Great!" she said, relief etched across her features, as if she had been afraid I was going to say no.

She grabbed her purse and stood, then we headed out the door, talking about nothing in particular as we walked to the park.

The girl who sold us ice cream smiled knowingly at us, irritating me slightly. Just because someone sees a guy and a girl doing something together, they always assume those people are an item. Can't a guy and girl be friends without having to date?

After buying the icecream, we walked off a little ways to a quiet spot in the park and sat on a bench, licking contentedly.

Finally I spoke up. "What was it you wanted to talk about, Mimi?"

She frowned, and started to speak, but had to stop as the sound of an ambulance siren came wailing by us.

When the sound had receded into the distance, she spoke again.

"Well... Sora and I were talking, and we finally decided to tell everybody, and we chose you first."

"Tell me what?"

"Well, Sora and I... we're dating," she told me, anxiously watching my face for some sort of reaction.

I grinned. "I knew it! I was even just thinking you two were together last night!"

"So... you're okay with it?"

"Sure!" I'd be a hypocrite if I weren't. "That's totally awesome Mimi! I'm really glad you two are together. You deserve each other."

She smiled softly. "Thanks Tai. Sora actually wanted to tell you herself, since you two are closer than you and I, but she didn't want to see your reaction if you were to take it badly."

"She shouldn't have worried. I'd never do that. I have no problem with gays."

"I told her you probably wouldn't, considering..."

"Considering what?" I squawked, looking up from where I was busy licking off some icecream that had melted down my cone and onto my arm.

She blushed. "Well... you and Matt... you seem to be... well... kinda close..."

I snorted. "I would've thought Sora would have picked upon on that long before you, especially since she's the one with the Crest of Love."

Mimi shrugged, flipping her pink hair behind her shoulders. "Sora was too busy being in love with me to really notice anyone else."

I let out a short laugh. "Who would've thought so many Chosen would be gay?"

"Really," she agreed. "You, me, Sora, Matt, Ken..."

I nodded, although I said nothing about the other three Chosen that I knew of.

Taking the last bite of her cone, Mimi stood and held out her hand.

I took it.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go."

"Where?" I ask.

"To celebrate. Let's go pick up Sora and Matt and go see a movie or something."

I frown, my good mood rapidly dissipating. "We can't get Matt."

"Why not?"

"Well. Mr. Ishida found us. Kissing, that is... and he--he freaked out."

"Oh," she said softly. "Well, I'm sure things will work out Tai."

"Yeah," I said softly, not bothering to voice my fears about how things would really turn out. "Well, shall we get Sora and go anyways?"

"Hai!"

-x-

"Bye Taichi!"

"See you!"

"Bye Mimi! Bye Sora!"

I waved as the two girls walked off, hand in hand. Then I went into my house and soon found Kari was waiting for me there.

"What's up?" I asked her once she got me into our room.

"'kaasan's been pestering me all day," she said seriously.

"About what?" I asked suspiciously.

"About whether your relationship with Matt was more than friendship, and whether I thought you were gay or not."

"What'dyoutellher?" I demanded, blurring my words together.

"I told her I was pretty sure you and Matt were just friends, and that I didn't know whether you were gay or not. I didn't want to give you away, but I didn't want to say I knew you were straight."

I sighed. "Damn. I guess I'll have to tell her and 'tousan soon."

"You really should, especially with this business with Matt."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "I know, Kari."

-x-

I told them after supper.

"...And then he actually had the nerve to ask me to stay six extra hours! There is no sense in that! I mean, refuse to give me a raise when-"

"Otousan? Okaasan?" I asked timidly, interrupting them.

'tousan paused, his fork midway to his mouth.

"Yes, Tai, dear?" 'kaasan asked, glancing at me.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked as I glanced at Kari.

"Why sure Tai. What is it?"

"Um..."

"Taichi?" 'tousan asked curiously.

"Can we all go in the livingroom?" I asked nervously. "That is, if everyone's done eating?"

"I am," 'kaasan told me.

"So am I," 'tousan added, pushing his plate away. I glanced at it. It was more than half full of food.

Kari stood up. "Right. Well, I'll be in my room if-"

"No!" I cried.

Kari looked at me.

"Stay. I need your moral support."

"Alright." She shrugged, totally indifferent.

'kaasan and 'tousan stood up as well and walked into the livingroom, sitting on the couch.

Kari and I followed suit, cramming together on the couch. Kari grasped my hand tightly, sensing how nervous I was.

"Well, Taichi, what was it you wanted to say?"

"Eh..."

God I'm so nervous! I'm not worried about 'kaasan, at least not that much, but 'tousan is a different story.

"Well... I'm... gay..." I whisphered.

'kaasan blinked.

As did 'tousan.

Kari gave my hand a squeeze.

"You're .. you're what?" 'tousan asked, struggling to understand.

"I'm gay," I said more loudly.

"Gay? As in, you like guys?"

"Yeah," I answered, half defiantly, half ashamed. "I like guys."

I heard 'tousan draw in a ragged breath.

'kaasan still hadn't said anything.

"Well... this is a shock..." 'tousan murmured. "I mean.. I had always wondered why you hadn't found a girlfriend, but I just kinda assumed you were waiting for the right girl."

I shook my head.

"So are you okay with me?" I asked anxiously. "You don't hate me?"

'tousan looked appalled. "Hate you? Why would we hate you?"

"Well... because... some people don't like... gays..."

"No, we don't hate you Taichi. Admittedly, I'm surprised, but I can accept it." I let out a huge sigh of relief, then turned to 'kaasan.

"Are you okay with it too?" I asked her.

"Why did you lie?"

"Huh?" I asked, atakenback.

"Yesterday, when I asked you, you said you were straight."

"I wasn't ready to tell you yet."

"I see... interesting..."

"A-and there's more.." I added hesitantly.

"More?" 'tousan asked suspiciously.

I nodded stiffly. "Yeah. I.. I'm currently involved with someone."

'kaasan raised her eyebrows. "By any chance would it be Matt?"

I blushed and looked at my lap. "Hai."

"Matt? Who's Matt?"

"Otousan, get a clue, would ya?" Kari asked, speaking up for the first time.

'tousan looked flustered. "Seriously, who is Matt?"

"Matt Ishida, best friend since I was eleven, where have you been the past six, almost seven years?"

"Oh, Yamato," he said, completely doing a 360 and totally understanding who I was talking about.

Kari gave him a strange look.

"You really don't have a clue, do you?" she said.

"But -but -but!" he spluttered.

I laughed, and so did mom and Kari, and I knew everything would be okay.

-x-

"Asashi."

"Asashi?" Sensei looked up from his desk and glanced around the room.

"Is Asashi not here?" he asked.

"No, I don't think he is here, sir," I called. "He wasn't in third form."

Sensei nodded and went back to the attendance.

"..and Yagami," he said, finishing up. "Allright, Friday we talked about the invasion of China by Japan in 1931. They invaded the province of Manchuria, as you'll remember and set up a certain type of government. Does anyone remember what this government was called?"

"A puppet government!" someone called out.

"Very good," Motokuri Sensei said, nodding. "And what does that mean?"

"It's a government controlled by an outside power."

"Right. So in other words, we had a government in China. This invasion of Manchuria violated the Kellogg-Briand peace pact, which we learned about earlier. This upset the League of Nations, but as they had no army they could do very little harm..."

As Motokuri Sensei droned on about the beginning of World War II in Asia, my mind slowly began drifting elsewhere. It's not that I necessarily found this class boring; in fact, I liked history. It's just that I couldn't stop thinking about Matt.

I had arrived homeroom this morning preparing to sneak off with him to the old gym during second, but when I got here, I found Matt hadn't showed up yet. And then he never showed up at all, and in third, he was still absent. The same with every other class of ours. Matt was missing, and nobody knew why he wasn't here. I know why Nyusumi wasn't here; Kenji had told me he got sick yesterday evening.

I thought back to Friday, when Mr. Ishida had called me looking for Matt.

I had just assumed Matt had gotten pissed and had run off, but maybe something had happened to him. But if that was so, wouldn't Mr. Ishida have told me?

No, probably not. He seems to pretty much hate me now. Most likely Matt was found lying dead in some alleyway and Mr. Ishida didn't want to tell me out of spite.

That pissed me off, but there was nothing I could do. I just had to hope Matt had ran off, then come back home later and was merely sick. After all, he seemed to be exhausted all last week, and had even confessed to not feel-

"Well, Yagami?"

"Ummm.. Sir?" I asked, looking up, abandoning all thoughts of Matt quickly.

Sensei sighed. "Yagami, try to pay attention, please. I'd prefer to see you graduate with all your friends than see you back in here next year."

"S-sorry," I apologized, a faint blush staining my cheeks. "Now what was the question?"

"I asked you to tell me about Mussolini."

"Oh... umm..." I thought for a second. "Well, the failure to stop Japan from invading China encouraged him to plan aggressive actions of his own."

"Very good, Yagami-san. What else can you tell me?"

Sensei looked impressed, and I looked back up at him nervously. I knew this stuff, I just didn't like showing the teachers I was smarter than I pretended to be. By fooling teachers into thinking you're a lazy, setback, popular kid, they were more inclined to go easy on you, and you could get away with a lot more stuff. At least, you could here at Odaiba High. I don't know about other schools.

"Well.. um.. he came to power in 1922, and had always dreamed of building an Italian colonial empire in Africa. Unfortunately, most of Africa belonged to the British and French territories."

I stopped talking there and looked up at him, hoping he would find that enough. He did.

"That was pretty impressive, Yagami. I'm surprised you knew that much. Now," he said, facing the class again, "who can tell me what country was one of Africa's four remaining independent nations."

Silence. I knew, but I didn't feel like showing myself to be even smarter, so I kept my mouth silent.

"Nobody? I'll give you a hint. This country resisted an earlier Italian attempt at invasion in the 1890's."

"Ethiopia!"

"Right. Now, Mussolini knew this and had sworn to avenge that defeat. So in October 1935.."

I tried hard to pay attention the rest of the class period, but I found it very hard. I just couldn't concentrate. I kept going back to that phone conversation with Matt's dad, and what he said earlier when he was kicking me out of the house.

T-Tai... is Matt there?

He had sounded incredibly nervous when he called, not angry and full of hate for me like he should have. And he obviously never told my parents, otherwise they wouldn't have been surprised when I came out to them. So it was very strange. Especially considering the insults he hurled at me.

Get out, you filth! I won't let you corrupt my son anymore! You've done enough already!

Filth. Filth. He called me _filth_! I am not filth.

How could he think that I would 'corrupt his son', as he so put it. It's not like I made Matt gay! He was already gay! And I didn't make him like me either. Just because I told him I liked him doesn't mean that Matt would have to like me in return. Mr. Ishida should know that. So why in hell doesn't he?

-x-

"Hello, Asashi residence, Emiko speaking."

"Eh... hi Emiko. This is Taichi."

"Taichi?" she asked, sounding uncertain.

"Yeah. Do you remember me? I was at your house the other day with Ny. The guy with the poofy hair?"

"Poofy...hair? ...Oh! Oh, right! I remember you!"

"Yeah. Um, listen. Is Ny there right now?"

"No, actually he's not."

"Where is he then?"

"He's at the hospital."

"What! The hospital? Why?"

"He got really sick. 'kaasan freaked out. She took him to the hospital. Turns out he's got appendicitis. They'll have to take his appendix out, obviously."

"That's terrible! Is he okay?"

"He's holding up pretty well. He's scheduled for surgery tomorrow. I'm going to visit him in a few minutes, actually. Would you like to come?"

"Yeah! Sure, that's be great! Where should I meet you?"

"Well, the hospital's close to our house. Why don't you just come here? Can you remember how to get here?"

"Yeah. I'll be there, then. It will take me about twenty minutes to get there though."

"I'll wait."

"K, thanks," I said, hanging up.

I headed into the kitchen, intent on finding Kari and telling her to tell 'kaasan where I was going. Instead I found 'kaasan herself, busy cooking chicken for what looked like chicken teriyaki.

"Naa... okaasan, I'm going out for awhile, okay?"

"Where are you going?" she asked, turning around and smiling at me.

"Nyusumi's in the hospital with appendicitis. I'm going with his twin sister Emiko to visit him. I don't know when I'll be back. I just wanted to let you know. Is it okay?"

"Yeah. Be careful, okay?"

"Sure. Bye, okaasan."

"Bye, Tai dear." She waved as I went out the door.

Tai dear. I sometimes wonder why she and 'tousan didn't call me Tai dear instead of Taichi. 'kaasan certainly uses it enough.

About twenty five minutes later, I was greeting Emiko in front of her house.

"Hey, ready to go?"

"Yeah. What room is he in?"

"Um.. 421."

"Oh."

We walked the ten minutes to the hospital mostly in silence, making a few comments here and there, as we really didn't know each other. Most of the stuff we discussed revolved around Nyusumi.

Emiko also warned me that Nyusumi would probably be very scared, he didn't like hospitals.

When I asked her why, she grew silent, and I worried that I had said something wrong. After a few minutes I spoke up. "Um... sorry, should I not have said that?"

"No, it's okay. It's just.. when Nyusumi and I were very little, our mother had to go into the hospital because she got sick. Well, when this happened, 'tousan would have us stay with a babysitter until he got back from visiting mom. Well, one day he couldn't get anyone to watch us, so he brought us up to the hospital and left us in the waiting room. Well, after awhile, Ny got bored and wandered off. We were only about five or six, so we didn't know we weren't supposed to enter other hospital rooms. Anyways, Ny entered a hospital room with a little three year old boy. The boy didn't have any hair and he was hooked up to all kinds of machines and was breathing in ragged gasps. Ny got fascinated by them and went over to look at them. He reached out his hand to touch one, and just as he did, the heart monitor went flat. Ny knows he had nothing to do with that boys death, but he always feels like he did something wrong when he touched the machine and that it killed that boy. Ever since he's always been scared of hospitals."

I was silent for a long while, digesting this information. Several minutes later I said, "When he and I went to go visit Matt in the hospital, I thought he looked rather nervous and slightly frightened. I always just assumed it was because he was worried about Matt."

"He probably was, he and Matt are really close, but that wouldn't have been the reason why he was scared."

"God... poor Nyusumi. That must have left a deep scar. You weren't there?"

"I didn't follow him. Ny told me about it years later."

"Oh... poor Ny," I murmured again.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, all the way up to when Emiko was knocking on Ny's door.

"Nyusumi? It's Emiko!" she called, rapping lightly on his closed door.

"Come in," he called to us weakly.

Emiko opened the door and we went in. The room, so different from the bright hospital rooms Matt stays in, was exactly like crappy made for tv movies depicted them. The lights were off and the curtains were all drawn, so the room was very dark. Ny was lying in the middle of a huge orthopedic bed (although why they gave him one was beyond me-maybe they ran out of regular beds to put him in), looking rather pale and feeble.

Ny doesn't get sick very often, so maybe when he does it's always more serious than most peoples' sicknesses.

"Hey Emiko," he greeted. Then he spotted me. "Oh, uh, hey Tai," he said, blushing.

I smiled, but narrowed my eyes. Why was he blushing? Unless he was embarrassed about that kiss between him and Matt of course.. well, whatever. Nyusumi has always been strange.

"So what are you guys doing here?" he asked us.

Emiko shrugged. "Just visiting, I suppose. Curious to see how you were holding up."

"Not the greatest, but I'm surviving at the very least," he said quietly.

"That's good."

"Yeah."

They grew silent, and presently Ny turned to me.

"So, does Matt know why I was absent?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "I don't think he even knows you're not in school. He was absent today too."

"Hm... that's strange. Wonder why?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since Friday."

"Oh, really? I thought you two had big plans for this weekend?"

"Err.. well... that.. changed," I said hesitantly.

"Why?"

"Just cos."

"Oh," he said. I could see the curiosity in his eyes, but it was obvious to everybody in this room that I didn't want to talk about it, so he didn't press.

"Well... what'd we do in classes today?"

"Um.. We share Algebra II and European History, right?"

"Yeah, but I have the same Biology, Literature, and Japanese teachers as you, so.."

"Really? I didn't know that. Well... lessee... Algebra II, didn't pay attention, Japanese, that test, Literature, slept through that, History, didn't pay attention. Something about Japan's invasion of China causing World War II in Asia. And Biology, didn't pay attention," I told him sheepishly.

"Taichi! How is that supposed to help me!" Ny shouted irritably.

"Uh... sorry?"

"Grr.." He growled and glared at me.

"Sorry!" I yelped. "I can't help it!"

Nyusumi just rolled his eyes.

We all chatted a bit longer, then I told Emiko and Ny I had to get home soon and that I'd visit Ny tomorrow.

Then I left.

As I walking by room 423, I remembered that had been the room Matt had occupied the last time he was in. Curious to see who was in there now, I glanced in.

A boy with blonde hair was lying in the bed. As a matter of fact, I thought at first it was Yama himself, but then I realized that had to impossible.

Still, I had this strange feeling, so I stepped in the room a little closer, trying to be silent as possible.

That was ruined, however, when I tripped over my own feet.

"Ack! Damn!" I said.

The boy turned.

Once glance at those ice cold blue eyes, and I let out a shriek loud enough to wake my dead grandfather buried thousands of miles away in Antarctica, under the cold snow. He had been buried alive under an avalanche and never found.

"Matt!" I yelled, running over to him. "What in hell are you doing in here!"

End Part 5:1.


	10. Part 5:2

Waiting  
Chapter 5:Part 2-Stupidity  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

-mr ishida's pov-

Idiot. I'm so stupid. I just totally screwed things up. Why did I do that?

Ok, seeing Taichi making out with my son was a shock, but still... Idiot.

It's just that seeing them like that... it reminded me of the way I'd come home and find Matt bleeding on the floor or the bed, and all the images that would come unbidden to my mind.

And now Matt's gone. I don't know where he ran off to. Probably Taichi's. I just hope to God he's okay. I'm afraid of what could happen to him. Between Ken recently escaping and that gang that beat him up a few weeks ago, sometimes I think the whole world's after my son. I wonder if he feels like that often. I hope not. Course, with the way I just treated him, it'd be a miracle if he didn't think that.

-x-

God it's been an hour. Where the hell is Yamato?

I don't know why I'm so afraid. He's probably just at his boyfriend's. I shouldn't be so worried. Besides, the way I treated him earlier, I'd be surprised if he even shows up tonight. I bet he won't come home until late tomorrow, if even that. So I shouldn't worry, right? Right.

Maybe I better call Taichi just in case.

I pick up the phone beside my bed and try to think of the Yagamis number. I can't. Damn. Um, um, um.. what is it!

Oh, wait. I remember. Shaking my head at myself, I dial the number.

While I'm waiting for someone to pick up on the other end, I drum my fingers impatiently on the nightstand next to my bed.

After a few seconds, the phone is answered and Taichi's voice says, "Hello?"

Figures. It would be Taichi that answers it. I swallow nervously. "T-tai.. is Matt there?"

"No," he says in this really flat sounding voice.

"Well, look-" I start to say, then take the phone away from my ear and stare at in wonder as the dial tone echoes throughout the room.

He hung up on me! I can't believe it! The little bastard hung up on me! I didn't deserve that!

Well, maybe I did.

Immediately I called him back.

"What?" he growled, sensing it was me.

"If he shows up... have him call me." I begged.

"Fuck you, you bastard. Why should I do any favor for you? I don't blame Matt for running off on you!" he shouted, then hung up on me again.

I winced at his harsh words, stung by them, even if I did deserve them.

But I disgress. I have more important matters to worry about. Such as where is Matt?

I wonder if he maybe went over to Takeru's house?

I guess I'll find out.

Resetting the phone so it wasn't making that annoying beeping sound it does when it's off the hook, I dialed Takeru's house.

Natsuko answered the phone. "Moshi moshi, Takaishi residence."

"Hello Natsuko," I said softly.

She hates my guts, and I still love her. Life's a bitch.

"Oh hello Ishida," she said, her voice going cold and hard the way it does whenever she talks to me. She refuses to call me Masaharu, too. It's always Ishida now. "I suppose you finally want to talk to your other son," she continued. "Well, I'm afraid you're out of luck. He's over at his friend's house."

'"Oh. Well... Matt's not there, is he?" I asked her, trying not to sound to worried or hopeful.

"No, he's not. Why should he be?"

"Well.. we had an argument and he ran out. I thought he might have gone over there. I guess he's at Tai Yagami's house then. Well, bai."

"Goodbye Ishida."

I blinked at the abruptness with which she terminated the call, then hung up my own phone.

Great. Matt's not at Taichi's, and he's not at Takeru's. I don't know where else he could be, except maybe one of the band member's houses, and I don't know any of their phone numbers. Hell, I don't even know all their names. Just Nyusumi's, and if you asked me to point him out to you, I couldn't.

Damn. I'll guess I'll just to wait.

-switch pov-

Darkness.

I'm surrounded by darkness.

And pain.

I'm consumed by pain, immense pain.

What happened?

Why is it so dark?

I'm scared.

Taichi, where are you?

Don't leave me, I don't want you to go.

I'm scared Taichi.

Please.

I'm so frightened.

It's so dark.

And the pain is too much to bear.

What's happened to me?

-switch pov-

It's past midnight... still no sign of Matt. I'm seriously scared for him now. Where the hell is he? He's not at Taichi's, and he's not at Takeru's. Somehow I don't think he would have stayed this late at one of the band member's house, and I don't think he went to anybody else's house.

What if I have to start calling the hospitals or shelters? I don't want to have to do that. I'm afraid of what I'll find. I just hope and pray Matt comes home. I should never have yelled at his boyfriend the way I did. I never should have kicked Taichi out, or forbid Matt to see him anymore.

But I couldn't help it. I got so scared. I was afraid Matt would get hurt again. And that's something I didn't want to see. He was already hurt so much in his life. By the divorce, by Natsuko who never wants him around, by me never being there for him, by Takeru growing up and not needing him so much anymore, and then by Ken. I didn't want Taichi to hurt him ever.

I was too blind to realize how good Taichi is for him.

God Matt, where are you?

-x-

Saturday evening. No sign of Matt.

Hell, maybe I'm overreacting. I mean, he is seventeen and I did just tell him he's not allowed to see the one person he's obviously learned to love and trust in his life. It's natural he'd want to keep his distance from me right now. He's mad at me, and he's probably hurting. Right? I mean, he's perfectly okay. He's just at somebody's house, and he'll be home in a few days. After all, he knows I didn't kick him out, he's the one that ran out. So he's fine, right?

Right.

Not right.

He wouldn't do this to me. He'd at least call, let me know where he is if he wasn't coming home for a few days. And if he had gone anywhere, it would have been Taichi's. And Taichi's already told me he's not there.

Unless he's lying. Although what reason he would have for that, I don't exactly know. I mean, kinda, but not really, I mean, I don't know what I mean! I'm going out of my mind. I'm so worried about where Matt is. I can't get all these horrible thoughts out of my mind.

He could have been raped (again). He could have gotten stabbed. He could have got caught in a drive by shooting (rare in Odaiba, but it could happen). He could have picked a fight with somebody. Those boys that beat him up could have come back for revenge. He could have gotten depressed and jumped off a bridge. He could have gouged his eyeballs out.

Well, maybe not that.

Damn. I'm overreacting. I know I am. Matt's just fine. Don't think about it. He probably wanted to make me worry. After the way I treated him and Taichi, I suppose I deserve it.

-switch pov-

It's still dark.

I'm still scared.

I still ache.

And I've heard voices.

I don't know who they belong to.

They scare me.

What if they want to hurt me, too?

Oh God.

I didn't think of that.

At least they're gone right now.

Or not.

I hear footsteps.

Is it the voices?

Are they coming back?

I can't let that happen!

No!

Go away!

I open my mouth and scream.

And scream.

And scream.

-switch pov-

I'm going crazy. I can't stand this. When Matt comes back home, I'm gonna kill him. How could he do this to me? Maybe I deserved to worry sometime, but not this much!

God, I can't stand this any longer. I'll go insane. I'm gonna call the hospital.

-x-

"Hello, Odaiba Hospital, how may we be of assistance?"

"Yes, um... have any unidentified persons come in within the last 48 hours?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, we've had ten people so far."

"Ten!"

"Yes. Only three are still unidentified, and one is currently at the morgue."

"The..morgue?" I asked, mouth suddenly going dry.

"Yes. Would you like a description of her?"

"Her?" I sighed, relief flooding through me. At least I know it's possible Matt's still alive. "No, I'm looking for a him."

"Oh, well. The two other unclaimed people are both male. Would you like a description or would you like to describe who you are looking for?"

"Y-you... do ..it."

"Very well. Person one is about sixteen or seventeen years old, blond hair, green eyes, over-"

"Not him," I interrupted. "The person I'm looking for does not have green eyes. Describe the other person."

"Certainly. The other person looks seventeen or maybe eighteen, blond hair, tall, thin, scarred wrists-" My heart leaped. Could it be Matt? "Number of other scars as well, including a particularly nasty scar located on the backside-"

"Blue eyes?" I demanded. "Does he have blue eyes?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't say in the computer, so I'm assuming this person has not yet woken, therefore we cannot determine eye color."

Matt. It just has to be Matt. I know it. Who else would have scars like that? "Tell me, do you know if Dr. Kaos is on duty right now?"

"I can have him paged, if you like," she said, "although I can't guarantee he'll pick up the phone if he's here. Dr. Kaos is a very busy man."

"Just tell Akira that it's Ishida. He'll answer."

"Very well."

I heard a clunk, then in the background her voice over a loudspeaker. "Kaos, Dr. Kaos, please pick up the phone. Ishida wishes to speak to you. Dr. Kaos, pick up the phone, line three."

I waited several minutes, and then a breathless Kaos answered. "Sorry, I was just finishing up in surgery. Is something wrong?"

"Look... is Matt there?"

"Matt? Here? At the hospital?" he asked, confusion noticeable in his voice.

"Yeah. He... ran out.. and didn't come back home. The nurse gave me a description of someone that sounded like Matt. But I can't be sure, because eye color is unknown. But I'm almost positive it's Matt. Can you check for me? Ask her what room number this boy's in, then go see if it's Matt?"

"Sure. Give me a few minutes."

Another clunk, another distant voice.

"Hattie, can you give me a reading on an unidentified male, aged seventeen or eighteen?"

"Yes. ...The male was brought in yesterday by two girls who found him. He underwent extensive surgery, and then was taken to room 423."

423. The same room Matt had last time. Could the fates be so cruel?

"Right. Thank you, Hattie."

Receding footsteps.

I waited a while longer, and presently Akira was on the phone with me again.

"Ishida?" he asked gravely.

And I knew.

"It's him, isn't it?" I whisphered. "That's Matt in there."

"Yes, and his condition is very critical. I've ordered him to be moved to the ICU for now. You.. might wanna get down here, now."

"Ok," I said as I numbly hung up the phone.

The ICU? Jesus, what happened to Matt? How long had he been in the hospital while I sat here stupidly hoping he'd come home?

Jesus, what if he's dying?

-switch pov-

No! The voices! They're still getting nearer, no matter how much I scream for them to go away.

How can I make them leave me alone?

I'm scared!

Taichi, don't let them get near me! Don't let them hurt me!

Taichi, where are you?

Taichi?

Tai?

Taichi!

I'm so scared!

They're here! They're upon me! They're gonna hurt me worse!

Please!

Leave me alone!

Wait... they're... moving me... I think I'm laying on something... but what?

And where are they taking me?

I don't know if I can trust these people.

Why can't I see them? And why can't I understand what they're saying?

What's going on?

Where am I?

Am I ...safe?

-switch pov-

"Akira!" I called, spotting him standing over by the vending machines. We had agreed to meet up in the hospital's cafeteria so he could grab something to eat.

I hurried over to him, anxious to go see Matt and find out what happened to him. Kaos turned and faced me, and even from halfway across the room, I could still see the sadness in his eyes.

It scared me. Whatever had happened to Yamato had to be serious. It was a throwback to the days where I was constantly rushing Yamato to the hospital for whatever new injury Ken had inflicted upon him.

"Ishida," he said simply.

"What?" I asked fearfully. "How bad is my son? I have to know, I have to seem him, I have to talk to him, I have to find out who hurt him, I ha-"

Kaos placed a firm hand upon my shoulder and turned his stern but pain filled eyes towards me.

"Masaharu," he said, using my first name, which was something he had never did before, no matter how bad Matt had been hurt, which gave me an idea of how serious this was. "You... you can't talk to Matt right now. You can't even talk if you're in his hearing range. At all."

I gave him a blank look. "Why?"

"He-he screams. They don't consist of any words, but the terror I felt in them when he was being moved to the ICU-that was enough terror to cause me to be scared. The screams cut through me, straight to my soul. Whatever happened to him messed him up completely as far as emotional trauma goes. It hurt him worse than anything Ken ever did to him. And that's saying a lot."

"Jesus..." I whisphered, stunned. "What did he encounter out there? Who could have hurt him worse than Ken?"

"I... I don't know, but the physical damage he's suffered is just as bad."

I nodded for him to go on, fighting back frightened tears.

"He was stabbed. In the stomach. And in the back. Almost the exact same spot Ken stabbed him in. He bled for quite awhile before two girls found him and called an ambulance. He was found around mid afternoon Saturday, and one of the EMT's estimated he'd lost about 3/4 of his blood. He was literally hanging onto life, dangling by one very thin, very frayed string. The doctor on duty when Matt came in was lucky enough to have Matt's blood type on hand, and the blood he was short of he got from willing patients in the waiting room about to undergo surgery. Matt was extremely lucky, to say the least."

Numbly, I sat down heavily into the nearest chair. I was too shocked and frightened, beyond all ability to comprehend anything.

I had almost lost Matt. While I was sitting there waiting with false hopes that Matt would walk back in that apartment door where I would apologize, in reality he was probably lying in a puddle of his own congealing blood, what little life he had left slowly withering away with each passing moment. Whoever those two girls are, I know that I am eternally grateful to them.

But I curse my own stupidity. I had felt something was wrong, had known there were people loose on the streets that had it in for Matt, and I pushed those uneasy feelings away because I was fooled into thinking that they wouldn't hurt Matt! I'm so stupid! If they hurt Matt before, they'd hurt him again. Which they had just very well proven.

Dammit! Why did I do it? Why did I lead myself to believe Matt was okay, that he was just upset and at someone's house! Why didn't I go out and look for him Friday night? Why, why, why? I will never stop asking myself this as long as I live. Why? Why did I wait? I knew something was wrong, every part of me was screaming so. But no, I just had to wait so long to call the damn hospital! I didn't want to believe he could be hurt! I'm such an idiot!

"Masaharu?"

I looked up at Kaos defeatedly. "It never ends, does it?" I said sadly. "No matter how much I wish it otherwise, it never ends. I tried so hard, Akira, tried so hard to protect Matt! I tried to be there for him, to keep him from getting hurt anymore. But everything I attempt to do just gets screwed up royally. It seems Matt will never have another chance at a normal life. He'll never escape all the pain and betrayal he has to put up with, never be rid of all the torment he suffers. Why? Why does he have to suffer? He never did anything wrong! He's always tried to do things right, no matter what. I've never had any trouble in raising him, except maybe that one time where he decided to paint his room with ketchup during the little fetish of his, but that was only one time and he made up for that! Why is he being punished so cruelly? Why!" Tears were rolling down my cheeks at a great rate now, but I didn't care. Finally all the anguish I had felt at being forced to watch my eldest son suffer but yet not being able to help him any way possible was all coming out. And what hurt worse was the knowledge that I had pushed away the one person who probably had the only chance at helping Matt recover: Taichi. And it was all because I was too damn blind and stupid to realize the truth. God! It's not as if I even have anything against gays! I don't; I'm not homophobic or anything like that. I'll accept my son no matter what kind of lifestyle he desires.

Although I certainly didn't give him that impression, did I?

Idiot! Idiot idiot idiot!

-switch pov-

It's not quite so dark now.

I don't care. I'm still frightened. I still want Taichi.

I want to know what happened to me.

At least the voices have gone away. I know that I'm safe again, although for how long I couldn't say.

I want Taichi. Taichan.. I need you. Need you so badly.

Where are you?

Please don't leave me alone.

...Someone's in the room. I'm not alone.

The thought isn't much comfort.

I don't know this person.

It could be an enemy.

Why aren't they saying anything?

-switch pov-

"Take me to see my son," I said dully, looking up into Akira's startled face.

"What?" he asked, caught off guard.

"Take me to see my son," I repeated. "I want to see Matt."

"Ishida, I really don't think-" Akira began.

I cut him off. "Kaos, I know you're keeping Matt's best interests in mind, but right now I don't care about those interests. I want to see him. I've been here for six hours now, and I haven't seen him yet. I want to see him right this instant."

Akira let out a defeated sigh, knowing I was not to be reasoned with at the moment. "Allright, I'll take you to see Matt then."

He slowly got to his feet, as did as, and then he motioned for him to follow. I did, hurrying to keep up with him. I don't know why he was walking so fast, but he was. We boarded the elevator around the corner, and Kaos pressed the button for floor 5, where the ICU was located. Since we were on the ground floor and I was anxious to see Yamato, the ride seemed to take forever. All I wanted to do was get up there and see Yamato, make sure he was okay. I felt somewhat like a little kid waiting in line at the mall to see Santa for the first time, nervous and excited and scared all at once.

The second the elevators slid open, I rushed out of the cart and down the hall, making Akira the one to struggle to keep up this time.

I reached the ICU entrance fairly quickly, and waited for Akira to catch up, as I probably wasn't officially allowed to enter. I know most ICU patients are allowed very little, if any, visiting time.

When I went over to Matt's bed, which was kept well away from everybody else as so he wouldn't be in hearing range, the first thing that ran through my mind was that Matt had been very, very lucky. It was a miracle he was alive at all. What skin he had that wasn't bruised was very pale, and basically looked like death warmed over, if possible. The scars he or Ken had inflicted were stark white in contrast with the rest of his body, standing out from even a fair distance away.

Lying in there in that bed, hooked up to God knows how many machines, an IV dripping into him, he looked so frail, so little, so delicate, but in no way innocent. Even in sleep his face reflected such pain I almost felt as if I too, could feel his pain.

It occurred to me the only time I had seen him remotely happy in these past few months was when he was with Taichi. And I, being the stupid fool, had taken him away.

My self bashing was interrupted, however, when Matt let out a small groan. I looked at him, then over to Kaos to see if he heard it too.

He had.

I wanted to say something, but was afraid to for fear Matt would scream.

-switch pov-

The first thing I was aware of was 'tousan. The second was pain. Tremendous pain.

I let out a groan, stifling back a yell as waves of pain rolled over me. I quickly abandoned the idea of sitting up, and instead just lay in the bed. A hospital bed probably. I doubted that if 'tousan was here, I would be at home. Not with this much damn pain.

I didn't want 'tousan to be here. I wanted Taichi.

I tried to lift my head and get 'tousan's attention, but all I managed was another groan.

"...think it's safe to talk?" a faint whispher.

It was 'tousan said it. I wonder what he meant. As if talking wouldn't be safe?

"..'tousan..." I muttered, unable to speak any louder.

I heard movement, and sensed 'tousan had moved nearer my bed. I didn't open my eyes to see though. The light was too bright.

"..want..Taichi..."

-x-

"It's Sunday evening?" I asked in disbelief.

'tousan nodded. "You were found Saturday, and I discovered you here today. You were pretty much out from Friday til now, although you came around for a few minutes this afternoon. They moved you back out of the ICU a few hours later."

"Oh." I grew silent. Since Friday... and I hadn't even been found til Saturday. Kento...

I shuddered. I wouldn't go there. I couldn't bring myself to think about Kento and what he did to me. Not now. Not here. The pain was still too raw, too fresh and open. An open wound, you might say.

I heard 'tousan sigh heavily. "Matt... there's something I want to.. I need to.." he seemed to be fumbling with his words, not quite sure how to get it out. I fixed my blue eyes on him, faint traces of curiosity coming through. "Yes?"

"It's about... Taichi."

I felt my body stiffen, and tried to relax it. But it was impossible. The pain over Taichi was even worse to bear than the physical pain that was accompanying me now.

'tousan noticed my reaction, and for a moment I thought I saw guilt in his eyes, but brushed it aside. He had spilt Tai and me up, I wasn't about to forgive him.

That is, until what he said almost made me cry.

"When I walked in on you and Tai Friday night.. my mind flashed back to coming home and seeing you after Ken had gotten to you... in my mind, Tai was the equivalent of Ken. I got scared, I thought... I couldn't stand to see you in any more pain. I didn't want anything bad to happen to you anymore. You'd been hurt to much already.. I was afraid Taichi would do the same. I was too damn blind to see the truth," he said, sounding angry. By now I couldn't look at him. Couldn't stand to see such open pain in his eyes.

"The truth is Matt," he continued, "Taichi's good for you. I knew that and I let my fear run me all the same. I really have nothing against your relationship with Taichi. As long as it's based on true feelings and not a need for comfort after so much pain. As long as you're happy. Then I have no problem. So I was stupid. I had no right to blow up like that, I had no right to kick Taichi out of the house, and I had certainly had no right to take away your one chance at a normal life. I was stupid. I'm sorry."

There wasn't anything said for a long time after that, although I did end up crying.

'tousan didn't say anything about it, just came over and sat next to me in the bed, not speaking, just sitting there. Eventually exhaustion and stress begin to catch up with me, and I carefully lay down, mindful of my injuries.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, I murmured, "s'a'right, 'tousan."

-switch pov-

"How is he?" Kaos asked quietly, coming into the room.

"Fine," I replied. "Sleeping." Although probably not for long, I thought. The nightmares would come soon.

"How about emotionally?"

"He seems to be holding up well enough," I said, frowning. "But it's most likely just a front. Everything he does or reflects seems to be nothing but a front."

"He's been hurt a lot in his life, Ishida," Kaos pointed out gently. "And he often feels like he has no one to turn to. So he keeps everything hidden."

"I know," I sighed. "I just wish there were some way I could help, something I could do. God, he barely even trusts me. The only person he seems to have opened up to is Taichi, and I just royally screwed that up for him."

"Well you did talk to him right?"

A nod.

"Did he forgive you?"

"He said he did, after he cried for a long time." I smiled slightly, thinking back on those moments. It had been one of the few times Matt had allowed himself to show true emotion to me. Even though it pained me, it made me feel glad, glad he was opening up to me, no matter how little it really was.

-switch pov-

Monday. I'm bored. I rapidly get bored in the hospital. I tried studying the weasels again, but somehow they weren't so entertaining this time around. I wish Taichi were here. Even if he'd pester me about what happened, I wouldn't really mind. I just need to see him again. He's out of school. I could easily get 'tousan to call him and tell him to come visit.

I frown.

On second thought, that's a bad idea. He and 'tousan aren't exactly on best of terms right now.

I sigh. Damn. I could really use the company.

hum de de. Yawn. I'm really bored. I wish 'tousan wasn't working. I wish Dr. Kaos wasn't in surgery right now. Stupid people, always needed him to operate on them. He should be in here, getting rid of my damn boredom.

Suddenly I hear a commotion in my doorway, and a very familiar voice exclaims, "Ack! Damn!"

...Taichi?

I turn.

Taichi...

"Matt!" he yelled, running over towards me. "What in hell are you doing in here!"

End Part 5:2.


	11. Part 6:1

Waiting  
Chapter 6:1-A Lemon, My Dear?  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Matt! What in hell are you doing in here!"

I turn slowly to face the boy standing besides my bed, eyes wide and frightened, sweeping upwards over my pale body, finally coming to rest on my startled face.

"Taichi..." I breathed. "Is it... really you?"

His face twisted in confusion. "Of course it is. Who else do you know with a triangle shirt and poofy hair?"

Taichi... it really is... I'm so glad...

Horrified, I could suddenly feel tears building in my eyes, threatening to spill over. Oh no, not now, I can't cry in front of Taichi, I don't need him asking what happened, I can't face it, no no don't cry...

My lower lip begin to tremble ever so slightly.

"Matt? Matt, what's wrong? Are you allright?"

I tried to turn away, tried not to let him see me cry, but he grasped my shoulders and made me face him. Just the look of pain, worry, and fear on his face was enough. I let out a sob and flung myself into him as best as possible, clinging onto him and crying like I'd never stop. All that pain at the thought of never being able to see Taichi again, and now he here was, right in front of me. Oh God, Taichi...

---Taichi POV---

After my shock at seeing Yama back in the hospital begin to wear off, I could feel the fear start to creep in. What happened to him? What put him back in this place? Whatever it was, it must have been bad. Matt acts if he'd given up hope of ever seeing me again. I'm just glad I decided to visit Ny, otherwise I would have let Matt down when he really needed me.

I held Matt for a long time, letting him cry everything out, occasionally whisphering soothing nothings in his ear, stroking his hair gently. Eventually I felt him relax, and he was asleep.

It was then I sensed someone watching me. I stiffened, and lay Matt down.

Mr. Ishida was standing in the doorway, watching us, a pained look on his face while he stared at Matt. Then he looked at me, and his face was suddenly blank. I felt a flicker of fear, not knowing how he'd react to seeing me with Matt, but the surge of anger easily overrode the fear I felt.

"What do you want?" I asked flatly, inches away from just punching his lights out. I wanted to so badly... he took Matt away from me.. he called me filth... I wanted to hurt him.. it'd be so easy...

No, I can't. It'd hurt Yama too much. Stay focused Taichi.

Mr. Ishida didn't say anything, just motioned for me to follow him.

I did, hesitantly. I figured he just wanted to get me somewhere alone so he could beat the stuffing out of me for daring to go near Matt. Well, that was his problem. I wasn't about to leave Matt alone, not now. Not when he still needed me so badly.

To my surprise, he led me not to some dark dank alleyway, but instead an empty waiting room a few feet away from Matt's room.

He sat down and motioned for me to sit next to him.

I chose the chair across from him.

He shrugged, as if he didn't care, then finally spoke.

"Taichi..." he began, then swallowed and got no farther.

I narrowed my eyes, what in hell was up with him?

"Taichi..." he tried again. "I.. I'm sorry.."

I literally had to use my hand to shut my jaw. What in hell! Why was he apologizing! He hated my guts! And I hated his! It was all good!

"I'm sorry for ..the way I reacted, the things I said Friday. I shouldn't have said them-" no shit sherlock, what else is new? "-It's just I didn't want Matt getting hurt anymore."

"I -what makes you think I would hurt him?" I demanded. Couldn't he see I've been helping Matt?

The older man just raised his shoulders helplessly. "I don't know. I was shocked, I overreacted, let my fear get the best of me. But you're good for Matt, so.."

"So...?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"So you better get in there and comfort him before I kick your ass so you'll be the one doing the hurting." He grinned, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thanks Mr. Ishida." I got up to go.

"Oh and Tai?"

I turn back. "Yeah?"

"I'm serious. If you hurt my son, I'll make you wish you'd never been born." "No, if I hurt Matt, I'd make me wish I'd never been born."

He nodded, and I headed back to Matt's room to be there when he woke.

---End Taichi POV---

-x-

It's been two weeks now. I've been out of the hospital for half that time. Tai's been over here every day, and dad hasn't said a thing, so I guess things are all right between them two now. Kenji and Ratsuii have been over here visiting me as well, and so has Takeru. Nyusumi would have been here too, but he's recovering from appendicitis, or so Tai told me. In a way I'm glad. I just want to spend all my time with Taichi. He's the only one who hasn't been throwing concerned glances my way, and the only one that hasn't even attempted to find out what happened, though I sense he wants to know. But I just can't tell him. Not yet. It hurts too much to think about. Hurts worse than when I think about Ken. At least with Ken, I can feel some sense of peace, some security, a knowledge that that chapter of my life is over with. With Kento and the gang, I know it's not over. They're not locked away, and they haven't came and apologized to me, so no way can I feel safe. Besides, I have Taichi to worry about as well. They want him just as badly as they want me. He made them look life fools, and he dented their image. Now they want revenge.

Which is all the more reason for telling him, I suppose. Warn him. But I just can't.

"Yama?"

I look up, startled out of my thoughts, to see Taichi with a quizzical look on his face.

"Are you allright? You looked torn between killing somebody or just hugging somebody to death."

"Huh? Oh sorry. My mind just kept wandering." Flitting from thought to thought. I didn't always use to be that way. I used to think about something and stay focused on it. Now I can't ever seem to.

Taichi pulled me closer towards him and lay down, resting the back of his head on my lap while his feet dangled over the edge of the couch. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" he asked, and I knew what he was really asking. 'what happened that day Yama? Why don't you stop thinking about it and just tell me?' sorry taichi...I just can't...

I sigh. "Oh just stuff. Nothing you'd really be interested in."

He reached up and caught a lock of my golden hair, twirling it around his finger, playing with the loose strands. Anyone else that tried that I'd kill 'em. "Sure I would. Anything concerning you would interest me. Even if you started talking about your rekindled interest in Lafarga, I'd still be interested."

I smiled. For as long as I could remember, Taichi had always hated Lafarga. Everytime I'd talk about how cool he was (not to mention how cute he was, although I didn't tell Taichi that), Taichi would always make gagging noises and pretend to slit his throat. He'd do these overdramatic scenes where he'd catch a glimpse of Lafarga, then start staggering around, wheezing and coughing, pretending the sight of Lafarga had poisoned him and now he was gonna die. It was pretty funny.

"No, I won't talk about Lafarga, although he's still cool," I said. "I was just thinking about how much I love you."

Taichi blushed, unusual for him. "Stop trying to butter me up, cause it ain't working. Sooner or later I'll get you to tell me what happened."

I glared at him, cheerfulness suddenly gone. "What makes you think I want to tell you?" I snapped.

Tai looked hurt. "Matt.. you can't keep it all bottled up inside you forever. It's just hurting you worse, tearing you apart within. Besides, I just wanted to help you, take away some of your pain.."

"And what makes you think I wanted your help?" I snarled, thoroughly upset that he'd dared to more openly mention the one thing he'd avoided because he knew I didn't want to talk about it. If he'd just been patient, hadn't pushed... I might have been able to tell him soon... now I don't know..

Now he looked on the verge of tears. "You're my boyfriend, and I love you! It hurts me to see you hurting! I feel so helpless all the time, like I'm not doing anything for you! All I ever wanted to do was help you! Why do you always have to get so defenseless about it?"

Suddenly all the fight left me, and I slumped down, letting out a defeated sigh. "I'm sorry Tai, you're right. I'm just being stupid. I'm so fucked up... but I just can't talk about it. Not yet. Can't you try to understand that?" "I've been trying. But I don't know how much longer I can stand seeing you in so much pain," Tai whisphered to me. Then he leaned up and brushed his lips over mine in the gentlest of kisses, so soft I barely felt it. But even that small contact was enough to make me desire more. Leaning down, I kissed him back, pressing my lips to his in an urgent need for physical contact. We stayed on the couch for quite some time.

-x-

"Nyusumi! Matt! You guys are back!" Kenji yelled.

I shrugged and gave a half smile. Behind me, Ny shut the door and locked it. He looked around. "Where's Ratsuii?"

"Err..." Kenji begin.

"I'm over -ack!" came the muffled yelp. I heard some giggling, then a whispher "you bastard! How could you do that to me?"

"Sorry."

"Sorry! Is that all you can say?"

I knew the first voice was unmistakably Ratsuii's. Which led me to assume the second voice must have been Genjitsu's. From the sound of it, they were buried under a load of Ratsuii's dirty clothes, doing ..unspeakable things. Why they were under clothes though beats me. Ratsuii's room has always been a mess. He'd probably feel uncomfortable living with neatness.

Trying my best to ignore the noises comes from Ratsuii and Gen, I turned to Kenji. "Why did Ratsuii invite us over if all he planned on was doing it with his boyfriend?"

Kenji shrugged. "Hell if I know. I thought he wanted to practice For The CONCERT NEXT MONTH, but apparently not." He paused, studying Ny and me. "You guys don't look so good."

An understatement if I ever heard one.

"Very observant of you," Ny snapped.

"Ooh, touchy ,touchy. What's the matter? Did somebody get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Kenji teased.

"Fuck off Jin," Nyusumi growled.

Kenji and I shared a Look. Something was obviously bothering Nyusumi.

"Hey dude, I'm sorry. Don't get mad. For real, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," was the mutter.

I had to snort back a laugh. Right now, Ny sounded a lot like me when Tai was trying to ask me the same question.

"Ny? Seriously, what's bothering you?" Kenji persisted.

"Look, maybe I can't exactly say with Matt and Ratsuii and his little boytoy around."

"Oooohhh..." Kenji exhaled. "Is it about our cou -mutual friend?"

Ny nodded. "He came to see me. I'll tell you about it later."

I looked back and forth between them, confused. Mutual friend? What the hell? And what had Ny really almost said? What were they talking about?

Kenji caught my confused look and grimaced. "Sorry Matt, no can tell."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Err.. just because."

It was then that Ratsuii and Gen emerged from under the clothes, red faces and unclad sweaty bodies.

Horrified groans echoed around the room.

"Oh God!"

"Ratsuii please!"

"Put some clothes on!"

"Dude that's sick!"

"We don't wanna see that!"

Ratsuii just grinned. Reaching over to Gen, he wiped a stray speck of semen off Gen and put his finger to his mouth.

The three of us made gagging noises and pretended to get sick.

Ratsuii's grin grew wider, and Genjitsu, too, began to smile.

"So what'd we miss?" he asked.

"Certainly not us," Kenji said.

"Course we did! Didn't we, Gen?"

"Well..."

"Bastard! Those are my best friends you're insulting!"

"Sorry." Gen grinned, not sorry at all.

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

"Whore."

"Jerk."

"Stupid."

"Asshole."

They grinned at each other.

The rest of us just looked at each other. What in hell?

-x-

Several hours later, after practice was over and Ratsuii had screwed Gen about fifty million more times (they never did end up getting dressed, and they were going at it when we left), I was walking home by myself. It was becoming kinda dark, and I was getting rather creeped out. I didn't especially want to run into Kento and the gang, and I was afraid I would. So when I bumped into someone going the upset direction, I automatically thought 'Kento', and let out this blood curling scream and took off down the street, yelling after me for them to leave me alone and not hurt me anymore. It was only when I heard Koushiro's startled voice shouting "come back! It's just me Matt!" did I slow down and risk a glance behind me. Sure enough, I spotted that shock of red hair. I turned back around and started toward him, feeling guilty and majorly stupid for freaking out.

"Oh, uh, hey Koushiro," I mumbled.

To my relief, he said nothing of my foolishness. "Hey. What are you doing out so late?"

"Oh, I just got back from band practice and what was also apparently a sex fest for Ratsuii and Genjitsu."

Koushiro looked shocked. Sometimes I forget he doesn't always hear of the crazy things my band gets up to. He usually doesn't listen to the rumors around school.

"Err... never mind," I said. "Where are you headed to?"

"Jou's," he replied promptly.

I raised an eyebrow. "So late?"

I could just barely make out his blush in the fading twilight. "Yeah, um, we had uh, plans, you know. Watching movies and hanging out."

"And making out as well?" I inquired.

"No!"

I stared politely.

"Well... yeah."

I laughed. "Can't blame ya. Have fun. See ya around!" I waved.

"Yeah. See ya!" he echoed.

I waved once more, then continued on home. So Jou and Koushiro were an item? Most interesting... So far, that makes six Digidestined gay, or bi. Jou, Koushiro, Taichi, Daisuke, my brother, and of course myself. Rather interesting... Absently I wondered if the Digital World breeded homosexual tendencies. I'd have to mention it to Taichi. He'd probably find it interesting too.

-x-

"Mmm... Taichi... we have to stop," I whisphered.

He moaned as I sucked hard on his bottom lip before reluctantly drawing back. He looked disappointed. "Aw Yama," he whined. "Do we have to?"

"Yes, we have to," I said with more firmness than I felt. I wanted to get back to kissing him. "'tousan will be home soon. And while he's not against us, I'd feel uncomfortable making out while he was here."

"Who's to say he'll be home soon?" Taichi murmured, leaning in towards me.

No sooner had he said this then the apartment door slammed shut. Taichi and I jumped a mile high, Taichi hastily drawing away from me.

'tousan laughed. "You two look like a couple of rabbits caught in the headlight," he said.

"Um, yeah..." I said.

'tousan laughed again. "Well, don't let me stop you. I just came home to pick up some files for work. It seems I'm going to be pulling an all nighter covering that series of murder in Tamachi."

"Murder?" Tai asked, frowning. "Since when?"

"Oh, it's been going on for several months now. I think the first was that murder where that baby and the babysitter were killed in the baby's home while the rest of the family was out. The latest one is a 89 year old women that was killed in broad daylight while there were apparently no witnesses. People are really in an uproar."

"Oh," Tai said, still frowning. I was frowning too.

"Otousan, would you by any chance happen to know the name of the family whose baby was killed?"

"No, I didn't cover the original story. Why?"

"Just wondering."

'tousan nodded, then disappeared into his bedroom. Tai used the chance to sneak a few butterfly kisses. He'd just started to press and make the last one real when I heard 'tousan's bedroom door open. I pulled away from Tai fast. Even though he wouldn't care, and Tai didn't, it still was weird to make out in front of your father, especially with someone the same sex as you.

"Well, I'm off guys. Tai, feel free to spend the night. Matt, I'll probably be home around five or six tomorrow. And don't forget, tomorrow's a school day, so don't keep Tai up real late. Go if you feel up to it, and if not, just stay home. There's money stashed in the cupboard, order yourself a pizza or something if you get hungry. I have my cell with me if you need to reach me. See ya later. Bai guys," 'tousan rattled off, reminded me somewhat of Tai's mother. She also had to make this big long speech before she went five minutes away to the grocery store. Dad gave us a wave, then the door shut behind him. The second he was gone, Tai made a beeline for my mouth.

We kissed for quite some time, to me it felt like an eternity, but in reality I had no idea how long. I don't know when it happened it exactly, but some time during our makeout session I realized neither Taichi or I had our shirts on any longer. We'd gone farther then we'd ever gone before, and it seemed we were gonna go farther still... The thought scared me some, but it also excited me too. Just to imagine sex with Tai... it would definitely be different than with Ken. Probably because it'd be the first time I'd actually want it. Hell, I wanted it now. I'd never wanted anything so badly before. The ache of desire was so intense, more so than anything I'd ever felt. I could practically feel it burning a hole through my heart.

"Taichi.." I whisphered, drawing away from him a little.

"Yeah?" he whisphered.

"I want... I want.. you to..."

He drew back and looked at me, eyes wide, breathing heavily. "Yama.. are you-are you sure? You're not scared?"

I shook my head. "No, Tai. I'm not scared. I don't think I'll ever want it more than in this moment. Please..."

_snip. see my website or fic journal for the bad smut that was here._

Tai looked down into my face, smiling. "I love you Matt, you know that?"

I smiled back. "I love you too, Taichi," I replied softly. "Thank you."

He smiled at me once more, then buried his head in my bare chest. I wrapped an arm around him, and like that we slept.

End 6:1.

_Book 1 finis_


	12. Part 6:2

Author's Notes: Please keep in mind, at 15 I knew nothing of how sex really worked. _headesk_.

Waiting  
Book 2  
Chapter 6:2-Secret Revealed  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

When I woke the next morning, the first thing I thought was 'Where in hell am I?' and the second was, "Ouch!"

Tai's head snapped up with a start. "What? What is it? What happened? Who died? Ow! Shit! Ow ow ow!"

"You're telling me," I groan. "Geez, by the fourth time you think it wouldn't hurt so much."

"At least you're not a virgin," Tai grumbled. "And I was the dominant one!"

"It's not my fault I'm not a virgin!"

"Yeah, yeah. What time is it?"

Mindful of Tai still on top of me, I eased myself up on my elbows, glancing around for a clock. "6:45, amazingly. Surprised it's not noon or something."

"I wish it was," Tai said. "At least then I wouldn't have to worry about school. I'm too damn tired to go."

"So don't," I told him in the middle of a yawn. "Nobody said you had to go."

"If 'kaasan finds out I missed school, especially after I never called her and told her I was staying here last night, she'll be extremely pissed. Might kill me or something."

"Nyah, she wouldn't. Besides, you're seventeen. You can afford to miss a few days of school."

"Not with my IQ level I can't."

I laughed. "Allright, allright. Get off me. If you can't miss school, then I won't either. Get up and we'll get ready."

-x-

By 7:15 we were ready to go. We'd miss a few minutes of homeroom, but that's it. Although, it turned out to be more than a few minutes. I had to go to the office and get checked in, since it was my first day back since Kento, and that in itself took fifteen minutes. So by the time Taichi and I limped into homeroom (both of us still kinda sore from last night-I think sleeping on the couch had something to do with it), it was almost 7:50. The bell would ring in five minutes.

Yamada Sensei glanced up as we walked in. "Why are you boys late?"

"I had to get checked in at the office," I explained.

"Taichi?"

"Uh... I was with Matt."

"Why? He's a big boy, he can get checked in by himself."

"Err... no reason, Sensei."

Sensei didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows as we limped to our seats. When the bell rang to go to second form, he summoned us to his desk.

"Yes Sensei?"

"Look boys, I'll be blunt with you. I don't know exactly what your relationship is with each other (although I have a fairly good idea) but whatever it is, I recommend you keep it low key. A lot of things have been flying around the school that even the teachers have heard, and many of them are not pretty. I'm sure you've heard them. So I'll advise you of something. Whatever you two did last night, don't make it obvious. Which means, Taichi, you don't have to go with him when he checks in, and you don't have to make sure there's less than an inch of space between you. Don't let it happen again. You're good kids. I don't need to see you getting beat up. Get it?"

Taichi grinned weakly. "Yeah. I get it."

"Matt?"

I blushed. "Got it."

"Dismissed." He went back to whatever he'd been doing with the papers on his desk, and Taichi and I shared an embarrassed look before departing. We didn't even say anything out in the hallway, just waved and went our separate ways to second form.

Kurata Sensei smiled at me when I entered.

"Kononichiwa, Matt. Do you have an absentee form?"

"Um, no...I checked in at the office earlier. I was late."

"Allright. Jaa, Suwatte kudasai."

"Hai." I took my seat, still limping.

-x-

"Allright! The test is tomorrow! Don't forget to study!" Tadaji Sensei cried over the excited chatter of voices.

The room emptied out, leaving three people in it.

Taichi came over to me. "Come on, ready to go home?"

I groaned. "I don't think I can walk anymore."

Tai just grinned at me. "Still sore? Well, that's to be expected. But if you need a distraction-"

"Taichi!' I hissed, cutting him off. I glanced over at Tadaji Sensei. The man was hunched over his desk, busily absorbed in grading papers, but that didn't mean he wasn't listening to us.

My boyfriend continued to grin at me. "What? It's not like he's listening to us."

"Not true," Sensei spoke up, not looking up from his desk.

"Ack! Err..."

I groaned. "Come on Taichi. Let's go before you manage to give anything else away." I stood and began to gather my stuff.

Taichi followed obediently. "What? I didn't give _everything_ away. I mean, there's still-"

"Behave! Or I might just decide to not let you come over later," I said, grinning wickedly.

He adopted a hurt look on his face. "But Yama," he whined. "That's not fair! It's wrong. Immoral. Or something."

I pushed open the doors, exiting the school. "So? It just means you better be good, Yagami Taichi!"

"Yes Master."

I laughed.

"Tai! Taichi!"

Tai looked from me to where his sister was running towards him, trying frantically to get his attention.

"What is it, Hikari?" he asked as she approached.

"Where have you been? You never came home last night, and 'kaasan got worried when you never called."

"I stayed the night at Matt's."

"Well then why didn't you call? You scared her half to death, making her think something bad had happened."

"Err... I was -busy."

"So busy you couldn't take five minutes to call?"

"Um..." tiny beads of sweat were beginning to form on Tai's forehead, and he looked so embarrassed it was all I could do to keep from laughing. A sudden image of Tai talking to his mother on the phone while having sex with me came to my mind, and my efforts were in vain. I burst out laughing.

Kari gave me a strange look, then turned to her brother. "Well? Why didn't you call?"

"Uh..."

Apparently Kari didn't feel like waiting for an answer.

"Ack! Kari!" Tai cried as she began to drag him off. "Stop it!"

"Nope." came the direct reply.

"But-but I don't wanna go home! I wanna go and spend time some quality time with Matt!"

"Too bad."

"Hey! No wait! Kari- Kaaaaaaaariiiii!"

He disappeared down the street, still being dragged against his will by Kari. Shaking my head, I started to head home, laughter subsided, my thoughts drifting back to last night, how wonderfully gentle Tai had been with me, how much pleasure he'd given me. I have to admit, I wouldn't protest if we did that again anytime soon.

I was almost home when I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Oniichan!"

Takeru.

What was this, get mauled by your siblings day?

I stopped and waited for Takeru to catch up, then resumed walking once he was beside me. "So what's up?" I asked him and he fell in step with me.

"You won't believe what I have to tell you!" he burst out excitedly. "Heck, I can barely believe it myself!"

"Oh?" I raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"Yeah! But I'll tell you when we get to you place!"

"Uh, Takeru...?"

"Yeah?"

"We are at my place. It's right around the corner."

"Oh. Well, we're not inside yet," he said pointedly.

"Whatever." My trademark reply.

Five minutes later found us in the living room, me on the couch and him in the chair. (Normally it's the other way b/c he loves our couch, but this time I insisted, considering what Tai and I had just done last night.)

"Now," I said. "Tell me what it is that I won't believe because you barely even believe it."

"Yeah. You remember when I told you that I told Daisuke I liked him and he said that he never thought of me that way?"

"Yeah.." I said slowly, suspicion dawning in my mind.

"Yeah. Ok, well today during lunch he told me that ever since I confessed I liked him, he'd been thinking more and more about me and started realizing things and that maybe he could think of a lot worse things than going out with me and that he wouldn't really mind at all and that in fact he'd rather like to."

"So what, now you two are an item?" I asked in disbelief.

He grinned at me. "Yep."

I smiled. "That's great! I'm glad for you, Takeru."

"Thanks, 'niichan."

-x-

"Matt, what is wrong with you? You've been walking funny all evening."

"Oh, uh, nothing!" I yelped nervously. "I'm just fine!"

'tousan raised an eyebrow, but I escaped to the kitchen before he could question me further.

Going over to the fridge, I snatched the last can of soda, then headed back to the livingroom, where I promptly discovered 'tousan wasn't letting it go so easily.

He motioned for me to sit on the couch beside him, but I shook my head. "I want the couch to myself."

"What about me?"

"Sit in the chair," I told him with feigned indifference.

A shrug of his shoulders and he did. "Ok. Now Matt, I'm serious. You've been funny ever since I got home. Tell me what's up?"

"Err.. I'm fine, really."

'tousan gave me a look which said he knew I was lying through my teeth. "Matt!" he warned sternly. "If you don't tell me what's wrong with you I will forbid you to see Tai."

I gaped at him. "That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair. Now speak."

I let out a sigh to let him know I wasn't happy. "Err.. well, the thing is... well, .. I kinda... I kinda slept with Tai and stuff-" God this was really embarrassing "-and I'm still kinda.. sore and ... well..." I trailed off, beyond embarrassment, my cheeks stained crimson, waiting anxiously to see how he'd take this bit of news.

'tousan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I see."

Did he really? Was he okay with this knowledge? "You're not... mad, are you?"

"Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm actually rather glad you found the courage to go through with something like that. I'd been worried for awhile. Dr. Kaos warned me some time back that it could be a long time before you ever felt comfortable with the idea of sex."

"Yeah, well..."

Awkward Silence.

"Waitasec... Your sleeping with Tai wouldn't have to do anything with you not wanting me on the couch, would it?" 'tousan asked me abruptly.

I averted me eyes and didn't reply.

"Oh Jesus Matt!"

"There was a blanket underneath. Was, at any rate. You wouldn't wanna use it now."

"Oh God, don't tell me that! I don't wanna know! Geez! Now I don't know if I ever want on that couch again!"

"Um, sorry?" I said sheepishly.

-x-

"You WHAT!" Tai shrieked.

I winced. "Tai, I'm sorry. I told 'tousan we slept together."

"Whatever FOR?"

"Because he asked."

"SO! If my dad asked, I wouldn't have told him!"

"But he was threatening to forbid me from seeing you if I didn't tell him why I'd been 'walking funny' all evening. There was nothing I could do!"

Over the phone, Tai growled. "Damn your father... GOD! Now I'll never be able to look at him again!"

"Yeah. Think how I feel!" I said. "I have to live with guy! Did you know he refuses to sit on the couch now?"

"How does he know we did it on the couch?"

"Err... because when he sat down to talk to me, I wouldn't let him sit on the couch, and then he just kinda guessed."

Tai groaned. "Matt!"

"Sorry. It's not like I wanted to tell him!"

My boyfriend let out a sigh. "Well, there's nothing to be done about it now.."

"Yeah..." Ok, time to change the channel. "Did you know the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies?"

He snorted. "How do you figure that?"

"Come on. Think of all the Chosen that turned out gay. You, me, Jyou, Koushiro, Takeru, Daisuke..."

"Daisuke? But I thought..."

"Nope. My brother came over today with the big news he and Daisuke were going together."

"Oh." Silence. "Strange." More silence. "But how do you figure Jyou and Koushiro?"

"Mainly because they're an item too. So that makes half the Chosen."

"More than that," Tai murmured.

"What? Who else do you know about that I don't?"

"Err... you didn't here this from me."

"No," I agreed.

"Well, Sora and Mimi are dating. And Ken was gay, you know. And..."

"And?"

"You never heard this at all, but Hikari is bisexual," he said in hushed tones.

"WHAT!"

"She likes Miyako."

"No way! You're kidding, right?"

"Uh-uh. She told me herself. But don't you dare ever say anything about it! But anyways, that makes... lessee.. 9 and a half Chosen gay. Not to mention Ny, Gen, Keiichi, Sai..."

I was silent, thinking it over. "Who'd have thought so many people could be gay?" I said at last. "And who would have thought almost all the Chosen turned out that way? I told you the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies."

"If not homosexuals themselves," Tai laughed.

"Small world," I commented. "Anyways, I should go. I'm really tired, haven't been sleeping the best lately."

He didn't voice it, but I could sense Tai was worried. "Allright," he said quietly. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow then. Luv ya, babe."

I blushed. Tai was always calling me babe. Why was beyond me. "Luv ya too. Later, Taichi."

"Bai." He hung up, and I did too.

Then I stripped down to my boxers and turned off the light, crawling in bed. I hadn't been lying to Tai; I was exhausted. Sleep would be good, provided it wasn't full of hellish nightmares.

Closing my eyes, I thought of nothing but Tai. I was still thinking of him when I fell asleep some time later.

But even thoughts of my boyfriend did nothing to stop the pain filled nightmares. It was a never ending hell I couldn't escape.

-x-

"Spend the night? At your house?"

"Aw come on Yama," Tai wheedled. "It'll be fun. You haven't come round to mine in ages. Not since..."

"I don't know..." I began uncertainly.

"Oh please oh please oh please? Hikari's having Miyako round and I really don't need another makeover right now."

I laughed and cringed at the same time. "Miyako's gonna be there? Oh geez Tai, I really don't think so. I barely know her, and the way she acts intimidates me."

"You're seventeen, Matt. Come on."

"I'm not in the mood right now. I've already done that once today."

"Sod you."

"Now I'm really not coming. Enjoy your makeover." I hung up, laughing to myself. No doubt Taichi was staring at the dead phone in his hand, panicking. He's probably afraid he did something to make me mad at him. Give him fifteen minutes. He should be here by then.

While I was waiting, I looked around the house for 'tousan. I found him in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. I noted he'd used the last of the bread. I'd have to buy more.

"Otousan?"

He looked up, noticed me. "Hai?"

"Is it all right if I go round to Tai's tonight? It's Friday," I added when I saw he was about to protest. I could understand why; ever since I'd been stabbed by Kento, he'd been nervous to let me go anywhere other than school. Afraid I'd get hurt again.

"I guess," he conceded. "If you do anything, err... sexual.. be careful, okay?"

"I will."

"Matt! Matt!" Tai came charging in the room. I looked at my watch in surprise. He'd made it in just under ten minutes.

"Matt!' Tai ran over to me and latched on to my arm, breathing hard. 'tousan raised his eyebrows.

My boyfriend looked up at me. "Matt, you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me," he pleaded.

I resisted the urge to laugh and instead tried my best to look sullen and angry. It wasn't hard, as it was a face I'd been perfecting since I was little. "Why shouldn't I be mad at you?" I asked, letting a trace of anger creep into my voice. "After the way you treated me-"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I just wanted you to spend the night! Please?"

He looked so utterly miserable that I gave up pretending to be angry. I couldn't be mad at those adorable brown eyes of his filled with tears.

"Idiot."

He looked at me in confusion. "What?"

"You honestly think I'm mad at you?"

"Wha...?"

I laughed. "I'm not mad at you, idiot. I never was. I just wanted to see your reaction. Of course I'll come round to yours tonight."

"You will?" he said, face visibly brightening.

"Of course. I asked otousan here while I was waiting for you."

He gaped at me. "You knew I was-" Suddenly the first part of my sentence registered, or so I'm assuming, because his face turned bright red as he stared at 'tousan, then he turned and fled the room.

I stared after him, then turned towards 'tousan. He looked back at me questioningly.

"Embarrassed," I explained.

"Ah," 'tousan said.

"I am not!"

"Then why are you hiding out in my livingroom now that you discerned I'm not mad at you?" I inquired airily.

"Err..."

"No excuse, I see. Uh-huh. I see how you are. Yep. You're embarrassed."

"Shutup, Matt!" Tai warned me, his voice muffled. I peeked my head around the corner and saw his head was buried in the chair, hiding, I guess. "Look, can we just go?" he asked huffily.

I laughed. "Allright, allright. Let me throw some junk together first. Geez, have a cow."

"Sure! Can I name it Fred?"

I just rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was so idiotic sometimes.

-x-

"Hello Matt, it's nice to finally see you again."

I just smiled at Mrs. Yagami, a little uncomfortable being back in Taichi's house after so long. It was strange to be talking to his parents when they knew what Ken had done to me and also that I was dating their son. Was this how Tai felt sometimes when he talked to 'tousan? If so, I certainly didn't envy him any. This was downright Awkward. Almost like Awkward Silence. I hate that.

Allright, I guess I'm about to start rambling, so I'll shutup now.

"Okaasan, is it allright if Matt and I order a couple movies on tv later?" Tai asked, breaking the silence.

Mrs. Yagami looked at him. "Why of course, Tai dear. Make sure it's something your sister and her friend will be interested in as well."

"I guess that rules out gay porn," Tai whisphered, leaning towards me. I choked back a laugh.

She just looked at us. "What's funny? What'd you say, Tai dear?"

"I-It's nothing!" Tai said, turning a nice shade of red. "Well anyways, gotta split." He grabbed my hand and began to drag me away while I was busy protesting.

"Aa! Ta-ta-taichi! What are you doing! Taichi, stop! Taichi!"

He didn't say anything til we reached his room, and that only to answer my question. "Does your legal name read Tai dear on you birth certificate?"

"Shut up! It's not like I want her to call me that. Besides, it's better than having 'tousan call me Taichi, and never once Tai."

"Your father never calls you Tai?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Beats me. But sometimes it gets really annoying."

"Hmm... Taichi or Tai dear... I think I like Tai dear better."

"Shutup, you!"

-x-

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Tai asked me, frowning.

"My God Tai," I snapped. "You and Hikari are only going on a few quick errands! You're starting to turn into your mother. Just go already. I'll be fine."

"You're sure?" he asked again.

"Damn! Go already!" I cried, resenting the way he constantly worried over me.

"Well, if you're sure..."

"Of course I'm sure! Now go!" I shoved him out the door into the hallway. He bumped into Hikari, who had probably come back up to see what was taking him so long. I closed the door, then turned around, almost bowling Miyako over.

I raised my eyebrows. "Does the term 'personal space' mean anything to you?"

"Nope," she replied, grinning.

"Well, unless you want me to start freaking out, I'd suggest you back up."

She did so obediently, still grinning.

"Why would you freak out?"

"I don't like people getting close to me, unless they're Tai."

"Cos of what Ken did?" she asked, tucking her short lavender hair behind her ears in an unconscious gesture.

I froze. Tai had said she wouldn't talk about it to me... that was one of the reasons I went ahead and agreed to coming over.

Well, maybe she didn't mean it that way. And I was the one that brought it up in the first place, even if it was indirectly and totally unintentional.

"Yes, because of what he did," I said, somewhat stiffly.

She frowned. "Just what did he do to you anyway? I heard he raped and you and broke your arm, and that he stabbed you, but Ken was one of my best friends, and I can't picture him doing something so cruel. Even if he was the Kaiser."

I was starting to panic. I could tell in the way I was having trouble breathing, and the way my whole body suddenly seemed to go limp.

"So I guess what I'm really asking," she continued on, oblivious to me, "is are you serious about him raping you, or is like those people at school were saying? That you let him, and then when you got scared, you cried rape on him?"

She was one of them...? Oh Taichi.. why did I let you sucker me into this?

"Leave me alone," I whisphered, breathing harshly. "Just.."

she looked at me in surprise. "What? I was just asking. I mean, to picture Ken raping you.. doing all that stuff... get real."

Doing all that stuff...

_/Well Yamato, someone's been a bad boy, haven't they/_

"No, I wasn't... I just..."

_/Oops. Did I hurt you Yamato? Here, I have an idea that will make you feel better./_

"Please don't.."

"Don't what?" Miyako asked, snapping me out of nightmarish memories.

I took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm down. They didn't help.

"Hey, are you gonna answer me or not? What was it like when Ken raped you? Huh? Did it hurt a lot? I mean, they say virgin girls hurt a LOT when they're raped, but is it the same for virgin guys? That is, assuming you were a virgin."

Oh Jesus, no... leave me alone.. how could she do this to me?

End Part 6:2.


	13. Part 7

Waiting  
Chapter 7-Loss of Control  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked Matt, frowning. I really didn't want to leave him here alone, especially not with Miyako, but my mother insisted on me doing these errands for her..

"My God Tai," he snapped. Well, more like barked. "You and Hikari are only going on a few quick errands! You're starting to turn into your mother." Perish the thought. "Just go already. I'll be fine."

"You're sure?" I asked again, not quite reassured.

"Damn! Go already!" he half shouted.

"Well, if you're sure..."

"Of course I'm sure! Now go!"

Muttering a few choice epitaphs under my breath, I let him push me out the door, bumping into my little sister. The door closed after me, and I looked at it mournfully.

"Tai?" Kari asked me.

"I don't wanna leave him, Kar."

"I know, but he'll be okay. We won't be very long."

"Miyako..."

"She said she wouldn't."

"I don't trust her."

-x-

The apartment was eerily silent when we got back. Immediately I became alarmed. "Hikari, where's everybody at?" I asked in a panic, my voice unnaturally high pitched.

"I don't know, Tai," she replied with as much uneasiness as I felt.

I cautiously walked into the kitchen. 'kaasan sometimes leaves notes for me or Kari on the fridge.

I didn't find a note. However, I did find a knife in the sink, a few drops of tell-tale blood still on the blade.

"Kari," I said, my voice rising even higher as more alarm filled it, "Kari.. Kari!"

"What?" she asked, coming in the kitchen.

Wordlessly, I pointed.

Her eyes widened. "Oh my God..."

"Matt," I choked out. "Do you think.."

"I'm calling the hospital!" she cried, going over to the wall and snatching the phone. Frantically she dialed numbers.

While she was on the phone, I wandered the rest of house, feeling like a zombie. It was completely empty of people. And 'kaasan and 'tousan had left in a hurry. Their bedroom said as much.

"I knew I shouldn't have left him with Miyako," I moaned, slumping down against the wall. "Now he's hurt himself again! And we'd been doing so well..." A few tears leaked out of my eyes, falling down my cheeks and splashing onto my hands.

"Taichi?" came Kari's gentle voice. "I talked to 'tousan. He's gonna meet us at the entrance to the hospital."

I looked up at her, still leaking tears. My water pipe burst, as 'kaasan would put it. "Did he- s-say anything about-?"

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "No, and I asked. He said he'd tell us when-"

"-we get there. Figures. Did you put the food away?"

"Yeah. We just need to lock up the apartment. Come on."

She held out her hand to me, and I took it, letting her pull me to my feet.

I locked the apartment after us, and we walked the blocks to the hospital in silence. I was extremely worried and frightened for Matt, and seething at Miyako, and Hikari sensed this, wisely not saying anything.

'tousan was out in front of the doors, off to the side so as not to get in the way of other people. We spotted him before he spotted us, so I yelled, "Otousan!"

He approached us. "Taichi, Hikari."

"Yamato?" I asked him anxiously. "Is he okay? What happened?"

"He wants you, Taichi. He won't let anyone else in, not even the doctors. Come on," and he began walking fast towards the doors.

I kept up with him easily enough, although I think Hikari was quick-footing it a little. We went in and boarded the elevators. 'tousan pushed for the fourth floor, and I wondered if he had the same room as the last few times.

It was room 423, like I thought. I saw a bunch of doctors crowded around it, and inside I could hear Yamato screaming. Needless to say, it scared me to death.

'kaasan was standing off to the side, trying to comfort Miyako, who was crying. I guess Matt was scaring her too. Good. She deserved it.

I ran over to them. "Yamato?" I asked 'kaasan anxiously.

The immense relief that showed in her face scared me almost as much as Matt's screaming. "Go in, Taichi. He won't have anyone else."

I nodded, then went over to the door. The doctors got out of my way, and I knocked timidly on the door. "Matt?"

"Taichi?" came the wavery reply.

I opened the door and went in, shutting it back behind me.

It wasn't a pretty sight. Matt's wrists were still pretty bloody looking, and his face wasn't the best either, eyes all red and puffy, hair all mussed up.

"Taichi?" he quavered again.

I went over, crawled in the bed next to him, held him close to me. I started brushing his hair back out of his face, sighing not unkindly as I did so. "Oh babe, what happened?"

"I'm sorry," he whimphered. "I didn't mean to. Don't be mad."

"I'm not, I'm not," I soothed him. "Just terrified out of my mind."

Surprisingly, he let out a little laugh. "I'm sorry. Don't tell my father."

"Allright. But what happened?"

"I... she wouldn't leave me alone! Right after you left... I got scared. I panicked," Matt said, sniffling and clinging to me.

"Miyako was asking you about him?"

He nodded.

I sighed again. "Babe... I'm sorry. She'd promised she wouldn't. I didn't know."

"S'not your fault, Taichi. I'm the one who insisted you go. Remember?"

"But-"

"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself."

I nodded my head, then we sat in silence as I continued to hold him. He gave a little sigh, sagging against me wearily. I smiled, planting a kiss on the top of his head, then leaned back against the cheap headboard. Crappy hospital beds...

Some time later someone was knocking on the door. "Matt? Taichi?"

"Dr. Kaos.." Yamato murmured, yawning. "Better let him in, Taichi."

"Door's not locked," I remarked. Then, a little louder, "Come on in."

The door opened and Dr. Kaos walked in. "Calmed down?" he asked, addressing Matt. Matt nodded.

"Not gonna bite me now?" Matt shook his head, and I raised my eyebrows. "You were really upset, weren't you?" Matt nodded again, yawning a second time.

Dr. Kaos grinned. "Well, that's good. You're one hell of a biter Matt."

"Hmm..." I murmured "...such possibilities... Oh Matt dear?"

"No, I will not practice S&M with you."

"Damn." I pretended to pout. "Babe, you are just no fun, you know that?"

Dr. Kaos laughed and began attending to Matt's wrists with a swiftness that suggested deft practice. Matt is probably the only suicidal he sees in here on a regular basis. I wonder... Could I ever get Matt to get counseling? Aa, probably not...

"Am I allowed to call your father yet?"

"No!" Matt cried. "Please don't, Dr. Kaos. It'll just put unnecessary strain on him. I don't want him to worry about me all night long. Please. I just want to go back to Tai's and forget about this."

I looked at my boyfriend in amazement. "Go back to mine? But babe.."

"No, I will not stay in this hospital overnight. I'm fine, and I'll continue to be, as long as you keep her the hell away from me," he said, referring to Miyako. "And I don't want to go back to my apartment, either. So no."

I shrugged. "Whatever then. Come back round to mine. I'll definitely keep her away. Just let me go talk to my parents, okay?"

He nodded, his expression becoming slightly curious at his unexpected victory. I smiled. He was so cute sometimes! Then I slid off the side of the bed and went out to where my parents were in the waiting room down the hall with my sister.

"Otousan? Okaasan?"

They looked up expectantly. "Matt still wants to stay over. I told him it'd be allright, but I wanted to make sure. Will you mind?"

'kaasan looked at 'tousan. "What do you think?" she asked him.

"I.. suppose ..it's allright," he said slowly. "As long as-"

"He'll be fine," I said hastily, cutting him off. "I'm gonna go tell him, and then we can probably leave soon."

I ran off before they could ask me any more questions. I popped into Matt's room for a few moments to tell him, then I was off again.

I found what I was looking for downstairs in the deserted cafeteria. She was huddled up on one of the benches, crying. I still didn't feel sorry for her. Instead, I went over to her and yanked her to her feet.

"What in the hell did you think you were doing, Miyako!" I yelled in her face. "Hikari and I both specifically told you not to mention Ken to Matt at all, that you were to steer clear of that subject! He was just starting to get over it and then you come in and ruin three months worth of hard work! What in the hell is your problem! We told you he was sensitive! We told you not to push him! What in the fuck did you think you were doing!"

Miyako didn't respond, she was still crying, and now she was trying to shy away from me as well. Not that I cared. I was seething. Extremely pissed. How dare she push Matt like that?

"Tai, Tai stop it!" Kari cried, running in. "Leave her alone! She feels bad enough!"

"Does she?" I snarled savagely, whirling around to face my sister. "Look at what she did to Matt! That was what, his third attempt? Fourth? He'd finally, finally really started to get over Ken, and she screws it all over! Put yourself in my place, Kari! What if it'd been her getting abused and Matt had pushed her over the edge? With as much as you say you like her, don't you think it kill you to know she was stuck in a hospital suffering?"

"Taichi!" My sister had gone deadly pale, and then the full impact of what I was saying hit me. I literally staggered back a step, as if it had been a physical hit.

I'd just gave away Kari.

"I... Kari..."

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed, then ran off, starting to cry.

I looked at the spot where she'd been, then at Miyako, who'd been shocked into soberness, then sank down to the ground and promptly bawled.

The ride back home was strained, to say the least. Hikari was still extremely pissed at me, I was pissed at Miyako and worried about Matt, Matt was pissed at Miyako and worried about me, and my parents were just generally confused and scared. As for Miyako... I think she was still in shock. She didn't say anything at all, didn't even make a noise, which is extremely unusual for her.

"Taichi?" Matt asked me in a low voice when we got to the apartment and were safely in mine and Hikari's room.

"What?"

"What's wrong with Hikari?"

I sighed. "You remember I said Kari was bisexual?"

He nodded.

"I accidently blurted out in front of Miyako that Kari liked her."

He winced. "Ouch."

I smiled. "Yeah. Major ouch. She's never been so pissed at me. I think most of it stems from embarrassment though."

"Hm. Probably. Wanna watch a movie?"

So like him to change subjects. Ah well. I don't mind. This time. "Sure. Whatdya wanna watch?"

He grinned. "You wouldn't happen to own any gay porn?"

I let out a snort. "Matt!"

He grinned. "I'm serious."

"Oh God!" Thus saying, I still went over to my stash of carefully acquired porn and chose a title. Well, he SAID he wanted to watch it!

His mouth dropped open in amazement as I put the tape in the VCR. "You actually have some?"

"Of course. What teen doesn't?"

"A lot of teens don't have gay porn."

"Yes, but they have porn."

"I don't."

"Shutup. You're ruining my collection of facts I spent so much time amassing."

He threw a pillow at me, then settled down beside me on the bed to watch. Well, more accurately, sat on me.

Thirty minutes into the tape found me with a HUGE erection.

"Um Matt?" I spoke up.

"Hmm?" he said absently.

"Can we like, not watch this anymore?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm about to keel over from the pain!"

He laughed and scooted off me. "You get horny easily, Tai dear."

I made a face, pulling lightly on his golden locks he so treasured. "It's kinda hard not to when you're sitting on my lap while we watch porn," I remarked dryly.

Matt just gave me a wicked grin. "We can fix that, if you like," he told me slyly.

"My parents are home," I reminded him. "And Kari. And Miyako."

"So? We can be quiet."

"Now who's the horny one?"

The only response I got was Matt throwing himself on me and kissing me for so long I began to wonder if the guy had even heard of oxygen. Light years later he broke off and looked at me, a lot more serious than he'd been. "So? Want to?"

"After a kiss like that, who in their right mind would say no?" I asked him huskily, then started kissing him back.

When I came, I had to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming and alerting my parents. Afterwards, I collapsed on the bed completely sated with pleasure. Matt fell beside me, looking exhausted and satisfied as I felt. I looked over at him, then grasped his hand. He smiled softly at me. "Tai..."

"Yeah babe?" I whisphered, too worn to have the strength to speak louder.

"That was wonderful..."

"Why, thank you," I said mockingly.

He smirked. "Cute."

"I know."

"There's just one problem."

"What?"

"How are we supposed to leave the room covered in cum?"

"Err... look genius, it was your bright idea to have sex in the first place!"

"You're the one that had the huge erection!"

"You're the one who sat on my lap and insisted on watching porno!"

Our little argument was interrupted by a knock on the door and 'kaasan saying "Taichi?"

My eyes widened in panic; I looked at Matt.

"Crap!" I hissed. "I didn't lock the door!"

"Quick! Clothes!" Matt got up and started scrambling for clothes, but it was too late. 'kaasan had already opened the door.

"Uh... yes okaasan?" I asked as calmly as I could while Matt yelped and used his shirt as a shield. His face was bright red and I felt my own flaming as well.

'kaasan stared at us for a few, then beat a hasty retreat out the door, stammering words I don't think even she could make sense of.

Matt and I just looked at each other for a few seconds after she'd left.

"...wanna go take a shower?"

-x-

After our shower (in which Matt managed to give me another erection, damn him!), I felt much cleaner but no less embarrassed. I dreaded going out in the living room, but I had to find out what 'kaasan wanted. At least I could drag Matt along with me for support.

'kaasan wasn't in the livingroom, but 'tousan was.

"Otousan."

He looked up. "Yes?"

"Where's okaasan?

"She's in our bedroom. She was muttering nonsense words and looked rather shocked. Any idea why?"

I shook my wildly, as did Matt. "Uh-uh, nope, no way, not a clue." I said, laughing nervously. "Don't know what it could be. Matt?"

"No! None at all! Totally clueless!"

'tousan raised his eyebrows. "O.k." he said after a moment. "If you say so."

"Yep! We say so! Gotta split!"

I grabbed Matt and yanked him out of there, then went and found mom. She was laying on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I decided it'd be better if Matt wasn't there, and told him to go wait for me in the kitchen. He nodded, immediately making himself scarce.

"Okaasan?" I asked timidly.

She looked over at me. "Taichi."

I gulped. "Um... I just wanted to see what you wanted earlier.."

"Well, I wanted to make sure Matt was okay, but he obviously was."

"Yeah. Obviously." I grinned weakly. I came over and sat at the edge of her bed. "Look, I'm sorry about that, but I am seventeen, and I feel mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. Plus, I'm really careful with Matt. And I did say we were involved."

"Yeah. Just..."

"Just?"

"I didn't realize you were _that_ involved. And I think I'd prefer it if you chose to do... that.. when me or your father aren't home. And your sister."

I grinned. "Sorry. It was... a spur of the moment thing. I couldn't help it."

"Alright. Are you and Matt sleeping in your room or do you want the livingroom?"

"I think you better give us the livingroom. Otherwise we might end up doing things again."

-x-

"Later babe. Be careful, okay?" I said, giving him a quick kiss.

"I will. I'll call you later."

"Okay. Bai."

After Matt left, I wandered the house aimlessly. I was actually looking for my sister, but I didn't entirely want to find her. She hadn't spoken to me since we were at the hospital. I was just now seeing that I'd hurt her worse than I'd realized last night.

I found her in the kitchen. She was helping 'kaasan with the supper preparations.

I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself, then spoke. "Hikari, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm helping okaasan," she replied in the coldest tone of voice I'd ever heard her use. It sent chills down my spine. This was gonna be tougher than I thought.

'kaasan smiled down at her. "Go on and see what he wants. I think I can manage without you."

Hikari smiled at her, then glared murderously at me. Nonetheless, she follwed me down the hall to our room. I shut the door, then turned towards her.

She wasn't doing anything, just sitting on the bottom bunk of the bed, staring coldly at me. She didn't say anything when I looked her, and the silence was rather unnerving. Suddenly I felt seven instead of seventeen.

"Look.. Hikari... "

"What?" she snapped.

I flinched. "I just.. I wanted to say I'm sorry. Really, truly, sorry."

"Are you?" she asked, tilting her head back ever so slightly.

"Yes. I am. I was -not exactly myself last night. You know that. I was scared to death for Matt. And I was really mad at Miyako. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. I honestly didn't mean to tell her. I'd never do that on purpose, I promise."

"Do you really now?" she said, and her voice was heavy with sarcasm, eyes cold and piercing.

"Please Hikari," I begged. "Please forgive me. I hate it when you get mad at me. I really am sorry. Please?" I got down on my knees and put my hands together, begging still.

"I.." she began, and now she looked uncertain. "I..."

I stayed silent, rather than push her. If I pushed her, she might get annoyed and say no. I'd learned that little trick with 'kaasan a long time ago.

"I... You totally ruined it with her!" she yelled, and her eyes started to fill with tears. "She'd hardly talk to me at all last night, and it's your fault! She probably hates me now!"

Pained, I tried to reassure her. "Oh come on, Kar. She's your friend. You were in the Digital World together. I don't think she's gonna drop you because you like her. I'm sure if you talk to her, you'll still be friends, even if she doesn't like you that way. And if she does.."

"But.. but last night! She didn't even hardly look at me!"

"She was in shock, and it wasn't just because of you. It was because of what she made Matt do, no matter how unintentional it was. Think about it Kar."

"I..."

I smiled at her, then reached out and stroked her sleek hair. "Don't worry. Things will work out fine in the end, even if you don't get together. Ok?"

"Ok," Hikari replied softly. "Thanks, oniichan."

"Think nothing of it."

End Part 7.


	14. Part 8

Author's Notes: From here on out, if you've managed to make it this far (I'll give you a medal if you have), the chapters get tolerable. Because there was a year's gap between this chapter and the previous chapter.

Waiting  
Chapter 8-Nothing But the Truth  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"So, did you have a good time at Taichi's?"

I choked on my water, some of it dribbling down my chin. A good time wasn't exactly the words I'd use to describe last night. "Uh... yeah, 'tousan. I had a great time."

I just spent half of it in the hospital, and the other half of it trying to avoid the Yagamis. Not that I'll say anything to 'tousan. I don't want him to know what happened last night.. He'll just worry unnecessarily, and he might not trust me to go anywhere else anymore. And I definitely don't want that.

'tousan raised his eyebrows at me, and I could see he didn't quite believe me. He wasn't stupid. He knew something was going on. He just didn't know what.

"Right," 'tousan said. He changed the subject. "Your band called looking for you while you were round Taichi's last night. I don't know which guy it was. Said he'd try calling you again today."

I let out a sigh. "Great. Ok, thanks for letting me know." It was probably Ny. Not that I have any idea what he might want. Unless it's band practice.

Tousan nodded and continued to study me, trying to figure out what it was I wasn't telling him. I shifted my eyes away from his intense gaze and stood, grabbing my bowl and carrying it over to the sink. Suddenly the atmosphere in the house seemed stifling. I wanted out.

"Eto... I'm going to go take a walk, Otousan. I'll be back in awhile."

"Allright," he replied quietly. He seemed like he wanted to say something else, but decided against it.

I headed to my room to get my jacket. It had been cloudy all day, and was a little chilly outside. Besides, if it happened to rain, I had no desire to get caught out in it without anything warm.

Once outside the apartment building, I paused, looking around me a bit fearfully. I was afraid of seeing Kento again. However, seeing no one in sight, I decided it was safe and headed off in the direction of the park. On the way, I thought about Kento.

I hadn't told Taichi yet that it had been Kento who had put me in the hospital that time. After I had nearly blown up at him that day, he'd stopped questioning me.. but he hadn't stopped wondering. It was in his eyes when he looked at me. It was in his smile, his laugh. It was lingering in his voice when he spoke to me. That little question. _Who, Yamato?_ Heck, he didn't even know if it was a who. I wouldn't tell him. And he had no one to ask. No one else knows exactly what happened to me. All Tousan and Dr. Kaos know is that I'd almost died. They didn't know who had hurt me so bad.

I closed my eyes against the onrushing memories. I still heard it in my head. It invaded my dreams at night. The cruel laughter of Kenji's brothers echoing around the alleyway. The taunts they flung at me. The questions they asked. The threats...

I blinked back sudden tears. I still remembered the attack, every vivid detail forever etched in my mind, on my heart.

_/I told you not to lie, DAMMIT/_

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, standing stock still, trying to force away the awful memories of that closed alleyway. It wasn't working much.

"Matt?"

Surprised at hearing a familiar voice speak my name, I opened my eyes to see Dr. Kaos Akira standing in front of me.

Quickly I brushed away my tears with my fingers. "Dr. Kaos," I said. "What are you doing here? How come you're not at the hospital?"

"Even doctors have an occasional day off," he said with a laugh.

I felt my face growing warm at my stupidity. "Oh," I said. "I guess so."

He went and sat down under a tree, leaning his back against it. I followed and sat next to him. We remained in silence for a bit before I spoke.

"My friends and I used to come here a lot, when we were younger. We'd all have these big gatherings for the afternoon. Usually there'd be food, and we'd hang around and talk and play soccer..." I grew quiet, remembering those happy days, when I was still innocent, still unaware of the greater horrors of the world. "We never meet here anymore.." I added.

"Do you miss those days?" he asked me.

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I? Even with everything that happened in the Digital World, I was still happy. I had friends who cared about me and who didn't always feel compelled to walk on tiptoes around me. I wasn't afraid of people. Ken... Well, Ken was evil at first, but later on.. he became good. And he was a friend. A close friend. ...I guess he just got too close," I whisphered.

He sighs. "Matt, has anyone ever told you before that it's not your fault?"

I whip my head up and look at him in surprise. He knew... how did he know? I'd never told anyone before. I was too ashamed. "But it is," I whisphered.

"Why? Why is it your fault that he decided to take what he wanted without any regard to you or what you wanted?"

"Because... I... I encouraged him. I.. for awhile we were really close friends. Not as close as Taichi and I, but.. close. I'd always suspected he liked me. And I thought.. I thought a little flirting wouldn't hurt. I thought he had to realize there's no way I'd ever like him that way. So you see, it's my fault. I led him on, made him think I wanted him.." I hid my face in my hands, ashamed. I had. I'd purposely led Ken on. It was unforgivable. I'd known he'd had feelings for me, and I let him think I returned him. What he did to me was unforgivable, but it was all my fault. I never should have done what I did. I'm such a fuckup. I'm a horrible person.

"Matt, it's not your fault. I promise you. What-"

"But it is!" I cried out. "I led him, made him think I wanted him!"

"Ok, so maybe what you did was wrong. If you felt nothing for him, you shouldn't have made him think you did. But that didn't give him the right to do what he did to. You turned him down, he should have accepted that and left it alone. It never gave him the right to abuse you. He was just as wrong as you were, more so. He's responsible for his own actions, Matt. It wasn't your fault."

I was silent, thinking over what Dr. Kaos had said. He was wrong, he had to be.. but what if he wasn't? Even if I'd made Ken think I wanted him, I _had_ turned him down. No matter what I'd done before, he should have recognized I didn't want to go out with him. He shouldn't have hurt me.. but if I'd never.. maybe he would have never asked me out.. no! I don't know that for sure. If he really liked me, he might still have asked me out. I can't necessarily say it's all my fault.. but at least part of it must be, right? Oh, I just don't know.

Sighing, I let out a sigh, and struggled to my feet. I looked at the world around me. There were lots of people in the park today. Many were smiling, laughing, having a good time. I bet a good many of them never had anything bad touch their lives, but I knew there were also probably people who _had_. Yet they were out here now, enjoying themselves, having a good time.. I longed to be like them. To put all the bad stuff completely out of my mind for good, to forget any of it ever happened, to be happy again. There was so much of the world I was still missing, so many good things yet to come.. And yet here I was, sitting here dwelling on all my problems, letting them drag me down to darkness. I should just be forgetting about them, working to get over them, going out and truly enjoying the world again. It was just so hard. I mean, everything Ken did to me, I'm mostly over that. I'm not as scared of him anymore, I can handle thinking about the abuse without falling to pieces. My nightmares of him aren't as frequent, I know he's not out to get me anymore. I'm not scared of sex the way I was before. I don't flashback to Ken every time someone says something that reminds me of the abuse. Ever since Ken came that day to my apartment.. it was just like, everything bad about him, everything I went through with him.. most of that didn't hurt me anymore. I mean, yeah, I still don't like to think about. I still think it's my fault, and I'll still never forgive him, but the pain just isn't as bad anymore. Most of my problems now revolved around Kento and his gang. _They_ were the ones that were abusing me now. They were the ones that were shattering the little bit of self respect I'd managed to gain. They were the ones that were keeping me from the good parts of the world.. and for that I hated them, hated them with such passion, such smoldering desire to kill them.. and yet I was too damn scared, and for that I hated _myself_, hated myself so much...

"Matt?"

I looked down at Dr. Kaos, and as I did so I felt something wet dripping down my cheeks. I was crying. Fuck. What the hell is it with me? "Sorry," I mumble. "I didn't mean..."

"Matt, maybe you should consider getting some help. Have you ever thought about it before?"

I glared at him. "I don't need any help from a bunch of idiots who think they know everything and yet know nothing at all!"

"Matt, psychologists are not idiots. They're people who are qualified to help people like you with problems, people like you that have been through traumatic experiences and can't cope with it all alone."

"I can cope!" I shouted, though my voice lacked conviction. I couldn't cope. I knew I couldn't. That was part of my problem. I hated feeling so defenseless.

"You can't Matt. But I'm not here to tell you what to do. Hell, I'm just your doctor. What do I know about you?"

I'd hurt his feelings. Immediately I felt horrible. Dr. Kaos was one of the few people I trusted, one of the few people I felt like I could talk with. Who was I to yell at him when he was concerned about me and just trying to help? I'm such an idiot. "I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean."

He nodded, though I got the feeling that things weren't really okay.

"Look, I.. I gotta go. 'tousan will probably start worrying if I don't get back home soon. ...Thanks for talking to me."

He just nodded again. "Later Matt," he said quietly.

I gave him a little smile, then walked off.

-x-

"Matt? Is that you?" 'tousan called as I let myself in the apartment a short time later.

I rolled my eyes as I called back, "No 'tousan, it's some crazed murderer come to kill you."

He let out a small laugh. "Well, you never know. It could have been."

"And he'd use a key to open the door, right?"

"Okay, okay, point taken," he said as I walked in the living room. "How come you were gone so long? I was starting to get a little worried."

I looked away; why does he always have to get so worried about me nowadays? "I was perfectly fine, 'tousan. You shouldn't have worried. I just ran into Dr. Kaos at the park and stayed to talk with him for a bit."

"Ah," he said.

Okay... "I'm going to go start dinner now, okay?" I passed him and started to go into the kitchen, eager to start dinner. I've always enjoyed cooking, and it will help my mind focus and take it off of other things.

"Wait, Matt," he said.

I turned and looked at him, suddenly nervous for some reason. Had he found out..? But Dr. Kaos promised not to tell him. He wouldn't betray me like that. Besides, Dr. Kaos wasn't at the hospital all day, he'd been at the park. So this wasn't anything. Then why was I so nervous?

I swallowed, tried to act cool and collected. "Yes?" I asked him.

"The hospital sent me a bill today," he began.

Oh hell. I didn't even think about that. Of course they'd bill us. I'd been in the hospital for a few hours last night, and they'd had to give me some blood, because I'd been a little low lately. Ever since Kento attacked me, and I'd nearly died, I'd been having to go in and get blood, because my count was still low enough to make them worry. "Oh?" I said, but it came out rather squeaky sounding.

He let out a sigh. "Why didn't you tell me Matt? Why didn't you tell me you had to go back to the hospital last night? Why _did_ you go?"

I studied the carpet. It needed to be vacuumed. I could see dirt and old food crumbs. Nasty. "Wasn't any big deal," I mumbled. "I just didn't want you to worry."

"What happened?"

I didn't answer him. There's just no easy way to tell your father you tried killing yourself. Again.

"Did you... lose control of yourself again?"

I laughed bitterly. "Oh yeah, what a great way to put it 'tousan. Lose control of myself. Good one."

"Well, what would you rather me say?" He sounded genuinely angry now. "Gee Matt. What happened? Did you slit your wrists again because you couldn't handle it? Did you get so sick of life that you decided it was better of without you? Did you feel like trying to kill yourself again? Do you enjoy suicide and wanted to attempt it again? Huh? Would you rather me say something like that?" He was yelling at me now, really yelling. It hurt. I never thought Otousan could be so cruel.

"That's not fair!" I half shouted at him, half sobbed. "You have no right to attack me like that! It's not like I try to.. to.." I couldn't go on anymore. I was crying too hard now, and I was mad at 'tousan for yelling at me the way he did. So I just stood there, crying, hating him and hating myself. I was sick of this, so sick of it all. Nothing was ever normal anymore. Everything was just wrong. It was changed and different and it left me unhappy. I didn't like it anymore. I just wished things would go back to the way they'd been before.

"Matt.." 'tousan said, pained.

I didn't look at him. "You think I..." I let out another sob, then tried again. "You think I do it on purpose! You think I still want to kill myself!" How could 'tousan think that? I wanted to live now! I had a reason for staying alive! Taichi was my reason! Didn't 'tousan know that?

"Actually, no, I don't think that. I understand that you actually don't have control over your body. And you're right, I shouldn't have said those things. I'm sorry. But don't you understand how much I worry about you?"

"Why?" I wailed. "Why do you always have to worry so much about me? I hate it!"

"Look. Let me put it to you like this. What happens if you lose control and slit your wrists while no one is around? What happens if no one finds you until it's too late?"

I looked at him in shock. I'd never thought of it that way.. Even though I've slit my wrists numerous times, someone's always been around to save me, so I've never been in great danger of dying.

'tousan looked down at the floor for a bit, and when he looked back up, I was surprised to see he was crying. "I couldn't bear it if I lose you, Matt," he said. His voice trembled. "You're all I have left. I know I've never really showed it, but I really do care for you. I've been so scared for you. I've felt so helpless lately. You've been having so many problems, and I can't do anything to fix them, to make you okay again. And I'm so afraid I'll come home one day and find you dead on the floor in a puddle of your congealing blood. A repeat of the first time I found you.. I .. I can't .."

"'tousan," I said quietly. "I'm not going to die."

"You don't know that! You have once before."

"What?" I asked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He looked away. "The first time. You died on the way to the hospital, in the ambulance. Paramedics worked frantically for twenty minutes, and they were preparing to announce you DOA when suddenly your heart started again. They managed to keep you alive long enough to get blood in you again."

"Why.. why didn't you tell me this?" Oh man.. Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach.. I've died... I actually killed myself.. if they hadn't saved me then.. oh jesus.

I swayed, feeling dizzy and even more nauseous. I could have been dead right now. And think of all that I would have lost.. Oh shit.

I barely made it to the bathroom in time. Once I finished emptying my stomach's meager contents, I slumped down to the floor and started to cry. 'tousan's voice kept echoing in my head, telling me over and over that I had died.

"Matt? Matt, are you okay?" 'tousan was standing in the doorway, looking at me, worried.

I started to shake my head, then stopped because the motion made me feel sick. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?" I croaked out, still crying.

He came over to me and crouched down next to me. "What would have been the point?" he asked quietly. "There was nothing to gain in telling you. I knew it would just upset you."

"I could have lost everything. Everything! 'tousan, I'm so stupid. I don't want to die!"

"Now do you understand why I've been so worried about you?" he asked me, not unkindly.

"Yeah. Jesus 'tousan, I'm so sorry." I wiped my eyes with my hand, though it seemed to do me no good. The tears kept coming. I felt slightly embarrassed to appear so weak in front of 'tousan, but he didn't seem to mind.

He stood, and then held his hand out to me. I took it; he pulled me to my feet gently. I followed him to my room, where he made me lie down in bed. He pulled up the chair from my desk and sat down in it. He sat silently for some while, seemingly gathering his thoughts.

Some time later, he spoke. He chose his words with care, but I still didn't like what I was hearing.

"Matt.. have you perhaps considered that maybe your problems are a bit too large for you to handle by yourself?"

I looked away, knowing what it was he was delicately suggesting. I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about. "I'm not handling them by myself. I've got Taichi."

"Do you?" he asked me.

I gaped at him. "Of course I do!"

He waved that aside. "That's not what I'm talking about. Does Taichi really help you with your problems? Do you let him help? Do you open up to him? No one can truly help you unless you open up some and clarify what's troubling you."

"I..." I went silent. Of course I didn't open up to Taichi. I didn't want to bother him with my stupid problems.

"Somehow I don't think you do," 'tousan said.

"I'm fine, Otousan," I said stubbornly.

He sighed. "Matt, are you sure?" he asked me. "You're really, really sure?"

I nodded. "I can handle it. All it takes is time."

"Yes, but how much?" he murmured as he stood and left my room. I just looked after him.

How much indeed.

-x-

I woke the next morning to find Taichi's cheerful face hovering just above mine. Startled, I let out a yell. This caused Taichi to jump and stumble backwards. In his fall, he grabbed onto my arms and pulled me down on the floor with him. I landed on the carpet with a thud, bringing all my blankets with me.

"Mou! Taichi!" I cried as I tried to extract myself from my tangled blankets.

He grinned at me sheepishly. "Sorry," he offered.

"Why are you here, anyways?" I asked him. "I thought you usually spent Sundays with your family."

"I do, but.." he trailed off, giving me a strange look.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't you know what day this is?" he asked me.

I shook my head.

"Man, are you out of it!" he exclaimed. "It's your birthday, remember?"

My birthday. In everything that had gone on lately, I had actually forgotten that today was my birthday. I was eighteen today. The birthday I'd been looking forward to for years. Yet, now that it was here, I wasn't as excited as I once might have been.

"Oh..." I said slowly. "Right. I did forget."

Taichi just gave me an incredulous look. "Matt, I can't believe you!"

I shrugged. "Yeah, well..."

"So what are we doing?"

"Huh?" I frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_, what are we doing for your birthday?"

I squinted my eyes at him. "What makes you think we're doing anything? I'm perfectly content to just sleep the day away."

"Yama, you can't do that! You're _eighteen_ now!"

"I'm perfectly aware of that, Taichi."

"So you have to celebrate it!" he exclaimed, giving me his usual goofy grin.

I just groaned.

-x-

After a shower and a small breakfast, I felt somewhat more awake though no less annoyed at Taichi. I didn't care if it was my birthday or not, I'd had a bad day yesterday and all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't want to be awake and end up thinking about what 'tousan had revealed to me.. that I'd... died. It was just too weird. I mean, I know people can die and then medical people get their hearts started again, but it usually doesn't take more than ten minutes. At least that's what I thought. I'd been dead for twenty, probably even a little bit more than that.

And then of course both 'tousan and Dr. Kaos had suggested I get professional help. I looked away, angry. I didn't need help, dammit! Not from stuck-up psychologists, anyways.

"Yama?"

I looked at Taichi, who was standing there looking at me, a worried expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"I.. I'm fine, Taichi."

Taichi came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. "Are you sure? Because if you really don't want to go anywhere, we can stay here. I don't mind."

"I.. It's not that, Taichi. It's nothing, really. I'm sorry to worry you."

"Okay." He reached up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "So, what are we doing then?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I'd made any plans..."

"Weeeeeelll... How 'bout we walk through the park while I think of something?"

I turned around to face him, raising my eyebrows. "Why can't you just think of something here and then we'll go out and do that something?"

"I don't know, because the park is pretty these days and because I just want to talk to you for awhile?"

I sighed. If Taichi wanted to talk to me about anything serious.. I don't know, I'd strangle him or something. But what the hell, why not?

I let out another sigh, this one defeated. "Allright, let's go."

He grinned. "Cool."

-x-

When we got to the park, Taichi grabbed my hand and held it. I tried to jerk away, but he just held firm, so I quit, lest I make a scene.

"Taichi!" I hissed at him. "Let go! Not in public!"

He just smiled at me. "Why not? You're mine. Why shouldn't I let the whole world know it?"

I fidgeted. "But Taichi..."

He knew what I was worried about. "No one's going to say anything, Yamato. They could probably care less. They're too busy with their own lives."

"Mweh.." I made a random discontented noise, causing Taichi to laugh.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked him, after his laughter had mostly subsided.

"Uh..well.." he fidgeted a bit, confirming that whatever he wanted to talk about, he knew I wouldn't like it.

"Well?" I asked, a touch more harshly than I meant to.

He looked away. "Um, nevermind. It's nothing really. Nothing that can't wait. We can talk about it another time."

_/Does Taichi really help you with your problems? Do you let him help? Do you open up to him? No one can truly help you unless you open up some and clarify what's troubling you."/_

_/You died on the way to the hospital../_

"Yamato?"

My stomach lurched as dad's words from last night came back to me once again. Should I tell him now or not? I don't know.. I trust Taichi, and I love him, but I don't know if I'm really ready to talk to him that way or not... But relationships are all about trust and sharing, both good things and bad...

"Matt, are you okay?"

I looked up at Taichi, fighting the urge to get sick, and realized I'd started to tremble slightly. I willed myself to calm and smiled at Taichi. The smile felt all wrong, utterly fake and pasted on, but I forced it to stay on my face. "I... I'm fine. Just a little tired I guess."

"You sure?" he asked me, a worried look creasing the lines of his face.

I resisted snapping at him, that fake smile still plastered on. "I'm sure, Taichi. Come on, hows about we watch a movie?"

He looked rather relieved at the change in subject, and I decided I was glad I hadn't said anything. "Sure. What'll we see?"

I shrug at him. "Why don't we decide when we get there?"

He smiled back at me. "Allright."

Then we walked hand in hand towards the movie theater.

-x-

"...yeah, but the ending totally sucked."

I frowned at Taichi as I pushed the button for the elevator. "You thought so? I rather liked it."

He shook his head. "Nah, everything was left unresolved. The ending wasn't quite complete. Too many things left open."

I pressed the button for my floor. "Maybe they plan on making a sequel, so they had to leave some things open."

Taichi was silent for a few moments, pondering this.

The elevator doors tinged open. I stepped out, Taichi following.

"I don't know, Yama," he said, waiting for me to unlock the door to my apartment. "It didn't really seem like there was anything to base a sequel on.. I think the ending was just done horribly, that's all."

I shrugged. "Perhaps. I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

He snickered. "I think we'll be waiting a long time."

"Matt, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me 'tousan. Tadaima."

He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "Okaeri. Where'd you two go?"

"Oh, just out to the movies."

He blinked and then nodded, as if the concept of going out to see a movie was foreign to him or something. "Well, did you have a good time?"

I grinned at him. "Yeah."

"That's good." He smiled at me, then went back to his room.

I motioned at Tai. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" he questioned, looking at me, confused, but obediently following me anyways.

"My room." I'd thought about it all during the movie (which was why I thought the ending was okay--I don't really know what happened during the middle that well), and decided that I couldn't put it off. It was time for me to tell Taichi about Kento. The bruises on my body had faded, though the stab wounds were still there. And even though the pain in my mind still hadn't gone away, it was time. Tai deserved to know, had a right to.

He raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Oh, we _are_, are we?"

I thumped him lightly on the head, giving him a serious look. "To _talk_, Taichi."

"Oh. Heh, knew that." All of a sudden he looked kind of nervous. I don't quite understand. He's always the one wanting to talk and get me to tell him what happened, why is he so afraid now of finding out the answer?

I shut the door to my room and locked it as he went over and sat down on my bed, his back pressed up against the wall. I went and scooted in his legs, resting my head against his chest. I was so tired. This weekend had been so crazy, and I only got about two hours of sleep last night. Or this morning, rather.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" Taichi asked me.

I bit down on my lip, thinking how I could word this. "Um.. about my being in the hospital that time.." Oh yeah, great way to put it. I'd only been in the hospital about a million times by now. Luckily Taichi knew which stay I was talking about.

"Oh," he said softly. "Look Yama, I don't want to push you--"

I cut him off, putting a finger to his lips. "Shh," I said. "You're not. It's just.. 'tousan and I got into an argument last night, and, well.. I realized some things."

"What things?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. They're not important. But um, I just..that night. The night 'tousan found out about us..."

Tai grimaced. "That was such a horrible time."

"You have no idea. 'tousan threw out terrible accusations that night Taichi. I don't want to tell them to you because I don't want you mad at him anymore. But.. I got so mad.. I ran out of the house, away from him.." I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories of that awful night, surrounded in an alleyway with the certainty I was going to die and no one was around to hear my screams..

I felt Taichi's gentle fingers on my face, wiping away tears I hadn't even realized were falling. He didn't say anything, but I knew he was waiting for me to go on. However, I also knew that if I stopped, he wouldn't ask me to continue unless I wanted to.

"I ran for a long time," I went on, my voice surprisingly steady in the face of these awful memories. "Then I turned down a side street, an alleyway.."

"Oh, oh Matt," Taichi said softly, hugging me close to him, guessing what was coming next.

"Kento was there... Said awful things.. Taichi, they meant to kill me that night!" I sobbed. "Sento had his knife out, and they kept threatening to cut my throat.. I knew I was going to die Taichi. It was only sheer luck I didn't.. You know what they did to me..."

Taichi nodded. "I know," he said hoarsely.

"I wasn't even found until Saturday.. I'd been so close to dying Taichi, so close! Two girls found me and called an ambulance... I didn't want to die Taichi! I was so scared! All the time I lay there, and then in the hospital before I really woke late Sunday, I kept drifting in and out of consciousness.. I didn't know what was going on, what had really happened or what would happen.. I got so scared anytime a doctor was nearby, or someone was talking. I thought it was Kento and them.. Until I woke, people couldn't talk when they were in my hearing range, otherwise I'd go into hysterics."

Tai's grip on me tightened. "I could kill Kento," he said, choking on the words. I looked up at him, and saw he was crying as well. I leaned into him more, letting him hold me, taking comfort and giving it at the same time. "I could kill him," he repeated.

"It wouldn't change what's already happened, Tai."

"Fucking bastard!" he fumed. "I thought if he'd go against anyone, it would be me. I didn't think he wanted you that badly."

"Neither did I, Tai. Neither did I."

End Part 8.


	15. Part 9

Waiting  
Chapter 9-Blinded By Fury  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

I slammed the door to my apartment, stalking in and kicking off my shoes angrily. They went flying, one of them popping my sister as she came in to see what was wrong. I didn't care. I was too mad and hurt to care about anything much right now.

"'Oh whoops, Hikari, I'm sorry.' 'That's okay, Taichi. You're forgiven,'" Hikari said sarcastically, giving me a small glare.

"Shove off Hikari, I'm not in the mood," I muttered, walking past her and heading towards our shared room.

"Okaeri Taichi," 'kaasan said as I passed by. I didn't bother with a reply, just went into my room and shut the door, locking it behind me so Hikari couldn't try to come in and pester me about what the matter was.

I flung myself face down on the bed and buried my face in my pillow, trying unsuccessfully to stifle the angry sobs that had been threatening to come out ever since I'd left Yamato's. I hadn't really wanted to leave him. After hearing what those bastards Kento and Sento had done to him, I wanted to just hold him and protect him and never leave his side again. But of course that was a rather irrational thing to do.

The other thing I wanted to do was go and hurt Kento and Sento the way they'd hurt Yama. That was probably an irrational thing to do as well, or at the least not a very smart thing, but I didn't care. They deserved whatever I might do to them.

But of course my rational side kicked in, telling me that if I gave them what they deserved, I'd be thrown in the slammer and never see the light of another day again. Which would be fine and dandy with me, as long as they got their revenge. Except, of course, I'd never see Yama again. Which I definitely didn't want _that_.

Life just isn't fair.

-x-

Yamato wasn't in school the next day. I fretted the whole time, wondering if he was okay, if something had happened to him.. Hell, he was a suicide risk, it wasn't unfathomable. Just pretty damn nerve-wracking.

I don't think there was a teacher that didn't reprimand me at least once for not paying attention to their class. Hell, in some classes, I was scolded no fewer than five or six times! But it's not like I was doing it on purpose. I really was trying to pay attention. It's just that, all of a sudden, I'd think some random thought, and then my mind would completely wander back to Yamato. Was he okay? Really and truly? We talked about some pretty heavy stuff yesterday... and of course he finally came out with that nasty little bomb-shell, that it was Kento and Sento who'd almost literally killed him.

Although, hadn't some part of my mind already suspected, no matter how much I irrationally protested against that thought? Not that many people truly had it out for Yama. Just Kento and his gang, and possibly still Ken. I don't care what he told Yama, he abused my love and I will never forgive him for that, or be able to trust him about anything again. But still, I was stupid. I guess.. I guess I just kept hoping that it wasn't Kento, that it was a random senseless act of violence perpetrated against Yamato, no matter how awful it had been.

Because then... then it would have been easier to deal with, to face. For the both of us. After all, no matter how awful the thought of a stranger stabbing you and beating you senseless is, it's infinitely better than knowing that someone you know hated you that much, and was willing to do whatever it took to wipe you off the face of this planet. Or in my case, they hated me so much that they went through Yamato to hurt me. As much as they hate Yamato, I know they hate me a thousand times worse. Because I ruined their precious reputation.

And knowing how Yamato is about coming out with his feelings, and the fact that he actually did... it isn't hard to imagine him trying to hurt himself in some way right now. Trying to do the job that Kento thankfully failed at. Or Sento. Whichever. They both deserve to die.

"Well, Yagami-san?"

I blinked. Looked up. Sensei was standing over me, waiting expectantly. I gave him a sheepish grin. "Um... sir?"

The class collectively groaned. "Sorry?" I offered.

-x-

After the final bell rang for the end of the day, I rushed out of school and cut out for Matt's house. I tried ignoring the worrisome scenarios that went through my head. Matt would be perfectly fine when I got to his apartment. He had to be.

In no time at all, I was there and knocking on his door. A few moments later, it swung open, revealing Ishida Yamato, present and accounted for. He was perfectly fine.

Thank God, I thought. I grinned at him. "Hey Yamato. What's up?"

He offered me a small smile in return. "Hey Taichi."

"You just gonna stand there and keep me out here all day, or are you gonna invite me in?"

He blushed and moved aside, and I came in. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not thinking straight today."

"S'cool. So, how come you weren't at school today?"

He handed me a coke from the fridge as he said, "I just didn't feel up to going today. What with yesterday and everything.." he trailed off, shrugging sort of helplessly. "Anyways, 'tousan said he didn't really mind. He doesn't _like_ that I'm not going to school, but I think by now he's come to accept it. It's not like I can help it half of the time besides, the circumstances being what they are and all."

"Are you going to graduate?"

"What?" He's confused, as if he didn't expect the question.

I repeated it. "Are you going to graduate?"

He looked away then, perhaps ashamed. Or maybe he was just considering the question, who knows. With Yama it's often hard to tell. "I don't know," he replied at last, quietly. "I've missed a lot of school. Almost the entire year. I might have to repeat third year over again. I mean, the teachers are being nice and all, doing the best they can with my grades so I can graduate, but it doesn't help that I still miss so much school.."

"Yeah.." I thought about that for a bit. If Yamato didn't graduate.. That would be pretty awful. He'd have to repeat the whole year over again. He'd have none of his friends in the same grade with him, the younger kids would know this, and probably all about his past anyways. He'd probably be ridiculed. In our school, failing a grade is one of the worst things that can happen to you. Hell, it's like that practically all over Japan. I've never understand why we're so fanatical about education, but we are. Personally I don't think it's that big of a deal.

"If.. -If you don't.. What will you do?"

He still didn't look at me. "I don't know. Maybe Drop out?"

"But what about..." I stopped. College? Since when has Matt ever expressed a desire to go to college anyways? He probably just wants to be a musician. You don't need a college degree for that.

"College?" he filled in where I left off. "Guess I just won't go, huh?" his voice sounded bitter. "I mean, after all, it's not like I really needed it right? Even if I did want to go..."

I could hear the raw pain in his voice quite well. For once, Yamato was doing a lousy job at hiding his emotions. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him, comforting him. "Hey, don't worry, you'll make it," I whispered. "You'll graduate, and you'll go to college. You'll just have to work a bit harder for it, that's all."

He didn't say anything, just gently freed himself from me and walked down the hall to his room. I took a swig of coke before setting it down on the table and following him.

He turned around and faced me right before I entered. "I'm scared to go."

His statement caught me off guard. It certainly wasn't what I'd been expecting him to say. "What?"

"I'm scared to go now. I woke up this morning and I thought..." he paused for a moment. "Well, it doesn't matter. Never mind." Now he was acting more like himself, closing off, not saying anything about what he was feeling.

But I wasn't going to let him get off the hook that easy. "You thought what?" I asked him softly.

His eyes closed, so I wouldn't be able to read the emotions within them. "I thought maybe that Kento would be able to somehow sense that I'd told on him. So now I'm scared to go to school."

My fists clenched tightly at my sides, once again in sudden anger. "Damn Kento. I could kill him."

I didn't realize I'd spoken the words aloud until Yamato opened his eyes again and looked at me, in something rather akin to horror. "Taichi, Don't you dare! Don't do anything stupid. I don't want you getting killed!"

"Heh. Not bloody likely," I murmured.

-x-

I barely remember anything after this. I'll try to explain it as best as I can, but everything is such a blur. Blinded by fury.. I was on my way home after leaving Yamato's. It was dark, and streetlights were coming on. It was sprinkling lightly, a hint of the rainy weather to come soon. It was completely unplanned. Despite what I'd said earlier, I had no intentions of carrying that emotional threat out. It would have been suicide. But I guess you could say fate intervened, because I turned a corner and there they were.

Beating up a kid, actually. A scared little kid who looked no older than twelve. Blinded by fury.. I called out. Kento looked up. I clearly remember his mouth curling up into a self-satisfied sneer as he recognized me. He backed off the kid, motioned the others to do the same. The poor kid was quite badly hurt. Bleeding. Barely conscious. If I hadn't come along when I did, I have no doubts they would have killed him.

Then...

Blinded by fury..

Images of Yamato, flashing through my mind.

The hospital. Yamato, looking so pale and lifeless in that bed. So drained, so terrified and broken. So afraid he'd never see me again.

_I knew I was going to die._

Blinded by fury.. My fists lashed out.

_Is it... really you?_

_It really is... I'm so glad._

_Stabbed.. In the back. And stomach. Multiple times._

Kento staggered backwards, a fist held against his bloody nose.

Murderous eyes glared at me. Blinded by fury.. I moved towards him again.

_Taichi..._

_Taichi..._

My fists pounded over and over on Kento's unconscious body. Barely aware of my surroundings, I was lost in a numb senseless rage of blind fury. All I wanted was revenge. For Yamato, for everything he'd suffered, everything he'd given up, everything he'd lost. Did it matter that Ken had been the one to break him originally? Not really. It was Kento that was breaking him now.

_Taichi..._

"Taichi! Taichi, stop! Stop it now! Taichi, You're killing him! Get off!" Strong hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me back. A bloody mess on the ground before me, barely recognizable. Horrified, terrified faces looking at me.

Slowly I realize what I've done, and what I almost did.

Tears are dripping onto my hands. Or Maybe that's just rain.

The wail of a siren is heard in the distance.

_Taichi, I love you._

End Part 9.

Author's Notes: Dammit, ffnet killed my on purpose wonky formatting for this last part. Boo.


	16. Part 10

Waiting  
Chapter 10- An Unintentional Lie  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

For a long time after Taichi left (He was reluctant to go – So I threatened him), I sat there on my bed, silent, tears still leaking out of my eyes. I barely noticed them. Memories I had shoved away were now taking their revenge on me and bouncing around in my mind.

Dimly my mind registered the slam of the door, and 'tousan's voice calling "Tadaima!"

I don't recall him leaving, but he must have. "'ka'ri," I responded listlessly. I wonder if he even heard it. Probably not. Then he knocked on my door.

"Come in."

He opened the door, his face furrowing in a mixture of surprise and concern when he realized I'd been crying. "Matt? Are you alright?"

I shook my head.

"Oh... Well, I brought home some take-out. It's sushi. Do you want some?"

_Ask me what's wrong!_ My mind screamed at him. _Why can't you ever ask me anything!_ Out loud, however, I just said, "Not right now, thanks. Maybe later."

He paused for a moment, perhaps trying to decide whether or not he wanted to say anything else. I guess not, because he just said okay and walked out. I watched him walk away and didn't say anything.

I should have. I should have told him, right then and there, when it was still fresh in my mind.

But the pain was still too raw, Too... _Painful_. For a lack of better word. Heh. Maybe I could tell him a little bit later. Or maybe I just wouldn't tell him at all. Or at least not any time soon. I wasn't really sure. I mean, on the one hand, he _did_ deserve to know. He was my father after all, and though he had a hard time showing it, I knew that he loved me. He always had, and no matter what happened to me, he'd continue to love me. He didn't care what kind of person I was. He told me, while I was still in the hospital, "Yamato is Yamato. No matter what happens to you, no matter what kind of person you are or become, You'll always be Yamato to me." It was rather sentimental and completely unlike him, but I suppose almost losing your son again would do that to a person.

So I know that he really cared about me, that he was worried, and he just wanted to help me, for me to get better. But that still didn't change anything. Didn't make it any easier to talk about. And I've always had trouble talking to 'tousan anyways. That's half the reason it took so long for me to tell him about Ken.

"I hate this," I murmured. With a sigh, I slid off my bed and headed towards the kitchen. Might as well eat, though I wasn't really hungry.

'tousan looked up as I walked in. He motioned towards the cartons of food on the table. "Sushi?"

I nodded and went to get a plate.

"So where'd Taichi go?" he asked me as we were sitting down eating. I swallowed a bite of unagi before saying, "He went back home. He has to go to school tomorrow."

"So do you," 'tousan pointed out.

I looked away. "I.. I don't want to. Do I have to?"

A sigh. "Matt... you've already missed so much school this year. You can't afford to keep missing so much. Don't you want to graduate?"

"I... I'm scared to go," I told him softly.

"Scared? Why?"

This was it. I had to tell him, the way I'd told Taichi. But then again, what could 'tousan do about it? Even if he took it to the cops, they wouldn't be able to prove anything. It would be my word against Kento's. No evidence, no proof of any kind. And I'm emotionally unstable anyways. My word couldn't be trusted. But, he was my father... Even if couldn't do anything, wouldn't it ease his mind just the tiniest bit, to know who had it out for his son? (Everyone, seemingly.)

"Matt?"

I looked at him. "Because... because," I hesitated. Once again I felt a few tears. I was crying. I seemed to be doing that a lot these days. "Because the people who, who hurt me.. they're there."

"The people who hurt you? The ones who almost ki-"

"Yes," I said, cutting him off. I didn't want to hear that, didn't want the reminder of my near death. "It was that gang.. the one that jumped Taichi and me that time."

"Matt.." 'tousan wasn't quite sure what to say, it seemed.

"You don't have to say anything, Otousan. It's just.. please don't make me go tomorrow. I'll go Tuesday if I have to, but just not tomorrow."

He sighed. "Alright. You can stay home tomorrow. And Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

I was confused. What did 'tousan have to be confused about? "Sorry? What for?"

"About that gang.. if I hadn't said such horrible things that day.. so I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault, and I don't blame you. Okay?"

A long moment of silence. "Okay."

-x-

I woke the next day about twelve. I didn't feel a bit rested. I hadn't ever since that first day when Ken raped me. But last night had been particularly bad. The times I actually managed to fall asleep were filled with horrible nightmares. Several times I woke up screaming or near screaming. A couple of times I even woke up 'tousan. I felt kind of bad about that, but it wasn't as if I'd done it on purpose, and he assured me he didn't mind.

Yawning, I wandered into the kitchen looking for something to eat, but I didn't find much. There was leftover sushi, but I've never found sushi very appetizing after it's been sitting in the fridge overnight. There was some cereal, but the only milk we had had this nasty film of... _something_ sitting on top. I threw the milk out, gagging slightly at the smell. Yep, definitely bad. There was also something green and fuzzy sitting in the fridge. For some reason, it made me think of the time we'd had that moldy food Takeru found.. I remembered him eating it and making such a face... we'd both laughed about it.

Suddenly I missed Takeru. Okay, I know I just saw him Thursday, but it's been such a long time since I've really got to see him, and hang out with him. However, he's in school right now, and I'm sure he's busy with his own life and his own boyfriend.

I wondered if this was the way it was always going to be from now between me and him. A few moments spent together at most, exchanged greetings when we ran into each other, an occasional phone call when one or the other found time to call. Probably. After all, I'd soon be off living my own life, at college (hopefully), and then grown up and on my own, while Takeru would be busy finishing off his own high school years. We'd barely have time for each other. The thought hurt. But maybe that's what growing up was. The most time we'd get to see each other would be when we got back together for holidays.

Growling slightly for allowing myself to become so melancholy, so pessimistic, I went in the living room and watched tv for a few hours, blocking out all thought in my mind and going numb.

When a knock sounded on the door around three, I jumped up in a panic, only then realizing I must have fallen asleep while watching tv. I looked around, somewhat disoriented and confused. What had woken me?

Then another knock came, and I shook off my confusion and went to open it. Taichi was standing there looking at me, a look of slight relief on his face. I don't think he was even aware of it. He grinned at me. "Hey Yamato."

I tried smiling back at him, but I don't think I succeeded very well. "Hey Taichi."

-x-

I was worried. I had been, ever since Taichi left. I was beginning to think I shouldn't have told Taichi about Kento. Ever since I did, he keeps talking about how he could kill them. I guess I was just afraid he'd actually make good on that threat. He was pretty pissed at them when he left here.. and Taichi's not exactly known for thinking before he acts. He does things rashly. Sometimes I think his motto ought to be "Act first, think later." because that's what he does a lot of the time. He always got us into trouble by doing that in the Digital World. And if he goes and searches out Kento, or runs into them out there...

Maybe I'm worrying for no reason.

I glanced at the clock. Plenty of time. Taichi would be home by now. Just to set my mind at rest, I picked up the phone and dialed the Yagamis number.

Hikari answered. "Hello, Yagami residence. Yagami Hikari."

"Hikari, it's Matt."

"Oh hi Matt. You looking for Taichi?"

"Yeah."

"He's not here. Should I tell him you called?"

I felt myself go weak; I almost dropped the phone. My body was suddenly cold and numb.

"Matt?" Hikari said. "Matt, are you still there?"

"Um, yeah," I whispered. I cleared my throat. "Sorry." I paused to think for a moment. "Hikari, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

"Find Taichi for me, will you?"

"Find him?" she asked, confusion in her voice.

"He was just here not too long ago. He left, but he should have been home by now. I'm afraid he might have gone after the people who hurt me. They're a ruthless gang."

"Oh my god," she whispered.

"Yeah. So could you please find him, or get Koushiro or someone to?"

"I - yes. I'll do it right now. I'll call you soon, Matt, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks. Bai."

"Bai." She hung up.

Damn, damn, damn, "DAMN! Dammit, Taichi," I moaned. "Why do you do this to me? I hate worrying about you..."

It was a long time before Hikari called me back. I hadn't moved from where I'd slid to my butt, my back against the wall, after hanging up the phone. I probably had gone numb about an hour ago. Possibly even longer, I'd lost all track of time. I was too damned worried about Taichi, and with each passing minute, it was only more likely that he'd gone off in search of Kento and became real bad tangled up with them. I'd even begun to entertain the possibility that he'd been killed, much as it hurt me to think about that.

The shrill jangling of the phone broke the silence, and I jumped. Stiffly I got to my feet and tried to ignore the feeling of the pins and needles tingling all over my body. I reached out and answered the phone. "Mo-Moshi moshi, Ishida residence."

"Matt." It was Hikari's voice. For a moment I felt nothing but relief, but it was quickly replaced by anxiety.

"Hikari, did you find him?" I asked urgently.

"Well, no-"

"NO!"

"I mean, I didn't find him, but Jou did." She stopped. The news wasn't good. Shit.

"Is he.. uh.. is he.."

"He's fine. He's at the hopsital. I am too. Look Matt, it'd take too long to explain, so you should probably come down. Can you make it?"

"Umm.." I glanced at the clock. It was seven. It could be hours before 'tousan was home. I wonder if he'd leave work if I called him. "Hikari, can you call me back in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure. I'll call soon."

"Thanks." I hung up, then reset the phone and dialed 'tousan's work number.

Some guy answered, and I asked for Ishida Masaharu; I was put on hold. _Please, please, pick up soon_, I thought. _I don't have much time._

"Ishida."

"Otousan!" Oh yeah, that was real intelligent.

"Matt? Is that you?"

"Yeah. Otousan-"

"Are you okay? Why are you calling?" He sounded concerned, and for some reason I was absurdly pleased.

"Otousan, I need a ride to the hospital. Right now."

"Are you hurt?"

"No. It's a long story, and I don't even know all of it yet. Hikari wants me to meet her at the hospital, and I need a ride. Can you take me? Right now?"

He didn't even hesitate. "I'll be right there."

Almost right after I hung up with him, Hikari called back.

"Hikari. I've got a ride. I can be there in about twenty or thirty minutes. Where do I meet you?"

"Right out front. Listen, Taichi's fine, and he'll be waiting with me. But Matt..."she trailed off, and I prompted her to continue.

"But?"

"Well, there are tons of cops around here... It's crazy."

I frowned. "I don't understand. Why is the police there?"

"It's a long story, Taichi and I will explain it when you get here. I have to get off the phone, some lady keeps glaring at me."

"Alright. I'll see you guys soon, I guess."

-x-

I didn't even wait for 'tousan to stop the car, I just flung open the door and jumped out, looking around frantically for Hikari and Taichi. I didn't see them. However, I did see cops. Lots and lots of cops. Unbidden, my mind flashed back to Ken's arrest. I had been present, I insisted on it. There'd been lots of cops swarming around his apartment then too.

There! Taichi! I ran over to him, tossing a harried goodbye over my shoulder to 'tousan, who was looking rather confused at the scene before him.

"Yamato!" Taichi met me halfway, Hikari just behind him.

"Taichi, what's going on? Why are you here, and what's with the cops? I don't understand!" To say my nerves were a little frayed would have been a rather drastic understatement.

He gave me a traditional sheepish Taichi grin, and it calmed me ever so slightly. If he was able to grin like that, then things couldn't be as bad as they looked. "Let's go and talk in the waiting room. There's one reserved just for us, and we can kick my parents out. Sound good?"

"Whatever."

I followed him and Hikari to their waiting room, which was located on the fourth floor, near the room I always stayed in. The Yagamis were there when we entered, and they looked scared and confused and very exhausted. They stood when Taichi came in, and looked at him expectantly. He just shrugged. "I need to talk to Yamato for a bit. Can you two go to the cafeteria or something for a bit?"

They just nodded and left without a word. I blinked. Odd.

"They're a little mad at me," Taichi attempted to clarify. This made no sense to me, though.

After we sat down and situated ourselves, I looked at Taichi and Hikari. "Okay, I want an explanation, and I want it to go in chronological order. So Taichi, tell me what happened after you left my place."

"I was hoping I'd get to go last," he murmured. I gave him my sternest look. "Okay, okay," he relented with a sigh, and looked away.

"I was mad when I left your house. You knew that."

I nodded.

"But I swear Yamato, I had only planned to go home. That's all I was thinking of."

I felt my stomach twisting into knots. Whatever was coming next was pretty bad.

"To tell you the truth, I don't remember much," he said quietly. "It was just like, I was walking, and all of a sudden they were just... _there_. I didn't go search them out. Kento was beating up some little kid pretty badly. He looked so young... about eleven or twelve. He was really hurt. I guess... I just kind of lost it." And here was the sheepish Taichi grin again. "I called out to Kento, and then... I don't know. I was just... I started beating him up. A lot. I don't know for how long. All I could think of was you, in the hospital, and telling me who hurt you, and telling me you loved me. The doctor telling me how badly you'd been hurt. Every time I thought of you getting hurt, it only made me angrier. Then Jou showed up, and he pulled me off Kento, and I looked down. It was scary. I barely recognized him. All I could see was blood. The kid they'd been beating up was gone. Sento and Tetsuya and Ayashi were just standing there, staring at me and terrified out of their minds. I heard an ambulance. I guess Jou called for it."

"What happened after that?" I asked, swallowing hard.

He glanced at me briefly, then resumed staring at the wall. "I don't know. I passed out when the ambulance arrived."

I looked to Hikari for answers. "I don't know everything," she warned me. "I called Jou right after you called me, and an hour later he called back from the hospital. Told me he'd found Taichi, things were complicated, and he needed to speak to otousan. So I gave the phone to them, and soon we headed to the hospital. Jou had left, and Taichi was conscious when we got here. Cops were everywhere. Doctors were running around. Kento was unconscious, and he's listed as critical. His mom and brothers are here somewhere. Taichi explained everything to us, and then I called you, and now we're just here waiting for Kento to be listed as stable."

I didn't want to ask it. I didn't want to know the answer. But I had to. I had to know. "If..." I couldn't say it. The words stuck in my throat.

Perhaps Hikari saw it in my eyes. "What happens if Kento dies?"

I nod, watching Taichi for a reaction. A barely perceptible flinch. If I hadn't been looking, I wouldn't have seen it.

"Then Taichi could be charged with 3rd degree murder."

No one said anything after that for awhile.

-x-

A few hours later found myself still at the hospital with Taichi and Hikari. I could have gone home hours ago --after all, it wasn't my life on the line here-- but I chose to stay with them anyways. Really, it's a no-brainer. I was terrified for Taichi. I didn't know what would happen to him, and I kept hoping that Kento would live, a fact I found rather ironic, all things considering.

I was bored, there wasn't really anything to do, and I was tired of sitting. "I'm gonna go wander around the hospital for a bit, stretch some. I'll be back soon, okay?"

Taichi nodded, I got no other acknowledgement.

Shrugging, I stood and left the room. I walked aimlessly down the halls, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I hate hospitals, and wanted no reminder that I'd just spent the past three and a half hours in one. I was sick of them. I'd seen enough of hospitals in the past year. After I'd been taken off suicidal watch and released, I'd hoped that it would have been the last time. Yet here I was again.

I sighed, turning a corner in the hall. Almost immediately I collided with another person. It knocked me backwards, and I stumbled a bit before regaining my balance.

I opened my mouth to apologize; all words flew when I got a look at the poor person rubbing his nose.

"Kenji?"

He looked at me. Frowned. Looked away. "Hi Matt," he said simply.

I was majorly confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, neatly evading my question.

"I'm waiting with Taichi. It's a long story. Answer my question."

"Well..."

I was about to push him to go on when another voice interrupted us. One that stopped me cold.

"Hey asshole, your mama wants you."

Slowly I looked past Kenji to see the other teen standing just behind him. I didn't want to look. I felt like I'd just been tossed in the middle of someone else's nightmare. Sento was standing there just behind Kenji, sneering at him. I swallowed, hard. "No," I whispered.

Kenji flinched as I spoke. He wasn't looking at me. Or Sento.

Sento noticed me when I spoke. He glared at me, then smirked. "Ishida. Such a surpise to see you here."

I didn't respond, I heard the unspoken word in that sentence. _Alive_.

He treated me to another smirk, then disappeared back into whatever room he came out of. I looked at Kenji, who was now looking at me oddly. It was only then I realized I had been whimpering and shaking ever so slightly. I willed my body to stop, but the shakes refused.

"Kenji?" I winced when I heard myself, my voice was broken and very high-pitched. I sounded terrified. Small wonder.

Kenji stiffened when I said his name, but said nothing.

"Kenji, look at me dammit!"

He did, as slowly as I'd looked at Sento earlier.

"Kenji, why are you here?" _Please, let them be distant cousins or something. Let them be barely related, if at all. Please._ I was only fooling myself. If they'd been only distantly related, Kenji would be at home.

He still didn't respond, just stared at me, not wanting to admit his relation to the gang who had almost killed me (not that he knew that little tidbit, but he knew I'd had a run-in with them before).

"Please," I begged him.

"Matt, I'm sorry," he finally said, and his voice cracked as he said it.

"You're related to them, aren't you?"

"Brothers." The word was spoken very quietly, so soft I almost didn't hear it. Just the same, it knocked the world out from under my feet. Literally.

Kenji didn't offer to help me up, just looked at me as I sat there on the floor, unable to get up, all my strength gone after his bombshell. "I have to go," he said. Then he turned and left.

I managed to crawl to a bathroom and throw up.

-x-

Taichi looked up when I entered the private waiting room half an hour later. I was very pale, and not very steady on my feet. But if he noticed, he didn't say anything.

"I have to go home. Right now," I blurted out, then winced. Shit. I hadn't meant to say that. So much for my plan of pretending everything was cool.

"Alright. Thanks for staying here with me Yama," he replied, smiling at me. "Call me tomorrow?"

I nodded. I didn't open my mouth. I felt sick again. Instead, I just gave a little wave, then turned and went down to the lobby, where 'tousan was waiting. I'd called him earlier.

"Are you okay?" he asked in lieu of a greeting.

I shook my head no, and we rode home in silence. Halfway there, the shakes hit again. 'Tousan had to help me into the apartment, and once there I went straight to the bathroom and was promptly sick again.

One of my best friends was brother to the two guys who wanted me dead. Brother to the two guys who almost killed me. Why had he kept this from me? Did the other guys know? Had he ever planned on telling me?

'Tousan helped me to my room and tucked me in bed, like he had done when Takeru and I were little and still living in the same house. He smoothed back the hair from my forehead, and the touching gesture brought tears to my eyes. I only just managed not to actually cry, I didn't want to upset him further. "Are you feeling any better?" he asked me.

"No." I waited. _Just once_, I thought. _Please just this once ask me. Be a father to me this one time. I need you._

He didn't say anything else for a long while. But I waited him out, hoping he'd ask me. Hoping he'd sense how badly I needed him right now.

I don't know if he somehow heard my thoughts, or if my face gave it away, or what, but he broke the silence with his question. "So what happened?" It was music to my ears. I could have hugged him then and there, except that I was still feeling too weak to move.

"It's complicated," I responded happily. Not that I was happy about the _situation_ or anything, it was just.. well, you know.

"I'm listening."

"Well, I told Taichi Sunday about Kento and Sento."

"That gang?"

"Yes. And today he came to see me after school. And he was still really mad about it. Then apparently he ran into them on the street on the way home. He said they were beating up some eleven or twelve year old boy. And that he lost it. I was worried about him when he left, so after enough time passed, I called his house. Hikari said he wasn't there. I asked her to find him, and she sent Jou after him. Jou found him and stopped him. He called an ambulance. Hikari calls me back from the hopsital two hours and doesn't explain anything. That's why I had you rush me there. I thought maybe Taichi had been hurt. But I get there, and Taichi's fine. There are cops all over the place. Taichi beat Kento unconscious. He's listed as critical. If he dies, then Taichi could be indicted and charged with a lesser degree of murder, and probably numerous counts of assault. So we wait three hours. No change. I'm tired of sitting, so I walk around the hospital a bit. I bump into Kenji."

"He's in your band, right?"

"Yeah. He's backup vocals and the other guitarist. So I ask him what he's doing there, right? Cos I didn't expect to see him." My voice is slowly rising as I speak, and I try to calm myself some. I swallow. "He looks like he really doesn't want to see him, and he doesn't really answer me. And then Sento shows up right behind him. Sento is the one that stabbed me." I pause to rub my eyes, trying not to flash back on that. I only half suceed.

"Anyways," I went on. "Sento and Kento are twins, and I've known of them for years. They're the most feared gang in most of Odaiba and a few other places, and the only gang at our school. And today I find out for the first time that Kenji is their young brother, even though I've known Kenji since we were twelve. I got sick."

He's silent for a bit, as if he didn't quite know what to say. "Kenji never told you this before?"

I shook my head. "I had no idea. I knew Kenji never wanted us over at his house, but I didn't know it was because he was hiding his family from me."

More silence. Then, "I'm sorry, Matt," he replied at length. "I don't quite know what to say to this."

"Me neither. I certainly never expected it. I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up. I mean, Kento's near death, Taichi could go to jail, the guitarist of ny band is brother to the two guys trying to kill me..."

"I know. I'm sorry," he said again. He stood up. "Try to get some sleep. Maybe things will be better in the morning." He turned out the light and left, shutting the door behind him.

In the morning. Right. Not likely.

I rolled over on my side and tried to go to sleep. It was a long time coming.

End Part 10.


	17. Part 11

Waiting  
Chapter 11-Boundary Lines  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Why do you think he left so abruptly?" I asked Hikari.

She just shrugged.

Irritated, I turned away from her. I stared at the wall for awhile. Shifted in my chair. Sighed loudly a couple of times, shifted some more. This was driving me crazy. I stood suddenly. "I'm going for a walk," I announced.

Hikari only shrugged some more. I rolled my eyes at her and left. I went straight to the elevators and pressed the button for the lobby. I needed some fresh air.

I never got outside. Just as I reached the lobby, okaasan and otousan cornered me. "What's up?" I asked them. I was anxious. Had they heard something about Kento? God, I hope he didn't die.

"Taichi, we've talked to the police. Kento's condition hasn't changed any, but they've agreed to let you come home as long as you don't go anywhere," otousan explained.

"Not even to Yamato's?"

He shook his head, and okaasan spoke to me for the first time since she'd heard what I'd done. "You're under house arrest, Taichi." She didn't look at me as she spoke the next words. "Of course, you don't have to go home. You're free to stay here if you'd like."

And it hit me. She wasn't mad at me. She was scared of me. Because I suddenly wasn't her son anymore. Instead, I was a violent person who'd almost killed someone. Never mind that the same someone had hurt countless people, and probably raped and killed as well. Never mind that the same person had almost killed the one guy I cared about more than anyone else next to my family. To her, I was now a stranger. She had thought she knew me, and now she doesn't anymore.

It hurt. I didn't want my mother scared of me. But I didn't know any way to make her not scared of me. And I'd be damned if I was going to stay here all night just because she didn't want me at home. "Actually, I think I'll go home with you guys," I told her, willing her to look at me. _Look at me, please! I'm still your son._

She didn't look. "Alright. Go get your sister then. We'll wait here."

"'k." I boarded the elevators again and went up to our waiting room. "Hikari, come on. We're leaving."

The relief was very evident in her eyes. "You can go home too?"

"Yeah. Okaasan says I'm under 'house arrest' though. Can't go anywhere."

"Oh." She grabbed her jacket from the chair and stood. "Is it still raining outside?"

I shrug. I'd forgotten it had been raining. "I don't know."

We walked in silence back to the elevators. On the ride down, I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Hikari, are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Are you... scared of me?"

"Should I be?"

"Okaasan is. So are you?"

"Maybe a little," she conceded.

"I'd never hurt you Hikari," I told her. "I hadn't meant to hurt Kento either. But he almost killed Matt. It scared me, and made me angry. I lost control."

"That's the part that's scary. What if I make you mad and you lose control?"

"You're my sister, and I love you, no matter how mad you could possibly make me. I already hated Kento, and it's not like he's related to me."

"Yeah.. I know. It's just that it wasn't like you, Taichi."

"Sorry."

But really, it was like me. I did it, didn't I? It's not like you ever really know yourself. You may think you do, but then you do something you never thought you'd be capable of, and it turns out you had it in you all along, and that was like you. I'd have liked to explain all that to Hikari, but I wasn't sure I couldn't put it into words right, and I didn't want to scare her even more. So I stayed quiet and hoped she and okaasan would come around soon.

-x-

Somewhere the phone was ringing interminably. It was so loud, and the hour so quiet. I groaned at it, wishing someone would answer it already. How was a person expected to get any sleep around here?

Just as I was about to give up and go answer it, it ceased its damn ringing. Either someone answered it, or the person gave up. I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, but soon otousan's face was hovering over mine.

"Taichi," he whisphered.

"What?" I said loudly.

"Shh," he admonished. "Get dressed and try not to wake your sister."

I rubbed my eyes, still sleepy and confused about what was going on. "What time is it?" I asked, quietly this time.

"About 4:30. Come on, hurry up." He was gone.

Unsteadily, I got to my feet and pulled on the clothes I'd worn last night. 4:30, I thought to myself. _What could be so important that Otousan has to get me up so early?_ Then another thought hit me. _Oh no!_ Had Kento died?

I went out to the living room where otousan was waiting, terrified that this was exactly what had happened. "Where are we going?" I asked him, though I pretty much already knew the answer. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except back to the hospital, thanks to the house arrest I'd been placed under.

"The hospital," he replied shortly. "Now stop asking questions and let's go."

The silent ride to the hospital seemed much longer than it really was, and I was thankful. It gave me a chance to wake up a bit more, think some. Though I was terrified. _Please, don't let Kento have died._ I couldn't handle it if he died. My world would go to pieces.

We got to the hospital and parked, running quickly through the light rain that was still falling. A young harried looking man in dirtied white coat accosted us in the lobby. "Yagami-san?" he asked.

"Hai," my father said, bowing. I bowed as well, then looked around. A bunch of police were still milling around the place, though not quite as many as there had been this evening.

"Is he dead?" I blurted out. The doctor looked at me strangely.

"I don't have any details," he responded. I'm just here to take you up to the waiting room. Come this way," and he led us over to an elevator marked, "Staff Use Only. Key authorization required." He pulled out what looked like one of these key cards and inserted it into a panel next to the elevator. After punching in a few buttons, the panel beeped at him and the elevator doors slid open. We got on, and I wondered why we were going this way instead of the normal way. This elevator was way out of the way of the others.

When we got to the floor Kento was on, I got my answer. Some reporters were milling about, hovering around the elevator doors and waiting rooms. Come to think of it, some of the people downstairs in the lobby were probably reporters too. Shit. What had happened? What was going on?

The young doctor stepped out, and motionedfor us to quickly follow. We did so, managing not to attract the attention of anyone, and he led us to a room far away from the reporters. He let us inside, and told us to sit tight, someone would be along shortly.

My father nodded again, and stiffly took a seat in one of the hard plastic chairs. I just stood, walking aimlessly around the room, worrying, hoping things would be okay.

About ten minutes later, the door opened again. I turned towards it, and blinked in surprise at the man that stepped through it. "Dr. Kaos!" I exclaimed.

"Hello Taichi," he greeted me. "It's been awhile."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I was the doctor on call when Jin-san was brought in."

"Oh..." Jin-san was Kento, I knew. So this was definitely about Kento.

"Is..." suddenly the words were a lump in my throat, stuck fast, and I couldn't get them out.

"Quite the opposite. He's awake."

I almost cried with relief. "He is? Then why am I here? I seriously doubt he wants to see me."

"No. No, he doesn't want to see you. But someone else did."

"Huh? I... I don't understand."

"I'll bring him in, and your father and I will go to my office. I need to talk to him. Okay?"

"I..I guess so. Who wants to see me?"

He stood and went to the door of the waiting room, opening it.

I swear, I almost passed out when I saw who walked in.

"Kenji?"

"Hi," he greeted me quietly. No smile.

I was barely aware of otousan and Dr. Kaos leaving the room, all I could focus on was Kenji. I was really confused. "I don't get it. Why are you here? Why did you want to see me?"

"I wanted to talk to you." He came and sat down across from me, but he didn't look at me.

"Uh... about what?"

"Did you know," he began, somewhat stiffly. "Did you know... that Kento and Sento are my older brothers?"

"...What?" Suddenly I felt very faint. "I'm sorry... I'm... I'm not getting this..."

"Kento and Sento are my brothers," he repeated. "Older brothers."

"How... how come you never told us? Did Yamato know?"

He shook his head. "No. He didn't know until he ran into me here tonight."

Well, that explained why he'd left in a hurry... "Why didn't you say?" I demanded, starting to get angry. After all that Kento and Sento had done to Yamato... "Why didn't you ever stop them? Why didn't you say something? They almost killed him, Kenji! How could you know that and not ever say anything, do anything? He trusted you! I thought you were our friend..."

Now he was the one looking confused. "I don't know what you're talking about. You're the one that almost killed Kento."

"He almost killed Yamato!" I shouted. "They put him in the hospital for a week!"

He looked at me, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

I closed my eyes, turned my head away from him. "That week when his father left on a business trip, and I stayed with him. He came home early, walked in on us making out... he ran me out of the house, and Yamato just ran. They attacked him in an alley, stabbed him several times and left him there to die... He almost did. Two girls found him the next day and got him to the hospital just in time. Your scum brothers almost killed him, and you're offended because I almost killed Kento." I opened my eyes and glanced at him. "The only reason I'm glad Kento is alive now is because I didn't want to go to jail. How can you defend him? I don't care if he's your brother, he doesn't deserve it."

"I'm not defending him!"

"You are! Getting mad at me because of what I did, when they're a million times worse! You shouldn't care about them at all."

"You know nothing," he hissed at me, suddenly seething with anger. I was taken by surprise. "I hate them. You couldn't even begin to understand. I know what they are. Do you think I wouldn't, Taichi, living with them for seventeen years? Don't you think I know better than anyone just how awful my brothers are? Do you want to know? Do you? When I was six, they came in my room one night and raped me, then stabbed me. For the hell of it. They constantly beat me up. They murdered our father and got away with it. They used to drag me along with them when they would beat up kids. They'd threaten to kill me if I ever said anything. All the time, I had to live with that fear. So I know, Taichi. I know what it's like."

I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks as I stared at him in shock, but I wasn't really paying attention to them. "Why... why are you telling me this?" I felt sick, like I was going to pass out any moment now.

"So you'll know," he said bitterly. "So you won't accuse me of defending them. I hate them, Taichi. I hate them more than you ever will. You still have Yamato. I don't have my father. They killed him."

"Did you know... what they did to Yamato?"

He shook his head. "I knew... I knew they'd attacked you on the way to school one day, but I never knew what they'd done to Yamato. He never said anything."

"He didn't tell anyone for a long time. We tried to get it out of him, but he was so scared. He couldn't talk about it. It terrified him, gave him nightmares all the time. He's scared to go to school because of them. He didn't tell me until Sunday."

"Is that why you went after Kento?"

I frowned, and absently wiped my eyes. "I didn't go after them... I was on my way home from Yama's. I just happened upon them beating up a little kid, and I lost it. I kept thinking of finding Yamato in the hospital by accident after it happened, and how he was so torn up over it, so afraid he'd die, so afraid he'd never see me again... I don't really remember much of what happened. Just flashes of hitting him, and someone pulling me off and looking down and seeing nothing but blood."

Kenji winced. "Kento's going to put it all on you, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"He's going to say you attacked him for no reason, and it's certainly going to look that way... You won't be able to find that kid, and you did attack him out of the blue."

"But... Yamato will be able to corrobate that Sento stabbed him.."

"Can he prove it?"

"What? What does that have to do with anything?"

"If he can't prove it, they'll have no reason to believe him."

"That's bullshit!" I shouted. "He was in the hospital for a week! They have records, and he's got the scars. They'll have to believe it."

"They'll believe he was attacked and almost killed from stab wounds. But how will they prove it was Sento? And why would you attack Kento if Sento almost killed him?"

"Whose side are you on, anyways, Kenji?" I asked him quietly. "I don't care what you say, you're defending them, and I don't understand why."

"I'm being realistic!" he shouted at me. "Goddammit, Taichi, you don't understand how serious this is!"

"Of course I do."

"You don't! Kento and Sento are _ruthless_. They have no morals holding them back, no boundary lines stopping them from doing something. They're rapists and murderers, and they _enjoy_ it. They love abusing others. They don't care about wrecking other people's lives, as long as they get their fun. And they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that they always have that fun. And things are not looking good for you. You came upon them, and jumped them without them provoking you. All they have to do is say they were minding their own business when you attacked without warning, and the police won't be able to disprove it. You have only Yamato's word they almost killed him, and since it took him a long time to come out with it, it's easy for the police to think he was preparing a story all that time."

"But he wouldn't!" I wailed. "Dammit Kenji, can't you do something?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know! Say you were there or something, that you saw them attack Yamato." I was desperate.

"Oh come on, that wouldn't work and you know it."

"It might."

"There are a million holes. Why didn't I help Yamato? Why didn't they ever see me? Why didn't Yamato see me? Where could I hide in an alley? Why can't I remember what alley it was in? Why did I never say anything about it? Why didn't I help Yamato immediately after they'd left?"

My eyes filled with new tears. "There has to be something. I'm no good to Yamato if I'm in jail."

"He lived. You won't go to jail."

I opened my mouth, but at the same time the door opened and otousan and Dr. Kaos walked in. "Are you ready to go, Taichi, or do you guys need more time?"

I looked at Kenji. He just shrugged.

"I guess we're going."

"Alright." He looked at Dr. Kaos. "Thank you. Come on, Taichi."

He didn't say anything more to me until we got out to the car. "The doctor said that the boy will be alright. He's a bit banged up, and you broke his jaw and chipped some teeth, but other than that and a hell of a black eye, he'll be fine."

I nodded. "That's good," I said quietly. Halfway home I burst into tears. Otousan didn't say anything. He just continued driving home until he pulled into a parking spot. Then he cut off the engine and got out, coming around to my side and opening the door. He helped me out of the car and sat me down on the porch of the building, sitting next to me. He let me cry until finally my sobs lessened and I was calm again.

"He'll be okay," Otousan said quietly. "You're not going to jail or anything, if that's what you're worried about."

I shook my head. "That's only a small part."

"Then what's the rest?"

"Well, it's just.. I can't prove anything about why I attacked him... I wouldn't go to jail, but what about juvenille hall and stuff?"

"That's probably not likely either, Taichi. He lived. You didn't kill him."

I let out a shaky sob. "I could have. I almost did."

"Why'd you attack them? You never said."

"They.. they almost killed Yamato."

"Why?"

"Because they wanted to hurt me, and knew the best way to do that was through Yamato..."

"But why did they want to hurt you? What did you do to them?"

"They jumped Yamato and me on the way to school one day, and I managed to beat them up. I ruined their reputation, so they wanted revenge. I wasn't... It's not like I'd planned on attacking them or anything. It just kind of happened. They were there, and I was upset because I'd just found out they'd almost killed Yamato... I lost control."

"I see."

"Are _you_ scared of me?"

"No, why would I be?"

I looked at the ground, picked up a twig and scraped at the concrete. "Okaasan and Hikari are." More tears started gathering. "I wouldn't hurt them."

"They know that, Taichi. Just give them a little bit of time. They'll come around, okay? Don't worry. Everything's going to come out alright." He stood and held out his hand. "Come on. Let's go in."

I took it, and he pulled me to my feet. "Okay."

-x-

When I woke around one later that day, the apartment was completely silent. I got out of bed and stumbled into a kitchen, wondering where my family had gone and why they didn't make me go to school. It was Tuesday, after all. There was a note on the table. I opened it and read through it quickly.

_Taichi, the police called while you were asleep. Don't worry, they don't want you for questioning. Because Kento is, for the most part, unharmed, his mother is not pressing charges against you. Also, they said it would be more of a hassle trying to prove who's at blame here, so it's not worth it. However, Kento did insist on a restraining order, and was granted it. You're not allowed within 10 feet of him or his house. So as long as you stay away from him, everything is okay. Your mother and Hikari went shopping. I'm about to head down to the hospital, the boy's mother wants to talk to me. See you later._

_-Otousan_

I sighed with relief. A restraining order was nothing. I've not a reason to go near Kento again, not as long as he doesn't touch my Yama.

Yama! I should call him and tell him. I know he was really worried about me last night. A small smile on my face, I went over to the phone and picked it up, dialing Yamato's number.

His father answered. "Ishida residence, Ishida Masaharu."

"Hello Mr. Ishida, is Yamato there?"

"Hold on, I'll go see."

I waited for a bit, then I heard someone pick up the phone. "Taichi, I'm sorry, he's not feeling too well right now."

"Oh." My face fell. I'd really wanted to talk to him. "Well, thanks then. Will you have him call me when he's better?"

"Sure thing."

"Thanks. Tell him I hope he's okay soon. Bye, Mr. Ishida."

"Goodbye Taichi." He hung up.

I replaced my own phone receiver, letting out a sigh. I'd really been counting on telling him the good news. I hoped he wasn't too sick. He seemed okay enough yesterday. Well, until he'd left abruptly. Of course, it had to be a shock finding out one of your bandmates was brother to the two people who'd tried their damnedest to kill you. I wish he'd mentioned that to me yesterday when he left. But no, he's always keeping things inside him, not telling anyone what's wrong or going on inside his head. If he'd just ask for help for once, instead of worrying about bothering others, maybe he wouldn't be half as screwed up as he is right now.

Yeah, okay, so I guess I'm feeling a little bitter. I'm just tired of him not trusting me.

Shaking my head at myself, I fixed a bowl of cereal and proceeded to watch cartoons until my mind went numb, glad of the break from school.

The phone rang a few hours later, startling me and causing me to jump and drop my empty bowl on the floor. Quickly I snatched it up. "Hello?"

"Hi Taichi."

"Yamato!" I exclaimed, relieved at hearing his voice. He sounded perfectly fine, if a little tired. Which was understandable, after the day we'd had yesterday.

"'tousan said you called earlier...?"

"Um, yeah. I need to talk you. Can I come over for a bit?"

"Right now?"

"Is it not a good time?" I asked, frowning.

"No, it's fine. Just give me about thirty minutes, okay?"

"Sure thing. See you then."

"See you." He hung up, and I did the same. Then I ran around the house like an idiot, trying to find clothes to wear, looking for a clean towel for a shower.. I don't know why I was feeling so nervous. But for some reason, I just was.

And thirty minutes later, knocking on the door to Yamato's apartment, I still felt that way.

His dad let me in without much of a greeting. Just, "he's back there, holed up in his room." I got the feeling he wasn't entirely pleased with Yama at the moment.

Yamato's door was open as I approached, and he was sitting on his bed, surrounding by piles of papers. They looked to be lyrics for his band. I knocked on the door jamb, and he looked up.

"Hey," I greeted him quietly. He didn't smile, just motioned for me to come in and shut the door, shoving papers aside so I'd have a place to sit.

"I heard about Kenji," I started out.

"That he's related to them?"

"Yeah. I saw him at the hospital later that night. He told me. I'm sorry, Yamato."

He shrugged, as if it didn't matter, as if it wasn't bothering him in the slightest, though I could tell he was extremely upset by it. "Nothing we can do to change it."

"Well, no, but it's bothering you."

"I'll get over it." Then, before I could say anything else, he changed the subject. "What'd you want to talk to me about?"

I almost let out a sigh, but knew that if I did, I'd only hurt his feelings. So I just spoke instead. "I got the news on Kento early this morning."

"And?" he asked anxiously. "Is he okay?"

I smiled. "He's fine, and his mother declined to press any charges against me. He did get a restraining order against me, but it's not as if I have a reason to go near him now, so no worries there."

"Thank god," he said in relief, sighing and leaning back against the wall. "I was scared."

"So was I," I admitted. "I was terrified."

"Me too," and there was a catch in his voice. He was crying.

"What it is?" I asked, alarmed. "Don't cry, everything's okay. It all worked out, see?"

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I was just... I was so scared that I'd lose you, and I don't think I could stand that."

I pulled him close to me in a tight hug. "You'll never lose me, Yamato, okay?"

"You promise?" he asked, then immediately shook his head. "No, that's not fair of me to ask."

"I don't care. I promise it anyways," I replied, then kissed him.

He just gave a little sound of contentment and buried his head in my shoulder. "Please don't ever do that to me again, Taichi," he mumbled.

I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know..."

It was only twenty minutes later that I realized he was asleep.

End Part 11.


	18. Part 12

Waiting  
Chapter 12-Undeniable Hate  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

"Hmmm... Otousan, what day is it?"

"Wednesday."

Three days. Just three days ago Taichi and I had celebrated my birthday, had laughed and smiled with each other. It felt like so much longer. In three days, the world had fallen out from under my feet again, leaving me to deal with the shock of the aftermath.

Taichi was... okay. After worrying myself sick over him, it turned out okay. But Kenji...

Kenji was another matter, one that still made me sick to my stomach to think about. Knowing Kenji is brother to the guys who almost killed me made me want to cry. It made me want to scream and throw things. It made me want to take him by the shoulders and shake him to death for never telling me. It made me want to kill myself so I wouldn't have to face the awful reality. At that last one, I looked over at 'tousan, feeling a little guilty. He'd be so upset if he knew what I was thinking. I still couldn't help remembering Saturday night, 'tousan's upset words, his tears. It had been a long time since I'd seen him cry.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Huh?" I lookeed up to find he'd stopped paying attention the tv and was now watching me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me again. His eyes studied my face, searching for a clue, some hint as to my thoughts.

"Oh... nothing... everything..." I said softly. "It doesn't matter."

"Are you worried about Taichi?"

I shook my head. "He's fine." I sighed. "Really, it's nothing, otousan."

He let the matter drop, though I could tell he clearly didn't want to. In a way, it was nice to have him finally be concerned this way about me. "You going back to school tomorrow?" he asked, kindly changing the subject.

I let out another sigh. "Yeah, I'm going. Though.." _I'm afraid_. Kento wouldn't be there. I had word from Dr. Kaos that he wasn't releasing Kento from the hospital for at least a week. But that did nothing about Sento, Tetsuya, and Ayashi. Any one of them could come after Taichi or me, wanting revenge. And they could hurt us bad. Real bad. The memory of Sento's knife sliding so effortlessy into my stomach was still very much in my mind, clear as anything. Also... I know Sento had kept stabbing me after I'd already lost consciousness. They weren't looking to scare me, they were looking to kill me. I don't know why they hate me so much, but they do and there's nothing I can do to make it better.

And never mind that going to school tomorrow could easily get me killed; I had to face Kenji. Knowing what I now know... and having to live with that every day of my life, and having to face him, and talk to him like there was nothing wrong about it, and everything was cool between us.. I didn't know if I'd be able to do that, and still be able to live with myself afterwards. Hell, I didn't know if I'd even be able to just look him in the eye.

"Yamato?"

"Huh?" I jerked my head up, startled. I'd forgotten I'd been talking to 'tousan. "Ah, sorry otousan.. I'm going to my room for awhile, okay?"

He nodded. "Don't forget Takeru was supposed to stop by after school today."

"What?" I frowned, confused.

"Remember? You promised him a few weeks ago, because he wanted to do something with you for your birthday."

"Oh yeah.." I had forgotten. Damn. I really wanted to just go to my room and cry for awhile until I fell asleep. But it was already one, and just a few hours wasn't enough time. "Okay. I'll be ready." I got up from the couch and headed to my room. Once I got there, I flopped down on the bed and buried my head in my pillow, trying not to cry.

-x-

"So how are things between you and Daisuke?"

He shrugged, a small grin gracing his lips. "We're fine. We go out a lot."

"How's okaasan taking it?" I asked him curiously.

"Ah yeah.. about that.." he grimaced and scratched his head. "She doesn't exactly know."

"Takeru, you should tell her," I said, ever the all-knowing older brother.

"Why? I bet you didn't tell otousan about Taichi!" he shot back, challenging me.

"Well," I started, pausing to take another bite of soba. "Not at first. But that was different."

He gave me a disbelieving look, then looked around the restaraunt. "How is your being with a guy different from my being with a guy?" he asked in a low voice.

"It wasn't that. It was just.. with everything that happened and all.." I swallowed, still finding it hard to talk about with Takeru. After all, they'd known Ken better than I ever had. And I knew that Takeru had been close friends with Ken at one point. "I just didn't want to worry otousan, that's all," I finally finished.

"Well, I don't want to bother 'kaachan with it."

"You mean you're afraid of how she'll react to it."

He looked away, absently finishing off the last piece of takoyaki. "Well, that too..." he admitted softly. "How do I know that she'll be okay with it? What if she doesn't approve? What if she decides to disown me, or tries to turn me straight? I can't handle her throwing a bunch of girls at me in what will just be wasted effort."

"You'll never know if you never tell her," I pointed out.

"All the same, I think I'll wait awhile," he mumbled. "Can we go to the park for awhile? I'm tired of sitting in here."

"Sure," I said. I signaled a waiter, who brought us our checks. After paying, we headed over to the park, walking around aimlessly through it, not really speaking and not really needing to.

"'niichan?" Takeru eventually asked.

I looked over at him. "Hmm?"

"How come you never tell me anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." he scuffed his shoes at some stray sticks on the path. "Hikari told me what happened this past weekend."

Caught completely offguard, I stopped walking suddenly and just stared at him for a moment before looking away. "I see."

"Why didn't you tell me? You've hardly told me anything about what happened to you. You just leave me in the dark. Everyone does. I don't know what's going on, and I don't like it."

I didn't bother to respond, to say anything; instead, I just resumed walking.

"Niichan!" he cried, chasing after me. "Please..."

I ignored him, just continued on until I reached a tree and sat down. I motioned for him to sit next to me, which he did.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated. "Why did you do it? I don't understand. Hikari said Miyako said something to you, but none of it makes sense to me.."

I sighed, a long defeated sigh. "You know about Ken, right? About what he did?"

"I know he hurt you and forced you to have sex with him. Otousan wouldn't tell me much more than that."

"Did you ever know that Ken put me in the hospital once?"

Takeru gaped at me, blue eyes wide. "For what?"

"He, uh.." I bit down on my lower lip, hating to have to talk about this. "He stabbed me with a knife..."

He just stared, in shock. "Why?"

I shook my head at him. "It's not important. I don't even know if there was ever a good reason. But he did it, and it landed me in the hospital. It was also that incident that made me tell otousan. Then of course Ken was arrested and there was a private trial. It ended up making it on the news anyways, though.."

"I stil don't understand. What does this have to do with whatever Miyako said?"

"Well, there a lot of people around who knew Ken that don't believe he did that to me. A lot of them think that we were dating and sleeping together, and that I got scared and cried rape on him.." I felt my eyes start to fill with bitter tears, thinking of everyone at school who'd said as much to my face, thinking of Miyako's accusing words. _Doing all that stuff... get real._ I pushed the memories away. "Of course, they can't account for the stab wounds, the broken arm, the bruises.." They don't see me at night, when I cry.. They don't know of the horrible nightmares I have, the fears and worries I've suffered since everything finally came to an end. They know nothing...

"And Miyako thought that? She thought you were lying about Ken?"

"I guess. She didn't think Ken could do that, that he would never do it, and that I was just crying rape. She said that to me, in so many words."

"So then.. why? Why did you hurt yourself?" His voice caught on the words, and when I looked over I could see him struggling not to cry. Takeru.. he'd been suffering a lot through all of this too. I hadn't even really thought about how it would affect him, assuming that he was living his life happily. How blind I've been. He's been hurt and confused and scared, all this time, and I've only made it worse by not talking to him about it.

"I didn't really do it on purpose, Takeru.. I wasn't really thinking.." Walking through the kitchen to escape Miyako's voice.. Seeing the knife in the sink, grabbing a hold of it without thinking about it.. the feel of it biting into my skin, and Mrs. Yagami coming in and seeing me holding the blade against my wrist, blood steadily trickling out.. "It's sort of hard to explain.."

"And what about all the other times? I suppose those are hard to explain too," he retorted, his voice a little bitter.

I winced. So he knew about those too. I wonder how.. I'd never told him, not wanting to worry him. "Takeru.."

"'kaachan told me. She said otousan told her, though you hadn't wanted to tell her anything either. But she saw the news anyways. Do you have any idea what that's like, niichan? To be sitting at the table eating supper, and to suddenly have your mother tell you that your oniisan has tried killing himself several times?"

"No.." I murmured. "Of course I don't.." I sighed, and looked at him. His head was down, blond hair covering his eyes. I saw a few drops of water splash on his head. "I'm sorry, otouto.."

He didn't bother to respond, so we sat in silence for some time. I kindly didn't look at him, knowning he didn't want me to see him cry.

After awhile, it began to grow dark, and I stood. I held out my hand to him. "Come on."

He grasped it, and I pulled him up. "Where are we going?"

"It's getting late. We should go home before Na-okaasan and 'tousan worry."

"Why do you always want to call her Natsuko?" she asked, a touch annoyed it sounded.

"Because that's her name," I replied, hoping he'd just drop it at that. _He_ may have nothing against our mother, but I certainly do, and I don't like talking about it. Don't like talking about a lot of things, really.

He didn't drop it. "But you're not supposed to call her by her name.. So why do you? She's still your mother, even if you don't live with her."

"She's _not_ my mother," I snarled, suddenly upset at him. "She stopped being my mother the day you were born!"

His eyes widened; he stopped walking and just looked at me. "I never asked to be her favourite," he said in a small voice that trembled when he spoke. "I never did anything to be..."

"Ah shit," I said dejectedly, hardly believing I'd said that out loud, to him. "Takeru, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that..."

"Sure you did," he told me, voice still shaking slightly. "And I deserved it; after all, I asked."

I bit down on my lip and didn't say anything else, and the rest of the walk home was spent in silence.

-x-

"Tadaima, Otousan," I called, letting myself in.

"Okaeri, Matt. You have fun?" he asked as I walked past him into the kitchen.

"It was okay," I said, taking a cup down from the cabinet. I turned the sink faucet on and stuck the cup under it.

"Just 'okay'?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you guys do?"

I swallowed a mouthful of water before responding. "We went out to eat." I set the glass down on the counter. "Walked around and talked for awhile." I accidentally insulted him.

Otousan watched my face carefully, wondering what it was I wasn't telling him. Well, he wasn't getting out of me. I walked past him down the hallway. "I'm kind of tired. I'm going to go to bed."

"Alright. Don't forget you have school tomorrow."

I made a face. As if I needed reminding. I was terrified out of my mind at the thought of school. I waved my hand to let 'tousan know I heard, then headed off to my room. Stretching myself across my bed, I picked up the phone and called Taichi.

"Taichi, can you do me a favor?" I said once he'd picked up.

"Sure, anything for you Yama," he replied, sounding completely sincere. I bit back a groan.

"Can you have Hikari talk to Takeru for me? I sort of insulted him today without meaning to..."

"So why don't _you_ talk to him?" he said reasonably.

"Well, he's sort of upset at me now, I think... Please Taichi? Just so I can know how upset he is? And if he's mad at me?" I begged.

I heard him sigh, just a small one. "Sure, I guess. Do you want her to talk to him now?"

I shook my head, though I knew he couldn't see that. "No, just whenever she has a chance. Thanks, Taichi," I said softly.

"No problem," he said. "Look, I gotta go. Will you be at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Walk with me?"

"Sure. See you, Yama." He hung up, and I did too.

I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about school tomorrow; and ended up having that occupy my every thought.

I _really_ didn't want to go back to school tomorrow. But I desperately needed to. When was the last time I had gone? I tried to think. Friday? Was it really only then? It seems as if it's been months since I last went.. But it had to have been Friday, because I stayed over at Taichi's that night. And then it was the weekend, and then Monday I stayed home and Taichi beat up Kento.. And yesterday I sat at home most of the day worried out of my mind about what would happen to Taichi, and throwing up every time I thought of Kenji. Then today.. and now I have to go back to school tomorrow. I thank God Taichi and I have every class together except for second. He'll be there to protect me from Sento. I'm not really worried about Tetsuya and Ayashi as much, they're complete cowards on their own. But Sento.. Sento is just as dangerous as Kento, maybe even more so. After all, Sento's the one with the knife.

But really, I don't think he'll do much there.. he'd be stupid to. It's a public place surrounded by tons of teachers and students, and I doubt Taichi will let me out of his sight if he can help it. And Taichi would kick Sento's ass before he ever even got near me. So there's really no reason to worry.

So why then, I am worried?

-x-

_Beep! Beep! Be-_

I groaned and cracked my eyes open, looking at the mess on my bedside table. "Damn," I mumbled. That's the third alarm clock I've managed to destroy this year. I'll have to remember to get a new one tonight.

Mumbling inaudible nonsense to myself, I slowly slid out of bed and stumbled over to my dresser, dragging clothes out of it. Never mind about Sento, I was too damn _tired_ to want to go to school today.

I heard a knock at my door. "Matt, are you up?" Of course it was 'tousan.

I yawned, cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm up," I called back. "Though I don't wanna be.." I said to myself as I pulled my clothes on. I opened the door and went into the bathroom, where I worked on getting my hair just so.

I'd just finished eating a piece of toast when the phone rang. "I got it!" I called, picking up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Yama?"

"Taichi? What's up?" I asked, confused. Why was he calling me? He was supposed to be on his way to my place.

"Yama, I'm sorry, I'm not going to school today."

I almost stopped breathing at that. "Why?" I asked in a small voice, fear already squeezing my chest tight.

"I'm sick," he said, and indeed he did sound sick. His voice was hoarse and didn't sound like his usual energetic self.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to beg him, to plead with him to please just come to school, just today, for me. But I knew I couldn't do that. If he was sick, he needed to stay home and rest, get better. It'd be cruel to ask him to come to school just so I'd feel safe.

"Yama, I'm sorry," he said again.

"I-It's okay," I managed to somehow get out. "You just stay home and get better, okay? I'll come over later and baby you."

"Okay," he replied, probably smiling. "I'll look forward to it. You be careful, okay?"

"Sure," I said, doubting it. "I have to go now. I'll see you later. Feel better." I gently replaced the receiver and then leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling very weak. Go to school, all on my own? Today? This has to be a joke, or some kind of bad dream.

"Matt? Yamato?"

"Huh?" I turned my head and looked over at 'tousan, who had just walked into the room and was looking at me with some confusion, some concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," I said, pushing myself away from the wall, wobbling slightly from the loss of support. My knees felt weak; I wanted to collapse.

"Is something wrong?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I need to go, I'll be late. Bye, otousan."

Most of the morning passed by in a blur of fear. I was constantly on alert for any of the gang, and I wasn't really paying attention in my classes. I probably got reprimanded a million and one times by my teachers. I barely heard the whispers of the students who still enjoyed gossiping about me, though I would have thought I'd be old news by now. I had none of the assignments due in my classes, and didn't do any of the work assigned me. However, by lunchtime, nothing had happened and I began to feel relatively safe. I was probably right last night in thinking they wouldn't try anything here. It's after school I'd have to worry about.

The bell rang to signal the end of fourth, and I absently gathered up my books and headed out in the hallway. Automatically I headed for this little-used bathroom that most of the students didn't even know about. I always went there after fourth, to wait out the lunch crowd so I could get my food pretty quickly once I got in line. I'd been doing this since I started high school, and I'd never had any problems with it or because of it.

I was just coming out of the bathroom to head for the lunchroom when suddenly I was slammed up against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. Hand roughly pinned my shoulders in place, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't get free. Then I looked my attacker in the face and almost fainted.

_Sento_.

I told myself not to show him my fear, that I should stand up to him and let him know he can't beat me down so easy, but all I could manage to do was let out a little squeak of fear. _Oh god, please don't let him have the knife. I don't want to die here, not like this... please..._

I took a small breath, licked my lips nervously as he stared at me, a smug smile on his face and a mean look in his eyes.

"Let me go Sento," I get out, but the words lacked conviction or force.

He just laughed, an awful laugh that sent shivers down my spine. I started to struggle once more. I balled my hands into fists and tried to hit him, a move that was extremely stupid. But in my terror, all I could think about was getting out of this alive. I actually managed to hit him once on the leg, and my back momentarily wasn't touching the wall; however, he suddenly slammed me back against the wall once more, harder than before. I groaned at the pain and stared in terror at him, eyes wide. "Please don't hurt me," I whispered, causing him to laugh again. He leaned his face right in near mine, and gave me a cold smile. "Listen up Ishida, and listen up good," he said in a low voice. I breathed out slowly. "If you or your little boytoy Yagami there _ever_ touch my brother again, I am seriously going to make you regret the day you were ever born. My brother gets out of the hospital Tuesday, and you just better watch your back, otherwise you'll find yourself in deeper shit than you're currently in. No one, and I mean _no one_, hurts my brother and gets away with it. I hope you understand that."

I swallowed, and gave him a small nod. "Clearly," I said, my voice shaking.

He smirked, and shoved me against the wall one last time for good measure, then let me go and disappeared. I took a few deep breaths and slid against the wall down to the floor, too weak from fear to hold myself up. And here I was thinking myself safe now. Oh god, Taichi and I are in huge trouble now.. Christ, why did Taichi have to go and attack Kento like that? Come to that, why did I ever have to tell him in the first place? Life was so much simpler when I had kept my mouth shut.

-x-

The rest of the week passed slowly. Taichi had strep, nothing serious, so I spent a lot of my free time at his house, babying him. I told no one about the incident with Sento. I thought it was just an idle threat, nothing too serious. I didn't want everyone to get worried about me, and I didn't want to get Taichi all riled up again. But perhaps I should have told someone. If I had, maybe then what happened to Kenji never would have happened, and we'd all be a lot happier. Things could have been a lot of different. But I never said a word.

And I patched things up with Takeru, although it took a lot of apologizing and pleading for forgiveness. Hikari had talked to him, and found out he was a lot more hurt and upset than he'd let on to me. She said he ranted at her for a solid hour, and would have gone on even longer if she hadn't decided it'd be wise to interrupt.

Monday finally rolled around, and I was a wreck. Kento was to be released tomorrow, and though I'd had no further contact with Sento, and only a very brief warning from Ayashi, I was terrified out of my mind. I had no idea what kind of shape he was in, and if he was planning on getting on revenge. Kento had a restraining order against Taichi, but there was no such order for me. And it wasn't likely the restraining order would stop Kento from hurting Taichi, if he so desired. I wished I could ask Kenji about them, but I hadn't seen him since the night at the hospital. He hadn't been to school, and neither he or Ny showed up at our scheduled band practice Friday night. Ny's excuse was that he'd been sick. As for Kenji, none of us had any idea, and none of us particularly wanted to go over to his house right now. Not in light of everything that was going on. I kind of thought that he was staying at the hospital because of Kento. Not that I thought he was there as support or anything; Taichi had told me about the conversation between him and Kenji at the hospital early that next morning. But it would still look bad if he didn't stay.

But now it was Monday, and Kento would be free to roam the streets again tomorrow. Would he come after me? Taichi? Another one of my friends? There was no way to know until something happened, and the only sure-fire way of avoiding anything was to stay indoors-something impossible with school. If I had any hope of graduating with my class, I _couldn't_ miss another day.

"Are you worried?"

"Huh?" It was after school, and Taichi and I were over at my apartment. We were sitting on the couch, the tv tuned in to some show neither of us were really paying attention to. I'm sure both of us were thinking about tomorrow, and worrying about it.

"Are you worried?" he repeated. "About Kento being released tomorrow?"

I shrug half-heartedly. "Yeah. A little. Aren't you?"

He smiled, though nothing was really funny. "Of course."

I sighed, and snuggled up closer to his side. He put his arm around me, and started to run his hand lightly through my hair, making me smile. "Do you think anything will happen?" I mumbled, the worry and tension of the past few days starting to slowly drain out of my body.

His hand paused, resting on top of my head for a moment. I looked up at him, concerned. "Taichi?"

"I don't know," he said at last.

"You're not thinking of going after them, are you? Not again?" I was alarmed. Surely not! That'd be complete stupidity.

His hand resumed, and he shook his head. "No. I don't want to do that. Not only would it be stupid, it'd serve no purpose."

I breathed out in relief. "Good. Because I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."

He shifted away from me, his hand leaving my head to grasp my chin lightly. He lifted it up and looked me in the face, then leaned down and kissed me. "Nothing will happen to me," he murmured, kissing me again.

I melted into the kiss, and lay back on the couch, pulling him down on top of me. We continued kissing for some minutes, tongues dancing and hands roaming. After a few minutes of pure bliss, we came up for air. "You promise?" I asked him, somewhat breathless. His hands tugged at my shirt, pulling it up, and I lifted myself up some, helping him so he could get it off. "I promise," he breathed, then covered my mouth with his once more.

Later, after we'd finished and he was resting comfortably on top of me, his head buried in my chest, I had another thought. "What if he comes after me?"

Taichi lifted up his head wearily and looked at me. "He'll have to get through me first, Yama. I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"You can't be with me 24/7, Tai," I pointed out reasonably.

"I'll be with you every moment it counts, and to me that's 24/7. I won't let anything happen to you either, I promise."

"You shouldn't make promises you don't know you can keep."

He just gave me a soft smile. "This is one I definitely mean to keep."

End Part 12.


	19. Part 13:1

Waiting  
Chapter 13:1-Countdown to Madness  
by: butterflie  
sequel to Untold Secrets

"Taichi. Taichi, wake up."

"Yama... go 'way..." I mumbled, half-surfacing from strange dreams to blearily open one eye and see his blurry face hovering over me.

"Taichi," he persisted, shaking my shoulders. "Get up. We got school. We have to go."

"School?" I opened the other eye and looked at him, still sleep-disoriented. "Mmm.. what day is this?"

He laughed softly. "It's Tuesday. We um, fell asleep yesterday after.. and neither of us woke up."

"Tuesday.." I mutter, thinking. Then I groan. "_Tuesday_."

He laughed some more. "Yes, Tuesday. Now come on, get up and get ready so we can go."

"Oh, do I haaaaaaaafta?" I whine at him, giving him a grin.

"Yes, you have to, now get UP!"

"Alright, alright," I grumbled, sitting up. "I'm going, I'm going."

-x-

The walk to school wasn't so much a walk as a panicked run. Under the assumption that I was getting up, Yamato had left me alone to go get ready himself, and I'd promptly fallen back asleep-which he didn't discover until five minutes before we were supposed to leave. So I rushed around, trying to find clothes I'd left at his house, and constantly wincing from the verbal assault Yama was giving me. And now we were racing down the sidewalk, hoping not to be late to school. In a way, I suppose this being late was a good thing. It took our minds off what was awaiting us at school. Quite frankly, I was terrified that Kento was supposed to be back today. Not so much for myself as for Yamato. I don't know what I'd do if anything more were to happen to him. He'd been through so much already, and as much as I didn't like to admit it, I'd come damned close to losing him a few times.

We finally arrived with two minutes to spare, and skidded to a halt on the steps, both of us panting, out of breath. I looked at Yamato and grinned. "See, and I could have gotten two more minutes of sleep."

"Idiot!" He reached over and smacked me lightly on the head. I just grinned again and headed inside. After a moment, he followed, and when I looked back at him, he was smiling. Perhaps the day wouldn't be so bad after all.

Classes were pretty boring the whole day, as usual. I sensed in Yamato a kind of nervousness, an anxiety about Kento that left him on edge, and so I didn't attempt to talk to him much unless he talked to me first, which wasn't often. Mostly I passed the classes staring out the window and thinking back on the events of the past months and how crazy everything was. I also kept an eye out between classes for any sign of the gang, but they weren't here. Also slightly unsettling was the absence of Kenji. Knowing now what I did about him, it made me worried and a bit nervous myself. I mean, it's not like I thought he was on their side, especially not after everything he said that night in the hospital. I was just worried that maybe he'd gotten hurt or something. Who knows.

Yamato later told me that the whole day for him didn't feel more than an hour long, but for me it was just the opposite. It felt as if the day would never end, that we'd be trapped in school for the rest of our lives, tortured with problems of algebra and crazy definitions of words like mitochondria. But yet, somehow the day finally was over with, and we were released from school, free to go home for another night.

I looked at Yamato as we walked out of our last class. "Mind if we stop by my locker first?"

He just shook his head, not even questioning the we. Normally we'd go to our lockers on our own and then meet up, but today I didn't even want to let him out of my sight for one second. In fact, we'd skipped our second period classes and went and hid in the old gym, simply because we weren't in the same class and didn't want to be away from each other. We'd mostly just sat there in silence and holding one other.

"Ready to go?" Yamato asked once we'd finished at our lockers.

I tried to give him the usual cocky Yagami grin, but it came out as more of trembling smile. For some reason, now that we were actually leaving, I found myself terrified. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

Halfway down the steps, I stopped. "I can't help but feel that I'm being silly to feel this scared," I said.

Yamato stopped along with me, taken aback, I suppose. "Why should you feel silly? We've got every reason to be scared. After all, look at what they did to me, to you..."

I didn't respond, thinking once again about everything. What Ken did, then what Kento did, Sento stabbing him, Yamato almost dying, my beating the shit out of them.. He was right, really. They were damned dangerous. Hadn't Kenji told me the same thing? And yet... "I know. I'm not saying we shouldn't be scared of them. What they did to you.. it scared the hell out of me. I could have lost you. I know that. It's just.. why are we so sure that something's going to happen right now? There hasn't been a word from them since I put Kento in the hospital. Why should we think they're suddenly going to do something just because Kento was released today? It just seems a bit absurd, is all."

Now it was Yamato's turn to not say anything. He stood there thinking moments, the expression on his face shifting and changing as he seemed to recall something. But then he just seemingly shrugged it off, like whatever it was wasn't important. "It's not silly, Taichi... They could hurt us bad, you know.."

I looked closely at him, suddenly getting the feeling he knew something I didn't, like maybe something happened that he hadn't told me about. "Yamato?"

"What?" he asked, a bit too innocently for my liking.

"Is there something else you're keeping from me?"

I watched him closely, and didn't miss him swallowing rather nervously. So there was. Something had happened, and he didn't even want to tell me about it. I couldn't help but feeling hurt. He told me, "Of course not. I'm just saying, it's not silly. But we shouldn't stand here all day arguing about it. Let's just go home. With luck we'll make it in one piece."

I couldn't believe he was just going to make light of it like that, and I told him so. I know he understood how serious this all was, so why?

He shrugged again, and after replying started down the steps again. I stood looking after him for a moment, then sighed and followed.

We walked in silence the whole way, Yamato looking around watchful, and me watching in front of us. After a while I noticed Yamato didn't seem to be paying as much attention to his surroundings. I was about to speak up and say something when suddenly Kento was in front of us. In Yamato, particularly. "Look out! Yamato!" I cried, panicked. But it was too late. Ayashi's fist slammed into Yamato's face, bloodying his nose.

But there was no time to react. Tetsuya's arms were around my waist, lifting me up, and they were surprisingly strong. I squirmed and tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but all to no avail. He walked a bit aways from Kento, Ayashi following him. "No!" I cried, not wanting to be away from Yama. Without warning, Tetsuya suddenly flung me to the ground.

"Shut up," he growled, eyes narrowed down at me, glaring darkly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ayashi advancing towards me, and I focused my attention on him. Which left me completely unprepared for the sharp kick Tetsuya delivered to my side. I grunted, feeling the pain, knowing there'd be a bruise tomorrow. Tetsuya's foot rose to kick me again, and I reached out with my hands and grabbed it, causing him to fall flat on his ass. "I don't think so," I spit out angrily. He scrambled to his feet too quick for me to do anything though, looking slightly caught off-balance.

"You little shit," he hissed at me. "Ayashi!"

Oh shit. I'd forgotten Ayashi again. I moved to get to my feet, to scramble away or something, quick, but before I could I was yanked roughly to my feet and held back tightly against Ayashi's body, arms brought behind my back and intertwined with Ayashi's painfully. I made to run, but I was tugged back against Ayashi, and then Tetsuya was right in front of me, effectively blocking any escape. He grinned, and then lowered his face directly before mine. The next thing I knew wet lips were being pressed roughly against my own, and Tetsuya's tongue shoved into my mouth. I gagged, and he pulled back, still grinning sadistically. "I always wanted to do that. You have such pretty lips Taichi, they were practically begging to be kissed."

"Bastard," I whispered, but the words lacked much force. I was still rather shocked. Of all the things I'd been expecting from them, that had been the last thing on my mind.

"Oh, don't take it personally, Taichi. We've been ordered to distract you until Kento and Sento are finished with Yamato; why not have a little fun while we wait, hmm?" And then he laughed, truly enjoying this. For some reason, that angered me more than the kiss had, more than anything they'd ever done to me or Yamato.. Because for them to be enjoying all this madness..

"Son of a bitch!" I screamed at him, then. Breaking hold of Ayashi's tight grip, I flung myself forward, tackling Tetsuya, my weight throwing him quite easily to the ground. I started to beat the shit out of him, but was shortly pulled off by Ayashi. I was pushed to the ground, and Tetsuya jumped on top of me. I reached up and spit in his face. His eyes darkened, and his mouth opened-whether to say something or spit back, I'll never know, because just then the most unearthly sounding scream I'd ever heard rang out across the sidewalk, echoing off the buildings around us. It froze my blood, and even managed to stop Tetsuya and Ayashi in their tracks. I took advantage of their momentary distraction to shove Tetsuya off me, and looked over to where the others were. What I saw... Yamato was sitting on top of Kento, who was looking decidedly beat up. And there was a large gaping hole in Yamato's side where blood was rather rapidly pouring out. Sento was standing a bit off to the side, holding his knife, now tainted with Yamato's blood, looking smug and satisfied with himself. I could only stare in horror as Yamato slowly reached his fingers down and touched the wound, then screamed, the sound so intense and full of pain and horror that I physically flinched from it.

It was the sound of Sento's sick laughter that brought me out of the strange trance I seemed to have been in.

"You fucking BASTARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, and, quickly clambering to my feet, launched myself at Sento. Hastily Ayashi reached out and grabbed my legs, I fell down flat on my face. I raised my head to look at Yamato, not even caring that I'd bloodied my nose and scraped up my face pretty bad in the fall. I started to kick my legs, trying to get free, and was glad when my shoe connected squarely with Ayashi's jaw. However, he didn't loosen his hold, and I was forced to remain in his grasp, watching helplessly as Kento and Sento beat the shit out of Yama. Dimly I heard Tetsuya and Ayashi laughing and shouting, cheering their fellow gang members on, but I ignored them both, no longer caring.

"Yama..." I whispered, pained, hating myself for not being able to save him, to protect him and never let harm come to him, as I'd promised so foolishly the night before. Why! Why did it have to come to this! I swore.. I swore I wouldn't let anything happen to him.. How optimistic, how careless and foolish I'd been. Yamato was right. Never make promises you can't keep. I didn't realize how much it would hurt when you realized you'd broken them. If only there was something I could still do, something to save him...I tried once again to break free from Ayashi, but he just swore and held on tighter.

Annoyed at being interrupted, Tetsuya turned around and slapped me. "Stop it and stay still!" he commanded, angrily. So I continued to watch, helplessly, hating myself all the more. Then Yamato suddenly slumped back against the wall of the building Kento had tossed him against, and I had to close my eyes against the sudden tears. He'd fainted. I had to do something fast, or else he'd lose too much blood and he'd...

"NO!" I cried, opening my eyes again. I wouldn't let that happen! Yamato _won't_ die, I'm _not_ going to lose him! That's what I told myself, and I only hoped it'd stay true..

Loud shouting in the distance caught my attention, and I jerked my head up and towards the source. My mouth literally dropped open at what I saw making their way up the sidewalk. Kenji was racing towards us, shouting words I couldn't quite make out and waving his arms a bit frantically. And trailing along behind him, coming a bit slower-almost reluctantly, it seemed-was Ichijouji Ken. I nearly fainted myself. What exactly did this mean? Whose side were they on? Kenji was Yamato's friend, but he was also the brother of Kento and Sento. And then there was Ken. Ken, who'd tortured and abused Yamato, who'd plagued him with nightmares and fear for months, who'd nearly killed him, who'd driven him to attempt suicide, who'd used Yamato's body for his own twisted pleasure just because Yamato didn't return his feelings. Ken, who'd never been quite right in the head, who'd lost not only his older brother, but his baby brother as well. Ken, who'd been the Kaiser in the Digital World all those ages ago. Ken, whom no one ever fully trusted other than Daisuke. Ken, who'd been locked away for good, only to escape some weeks later. Ken, who was now coming up the sidewalk towards us, with good or bad intentions I had no way of knowing.

Kenji was now close enough for me to make out his words. I was somewhat relived to hear the words, though still a bit wary. "Kento! Sento! Stop it! Stop hurting him! Let them go!"

The two of them reached us, and Ken came over to me. I cringed back a bit, unsure, but instead he looked at Tetsuya and Ayashi, glaring. "Let Taichi go," he hissed menacingly, and there was such venom and loathing in his voice that I flinched, much the same way I had at Yamato's scream.

Obediently Ayashi let go of me, and the two of them backed off, hands raised in the air. "H-hey.. no harm done, right Ken? We were just following your cousin's orders.."

Cousin? I frowned, confused, even less sure of what was going on than I had a minute ago.

"Well, now you're following mine," he told them coldly. "And don't even _think_ about going anywhere."

"Of-of course not!" Ayashi laughed, a bit nervously. "Wouldn't miss any of this for the world.."

I ignored the rest of this, and ran over to Yamato, kneeling down anxiously by his side. Very, very gently, I touched the hole in his side, trying to assess the damage and see how deep it was. The second my fingers touched him, his eyes snapped open wide, and he let out another ear-shattering scream. It tore at my heart, but I put my hand on his shoulder, trying not to show any of the fear and pain I felt. "Yama, it's me, Taichi," I said softly. "Look, help's here, everything's going to be fine. Okay?'

He just looked at me, eyes filled with tears I doubt he even noticed, and nodded, slowly. Then he closed his eyes again, dead to the world once more. Knowing there was nothing more I could do to help him, I got to my feet and turned to see what the others were up to. Ken was currently beating the shit out of Kento, Tetsuya and Ayashi hovering around them nervously. I figured Ken could handle himself, though he was both younger and smaller than the other boy. Yet he seemed to have the situation under control, and I wasn't worried. I turned to Sento, shocked to see him and Kenji locked tight in a struggle. Sento had his knife out, and Kenji was only just managing to keep his brother from sticking it in his chest. However, blood was falling from both his side and his stomach, and I knew Sento had already had a bit of fun with his brother.

"Shit!" I cursed. Kenji heard me and looked at me, eyes pleading for help, though he'd never admit it out loud. I rushed over and bowled into Sento from the side, knocking him away from Kenji. Then I came around him from behind and pushed him to the ground, throwing myself on top of him. It didn't matter though, in just a few seconds the situation reversed and Sento was sitting on me, pinning me to the ground. I cursed and struggled and tried to push him off me. Where the fuck was Kenji? Why is it I was willing to help him when he was in trouble, but when it was _I_ who was in trouble, he was nowhere around? Bastard, I fumed silently.

"Asshole!" I cried. "Get... OFF!" I tried once more, vainly, to shove Sento away. He merely laughed and stayed firmly on top of my chest. I was actually starting to have trouble breathing, he was so heavy, and he was crushing me.. It felt as if he'd push my lungs straight through my back and into the concrete below.

At once Kenji came bowling into Sento from behind, throwing him off and stumbling over me, landing on top of my legs. Great. I no longer had Sento on me, but now I was trapped by Kenji, who was too injured to move himself anymore.

Momentarily forgetting me, Sento righted himself and snatched his knife off the pavement, then turned to face his brother. "You stupid little fucker," he hissed. He advanced toward Kenji, knife in hand.

"Sento! Please! Stop this," Kenji begged. "It's.. insane. It's gone too far.. Please, just stop.." there were tears in both his eyes and voice.

"Kenji," I said. "It's not going to do any good.. he won't listen to you. You might as well not try."

"But I have to try! I have to.. I can't.. I can't let anyone get hurt anymore. I'm sick of it, sick of living with the guilt and fear.. sick of living with the knowledge of all the awful things my brothers have done. Not only to me, and to my friends and family, but to others as well, people I don't know.. some I never will because they're now _dead_ thanks to my brothers!" There was no mistaking the disgust in his voice when he referred to them as his brothers, and quite suddenly I felt ashamed for ever having doubted him before.

"Kenji, shut up little brother," Sento growled softly, still moving slowly toward him.

"Kenji," I whispered. "Kenji, quick, listen. You've got to get off me, let me move and stop him. Otherwise he'll kill you. Quickly now."

"I.. I can't," he cried.

"Why not! You've _got_ to!"

"But.. I can't.. I can't move.. it hurts way too much!"

"Kenji.. please," I pleaded. "Otherwise he'll kill you, and then me and Yamato and Ken. If you care about any of us at all, _please move. Now._"

Kenji stared at me for what seemed an eternal moment, and then he nodded. He tried to stand, his face grimacing and contorting into a horrifying expression of pain. Then he collapsed back on top of me, breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face, skin gone pale. "I can't!" he cried again.

"Look, if you just-" But it was too late, Sento was upon us. "Need some help, Kenji?" he asked nastily, grinning. Then he pulled Kenji off of me by the hair. Kenji let out a shrill scream of pain, closing his eyes and whimpering softly. "No, Sento, please don't.. I don't want to die..."

"Too late for that, little brother," he smirked. "You should have just done what you were told and stayed at home. Then you could have lived to see tomorrow." He tossed Kenji down on the ground, such a look of contempt and hatred in his face that I was shocked, too shocked to move, to do something before it was too late. Then Sento raised his knife, and I closed my eyes and turned my head, not wanting to watch, knowing whatever I did now would be too late, yet hating myself even then for not being a better friend, for not trying to save Kenji before it was too late. I should have done something, should have shoved him out of the way, or pulled him back against me.. if it had even just been his arm stabbed or something... I felt the blood spatter against my cheek, heard two sudden screams from both Kenji and Sento, heard more shouts and scuffling, and only then did I open my eyes. Ken was tangled up with Sento. I looked for Kento, and saw him some feet away on the ground, unconscious. Tetsuya and Ayashi were kneeling beside him, such wide-eyed looks of shock and horror and disbelief on their faces that I almost felt sorry for them. I don't think this is what they'd quite been expecting. Then I looked at Kenji. His chest was rising and falling slowly, the front of his shirt soaked in blood. Blood was also trickling down on his side, forming a little puddle around him. Somehow I managed to get to my knees and crawl over to him. His breathing was ragged and uneven, and little bubbles of blood kept popping in his mouth, making a small wet smacking sound.

"Oh man.." I whispered. Frantically I started to rip off my shirt, angry as it got caught on my elbows. Finally I had it off and anxiously pressed it against Kenji's chest, trying to stop the blood, as if it would somehow save him now, though I knew he was too far gone. "Kenji, listen.. shit man, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, look, please.. don't die, ok? You can't die, the band needs you, Yamato needs you, we _all_ need you... Oh please," I moaned, tears spilling down my cheeks and splashing onto his red-stained shirt. "Kenji I swear to God man if you die on us... Oh man... Kenji..."

"I..h..." Kenji moved his mouth, opened and closed it a few times.

"Huh? What? Kenji?" I asked, hastily wiping away a few tears. "Look man, just don't try to talk. Gotta save your breath, save your strength so you'll pull through, you can make this.."

"S... sorry..." he rasped out, completely ignoring everything I'd just said.

Despite my best efforts, more tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed. "Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"I.. tried... couldn't save.. you guys..."

"You.. you idiot," I choked out. "Of course you did.. You saved Yamato, and you saved me, and I'll always be grateful. There's nothing to be sorry for. But none of it matters, because you aren't going to die, do you understand!"

Very faintly, he nodded. Then he closed his eyes, and took one last burbling breath. I watched as his chest stopped moving up and down, not wanting to believe it.

"Kenji? Kenji! SHIT!" I pressed down harder with my shirt, as if it would do anything now. "Kenji! Fuck man! I didn't say you could do this, I didn't give you permission to go and die on me!" I was crying so hard now I could barely see anything through my tears, but I certainly felt Ken's hands roughly shoving me aside.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" I shouted at him, voice slightly slurred from my grief. "You asshole, get off him!"

"Taichi!" Ken's voice cut through sharply. "Now is not the time! Help me!" I watched, confused, as he began to make some sort of pumping motions on Kenji's chest, and then I understood. CPR. Not that I thought it'd do much good. Kenji had lost too much blood. Still, I bent down over his face and put my lips against his mouth, trying to breath the life back into him.

"I called an ambulance a bit ago," Ken grunted. "Should be here shortly."

I looked up at him then, only just noticing the tears making their way down his own cheeks. In a way, I should have been surprised, and relieved, but all I felt was a strange numbness that masked anything else I might have felt. So I just nodded, and went back to my futile efforts of dragging Kenji back from the dead.

The two of us were still like that when the ambulance arrived.

End Part 13:1.


	20. Part 13:2

Waiting  
Chapter 13:2-Revelations  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

Everything afterwards happened in a whirlwind of motion. The ambulances arrived, Kenji was whisked away in one without preamble, Yamato in another, the police showed up, and we were assaulted with questions. I didn't say anything, I wasn't really sure what was going on anymore. It was all too confusing, and I hurt too much from the fight. The police seemed to realize this, and backed off for the time being.

We were all taken to the hospital, except for Ken. He'd been arrested again, and taken away. He didn't protest it, although in a way I found myself wanting to. It was strange. He'd done so much to hurt Yamato, but then in the end he'd come back to help us. Why, I didn't know.

There was a lot about the whole situation I didn't know, actually. And it didn't help that shortly after I'd gotten to the hospital, I passed out.

I woke with having no sense of how much time had passed. The room was dark though, so I guessed it'd been several hours. I looked around for a bit, belatedly realizing that I was in my own room and not at the hospital. I'd been brought home, obviously by my parents. Speaking of, where _were_ my parents? And Hikari?

I got out of the bed, careful of the large bruise on my side courtesy of Tetsuya's foot. My whole face also ached pretty bad, and I dimly remembered falling on it at some point. At the time, I'd been so focused on Yamato I'd hardly noticed it, but now it really _hurt_.

I left my room and headed down the hall, hearing dim voices coming from the living room. I figured that's where my parents were, and I was right.

"Mom? Dad?" I asked softly, coming into the room. They looked up when they heard me, and Mom jumped up, coming over to me and putting her hand on my forehead. It was a purely reflex reaction that normally would have annoyed me, but for once I didn't mind. It meant she wasn't still scared of me, at least.

"What time is it?" I asked, too tired to bother focusing my eyes on a clock.

"It's a little after one," Dad answered me quietly. "In the morning," he added unnecessarily.

"Where's Hikari?"

"We sent her to Miyako's house," Mom answered, finally removing her hand, satisfied that I didn't have a fever.

"Oh..." I went over to the couch and sat down at the end opposite Dad. Mom hovered around me.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "Thirsty? Shall I get something?"

I shook my head. For once, food was the last thing on my mind. "No... it's okay. I'm fine. What..." I hesitated. "What happened?"

"We were kind of hoping you could tell us. All we know is that there was some kind of fight, with those boys you attacked last time."

"I didn't attack them this time!" I cried out immediately. For some reason it seemed important to establish this. "They jumped me an' Yamato. Well, they hit Yamato and then grabbed me. It was so fast and then we were all fighting." I went on to briefly sketch out the details of the fight, leaving out the curse words and that one disgusting kiss from Ayashi. I struggled desperately not to cry when I told them how Sento had stabbed his own brother, had stabbed Kenji. "Is he dead?" I asked them then, though I knew the answer. I'd seen him with my own eyes.

My mother sighed. "Yes," she said softly, gently, and I had to look away from them for a moment. Closing my eyes and still trying not to cry. I'd never been as close to Kenji as Yamato, but he'd still been a good friend, someone I'd enjoyed hanging with and cared about. Knowing that he was now gone was hard to deal with.

I didn't want to think about it. "How's Yamato?"

"Recovering, I'd imagine. He's staying at the hospital for awhile. He hasn't woken yet. That stab wound was pretty bad."

I nodded, still hearing Yamato's screams echoing in my mind. It wasn't something I'd forget anytime soon. I had no doubt that it was bad. "I want to see him tomorrow," I stated firmly.

My parents just nodded, knowing better than to try and change my mind.

-x-

Yamato finally woke up a couple of days later. I wasn't there at the time, but I'd gotten his father to agree to call me whenever he did. The plan was to immediately rush down to see him, and I'd gotten halfway through the front door when my sister's soft words stopped me.

"I think you should wait."

"Huh?" was my intelligent response.

"He just woke up, right?"

I nodded, a bit dumbly, having no idea where she was going with this.

"Well, he probably has no clue what's going on. He doesn't know what happened to your friend. He doesn't know that Ken showed up, and that Ken helped you. Do you want to be the one to tell him?"

I hesitated. I hadn't thought about that, and the truth was, I _didn't_ want to be the one to tell him. Didn't want to tell him that his tormentor suddenly turned into his ally, or that I'd failed to keep his drummer and good friend from dying. Especially not when I still didn't have all the answers about the whole thing myself.

But I also knew that if I wasn't the one to tell him, he'd never forgive me.

I wavered, uncertain. "I..." What to do? I wanted to see him, but I wasn't ready to face him. If I was going to face him, then I wanted to be prepared. And that meant having all the answers...

Suddenly, I knew who I was going to see. I went back inside and made two quick phone calls, one to Yamato's father, asking him to please let me be the one to tell him about Kenji and Ken. Then I headed back out the door, waving bye to Hikari.

-x-

Ny's sister let me in the house when I knocked. "He and Ratsuii are in the back," she said, indicating to his bedroom. I thanked her, removing my shoes before heading back there. They looked up when I walked in. Ratsuii offered me a small smile, but Ny just kind of stared at me blankly. It startled me a bit.

"Hey," I said quietly. "I... I'm sorry. About Kenji."

"He was my cousin."

"What?" I jerked, suddenly terribly unnerved.

"My cousin," Nyusumi repeated dully. "We never told anyone. I'm not sure why. It just never really came up, and then there was a good reason to _not_ tell people."

"What -what reason was that?" I had a feeling I didn't really want to know.

"Ken."

I closed my eyes. I _definitely_ did not want to know.

"So where does Ken fit in with this?" Ratsuii asked, sounding confused. I guess he hadn't known the truth either.

"Ken's... Ken is also our cousin," Ny admitted.

"What!" I yelled. "No _way_!" Ken, related to them? That was impossible. It didn't make sense. We would have heard about it before, or something. Back when Ken was an insanely popular eleven year old and his life was being spread all over the media.

"My mom's sister had him. She died, and the Ichijouji's adopted him. He was too young to remember, and they never told him. But we knew, and Kenji and his brothers did too."

"Hey, that time!" Ratsuii said suddenly.

"What time?" I asked, blinking.

Ratsuii ignored me, turning to Ny. "That time we had band practice, and I'd brought Gen along. You said to Kenji that your mutual friend had come to see you--was that Ken you meant?"

Ny nodded. "But I don't know if you want to hear it, Taichi."

"Let's have it," I said grimly. "I am _sick_ of secrets."

He sighed. "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you. Ken came to see me because he'd found out the truth some time back. Kento and Sento had apparently told him, and they wanted him in their gang. What he did to Yamato, that was supposed to be his initiation, and it was only supposed to be once. I don't know why he continued it, or why he'd agreed to it in the first place. I don't know why anyone would want to be a part of that stupid gang! It's awful, the things they do and get away with and _enjoy_--"

"Please stop," I said, feeling sick thinking about it. What Ken had done to Yamato had just been... gang initiation? It wasn't too hard to imagine that once Ken had gotten a taste of it, he'd like it and want more. It brought me back to the days of the Digital World, when Ken had gotten his kicks out of hurting the Digimon there. But, he hadn't realized they were real, either. He definitely knew Yamato was real. Even if he did show up at the end to help us, it was hard to accept.

Ken was a very conflicted human being. It made me glad that he'd been arrested again. Felt safer.

"I... thanks, Ny. For telling me. I appreciate it. I've, uh, gotta go now though. Sorry."

Ny just nodded at me. "Later, Taichi."

I saw myself out, wondering the whole time how I would tell this to Yamato. It would hurt him a lot. He'd finally been starting to heal, to accept what had happened to him and start to get over it, and now I had a whole new twisted angle to throw at him. I wished I didn't have to tell him, but if he ever found out and knew that I'd already known, he'd kill me for sure. I couldn't keep it from him. It'd be worse than telling him.

Still, it would be a major blow. It looked like I would be waiting a long time for him to heal completely. If he ever did.

I let out a sigh, and then started on my way home. Tomorrow I'd go visit him. And then I'd tell him everything. There would be no more untold secrets between us ever again.

End Part 13:2.


	21. Part 14

Author's Notes: The epilogue. In which I attempt to bring closure. Enjoy.

Waiting  
Chapter 14-Healing Scars  
by: butterflie  
_sequel to Untold Secrets_

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. Even now, the faint scars on my face still bother me. "It's been sixteen years," I mutter to myself. "Why can't I just let it go?" Taichi always reassures me that they're just scars... I don't have to let them mean anything.

Still, they serve to remind me. I'm not quite ready to let them go.

I sighed again and reached for my brush, but just then Dominie ran in. He was my adopted son, and at seven years old he actually resembled me a tiny bit. Blond hair, blue eyes, same slight frame. Nothing else about us was alike though, but at a distance most people couldn't tell.

"Taichi says to hurry up!" he exclaimed, fisting his hands by his sides impatiently. "And he says to stop stressing!"

I smiled despite myself. Dominick was one of the few truly good things in my life. "I'll be along in a minute."

"Alright!" He ran back out of the room, presumably to stand at the front door and wait anxiously.

I went back to staring at my scars in the mirror. I knew they were barely visible to anyone who didn't know they were there. I really shouldn't always let them get to me so much, but... Absently, I brought a hand to my side, where there was a large ugly scar courtesy of Kento's knife all those years ago. I'd spent two weeks in the hospital recovering from the stab wound. I'd turned down surgery to reduce the scar. It was an even bigger reminder than the ones on my face, and I wanted it.

"Yamato, what the hell is taking so long!" Taichi yelled out from the other room. "We'll be late!"

"I'm fixin' my hair!" I yelled back at him.

"Hair-gel freak!" he teased me.

"Shut up!" I shouted back good-naturedly. I heard Dominie giggle in the other room, and assumed Taichi was doing some silly thing like sticking his tongue out at me.

I sighed, not really all that happy. "Today's the anniversary of Kenji's death... Why do we do this every year now?" I said to myself. "It's so morbid."

"What's morbid?" Taichi asked, walking in and wrapping his arms around me.

I murmured happily and leaned into his embrace. "This grave visiting," I answered him. "Why did we start doing this every year? It doesn't help. It only makes everything worse. We don't need that."

"It's what Ny wanted, you know that," Taichi said quietly.

"And we're actually listening to him?" I responded, somewhat rudely. "This is the guy that turned to ecstasy and prostitution to forget the death of his cousin."

"And you're the guy that spent four months in a mental ward and the next three years in depression, wallowing in the death of his cousin!" Taichi retorted.

I flinched and stiffened, one hand absently straying back to my side, the other reaching up to trace the scars on my face. Remembering. Four months spent in the mental ward, suicidal and near catatonic. I didn't speak for three months, didn't eat for three and a half months. I had to be fed through a tube. I had to be tied down, lest I try to hurt myself. And once I was released, I still had to spend three years in intense therapy just to get back on my feet.

But it wasn't something spoken of much, and never in the way Taichi just had. It hurt. I looked away from him, fighting sudden tears.

"I'm sorry," Taichi said, instantly sounding contrite.

I took a deep breath. "It's okay," I said softly.

"No, it's not. Geeze Yama, I really am sorry. You know me, open mouth and insert foot." He paused. "There's no shame in being in the mental ward, or being depressed and needing therapy."

"I know, Taichi, I know," I said wearily. "It's alright, really. I'm just a little on edge. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

He smiled at me, and leaned over to gently kiss me. "We should go," he said against my lips. "We still have to drop off Dominie with Takeru and Hikari."

"Mmm," I murmured, leaning into the kiss. "You're right."

We broke apart reluctantly.

"Dominick, come on! We're taking you to Aunt Hikari's now!" Taichi called. "Let's go!"

-x-

"Thanks for watching him."

Hikari smiled at her brother. "It's no problem."

I looked around, ignoring them. "Where's Takeru?"

"He's helping Daisuke with the noodle stand again," Hikari replied. "Daisuke really wants it to be a success."

"It's good they still get along; for awhile, I thought they'd never make it past the break up," Taichi remarked, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was still standing by Hikari's front door. He looked almost uncomfortable to be here. I don't think he'd ever quite gotten used to the fact that our siblings had married each other.

Hikari just gave another one of her gentle smiles. "Well, Daisuke has a new girlfriend. It helps him not think about Takeru so much."

Taichi grinned. "Daisuke can't stand staying single long, huh."

We all laughed, though it wasn't really that funny. Daisuke had taken it hard after Takeru had dumped him. The rest of us had honestly thought they'd never speak to each other again. Surprisingly, it was Takeru and Hikari's marriage that had helped mellow them out.

"Well, we should get going," I spoke up. "Thanks again, Hikari." I raised my voice. "Bye Dominie!"

Dominie ran in, giving hugs to both me and Taichi. "Bye! Love you!" And he zoomed back off again. I blinked.

Hikari grinned at my surprise. "Tohru got a new game; they'll probably spend the whole time playing it."

"Ah." I laughed. "Well alright then. I'm not sure when we'll back, probably a few hours from now. Call if you need anything, both of our phones will be on."

-x-

It didn't take long to reach Ny's apartment. He lived with his boyfriend a few blocks from the hospital, finally having started to straighten out his life. He opened up right away when we knocked.

"Thanks for coming," he said as we walked in. "Something to drink?"

We nodded, and he headed to the kitchen to get us something.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Taichi asked.

"Working," Nyusumi said shortly. He handed us our drinks.

I frowned, absently accepting mine and looking around. Something wasn't right. Wait... "Where's Ratsuii? I thought he'd be here by now... His wife's watching their kid, right?"

"Ah, about that..." Ny said, sounding uncomfortable."Ratz is back in rehab."

Amazingly enough, I stayed calm. "How long has he been there? And how did he get there?" I asked, setting my drink down and leaning against the counter.

"A week. He checked himself in."

"I see." Now I was angry. "And what of the band? We worked damned _hard_ to bring it back together and up to where it is now! Does he not care about its success!"

He sighed, taking a sip of his drink. "Cut him some slack, Yamato. The band's doing fine, you know that. We don't have another tour until next year. Our album isn't out for six months yet, and even our local concert for the fan club isn't until two months from now. Why _shouldn't_ he check himself in rehab for a month if he's been drinking again? At least he's acknowledging the problem."

I was unwilling to let it go so easily, though I admitted to myself that he did have a point. "Well, someone should have told me." I scowled at him.

Taichi, who had been silent through our little exchange, finally spoke up. "You're just mad because he's getting out of what you can't."

I glared at him. "Shut up."

Nyusumi looked at me, running a hand through his blue and purple hair. Even at thirty-four, he still dyed it outrageous colours. "You don't want to do this?"

I stubbornly didn't answer, and looked away.

"Why?"

Silence.

"He thinks it's morbid," Taichi said, when it was apparent I wasn't going to speak.

"Morbid?" Nyusumi asked, sounding a bit confused.

"It is!" I burst out. "It's horribly morbid! Why do we need to go and visit Kenji's grave on the day he _died_?"

"So we won't forget him-!"

"That's bullshit! We don't need some grave marker over his dead body to remember him! We'll _always_ remember him, every day of our lives! It's not something you can easily forget, Ny. Look, I'm not saying it's wrong to go. But if you want to go, go to actually _visit_ him, and go whenever you want, not just one goddamned day every year! You should go because he was your cousin and friend, not out of a sense of duty. This isn't like your hospital or anything, the dead aren't a responsibility."

There was a long silence. No one looked at each other. No one moved.

At last I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry," I said, calmer, quietly.

Ny sighed as well. "You're right. I guess it is kind of morbid. And I shouldn't have forced you guys to go with me, especially if you didn't want to."

There was another brief moment of quiet before Taichi spoke. "So. Let's go visit our friend, shall we? He's missed a lot these sixteen years, we'll need a couple hours to catch him up, and the day's not getting any younger!" He grinned.

Ny and I just looked at him, before we slowly started to smile back.

-x-

It was late, and starting to get dark outside. We were in the car on the way home, Taichi driving, Dominie asleep in the backseat, tired out from running around for the past few hours.

Taichi was quiet as he spoke, trying not to wake our son. "That wasn't so bad." He reached over to grasp my hand, but still careful to keep his eyes on the road. "Was it?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. Not now that Nyusumi is finally taking it the way he should. It pisses me off the way he tries to see everything as an obligation now. Taking over his father's hospital has ruined him."

"You want him to quit?" came the matter-of-fact question.

I shrugged, even though Taichi couldn't see it. "Never really thought about it before. But it must be a lot, having to deal with being the administrator of the hospital and still manage the band at the same time. Maybe we should hire a manager, take some of the stress off Ny."

"Mmm," Taichi said non-committally.

"What?"

"Maybe you should talk to him about it before you go and make any major changes. After all, it's his band, is it not? Didn't you tell me that he was the one to start it?"

I laughed. "Of course. I'm not stupid, Taichi. I know it's his band; I wouldn't plan any changes without consulting _all_ the members. Besides," I mocked, "you're supposed to be the stupid one, remember?"

He knew I was only teasing. He could be occasionally airheaded, but he wasn't stupid in the least. "Silly me, I can't believe I forgot!" He pulled into the driveway, turning off the car.

I smirked as I got out of the car, picking up Dominie and carrying him inside to put him to bed. "It's okay, I still love you anyways."

"Aw, that's so sweet! I love you too!"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Okay." I leaned over and silenced him with a kiss.

He shut up after that.

End Part 14.

_Book 2 finis_

Author's Notes: It's DONE. omg, it's DONE T-T Yes, I made Takeru dump Daisuke so he could marry Hikari. Mwahah. I like Takari. And besides, how often do people marry their first love anyways? Please. I had Ratsuii married too, heheh. And Ny took over his dad's job as administrator of the hospital. His dad died. Yes. I wish I'd managed to work Ratsuii's back story into this. His is the most detailed one I came up with over the years, more so than Kenji or Ny. Ah well.

AFTER FOUR YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IT IS FINISHED, HA! HAAAA! (despite the original November publish date from ffnet, it was started in late august) and it's a piece of crap that needs a major rework, but fuck that.

P.S. To those who have me on author alert, sorry for raping your inbox by uploading this all at once. Feel free to maul me.


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